A/N: I heard a song on the radio and that was all I needed for this plot to be born. Several songs later, and it's fiiiiiinally done. Free internet cookies and a possible tiny fic to the first person who recognizes all the songs I used.
Disclaimer: Pretty much 90 percent of the dialogue in this thing is song lyrics. I just arranged them into a conversation.
It was the fifth Loki sighting in a week and Tony was really starting to get tired of dealing with him. Especially since it almost wasn't worth the effort suiting up to fight him anymore. Loki wasn't really doing anything threatening, just using his magic for stupid pranks and then disappearing once he got bored.
The bastard probably just missed Thor but was too proud to admit it.
"So, what's the story today?" Tony muttered as he closed in on the site. "Arcade machines come to life? Cars turned into Jell-o?" That one had definitely been a pain in the ass. It had taken six hours to clean out all the crevices in his suit.
"No idea," Natasha said. "But there's been reports of a collapsed bridge and damage to a city street."
Tony whooped. "Finally, a decent threat."
"Stark," Steve said sternly.
Tony coughed. "I mean, oh no, this is terrible."
There was an icy silence and then Steve asked curtly, "Do you have a visual?"
"Yep," Tony said, dropping into a hover a couple hundred feet above Loki's position. "He's uh, juggling pieces of pavement." They were all different sizes, some no bigger than a baseball and some a little larger than an SUV.
"So, the great evil plan is to create potholes," Clint said with a sigh. "I kind of miss the days when-"
"No," Steve said. "We should all be grateful those days are over. We're not all longing for mass casualties are we? Is your idea of fun watching other people die?"
"No," Clint said quietly. "It's just, if he's not going to really fight us, can't the police handle it?"
"They called us," Steve said firmly. "So we're going to take care of it."
Tony fired up his repulsors. "Good. Let's finish this once and for all. I don't want to have to come back out here and deal with him again tomorrow."
It was all well and good that Steve didn't want them killing Loki now that he wasn't a big threat to public safety. But then they needed to arrest him or something so he didn't get to keep doing stupid shit over and over again.
The Quinjet dropped down into view and Steve got on the PA system. "Loki, put the pavement back in its place."
"I'm sorry, Captain, but I don't follow your orders." Loki swung a car-sized piece towards the jet.
Clint expertly maneuvered out of the way. "Is that all you got?"
Loki grinned. "Oh, I'm just getting warmed up."
Clint whooped as Loki sent a barrage his way. "Now that's what I'm talking about. Brace yourselves, guys. I'm going in."
The Quinjet dived down to avoid the flying rocks and strafed Loki as they passed overhead.
Of course, Loki was an expert at dodging too, so Tony wasn't exactly surprised when he disappeared and then reappeared atop a skyscraper.
"I got eyes on him," Tony announced.
Thor touched down on the rooftop beside Loki. "Brother, cease this foolishness. The good people of New York have more need of their roads than you do."
"Never," Loki snarled. With a flick of one hand, a large boulder caught Thor right in the chest and sent him crashing into the next building.
Tony flew in closer, aiming a blast right at Loki's forehead.
"I will never grow tired of defeating you pathetic mortals," Loki declared. He sidestepped Tony's repulsor blasts and then imitated his hand movements as he sent rocks hurtling his way.
"Funny, I wouldn't call kicking your ass defeat," Tony said. He circled upwards to avoid the chunks of pavement, spiraling over the Quinjet as it moved into position overhead.
"That's enough," Steve said. He vaulted out of the back of the jet, shield raised to bring down hard onto Loki's neck. But right before he landed, Loki vanished. Steve dropped into a somersault, catching himself right before falling off the edge of the roof.
"Anybody got a visual?" Steve asked.
"Negative, Cap. I got nothing." Tony flew into a wider circle. "Jarvis, any idea where he went off to?"
"Missed me?" Loki reappeared right behind Steve and shoved him off the roof.
"Tony!" Steve shouted.
"On my way." Tony dove down, catching Steve by the back of his uniform. "Gotcha." He tossed him back up to the roof to give Natasha backup as she engaged Loki in hand to hand combat.
"Your suffering is music to my ears," Loki purred. He paused, a devious smile sliding over his face. "Ah, yes, that is a wonderful idea."
"It's a terrible idea," Tony shouted as he rolled to dodge another flying rock.
"You only say that because you don't know what I'm planning," Loki said. He waved a hand and dark purple light engulfed the rooftop. "Until I decide otherwise, you shall all be a chorus of confusion, a grand opera of disarray, a symphony of-"
"Shut up, just shut up, shut up," Natasha warbled and then looked immediately startled.
