Author's Chapter Notes:
Soooo...this is the longest thing I've ever written in one go? It's a lot different from writing different chapters :P
I hope y'all enjoy it as much as I did writing it :)
SM owns all things Twilight :)
Entry for the "Cherry Exchange 2010"
Title: Don't Believe The Hype...
Penname: LiveInDakota
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 14,803
Summary: How far would you go to prove your love? How pure would you stay, just to have that one night?
This is the tale of Edward and Bella. Three years, a country and countless relationships may have separated them, but both kept the one thing that the other wanted most.
Don't Believe The Hype...
Bella's POV:
My name is Bella Swan. I'm eighteen years old, and the only child of the Chief of Police of Forks, the tiniest town in the US. Okay, so maybe not the smallest, but it was damn near it. Most importantly, however, I am one of a kind in my habitat; I'm a virgin.
It doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I was the only virgin in my year before I left school.
It wasn't a case of all the girls coming in on a Monday morning with farfetched tales of their weekend. You knew they were telling the truth because every single one of them was paired off with a guy in our year. Even the Pastor's daughter, Angela, had "gone the final step" with her boyfriend Ben before Graduation.
Then there was me. It wasn't that I hadn't been "propositioned". That was how it seemed when Mike Newton asked, anyway. I just didn't want my first time to be with slime-ball Mike.
It's my own fault I'm this way, a virgin, that is. I've been in love with my best friend's brother since I was ten. So what's my problem? Edward Cullen is three years older and definitely doesn't see me that way.
As luck would have it, he was also the hottest guy to graduate from Forks High. He had Adonis like features, a ripped body, and the best definition of "sex hair" that had ever graced a man's head. He had a smile that lit up the whole room, a laugh that could warm even the coldest of hearts, and the icing on the cake? He knew exactly the effect he had on us mere mortal females.
The guys worshipped him, his reputation with the girls spreading like wildfire anywhere he went. He was applauded, not only on the field for his skill with a ball, but at parties, where he reappeared from a random bedroom, a disheveled girl sauntering behind him. I had witnessed it on more than one occasion.
It hurt. Every new story, every new rumor that surfaced, just caused the fissure in my heart to crack even wider. My heart broke a little bit more every time he looked at me because he wasn't really seeing me. He was only seeing his little sister's best friend.
He was always a gentleman and never said a mean word about me or to me, and that was the only thing that kept my hope alive. Alice and I had chased our share of so-called girlfriends from their house with our antics, but he never once retaliated. He would only smile, tell us off in the least angry way possible, and walk off with a smile on his beautiful face.
The last time Edward had a girl in the house, he had actually stuck up for me, sending her away without Alice or me even having to try. It had been Tanya, Forks High's resident bike. You know, 'cause everyone had had a ride?
Alice and I were fifteen at the time. The sun was beating down, the heat surprising for our part of the world, and Alice and I wasted no time in organizing a water fight. Edward and Emmett joined us soon after, bringing a tinge of excitement and fear into our innocent fun. I was taking every moment I could to spend with Edward, because it was only months before he was due to move to New York for college.
I should tell you now, that I have always been, and probably always will be, a major klutz. There is no flat surface I haven't tripped on, no staircase I haven't fallen up or down. I simply can't go a day without some kind of accident.
Emmett had appeared out of nowhere - not an easy task for someone built like him - and I turned, squealing, to escape him. There was no noise around the clearing in front of the Cullen's home, signaling Alice and Edward were hunting each other down.
My lack of focus made me completely oblivious to the branch sticking out of the tree line until it was too late. My right foot twisted uncomfortably as I stepped on its uneven surface, and my squealing stopped abruptly as I went down like a sack of potatoes. Graceful as ever.
"Shit, Bella. Edward!" Emmett's booming voice echoed off the trunks of the trees surrounding us, and it wasn't even seconds before I heard Edward's panicked voice floated over to me as he shouted that he was coming.
I always wondered why, when it came to me, he called on Edward. Emmett was as much a brother to me as Edward was - not that I wanted him to be - and yet, any time something went wrong with me, he called his younger brother.
"Jesus, Em. What did you do to her?" Alice giggled quietly from somewhere to my right, but all I could concentrate on was Edward's hand on my shoulder and his breath near my ear.
"Nothing! She tripped!" Emmett urged. Turning my head, I caught the glare Edward sent his older brother before he turned back to me. Seeing that I was watching him, a glorious smile spread across his face, making my skin burn automatically. His eyes flew across my features, and his smile stretched further before he spoke.
"My Bella, what am I going to do with you?" I blushed so hotly at this new endearment that I was contemplating dousing myself in water to cool down. He had never called me that before. My eyes flew around our surroundings, and I noticed that both Emmett and Alice were missing. Had he known that?
"Can you walk?"
I shrugged, honestly not knowing. I hadn't been paying attention to much else other than him.
I pushed myself up, the harsh ground stinging my raw knee. My right knee was bleeding freely, the crimson liquid quickly congealing in the air. The entire knee of my jeans was missing, making it unmistakable just how much damage I had done.
"Jesus, Bella. Let me get you cleaned up, eh?" He looked up at me, and I realized that he hadn't stated it; he'd actually asked me if he could.
I stared at him, my jaw slack, wondering what this new development meant. It felt different. If he had helped me into the house and just made sure I was okay, it would have been normal. But he was asking me if he could do it. Why would Edward want to do something so personal?
I clearly took too long to answer him, as he leapt to his feet and held his hand out for me to take.
He placed my arm around his back, curling his own around me so he could bear the weight of my shaky leg. I clung to him, selfishly soaking up both his scent and the security he always seemed to emit.
The air conditioned atmosphere in the house enveloped us immediately, causing me to sigh in relief as the sticky feeling dried from my skin. Edward's arm tightened around me before his hand started to gently rub circles on my arm, causing goose-bumps to erupt on my exposed skin.
He led us quietly and gently to the downstairs bathroom. Leaning against the doorjamb, I watched as he prepared his surroundings. He lowered the toilet seat, ushering me over to sit on it. He then took the first aid kit out of the cabinet before kneeling on the floor at my feet.
I suddenly had another image of Edward kneeling on the floor.
Edward on one knee, looking up at me like I was the only one in the world. Edward speaking the words every girl wants to hear. I was startled out of my musings by Edward dropping one of the bottles he had been holding. I blushed furiously, and as if the reddening of my cheeks caught his attention, he looked up at me and smirked.
"What are you thinking about?" His voice was gentle, almost a whisper, caressing me perfectly. I shook my head, blushing more. There was no way I was telling him that I fantasized about him nearly every minute of every day. That was a tiny little detail he never needed to know.
"This might hurt," he warned, furrowing his brow as he dampened a cloth in the sink.
"I think I'll live," I joked in return, but he only looked up at me with a troubled expression.
"I don't want to hurt you." The breath caught in my throat, my eyes simultaneously bugging out of my head.
He was staring at me intently, his eyes moving but never straying from my gaze. Is that what "a moment" felt like? It was the only way I could describe it. My breathing and my heart barely restarted as he kept me locked in position.
After many minutes - which were probably only seconds - Edward shook his head softly, and directed his gaze back to my injured knee. I was still staring at him, not comprehending what he had just said, or what had happened.
Why did everything suddenly seem different? Was I imagining it all, my broken heart making things up to hurt me even more? Edward was going off to college in New York and his medical degree was bound to keep him from me for six years at least. I tried not to think of it, how I wouldn't see him every day. I wouldn't have him smiling at me, and I certainly wouldn't have him to take care of me and make my heart flutter with every simple touch.
