A/N: Yay, more WIXOSS feels. and now that the series has ended, I don't have to worry about more revelations ruining my fanfics.
Read, review, all that good stuff if you like it
"Yuzuki, I'm headed out to the store. Text me if you think of anything else we need," Kazuki called to his sister as he shrugged on a blue overcoat in preparation of stepping outside into the frozen cold that currently gripped the air.
"Alright," Yuzuki called from her room, not needing the reminder that he was going out to get them some groceries for later. "Stay safe."
Kazuki nodded even though he knew Yuzuki couldn't see him do so. "I will," he replied as he swung the door open, stepping into the hallway of their apartment building to begin the trek to the nearby store, and leaving Yuzuki by herself.
As the door swung shut, the slight smile faded from the face of the girl who was not Yuzuki, at least below the surface. Standing beside 'her' desk, Hanayo Unjoh chastised herself once more for the emotions she felt, the ones she shouldn't be feeling. And as she fought against herself, she couldn't help but wonder where it had all gone wrong.
Easy. That was what it was supposed to be, what it had been. Yuzuki was pathetically easy to read. A front of sheer bravado and reckless anger to hide her insecurities and doubts. She plunged ahead without thinking because it was easier, and she suffered for it. She'd changed in the end, but by then it didn't matter. Not for her anyway.
Hanayo wondered momentarily if she was happy that her wish had been fulfilled. If she knew how her LRIG felt now, would she still do so? She shook her head then, long black hair shifting slightly. No, not after everything. Not after Hanayo had played her to gain her freedom. And not if she knew the truth.
Kazuki had been just as easy. He cared deeply for Yuzuki, but had never jumped the gap between platonic familial love and actual love. His flaw was that he was nigh oblivious to societal signals and customs, from Yuzuki herself, to his classmates who disapproved of their close bond. It had been a direct confession needed to break through his shell.
She'd done it, and now Yuzuki had her love, her wish. As for Hanayo, well, she had lived the lie, let him believe she was Yuzuki, too wary to simply break him like that. She hadn't cared, not at first. It was a wish, and she had to fulfill it or vanish. That was how it worked.
Guilt dug at her heart, an involuntary clenching of her fists as she frowned at that thought. If only it were so easy. As if willpower could make things happen by itself. And she tried, she really had,
But somewhere, somehow, things had begun to change. Was it the walks late at night, the two of them sharing an umbrella in the rain, the conversations and how they smiled at each other like old friends, the way he defended her from those harsh words and disapproving looks that scorned their bond? When had her heart begun to flutter in her chest at the sight of him? She didn't know when, or why, or how, but the outcome was obvious.
She, Hanayo, an LRIG in a stolen body, had fallen in love with the very person her Selector had wished to love herself.
And that fact alone was killing her inside. She liked Yuzuki, respected her, even if she could be a bullheaded fool most of the time. That much she had gained in the time she had spent as her LRIG. To do this then, to feel this, it was a betrayal, a perversion of the wish she had been sent to grant. She wasn't supposed to love him for real.
And yet she did, and that made this all the more unbearable. As she wandered from 'her' room to the living room, Hanayo kept up a neutral expression as she tried to purge her mind, to focus on her task, and to continue to fulfill Yuzuki's wish.
Try all her might though, as she walked past tables and mementos, she couldn't. Her eye was drawn to pictures of another face, a time she hadn't experience, when there were the two of them, with parents, happy, caring. She couldn't stop thinking, stop wanting happiness for Kazuki, as well as herself.
After all, didn't she deserve some happiness for once? All her life she had put others before herself. She'd done as told, worked, bowed, acted with the respect and dignity as befitting her status. She knew what her responsibilities were, and she moved to fulfill them, while keeping her emotions repressed. Those were only things that would harm her.
Even in her wish, she had acted this way. She hadn't wished for herself, but rather to help a friend in need, someone who needed a person to understand, to lean on, to help with the domestic life they were stuck in. And she couldn't do that. She kept her emotions under lock and key, had no empathy. Which was why she had wished. And she'd succeeded. She had always put other people before herself, like a good daughter, and even now she was still doing it. When would she get to do something for herself for once?
Hanayo came to a stop at the window, looking out onto the snow covered city below as an unfamiliar reflection looked back at her almost despondently. No, no she couldn't do that. She had to stay true, had to carry out Yuzuki's wish. She wasn't supposed to want things for herself, because if she did want something, things she couldn't do herself, then she would be made a Selector again. And she couldn't do that. Not again. And she couldn't sacrifice Yuzuki's wish to another for her own selfishness.
A pang struck her chest,and a rush of warm air sent a white film across the window, obscuring her reflection in it. Lifting a finger, she wrote on the surface 'Hanayo + Kazuki', and traced a heart around those words before wiping them away with her sleeve. It was the only outward concession she would give to her feelings, one easily banished.
"Yuzuki...I'm sorry," she muttered to herself as she met the gaze of her own reflection. "I'm not a very good LRIG." She had lied, withheld information, used her, and now, even now, she was sullying her wish. It was only the fact that it wasn't her own face that left her able to look at herself in the mirror. Otherwise she would have had to face who she was, what she was, what she was doing, and how wrong it was.
She turned away from the window then, walking back to 'her' room so she could take up a resumed position at the desk there. Drawers slid open to reveal pictures, hidden tokens of a love condemned by society. Condemned it had been, yet she had done it. Done it for her. And in doing so, she regretted it.
But as she looked at scribbled out drawings, she knew she had no choice. She was trapped in a dual hell, forced to live as someone else in their body, forced to grant a wish on behalf of another, and also subject to the torment of the thing she was forced to do becoming what she actually wanted for herself, and not her Selector.
Wet spots appeared on white paper, earning a look of confusion as she brushed unexpected droplets from the corners of her eyes. That earned another frown from her, at her lack of control. She shouldn't be crying, not when everything had been determined for her, as it always had been. There was no choice but to act to the best of her abilities, for Yuzuki.
She closed the drawer before the reminders could be further stained, yet she didn't move. What she had done to deserve this, to earn this sort of fate was a mystery. And yet, she had it anyway. Doubtlessly the girl in the white room involved watching her suffer, but Hanayo didn't know what she had done to earn her ire, if anything.
"Yuzuki, I'm back," Kazuki called as the door swung open, admitting him with an influx of slightly colder air. He held a couple plastic bags in hand as he went about unwrapping the scarf he wore once he closed the door.
Hanayo, as Yuzuki, started at the loud noise, thoughts forced away as she turned towards where her 'brother' was speaking. "Hello," she said as she stepped into the hall. "Here. Let me help you with that."
Kazuji gratefully passed off a bag so he could remove his shoes, nodding. "Thanks. They had most everything, but I couldn't find any good fruit."
"It's fine," 'Yuzuki' replied as she took the bag of food into the kitchen, leaving him behind.
As she moved from his sight, she affixed her mask once more. She was not Hanayo, could not be Hanayo. She was Yuzuki, a loving, friendly, fiery hotheaded sister, and that was what she should be. This was her fate, and even if it hurt more than being in any WIXOSS battle, she had to accept it. A wish needed to be granted, and that was what was important. Not her own feelings.
And as she faced the next moments with her love, a part of her almost believed that.