"Or to make a long story short, I'll jut have you communicate entirely lyrically," Loki said with a wicked grin.
Yep, Tony knew it had to be something terrible.
"Fuck you very, very much," Clint said as he shot a missile in Loki's direction. "Cause we hate what you do."
"And we hate your whole crew," Tony added.
The chitauri, his mercenary minions, his magical arcade machine army. Tony was so done with all of it.
"I have no need for a crew," Loki said. "I am formidable in my own right." He threw his arms out and pieces of pavement scattered everywhere.
Steve threw his shield up, blocking several baseball-sized bits of pavement. Thor just put his arms up and endured as he was pummeled with cat-sized chunks. He looked like he was doing just fine, other than a little bleeding of course. Natasha seemed to be the only one in any danger, with her leg pinned under a street sign. But Clint was already in the process of maneuvering the jet into position to help.
So it looked like they would all get out of this with almost no injuries.
Until a rock the size of the jet slammed into Tony's back, sending him hurtling onto the next rooftop. And before he could even move, he found himself buried under a pile of rubble.
Jarvis kicked on the warning sirens, informing him that the thruster on his right boot had gone out, his helmet was cracked, the chestplate was dented, and his repulsors were running out of power.
Tony squirmed futilely for a few moments, managing only to knock off his damaged helmet. So now he was breathing in thick clouds of dust.
He was effectively trapped. And he couldn't even tell Jarvis what to do. Fuck his life.
"I need a hero," Tony coughed out. "I'm holding out for a hero."
Somebody, anybody. He wasn't picky.
Right as his vision started to blur, the rubble moved and Steve's beautiful blue eyes swam into view.
Tony sagged with relief. Good old Steve. Of course he had managed to find him. Steve would never abandon a teammate, even a fuck-up like Tony. He always had his back, no matter what Tony did. And Tony could practically kiss him for it.
So of course, as soon as he opened his mouth to praise Steve's awesome timing, what came out was, "I believe in miracles since you came along, you sexy thing."
There was cackling from Clint over the comm, but Tony soldiered on, ignoring how red his face had to be. "Where did you come from, baby? How did you know I needed you?"
Steve raised an eyebrow and Tony tried his best to meet his gaze levelly, play it off as his usual harmless flirting. Like he hadn't just accidentally bared his soul.
Stupid, stupid spell. He was going to kill Loki.
Steve finally shrugged and said, "Whenever you call me, I'll be there. Whenever you need me, I'll be there."
It was probably just the post-rescue relief talking, but god, Steve seemed even hotter than usual. What Tony wouldn't give to have Steve actually say something like that to him for real, when they weren't under the effects of Loki's spell.
Steve gave him a look and pushed another boulder to the side.
Right, right. He was still trapped under a pile of debris. Funny how he had forgotten all about that as soon as Steve showed up. Tony obligingly slipped free as Steve held up the last big chunk.
Alright. Now they were good to go.
"Sir, flight capabilities have been damaged," Jarvis warned.
Steve gestured to the jet. "Come on in and sit right down and make yourself at home."
Tony tamped down on the hysterical laugh that threatened to burst out of him. Sure, why not? Why not be trapped in a confined space with Steve when he had just decided the man was his personal angel?
Oh boy, he had it bad.
Tony reluctantly dropped into a corner of the jet and busied himself fiddling with his armor. He was not looking at Steve, he was not looking at Steve. This little crush would pass. He only thought he was in love with the man because he had just saved his life and he was running on adrenaline and fear. Once everything calmed down and his hormones stopped playing havoc with his brain, everything would go back to normal.
Steve would still be ridiculously hot, though. Damn it.
Tony threw himself out of the jet as soon as it touched down and went straight down to his workshop, barricading himself from any attempts to contact him. He was going to work until his armor was completely fixed. By the time he resurfaced, he would have totally forgotten all about Steve.
Except when he went up for food two days later, Steve was sitting in the kitchen, poring over a map of all of Loki's appearances in the past week and Tony felt that same level of ridiculous happiness to see him as when Tony came to rescue him. And it was only worse when Steve looked up and gave him a welcoming smile.
Tony fled back to the workshop.
He was screwed, so so screwed. This was more than a simple crush, more than appreciating Steve's hotness, more than feeling gratitude for being rescued. This was love.
It was the scariest feeling Tony had ever experienced. He didn't think his heart was strong enough to handle how powerfully he felt. Just the thought of Steve was sending it racing.