His gentle touch and precise concentration on my knee brought tears to my eyes. It wasn't hurting - I could barely feel the slight pinch when the cloth touched my open wound - but because he was being so reverent and caring in his actions. It made it that much harder to believe that there was no chance at what I dreamed about, and thus, harder to accept that he was leaving me.
His long, nimble fingers finished cleaning the mess my fall had created. He smiled at me sheepishly when he was done, the sparkle back in his eyes as one corner of his mouth curled up into a smile. When he turned to grab a dressing, I took the opportunity to take a deep breath and shake out my tense arms.
He placed it carefully atop the wound, smoothing down the edges and sticking it on with tape. I shivered in delight as the tips of his fingers brushed over the bare skin of my leg, exposed by the hole in the denim I had adorned that morning. It was almost accidental, as he smoothed out the edges of the tape, but he did it again, his fingers lingering behind my knee.
The cool, calloused tips were rubbing gentle circles into the soft skin there, confusing me. When I looked up at him, wondering what he was doing, I saw he was watching me again. His eyes were still sparkling, but he was troubled again, an internal war raging behind a sea of green.
I hated seeing him anything but carefree and happy. It was a rare occurrence when he wasn't genuinely happy - at least around me. I had only been subjected to a tense, stressed Edward on two occasions. I always wanted him to be happy, to see him smile. I had made it my mission to try and keep him smiling a long time before.
"Don't be sad. You're over-thinking again," I said.
His eyes widened a little before he composed himself. He laughed through his nose lightly, and I was thankful to see the storm of emotions dissipate slowly.
"You know me too well."
I nodded in agreement. My next words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.
"Better than anyone." He sat up sharply, raising himself onto his knees and gaining height before me. I thought I had said too much; I thought I had ruined whatever had been happening and that he was finally back to normal and leaving me to it.
Instead, the grip on the back of my leg increased, and I watched in fascination as he bent his head forward. He moved forward slowly, inch by glorious inch, until I could feel his sweet, warm breath whispering over my knee. He flicked his eyes up to me, smirking when I audibly gasped.
I felt my heart stop, stutter, and restart when his cool lips made contact with my skin. He brushed his fingertips over the top of my leg, and his mouth lingered above the white bandage on my knee. Tears stung at my eyes as I watched him, enraptured and confused.
"My Bella," he whispered softly, his eyes still trained on the spot he had just kissed.
"Please, don't."
His head whipped up at my words, confusion and concern marring his features. I realized how dumb that had sounded; of course I wanted him to kiss me, but it was time to tell him what I was going through.
"You can't start being like that now...you're leaving in two months. You're leaving me in two months..." I battled my emotions, ashamed at my display, but the tears still managed to get the better of me, causing me to hiccup at the end of my sentence.
"Oh God, no, Bella..." He trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words.
He opened his arms, and I basically fell into him, not caring if I was crushing him or not. I turned and sat sideways in Edward's lap, my head burrowed into his expensive t-shirt.
His arms wrapped around me tightly, and he started rocking us gently, right there on the bathroom floor. My sobs quieted as I concentrated on Edward's strong heartbeat and steady breathing. Before long, I was quiet again and utterly ashamed at what I had just admitted.
"Just because I'm moving, doesn't mean I'm leaving you behind," he said softly, talking above my head.
"But New York is the other side of the country." If I hadn't been cocooned in Edward, I would have slapped my head with my hand at how stupid my comment had sounded. Thankfully, he only chuckled quietly.
"You'll still be my Bella. Nothing can change that." He squeezed me to him tightly before drawing back so he could look me in the eye. There was no doubting his words; sincerity may have laced his tone, but it was splashed across his face too.
I didn't imagine it, I was sure. His eyes flicked almost subconsciously to my lips and back to my eyes. With a sudden lapse of insanity, and a major burst of confidence, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.
He froze, his entire body tensing below me, but instead of pulling back, I lightly bit his bottom lip. If it was the only time I was ever going to get to kiss Edward Cullen, then I was obviously going to make the most of it.
I was about to give up, all hope of ever living my actions down evaporating in one poof. But, then he was kissing me back.
His mouth opened the slightest fraction before his lips started brushing against mine. It was sweet and warm, and it was everything I had ever hoped it would be.
My fifteen-year-old heart had never been so happy, or so full. We were kissing. I was immaturely dancing and squealing on the inside when his body tensed again, causing all of my fears and anxieties to come rushing back.
I stopped abruptly, knowing that it was all going to go so very wrong. He gently pushed me off him, standing up and towering over me. He raked his hand through his messy hair before looking down at me, his face suddenly showing how tired he was.
"I'm sorry...we...I...no we, we can't. You're only fifteen, for God's sake."
I stayed quiet. I knew him well enough to know he wasn't angry at me. He was angry at himself, and that was something I couldn't have.
"Don't." My abrupt tone shocked him, and he turned to look at me in silence as I hoisted myself off the floor. "Don't go all emo and blame yourself. I'm old enough to know what I'm doing, Edward. I'm sorry I put you in that position. That's clearly not what you wanted, so I'm sorry." Tears were pricking at my eyes as I tried to act like a bigger person than I was. All I wanted to do was run away and never see him again, my mortification too immense to deal with.
"Don't apologize, Bella. Never apologize for taking what you want, especially to me. But you're only fifteen...You're too young for me." The way he phrased it broke my heart even more, simply because I had no response.
There was no arguing with the fact he had just thrown at me; I had always known I was too young for him. He was an adult, an unbelievably good-looking, genuine and smart guy who could have any girl he wanted. I wasn't good enough for him.
Tears spilled down my cheeks, my willpower to keep them at bay not strong enough. He didn't make any attempt to comfort me as they silently tracked down my face.
"Please, please don't cry. I can't stand it when you cry, Bella." His sweet words only caused more pain in my chest. I no longer wanted to be in that room, I couldn't look at him, couldn't be near him when he knew I so blatantly wanted him. There was no hiding how I felt about him now.
Why did I think I had any chance? I had seen all the girls, heard all the rumors. Why would he want me, bother with me, when he had his pick of any girl in our school? Why did I think I had any sort of chance? Just because we were friends, didn't mean I had a shot.
Embarrassment hit me like a freight train. Why indeed? How stupid had I been? I had truly acted my age for once, in the worst possible way. I had kissed him, with no encouragement, or even any inkling that that was what he wanted. My fight or flight mechanism had taken long enough to kick in, but it was finally rearing its head. I had to get out of there.
"Bella?"
I shook my head, trying to dispel the feelings that stirred in me every time he said my name.
"I need to leave," I mumbled, turning for the door. Except, there was no door. Edward had left it open. Standing on the other side of the doorway, long blow-dried hair flowing perfectly, and one hand on her cocked hip, was Tanya Denali.
"Bella, we need to talk about this." Clearly he hadn't seen the company we had. The blood drained from my face. Just how much had she seen and heard?
"Baby, what's going on?" I cringed at her pet name for him.
"I'm just leaving." I thought that by making myself scarce, Tanya would be happy. Instead, she turned on me with a sneer.
"What did you do to her, Eddie? She's all embarrassed. Didn't the virgin like you touching her?" She laughed harshly, the sound sending shivers of repulsion down my spine.
"Tanya..." Edward's voice rang out like a warning shot, the distaste in his tone clear as a bell. As my feet stuck to the floor, though, I couldn't figure out whether it was distaste for what she had said, or what had actually happened.