Jesus, it didn't make any sense. He had worked with the man for more than a year now. And they had spent just as much time arguing over tactics and annoying the hell out of each other as they had spent laughing together and hanging out as friends. And sure, Tony had always known that the man was hot. He had known that from day one, when he thought of Steve as an infuriating mass of self-righteousness who needed the stick pulled out of his ass. But it had never been more than an idle observation in the back of his mind. Not this all-consuming desire.
God, he didn't know being in love was this hard. It certainly hadn't been this difficult when he had fallen for Pepper.
Oh, Pepper. Pepper always had good advice. He snatched up his phone from the workbench and dialed her number.
He grinned, ridiculously pleased with himself that he actually remembered her number for once, since he sure as hell couldn't tell Jarvis to make the call.
His smile faded .What was he thinking? Calling Pepper was a terrible idea. He wouldn't be able to talk to her either, wouldn't even be able to explain that he couldn't talk to her.
But before he could hang up, Pepper picked up. "Okay, Tony, what is it this time?"
Tony stared at the phone in horror. Oh, Pepper was going to kill him.
"Good afternoon, Miss Potts," Jarvis said.
"Oh, hello, Jarvis," Pepper said, sounding slightly surprised. "Is Tony okay?"
"I'm afraid the team is experiencing one of Loki's magic spells. It requires them to communicate entirely in song lyrics. It might take a bit of effort to determine what Sir is trying to tell you."
"Well, I've had plenty of practice with that," Pepper said wryly. "Go on, Tony. I'm listening."
Tony took a deep breath. He had no idea what was going to come out of his mouth, but chances were it was going to be something sappy and embarrassing and Pepper was never going to let him live it down. But he really needed her help.
"How will I know if he really loves me? I say a prayer with every heart beat. I fall in love whenever we meet. I'm asking you what you know about these things. How will I know if he's thinking of me?"
There was a brief silence and then Pepper made the stupid cooing noise she usually made when she saw pictures of baby animals. "Oh, Tony, you're in love? That's wonderful. I've been hoping you'd find someone. Who is it?"
Tony opened his mouth and nothing came out. Huh. Apparently there weren't very many songs about Steves.
"Oh, right," Pepper said quietly. "You can't tell me, can you?"
Tony sighed. He wanted to. He wanted to so badly. Pepper was his best friend and he told her everything.
"It's okay, Tony," Pepper said. "I understand. It's not like you all have your own theme songs."
Tony's eyes went wide. What was he thinking? Steve totally had his own theme song.
"The star-spangled man with a plan," Tony belted out.
"Steve!" Pepper squealed. "I knew it, I knew it. Natasha owes me five dollars now. But oh, Tony, I'm so happy for you. You two will make the cutest couple."
Tony cleared his throat. "How will I know if he really loves me?"
"You mean you haven't told him how you feel? Tony, you're not going to know how he feels unless you tell him how you feel. I know you're worried about putting yourself out there, but this is probably the perfect time. There's so many beautiful love songs out there and if you choose the right words, Steve'll really open up to you. Trust me."
She was probably right. Steve did seem like the type sappy love songs would work on.
"Good luck, Tony," Pepper said. "I want to hear all about it later."
"Bye, bye, bye," Tony said. He hung up and then repeatedly banged his head on his desk. Why oh why wasn't Loki's spell restricted to songs he actually knew? Then he might have some idea what would come out of his mouth. But at this point it could be anything. He'd probably end up telling Steve that they should do it like they do on the Discovery channel and scarring him for life.
"Sir," Jarvs said gently. "If you don't at least make an attempt to communicate your feelings to Captain Rogers, I shall be forced to do it for you."
Tony rocketed up out of his chair. If there was anything more embarrassing than the possibility of telling Steve that he wanted to climb him like a goddamn tree, it was having Jarvis do it for him.
When he got back upstairs, Steve had moved from the kitchen into the den with the rest of the team and they were all looking over the map together, pointing and circling things and trying their best to communicate with each other.
Tony hesitated in the doorway. It was probably terrible timing. Steve would be irritated that he was putting his own interests before capturing Loki and making him reverse the spell.
But Steve gestured for Tony to join them.
Tony slunk into the room and made a beeline for Steve. He tugged at his arm."Let's be alone together."
Steve remained rooted to the spot. "Just give me a reason. Just a little bit's enough."
Oh god, was he really going to have to do this in front of everybody?
Natasha smiled encouragingly. "Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out. Honestly, I want to see you be brave."
Honestly, Tony would rather be shot in the face than face public humiliation. But hey, it was for Steve. It would be worth it if he succeeded.