"What? It's no secret she's still a virgin...I mean look at her...It's not really surprising." My tears returned, full force, as the shame the truth in her words brought washed over me. She was right. I just didn't want Edward to be reminded.
"I need to go home, right now," I said suddenly.
Without sparing Edward another glance, I fled from the room, forgetting to use the force with which the Cullens' front door needed to be shut as I flew out onto the porch.
The heat hit me like a brick wall, bringing me to a halt on the top step. I began to wonder how the hell I was supposed to get home. Emmett would drive me, but to ask him, I'd have to go back inside.
"What the fuck is your problem?" I jumped, thinking Edward's anger was directed at me, but when I turned around, I found that the door was still ajar and he was shouting at Tanya instead. She answered almost immediately.
"It's nothing to be ashamed about baby; if anyone can get her to give it up, it's you. We all know she's, like, in love with you."
Was it that obvious? Was I one of those pathetic little girls that everyone rolled their eyes at? Was that how Edward saw me, only being too polite to mention it?
"Could you seriously be any more pathetic? Leave her the fuck alone, Tanya. And why the fuck are you even in my house?" Edward's words comforted me in the stifling air. He was sticking up for me, once again acting as my savior.
"I came round to see my boyfriend. We should be spending time together, what with you leaving and everything." My gut twisted uncomfortably at the reminder that my time with Edward was very nearly over.
"You're right, I am. And I can't fucking wait to get out of here. Get the fuck out, Tanya." I heard Edward yell.
With a huff, she turned on her heel and marched towards the door, towards me. I panicked; I wasn't supposed to still be there, but there was nowhere for me to go.
I moved over to the banister and leaned against it, trying to act like I hadn't heard anything. She sneered at me again as she brushed past, flying into her brand new car and slamming the door.
The hairs prickling on the back of my neck was the only indication that Edward had quietly joined me. When I looked to him, hands shoved in his pockets, and his face concerned, his words came back to me. "I can't fucking wait to get out of here."
I bristled in anger. He had said it because he hadn't known I was listening, which meant he had lied to me. Edward had never lied to me before, but something about the way he had said it to Tanya told me he meant every word of it.
"I thought you'd gone," he mumbled from the doorway.
"I can't get home without a lift." My voice was dull, lifeless.
"Let me grab my keys..."
"No. I'll get Emmett to take me."
"Bella, I can drive you home."
"I don't want you to, Edward." His brows furrowed together above his hurt eyes. I hadn't meant to hurt him, no matter how angry I was at him.
"Bella, please..."
"Why did you lie to me and tell her the truth?" Neither of us missed the way I petulantly spat "her." His brows only furrowed more, not being able to remember which part I was talking about.
"You told her you couldn't wait to get out of here." His eyes widened, and his jaw went slack before he managed to control his reaction. That was all the answer I needed.
I pushed myself up from the banister and stepped around him, breathing in his unique scent as I passed through his personal space.
I ran up the stairs, ignoring Edward as he called my name from the doorway. I knew my way around the Cullen mansion like the back of my hand, so it didn't take long for me to find Emmett in the game room, his concentration trained on the flat-screen TV on the wall.
"What up, munchkin?" He hadn't even looked away from the screen, and he still knew I was there, his friendly nickname for me rolling off his tongue.
"I was wondering if you could take me home?"
"Sure thing, kiddo. Where's Prince Charming?" He smirked at the newest nickname for his brother, but it slid off his face when he saw me shrug non-committedly.
"What happened?" His voice was suddenly sharp, insinuation the forefront emotion, as his protective side kicked in for me.
"Nothing, Em. I don't feel well, and I want you to drive me. I didn't mean to interrupt..." I waved my hand in the direction of his game console, biting my lip in preparation for his rebuttal, but of course, it never came.
"Come on, let's get you home." He turned me with his hands on my shoulders, before gently leading me back out of the room and down the stairs.
Edward was sitting, head in his hands, on the sofa as we descended the stairs. His head snapped up at the sound of our arrival. I swear, if I had blinked, I would have missed him shooting up off the sofa in our direction.
Emmett's hand closed over my shoulder protectively, causing me to look up at him. His gaze - his furious gaze - was trained on his brother. How did he know there was something wrong? Why did he automatically think Edward was the cause? It was another mystery of the Cullen family; either that or they were all ridiculously observant.
"Bella?" Edward's whisper gained my attention again, but before I could open my mouth to say goodbye, Emmett spoke for me.
"She's not feeling well. I'm taking her home." I briefly wondered where Alice had been while all this had been going on - it was her I was there to see after all - when she suddenly appeared at my side.
She looked almost apologetic as she hugged me, telling me she would come and see me in the morning to make sure I was feeling better. I doubted it; I was suffering from a broken heart, and there were very few ways to mend one.
Emmett led me to his pick-up, hoisting me into the passenger seat with a warm chuckle before closing the door gently behind me. When I looked up, my gaze was immediately caught by blazing, intense green. Edward was standing sullenly on the porch, watching as his brother drove me away.
I memorized his face, the sharp jaw and perfect features. I stared into the passionate eyes that could hold a thousand emotions at once. The messy bronze hair, which his right hand raked through, as I looked it over.
I drowned in him, trying to soak up every inch of him that I could.
I didn't know it at the time, but that was the last time I would see Edward Cullen.
~DBtH~
My plan to avoid him until he left worked perfectly. Unfortunately, I didn't get to look into those sparkling eyes again, or hear his light laugh as he chuckled at my stupidity in a caring way.
But there was no point in dwelling on it. I was just glad I was out of Forks and away from any reminder of him. Well, almost every reminder.
"Bella? Are you ready to go?" Alice's voiced chimed through our apartment, and I groaned.
I had to stop thinking about him.
That fateful day was nearly three years ago, and the memory of it was forever burned in my mind. Tanya Denali had been right: and still was. I was in love with him; it wasn't some silly little school girl crush, simply because I was still in love with him. I missed him more than I ever thought was possible. It was like a part of me had been cut out.
After he left for college, I drifted away from the Cullens, finding it too difficult to be around constant reminders of him. Esme tried her hardest to create time for us, stating that she missed me and wanted to catch up on all that was happening in my life. I felt guilty for turning her down, time and time again, but to see the resemblance to her younger son, or risk the chance of her bringing him up in conversation, was too great a fear.
Alice and I remained friends. I was certain she knew the reason behind my sudden retreat from their lives, but she was a good enough friend to know not to ask me about it.
This weekend, however, was beyond my control. Esme and Alice had planned it behind my back, wanting it to be special. They had booked us all into a five star hotel and spa in Vancouver for the weekend.
By all, I mean that Esme and Carlisle were in one room, Emmett and his long-term girlfriend Rosalie in another, Alice and the love of her life, Jasper, and then me. See my problem? It was my birthday, and I was going to be spending it as a seventh wheel. A couple's retreat was the last thing I needed.
"Bells?"
"I'm coming, Alice." I turned, suitcase in hand, to find her watching me closely from the doorway of my room.
When we had both been accepted to the University of Seattle, and it was decided, without much input from me, that we move in together. Of course, the Cullens put up the money for it, so we were currently living in a three bedroom penthouse that was entirely too lavish for any student.
"I give great hugs."
This had become Alice's special way of asking me if I was okay. There wasn't a day that had gone by, after we had regained our close friendship, when she didn't state that line.
"Let's get this show on the road, yeah?" She nodded slowly, and I knew that wasn't the answer she had wanted.
She knew, of course she knew. I tried to hide it from everyone, but at times, I would slip, and Alice was always there, watching.
It was pathetic, I know. Every day since the day he had walked out of my life, I had held some sort of hope that he would walk back into it. I was hurt, angry, and heartbroken, but that same heart still belonged to him, utterly. No other man had ever come close; no person outside my original circle of friends had even been let in, in case that they might leave me too.
He had destroyed me completely without ever realizing it. He had completely shattered my belief that there was better out there. He was the best I could ever have - that I could never have - and nothing would ever live up to the memory of him.
We met up with the whole crowd at the airport. Emmett's booming voice floated over to me before I even noticed them in the swelling crowds. With a toothy grin, he lifted me off my feet and spun me around, crushing me to him in one of his infamous hugs.
I smiled despite myself. No matter how I tried to deny it or separate myself from them, the Cullens were my family as much as Charlie and Renee. Rose hugged me fiercely, making me wonder what I was missing, but she changed the subject, promising that we would have the best girls only night out.
As usual, Jasper pulled me in for a loose hug, kissing my cheek in his chivalrous way, before being totally absorbed in everything that was the pixie at my side. It made my heart both swell and plummet when I saw them together. They had the perfect love, exactly like that of Esme and Carlisle.
They both pulled me in for hugs, asking question after question about what I was up to, how excited I was about my first year of college, who I was dating. I clammed up at that one. My love life - apart from being non-existent - was not a subject I ever liked to discuss. Esme brushed it aside by telling me I looked beautiful, and pulling me to the check-in desk beside her.
It was clear she wanted to catch up, but the second my body was in my seat, I felt the exhaustion take over. She assured me it was fine, flicking her concerned eyes over my too-skinny body, and told me to try to get some rest.
I plugged my earphones into my ears and let the only thing that could ever bring me peace float over me. It was easy to lose yourself in music, whether it be Eminem or Debussy, and I found a friend in it when I felt I had no one else.
I had found my safety and feeling of belonging in him; I now found it in the contents of my iPod.
Just over an hour later, with thanks to backed-up Vancouver air space, we were descending onto Canadian soil. I only felt groggier as I opened my eyes when Esme lightly tapped my shoulder, but I sucked it up, adamant that I appear as normal and cheery for their efforts as I could.
It was yet another hour before we were actually leaving the airport. I thought taking one large bag for one weekend was bad enough, but between them, Esme, Rosalie and Alice had seven. When I complained about them giving women a bad name, Alice simply retorted with the fact that my presents had to go somewhere. I guess I never thought of that.
When we pulled up outside our hotel, I couldn't't help the smile that spread across my face. The photos of The Sutton Place Hotel hadn't done it justice. I blushed as a young man held out his hand to assist me from the car, noticing that Rosalie was being given the same service from the car behind.
Our bags were taken care of, and I followed Carlisle in awe as he made his way through the grand lobby. It only took him a matter of minutes to check us all in, and he handed us each our own key with a smile. Naturally, all the couples were sharing a room; the Cullen parents were already lenient with their children's sleeping arrangements. No one could deny that both couples were very much in love; it wouldn't't be fair to keep them apart.
That left me. I was confused when Carlisle winked at me, but he only turned on his heel and led his wife to the elevator. I was under strict instructions to be ready for dinner at six o'clock, Alice threatening me with karaoke when we went out later.
We had both had classes on the Friday, so it was decided that our weekend would only be Saturday and Sunday. Tonight was our "girls night out," and we were ringing in my birthday come midnight.
I had expressed concern that the guys wouldn't't get a night with their better halves, but Emmett brushed my worries off with a laugh, saying they could do it anytime. He was right; I didn't't go out much. I never really wanted to go out, but tonight was a special occasion, and I was going to make the most of some time with the girls.
If I hadn't grown up with the Cullens, and had to learn the hard way that money came with knowing them, then I would have hit the floor the second I opened the door to my room. No, my suite.
There was a marble bathroom, a living room, complete with desk and dining table. I was almost scared to pass through the double mahogany doors, finding a bedroom almost the same size as the living room. With a queen size bed, overflowing with pillows as the center piece of the room, I immaturely took a run and jump at it, finding its comfort to match its aesthetic appearance.
After a few hours nap, I took a long shower before sitting at the desk in the main room. I replied to some e-mails, worked on some of my coursework, and overall admired the view of the city from my wide window.
When sufficient time had passed, I closed my laptop and took a deep breath. It was time to prepare for my night. I had just opened my garment bag when there was a light knock at my door. I rolled my eyes, already knowing who and what it was.
Both Rosalie and Alice flourished in, bags and clothes overflowing from their arms. Where the task of getting ready had been daunting, it now promised to be filled with gossip, laughter and most importantly, champagne.
Nearly two hours and three flutes of champagne each later, all three of us were polished and primped. The dress I adorned was my birthday present from Esme and Carlisle, a deep blue, knee length cocktail dress, with beaded stitching across the bust, and a faux corset back. Alice's dress was an above-the-knee halter, and was coral in color, accentuating her pale skin and dark hair perfectly. Rosalie's was, of course, scarlet, form fitting, and unbelievably sexy.
Alice had taken the time to softly curl my hair so that it hung in waves around my shoulders, not a hair out of place. My make-up was so subtle that you could barely tell I was wearing any, only accentuating my eyes a little more than usual.
Dinner had been booked in one of the hotel's restaurants, meaning I didn't't have far to walk in the heels on my feet. I honestly didn't't know how I was going to make it through the whole night in five inch stilettos.
My thought process abruptly stopped when a flash of bronze caught the corner of my eye in the lobby. I stopped dead in my tracks, causing both Emmett and Rosalie to walk into the back of me. I nearly toppled over at the contact, but Emmett's strong arm wound round my waist and kept me upright.
"Bells? You okay?" I could barely hear him over the rushing in my ears. My eyes were frantically searching the lobby, looking through the couples as if they weren't't even there. I would recognize his hair color anywhere, and while the rational side of my brain told me it might not even be him, I was still on the verge of a panic attack.
"Bella?" Emmett's voice was more panicked this time, and I shook my head slightly, trying to clear the fog that had settled over me. Trust my brain to try to ruin my night by sending me hallucinations of the one person I couldn't't bear to see.
"I'm okay. I'm just seeing things," I whispered in return, my voice suddenly hoarse. How pathetic was I? Even the thought of maybe seeing him had me in a mess.
I turned slowly, noticing that everyone was watching me closely, concern written across their faces. All but Alice. She looked panicked, and I couldn't't for the life of me figure out why. Her eyes flicked around the lobby much like mine had done not moments before, before they settled back on me. She tried to cover it up with a smile, but I could still see the questions in her eyes.
It took some reassuring on my part, but the group finally moved on towards the restaurant. I took one last look around the reception and surrounding area, noting with disappointment that I couldn't't see anything.
Dinner was fabulous, though quiet. I realized that my behavior could have been construed as rude and impolite, but I think it was also recognized around the table that the Bella they had all known really was gone. The conversation, though stilted at times, flowed around them, and I quietly observed as they laughed and reminisced.
Their memories included me ninety percent of the time, and I would smile and nod my head if I remembered, but other than that, I focused on the lavish meal Carlisle was paying for.
Throughout dinner, Alice tried to get me to tell her what had happened, but I simply shook my head or deflected her looks of concern. I didn't need the Cullens thinking that after three years, I still hadn't gotten over his departure, to the extent where I was hallucinating, just so I could pretend he cared.
It may have been my eighteenth birthday, an event Alice and I had talked about since we were ten, but he wasn't there like he promised he would be. He once asked me to save a dance for him at my party, telling me he wouldn't miss it for the world. It seemed he had lied to me more often than I realized.