Tony tried for a casual stance. "If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?"
Steve folded his arms over his chest. "Oh, no, I do not hook up, up. I go slow."
Tony nodded. He had figured that. "Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight. Just a touch of the fire burning so bright. No, I don't want to mess this thing up. I don't want to push too far."
Steve blinked and his stance relaxed just a little, arms falling back to his sides. He still looked doubtful, but it was a step up from hostile.
So far so good.
Tony took a step closer, reaching out with one hand to squeeze Steve's shoulder reassuringly. "My life would suck without you."
Well, that was a weird lyric. But hey, it was so good to be able to get the point.
Steve's lips twitched as if fighting a smile. "Don't wantcha for the weekend, don't wantcha for a night. I'm only interested if I can have you for life."
Oh, hey, a song Tony recognized. One of Pepper's favorites. So that meant he knew what came next even before the words came out of his mouth.
"I know I sound serious and, baby, I am." He took another step closer to Steve and ran a hand over his chest. "You're a fine piece of real estate and I'm gonna get me some land."
Steve's jaw clenched. He shoved Tony's hand aside and stormed towards the door.
Tony moved in front of him and threw his arms out, blocking the exit. "Take me home tonight. I don't want to let you go 'til you see the light."
Steve glared, the patented Captain America look of disapproval that sent most minor villains into instant surrender. Tony swallowed hard against the urge to sink to his knees and beg for Steve's forgiveness. Because he didn't exactly have the words at the moment. What he really needed was something sincere and romantic to convince Steve that this was going to be more than a one-night stand.
There was a song like that, right?
He took a deep breath and looked Steve square in the eye. "I'm getting off my stage, the curtains pull away. No hyperbole to hide behind, my naked soul exposes."
Clint cheered as Tony went for it, drawing out the whoa-oh for as high as he was physically able.
Tony waved a hand dismissively. "Waste bin full of paper. Clever rhymes, see you later." He stepped up to Steve and looped his arms around the back of his neck, pulling him in close. "These words are my own, from my heart flow. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. There's no other way to better say I love you, I love you!"
Steve looked stunned. He licked his lips and opened and closed his mouth a few times as if he had no idea what to say. Tony sympathized.
"Where do we go from here?" finally came out of Steve's mouth in a papery whisper.
"Shut up and dance!" Natasha shouted.
Tony smirked up at Steve. "Shut up and dance with me."
Steve rolled his eyes and leaned down to kiss him. "This kiss, this kiss," he said reverently.
When he pulled back, Tony slotted their bodies together. Because if they were going to dance, it was going to be the glued at the hips, plastered to each other kind of dancing.
Tony howled as Steve belted out, "I'm on tonight. My hips don't lie and I'm starting to feel it's right."
It sounded so weird in Steve's voice. But so sexy as Steve said in a lower voice, "My will and self-restraint have come to fail now."
Tony just whimpered.
"Beat it, just beat it," Natasha said in the background, ushering the others out of the den.
Ah, that was better.
"I think we're alone now," Steve said quietly. He leaned in for another kiss.
Tony put up a hand to stop him. "I'm hard to love, hard to love. No, I don't make it easy. I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood."
Steve smiled. "I don't want easy. I want crazy. Are you with me, baby? Let's be crazy."
Tony gleefully wrapped his legs around Steve's waist and let the supersoldier guide how down onto the couch.
"Like a virgin?" he questioned.
Steve shook his head. "I'm not that innocent."
Ooh, there had to be an interesting story behind that. But it could wait. Right now, all he could think about were Steve's hands sliding up under his shirt.
And that was the moment Loki appeared in the middle of the den, green smoke billowing around him.
Steve rolled them over, putting himself between him and Loki, just in case there was going to be an attack.
"How the hell did you get in here?" Tony shrieked.
Oh hey, he was using his own words again.
"You mortals ruin everything," Loki snarled. "I take away your ability to communicate properly and somehow that helps you talk about your stupid feelings even better."
"Yeah, thanks," Tony said. "I'd probably have totally fucked this up if I tried telling Steve I loved him on my own. But you gave me some of the greatest love songs in the world to draw from."
"The one about me being a piece of real estate was considered a great love song?" Steve said skeptically.
"Would you have preferred hearing what a hot piece of ass you are?"
"Unbelievable," Loki said. "There's not a single redeeming quality in this entire planet. I fail to see what Thor finds so charming about you all."
"I could say the same about you," Tony said.
Loki vanished with a disgusted snarl.
"Hmmn," Steve said. "Now where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?"
Tony grinned. "I feel like makin' love."