I looked around my second family, feeling tears prick at my eyes and noticed with relief that they were beginning to get up.
Emmett caught my eye, frowning when he took in the state I was in. In two long strides, he was by my side and wrapping me in his powerful embrace. It wasn't until his comfort and safety filtered through to me, that the tears really began. It was too familiar, yet it wasn't what I needed. It needed to be him.
"I'm gonna kill him for what he did to you." I pulled back sharply, noting Emmett's alarmed expression. It was obvious he hadn't meant for me to hear what he mumbled.
"What did -"
"Bella! Let's go! It's girl time!" Alice literally bounced over to us, bringing with her a new crushing sensation. All I wanted to do was go up to my room, turn off all the lights, and fall into a fitful sleep. At least when I dreamt of him, I knew it was really him.
"Alice, I - " Her face fell before I could even say what I wanted. She knew I wanted to back out, and I knew that if I told her I wanted a quiet night in a five star room, she would let me have it. She was too good for someone like me. All I did was let her down.
"Let's go!" I conjured up enthusiasm I didn't know I owned, adamant that I wasn't going to ruin yet another one of Alice's planned nights. I had missed too many over the last three years.
Maybe if I actually left our apartment when she asked me to, I would meet someone and be able to move on. No matter how much it hurt even to think of, I knew I couldn't hold on to the memory of someone for the rest of my life. I would likely die alone.
She surprised me by wrapping me in a tight hug, whispering, "I love you, Bella," into my ear before letting go. I nodded with a smile, returning her sentiment.
I took a walk outside as all three couples separated for the night. I didn't want to be a seventh wheel in a restaurant full of other couples. As I stood outside in the crisp, calm air, a warm zap tingled through me from head to toe.
I looked around, my heart beating frantically, but I was only met with people going about their own business. I knew I was being watched, a shiver running down my spine as my danger radar kicked in. The arrival of Esme, Alice and Rose on the sidewalk beside me put me at ease, and their gossip of things I had missed soon made me forget what I had even been worrying about.
We skipped the longest queue I had ever seen, to get into a supposedly "hot," new club, and the pulsing music and heat soon enveloped me. I had never been comfortable in clubs, or anywhere with so many people, but I reminded myself that I had to at least try to have a good time.
Rose quickly found us a table, hollering for a waiter to take our order. Esme piped up, ordering us all a different cocktail off the top of her head, causing us to giggle. Who knew that the upstanding Mrs. Cullen was well versed in all things alcoholic?
Esme "retired" eventually, telling us girls that she had been away from her husband for far too long already. A pang of jealousy coursed through me at the sly smirk on her face, but I brushed it aside, hugging her fiercely, and thanking her for such a wonderful night.
She apologized for not staying to ring in my birthday at midnight, stating that she was too old and that I should have fun with my friends. When she pulled back, she cupped my face in her hands, searching my eyes for something in the dark room.
"I know you've tried to hide it, Bella. I just wish you would have come to me. I'm a mother, and I know when my children are hurting. He is too, you know." My heart plummeted at her words, and I honestly thought I was going to throw up.
She only smiled at me gently, kissed my cheek, and walked off, leaving me standing beside her table with shock plastered across my face. What rang through me the most, though, was how hard it was to hear that he was in pain. Was she right? I had never doubted her judgment before. If she said he was hurting, then he was, but what could he possibly be hurting over?
"Bella! It's our song! Come on, we have to dance!" Alice literally pulled me from my stupor, but it didn't stop the tears from tracking their way down my face.
I wiped at my cheeks furiously as she tugged me through the pulsing crowd, right to the center of the dance floor. Rose was bringing up the rear, and I had no doubt that she had noticed my tears. Thankfully, she decided not to comment.
With everything swirling in my head, from Esme's proclamation, to thinking I saw him in the hotel lobby; it was obvious that I wasn't into it. I suddenly panicked at the closeness of everyone around me, feeling like I was drowning in a sea of bodies. I was too hot, too thirsty, and far, far too close to the man beside me, who had decided it would be a good idea to dance provocatively while staring straight at me. It made me feel a little ill to be honest.
I was about to turn and head back to our table when a pair of hands landed gently on my back, just between my hips and my waist. Heat and electricity shot through me immediately, making me feel light-headed, this time in a pleasant way. The feeling didn't last long, however, when I remembered the last time I had felt that kind of connection was with him. I might have been telling myself I needed to move on, but I couldn't.
I maneuvered out of the stranger's grasp, too swamped with emotion to even bother to turn around. I wasn't even three steps away, however, when the same warm, strong hand gently wrapped around my wrist, tugging me carefully to a stop.
I turned, my anger rising.
"Let me -" My jaw dropped, my heart stopped, and everything went quiet, the thud of the music dimming to a drone in the back of my head.
My eyes flew to the spot where Alice and Rose had previously been, only to find them gone. I then looked to our table, finding them both ordering fresh drinks. I was alone, and there was no way I could escape.
"Bella?" Even above the noise around us, his voice found me with perfect clarity. My eyes snapped back to him, standing before me, one hand around my wrist, the other shoved in his jean pocket.
He was wearing a dark blue button down with a white T-shirt underneath, perfectly tight to his toned body. His once boyish face had angled out, his jaw and nose more pronounced, and if I wasn't mistaken, his nose had been broken too, a slight bump on the bridge my only indication.
His eyes were as green as the emerald they had been, his hair the same unruly copper brown. I wasn't hallucinating. He had been at the hotel. He was taller than he used to be, and even though I had grown and was wearing heels, he still towered over me comfortably.
When my gaze settled back on his eyes, I noticed he was watching me with concern and apprehension written clearly across his face. What happened next, however, had never been a part of my dreams or fantasies of his return. I was angry.
He couldn't leave me, disappear for three years, never get in contact, and then suddenly turn up on the one night he knew was important to me.
More importantly, I was angry at myself because I was putty in his capable hands with just one touch. Despite all the hurt and the years of loneliness, looking at him was making my heart speed like it did all those years ago.
The tears pricked at my eyes, and without any conscious input from my brain, or my heart, my hand flew up and connected with the side of his jaw. The sound of my hand hitting him would forever be burned in my mind.
He may have hurt me, but I could never live with hurting him in any way.
I pulled out of his grasp, turned, and ran, the tears flowing in earnest.
~DBtH~
Edward's POV:
My heart literally fell out of my chest. It felt like the people around me were crowding on it, as I watched her walk - no run - away from me.
Something snapped within me as she disappeared from view. I had gone three years without her, and while I knew that it was down to me alone, I refused to let her walk away from me, not until I knew for sure.
I looked around, frantically looking for the girls' table. Rose stared me down as I approached, none too happy with my appearance. Alice however, who had helped me orchestrate the whole thing, wouldn't even look me in the eye. She kept her gaze locked on the glass in her hand as I approached the table.
Knowing I didn't have time to either explain myself, or get beaten to a pulp by Rosalie, I grabbed Bella's bag and wrap, my excuse for following her. I mentally kicked myself; after all these years I shouldn't fucking need an excuse.
Even though it took me less than a minute to follow her out, she had already disappeared from sight. I set off down the sidewalk at a sprint, running in the direction of our hotel.
I thought it ironic that after all these years; I was the one chasing after her. Before I left for college, I prayed that she would come find me, tell me that she didn't hate me, and that she would still be there when I needed her. Yes, I fucking needed her.
When I watched her be driven off by Emmett that I knew I was fucked. Sure, I loved her before then, long before then, but she was always my little Bella. Then when she neared sixteen, she started to change. Her legs got longer, her body more shapely, her eyes more expressive. She blushed whenever I paid her a compliment; she bit her lip when I looked at her for too long. Things just...changed.
That's why I stayed away. I knew I'd hurt her when I severed all ties, but I thought she'd get over it. I thought we both would.
She was fifteen fucking years old that day, and there I was, making out with her on the bathroom floor. What kind of sick fuck did that make me? I could remember the words I had spoken as if it was yesterday.
I hadn't realized what they would have sounded like to Bella, but I was telling Tanya the truth. I couldn't wait to get out of there because my restraint was nearing its end too quickly. There was no way I could spend much more time around my Bella, without acting on the way I felt.
By the time I made it back to the hotel, I was panting with sweat forming on my forehead. I went straight to the elevator, thanking God that there was one happily waiting on me. I didn't think through what I was doing, only that I needed to see her again, hear her voice, feel her skin under my fingertips, and make her understand it all.
There was so much she didn't know about me, so many important things that she had wrong in her perception of me. Whether she ever spoke to me again or not, she needed to know the truth about me. I needed to tell her how I felt, and fuck, if it didn't scare the shit out of me. I was twenty-one years old and nervous over a girl.
When the elevator doors opened, I sucked in a ragged breath. She was there. I thought at first she might be waiting for me, but when I looked more closely, I realized that the picture was all wrong.
She had her head pressed against the door to her suite, her shoulders hunched and her fist clenched. As the doors to the elevator closed quietly behind me, she thudded her fist against the door again.
I was barely two feet from her when her body stiffened and she lifted her head. Could she tell when I was near, like I had always been able to sense her? Did she feel the same warm tingle every time our bodies were near? If the answers to those questions were yes, then I would have a fighting chance at still having my heart in one piece by the end of the night. I didn't want to think about the consequences of a no.
"What do you want?" Her voice was cold, detached, and so unlike the Bella I had known.
"You forgot these," I answered quietly, not quite sure what to do with a Bella that wanted nothing to do with me.
"Thanks," she mumbled quietly, immediately sifting through her bag until she produced the key for her door.
With a quiet click, she stepped through the door and turned to look at me with nothing but fear in her eyes. She was afraid of me; she had never been afraid of me before. What the hell had happened to her?
"Why are you scared?" I stepped closer, reaching my hand out to cup her cheek. Her soft skin heated under my touch, but she pulled out of my grasp far too soon.
"I want you to leave." I hadn't been expecting her rejection, and it hit me, the pain far worse than when Emmett had laid into me.
At the time, I had been bewildered as to why my big brother was beating me up. I barely had the time to fight back before Carlisle was pulling him off me. He kept screaming about "hurting her" and "destroying the only good thing I had," and at the time, I had no idea what he was talking about.
This pain, the pain of Bella not wanting me, of being afraid of me, trumped that a thousand times over. I had to make it right.
"Bella, no."
"You have no right to be here, Edward. You walked out and left all those rights behind."
"Bella, I -"
"Leave, Edward."
"No! We have to talk about this." Without waiting for a reply, I sidled through the open door and past her into the spacious lounge of her suite. Carlisle really spoiled his kids when the occasion called for it. Bella was never an exception to that rule; she was part of our family, a part of my family.
She should be my family. A family with Bella. She's all I could ever need in the world; three years away from her could never change that.
If only I could voice my thoughts aloud.
"Edward, please. I don't want to do this tonight." Her broken voice snapped me out of my reverie, and when I looked back at her, I could see her fighting to control the tears that were threatening to spill. I had done that to her.
"What happened to you, Bella? Why can't you even stand in the same room as me?" Why the fuck did I just ask that question? Something in my gut told me it was a very bad move, and when Bella's face clouded over in anger - again - I knew I should have listened to that little voice.
"What...what happened to me? Are you fucking kidding me? What happened to me?" She screeched the end of her sentence, her face flushing in anger. She was beyond angry, and I was fighting to control the hardening of a certain piece of my anatomy.
"You left me, Edward! You moved to the other side of the country! Not only that, but you never once called, never did you e-mail, or even ask to talk to me when you knew I was in the same room. You left me! You left me alone when I needed you the most, not even asking how I was! How could you do that to me? You left...You didn't..."
I watched in horror as she crumbled before me. The coldness, the distance, had just been an act. She had been trying to hide how she really felt. The only word I could think of to describe her was destroyed. "You destroyed the only good thing you had!"
I sucked in a breath as realization dawned on me. Had Emmett been talking about Bella all this time? My leaving had hurt her as much as it hurt me. She thought I didn't care.
"Fuck. Bella, you have no idea." It only took two strides for her to be in my arms. After three years, I finally had her back in my arms. Back where she belonged.
She stood still, not responding in the slightest. I almost pulled back to see if she was even still conscious, but this time I listened to the little voice. It was telling me, if I pulled back now, I'd never get another chance.
I brushed my hands gently up and down her back, my face buried in her hair. The familiar scent of her filled me up as I breathed. I hadn't done the memory of her justice. She was warmer, softer, and more beautiful than I had ever remembered, and it wasn't just because she had grown up.
"I had to leave, Bella. There is no excuse for how I behaved before I left, I can only apologize."
"Wh...what?"
"You were only fifteen, Bella. Have you any idea how sick I felt with myself? I should have known better -" Her hand connected with my jaw - again - and once again, the meaning behind her actions hurt more than the action itself.
"How dare you. I can't believe I ever thought I lo -" She slapped her hand to her mouth, at the same time that my eyes bugged out of my head. Was she about to say love?
"You have to let me explain, Bella. Please, let me explain." I received no answer, so I took it as acquiescence for me to say my piece.
"Please, just think about it. I was an adult, about to go off to college. You were only fifteen, Bella. You were underage, seriously underage. Fuck, that day? The day you left me? I have never thought about a day as much as I have that one.
"Both of us are to blame here, Bella. You walked away from me first. You left me, and you never gave me the chance to explain."
"I was a child, Edward. You should have tried harder!"
"No. No, you were never a child, Bella. Don't you see? That was the problem!"
"What are you talking about? You just said I was underage!"
"Yes! You were underage! But don't, for one second, believe that I saw you as a child that day. You were so beautiful, and you tasted so good. I could have kissed you for hours, Bella. You have to believe me." She gasped softly, giving me hope that maybe my words were going to get through to her.
"But, Tanya?" I knew what she was talking about the second she mentioned Tanya's name. It wasn't until after she had driven off with Emmett that I realized how it must have sounded to her.
"I told her I couldn't wait to leave because I was so afraid. I wanted you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life, Bella. But I couldn't. Do you understand now? You were fifteen. What kind of sick fucker does that make me? I wanted a girl who was only fifteen! I had to get out of there. I had to leave you because you didn't deserve someone like me.
"You don't deserve someone like me, Bella. I thought that if I left you, you'd find someone your own age, someone who would go to college at the same time as you, someone who could always be there for you. I couldn't be that guy, Bella. It wasn't fair to let you think I could be."
Her tears were falling in earnest, but she made no move to wipe them from her cheeks. The tracks they left glistened in the soft light of the room, her skin almost luminescent. I reached up slowly, agonizingly slowly, to give her time to back away, but she didn't.
I cupped her face in my hands and used my thumbs to brush away her tears. If I wasn't mistaken, they only fell harder as I tried.
"You were always there for me, Edward. There was never anyone else. Sure, Emmett would help me out, pick me up when I fell down, but it was always you," she said, her voice growing stronger as I finally managed to ease her tears.
"Every single time I saw you, you would send me a smile, and it would just, like, make my day. Seeing you happy, listening to you laugh, there was nothing else I needed. Yes, I was fifteen. Have you any idea what it was like for me, to suddenly have nothing?" She shook her head sadly and stepped back, causing my hands to fall back to my sides.
"I no longer had someone to kiss my bruises better, to help me up when I fell down. To laugh at my lame attempts at a joke, to make sure I didn't slip when I got in the pool. There was no one left to send me secret smiles in the school hallway. No notes left in my locker when you magically knew I was having a bad day.
"Nothing. I had nothing left, Edward. You took all of it away from me, without so much as an explanation. So, does that answer your question? That's what happened to me, Edward. You! You were the one that completely destroyed me. I promised myself I would never let you have that kind of power over me again, and I've just gone and told you it all.
"So, you can leave now. You've explained, you know the truth. You can go back to college, and laugh it all off with your friends. Tell stories about the pathetic little girl who still has a picture of you in her drawer because she's terrified of forgetting you. Your little sister's friend, who still has your school baseball shirt, just so she can have a little piece of you.
"And, you've successfully ruined my night. You knew how much this meant to me. So thanks, you've done it again. You can leave now; you're pretty good at that."
My heart twisted and clenched in my chest painfully. The wind had been sucked out of me, my head felt fuzzy, and there was a tear on the edge of my eyelashes.
It felt like she'd plunged a blunt knife into my heart and just kept twisting. She wasn't trying to hurt me, but every word she spoke, every broken, cracked sound that left her mouth, only caused me more pain.
What the fuck had I done to her? How could I not have known? How could no one have told me? Surely they could see the difference in her? I had noticed the second I saw her in the hotel lobby. Her eyes no longer sparkled, she walked with her shoulders hunched, and she'd reverted to trying to hide behind her hair. I had stopped that.
"I didn't try to ruin your night, Bella. I came because I knew how much this meant to you. I wanted to be here for you. No one at college is going to hear any of that. They all know about you already, but they don't know a single bad thing because I could never think a negative thing about you." Her brows furrowed in confusion as she crossed her arms protectively over her chest.
It was my time to explain.
"All the guys know I won't hook-up with someone when we go out, they don't even think anything of it anymore. They all know there's someone special back home, they even fucking accept it. None of them let a girl come on to me while we're out; knowing that the only person I can ever think about is you.
"I haven't touched a girl in three years. Even when I'm dragged out to some shit party and plied with drinks, the only person I ever talk about is you. They're probably sick of hearing how beautiful you are, or how I miss your laugh.
"I had to leave; otherwise things would have gotten messy. I'm not the same guy I was back then, Bella. I loved you, I would have done anything to protect you, but that was you. I wasn't a nice guy to anyone else. I treated girls like shit, I used them and started most of those rumors myself. You didn't deserve any of that.
"I thought that if I left, you could move on, grow up without me, but I had no idea how much it would hurt. Every time I rang the house, I prayed that you would answer. Every Christmas I would buy presents for everyone, but the only person I could picture was you.
"When it snowed, I wondered if it was snowing where you were. I remember the joy on your face when you used to watch it snow. I remember the snowball fights, and the hugs by the fire.
"Christ, Bella, I can't even explain it. I could stand here for hours, but I would just be repeating myself. The only person I truly missed, the only person I wanted to talk to, see and touch was you.
"Leaving you was the worst decision I ever made. I'd take it back if I could, but I can't. I thought I could get over it, that I was just a horny teenage boy, but you'll always mean more to me than that. It wasn't until I left that I realized just how much you meant to me...How much you still mean to me." I cut myself off.
I felt like I had been talking for hours, and Bella had yet to make a sound. She was standing, shock evident on her face, the tears trailing freely again, her eyes boring into mine. She didn't care. It was obvious we would never get past the mistakes I had made.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I never meant to ruin your night, truly." I sighed in defeat, trying to keep the sound of my heart shattering out of my voice.
Everything changed in the second her hand touched my chest. I was about to walk past her, when her small hand stopped me dead in my tracks. The same warm hum that had always been present sparked between us, and we both looked to where the contact was.
"How do I know you're not lying?" Bella looked up at me, sadness and pain etched into her expression. I had to make things better.
"Because, you feel the same way." Without waiting for a response, I bent quickly and pressed my lips to hers.
My body was immediately inflamed, and far too far away from her. Taking a step forward, I wound my arms around her tiny frame and pulled her impossibly closer to me. The prickling anxiety that had been brewing in me for most of the night evaporated the second Bella started kissing me back.
She moaned softly, and every logical thought of how this night would go disappeared as she pressed her soft body into my hard one. There was no doubt in my mind that she could feel my erection against her stomach, and yet she didn't stop.
She wrapped her fingers into the back of my hair, tugging roughly as our kiss deepened. I growled, long and low, into her mouth, the feeling of her all around me too much for my brain to comprehend. Bella was with me, she was kissing me, and fuck, she was grinding against me.
"Bella, stop," I gasped, pulling back and resting my head against hers.
"We have to talk." She shook her head, her grip on my hair increasing.
"Please? I feel like you're about to disappear. I need this, Edward." Fuck. My heart swelled at the same time as my cock. She had no idea what she did to me.
"No, Bella." She retreated so quickly; it was like she had been physically burned by my touch. Fuck, she thought I was rejecting her; I could see it in her eyes.
"Don't. Don't pull away from me. We can't do this until you know the truth."
"What truth?" Her puzzled expression made her eyes crinkle up and her eyebrows furrow, and I smiled at her fondly. Only Bella could be completely and utterly ravishing, and adorable at the same time.
This was the moment when she would surely pull back, where she would laugh at me for saying something completely unbelievable. Either that, or she would think I was lying.
This was the moment, in every thought I had ever had about us, that I dreaded the most. It was almost unheard of for a twenty-one-year old guy to say the following words.
"I've never...Bella this was the only thing I ever thought would make me worthy of you. I...I guess I always hoped it would be you. No other girl ever came close to you. None of them were good enough...None of them were you..." I raked my hand through my hair, knowing I sounded like a fucking pussy.
"Edward, what are you talking about?"
"All those rumors? The way I treated those girls?" She nodded her head, her lip captured between her teeth.
"I used them so that the guys would think better of me. Fuck, I know it sounds stupid, but it was high school. Bella, every rumor you ever heard? Every situation you thought you saw? It was all fabricated. I've never actually...been with a girl."
This time when her hand flew from her side, I anticipated it. I closed my fingers around her wrist, bringing her hand to a stop mere millimeters from my face.
"Don't fucking lie to me, Edward. How stupid do you think I am?" Anger and humiliation rolled off of her in fucking tidal waves, and I had no idea what to say to her.
"Bella, I'm not lying to you. Fuck, you used to be able to read me better than anyone. You, of all people, should know when I'm telling you the fucking truth!" She flinched at my harsh tone, and I let go of her wrist, cursing myself for the mess I had made of her entire night.
"But, Lauren? Jessica? Tanya?" I cringed. They had no right to be talked about at that moment, but I knew she needed some sort of closure.
"I told you, I used them. I treated them like shit. All the rumors about me sleeping with them weren't entirely false." A small sob broke out of her, and she turned, sinking onto the sofa in defeat. I knelt on the ground in front of her, my eyes at the same level as hers.
"It never meant anything, Bella. I'm not lying to you. I never once slept with them...It was just other things that happened...To keep them from talking...I'm not proud of what I did, Bella. I told you, you didn't deserve me back then."
Her bottom lip trembled as she tried to control her emotions. I would have given anything to be in her head at that moment because I had no idea what she was thinking.
"You didn't sleep with them be-because you wanted me?" The look of incredulity on her face broke me; she honestly thought I was lying. She didn't think highly enough of herself to even entertain the thought.
"Sick fucker, remember?" I breathed a sigh of relief when she cracked a smile and actually looked at me.
"Please, believe me. Do you really think I'd make something like this up? I'm twenty-one, and I've never had sex. It makes me pretty pathetic to be honest." I shook my head at the way I had lived my life for the past three years. I would have put a fucking monk to shame.
"I believe you, Edward." The way she whispered my name, and looked at me from under her eyelashes, had my restraint on a short wire again.
This time, however, it was Bella who took the initiative. She sat up from her crouched position, bringing her body closer to me. She smiled softly, her eyes never leaving my gaze, before she leaned down and gently pressed her lips to mine.
I placed my hands on her legs, my fingers finding nothing but an expanse of smooth, milky skin beneath them. She parted her thighs even further and scooted forward with a soft sigh, bringing her mouth and her core closer to me.
I could feel her heat burning through my shirt, causing white-hot desire to course through my veins. I licked her bottom lip softly, adamant to take things with her gently and slowly. She deserved so much, and I was damn sure I was going to be the only one to give her everything she needed from then on.
She groaned my name, my erection throbbing at the mere sound of it. Whispering my name was one thing, but groaning it, while I was the one giving her pleasure, had to be the best sound I had ever heard.
Our tongues tangled deliciously, our passion mounting the longer we kissed. I had pulled her so close to me that I wondered how she was still on the sofa.
With one fluid motion, I was standing with her legs wrapped securely around my waist. I held her steady in my arms, my lips never leaving her skin. I tasted every delicious inch of her jaw and neck, memorizing it, knowing I would never find anything that came close.
When I laid her down on her soft bed, she wasted no time in dragging her nails up my back, under my shirt as far as she could go. She trailed them up and over my shoulders, around my front to the buttons on my button-down. There wasn't a hint of nervousness about her as she unbuttoned each one, burning searing patches through my T-shirt underneath with every swipe of her fingers.
Her legs fell open beneath me, giving me even more access to her core, along with the rest of her body. I couldn't help but grind myself into her inviting heat, thrilling every time she moaned into my mouth.
She scraped the shirt off me before dragging my T-shirt over my head and throwing it haphazardly across the room. I barely registered where it landed when I felt her soft hands caressing my chest and abdomen.
She found every ridge and line, softly stroking the hard planes under her hands. I had never fussed over the state of my body, but I was mighty proud of the way I looked if it meant Bella would look at me with the same intensity and hunger all of the time.
I didn't stop kissing her as she continued her exploration of my front and back. Her short nails scraped lightly across the skin, leaving goose bumps in their wake. Nothing could ever feel better than Bella beneath me, writhing in pleasure and moaning my name.
~DBtH~
Bella's POV:
The feelings that this one man could evoke in me literally scared me beyond belief. I had gone through a whole cycle of emotions in under an hour, and yet there I was, trapped beneath Edward's perfect body, experiencing pleasure unlike anything I'd ever felt.
He had barely touched me, and I was still a writhing, quivering mess. The sounds he made were the only indication that I wasn't at least making a fool out of myself.
He had confessed he had never had sex, but it was obvious he still knew what he was doing. I wasn't completely naive to the ways of the world; if he said "other things" had happened, then it was obvious that everything except sex was what he was talking about.
I didn't even have that. I had no idea how to pleasure someone else; I didn't even know what I needed. Not that the latter seemed to be a problem, Edward seemed to know every place I needed to be touched, and every place I wanted to be touched.
We both knew what was coming; we both knew what we were getting into. It may have been our first time, but there was an urgency about it that neither of us could quell.
I had always been a girl to think things through first, but I was deliberately ignoring all the questions that needed to be asked, simply because my need for Edward was stronger than anything I had ever felt before.
Before I even realized, Edward had shed himself of his jeans and was pushing my dress up, inch by inch, kissing every inch of newly exposed skin. I quivered as his mouth ghosted over my stomach, my muscles contracting at the soft and reverent contact.
I sat up quickly; pulling my dress off, gasping as he quickly unhooked my bra and attached his mouth to my nipple.
With the lack of denim, I could feel his erection grinding against my core, causing my hips to lift of their own accord, desperate for any friction. When he was satisfied he had done a good job, he moved his attention to my other nipple, while his right hand drifted down my side, brushing the sides of my breasts, my ribs, and coming to a stop at the hem of my panties.
He pulled them down, torturously slowly, kissing my thighs and calves sporadically. When he looked at me, bare and exposed before him, I flushed from the tips of my toes to the roots of my hair. I fought the urge to cover myself up, finding confidence in the mumbled "beautiful" that passed his lips.
He fished a small square foil packet from his jean pocket, and I bit my lip as I watched him sheath himself before me. I had never been an overly sexual person. I was never turned on easily, and I barely spent any time thinking about sex, but even I knew that Edward Cullen could make anything sexy.
My breathing hitched as his fingers gently caressed down there, and I blushed when he hissed, wondering if I had done something wrong.
"Jesus, Bella. Are you sure?" Everything in his posture and expression told me he was willing me to say yes, but the fact that he was asking me again, making sure I was ready, made me smile widely and nod my head.
He crawled back up the bed, his body hovering dangerously close to mine, a smile on his own lips. He bent his head slowly, his eyes never leaving mine, to press his moist, soft, warm lips against mine. I would never tire of kissing Edward; that much I was certain of.
I tensed as he positioned himself at my entrance, immediately calming as he smiled against my lips and pecked them once more.
"I've waited for this for such a long time." I searched his eyes for any sign that he wasn't telling the truth, but all I could find was sincerity, and what looked like awe. He really did feel the same way as me.
In one fluid motion, he was inside me, burning pain erupting from that one point as he took the only thing I had to give him. His breathing stopped completely as I screwed my eyes up, willing the pain to lessen.
"Shit! Bella, you're a..." His jaw dropped, the strain showing on his face as he tried not to move when his instincts were screaming at him to keep going.
I nodded my head, too ashamed to look at him. Since when had I been so manipulative? I had basically tricked him into taking away my virginity, playing on the fact that he thought I'd already lost it. Even after he had admitted to never having had sex before, I had held back my own innocence in that area. I genuinely thought he would have known, but somehow he had thought the opposite.
"Shit! Fuck, you feel so perfect." His forehead hit the pillow above my shoulder with a gentle thud, and he groaned forcefully.
The pain was beginning to subside, and I took the time to really concentrate on how I was feeling. It was the moment I had dreamt about for years, and the feeling was eclipsing anything I had ever imagined. Edward was inside me, stretching me in the most delicious way, his breath hot on my bare shoulder, making me shiver in pleasure.
His head lifted, but I kept my eyes on the other side of the room. I didn't want to see the rejection in his eyes as he pulled out of me, disgusted at me and himself for what he had lowered himself to.
"I'm sorry..." I partially hiccupped, the movement making Edward groan again.
"Fuck! Are you crying?" I shook my head, but there was no use in trying to hide it. He had never been closer to me physically than he was, of course he would notice.
"Bella, please?" His pained voice shocked me, my head whipping round so I could look at him.
"Am I hurting you?" I shook my head, my tear-filled eyes finding his panicked ones.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Despite the position we were in, it seemed as if he needed to have this conversation.
"I assumed you'd know." I shrugged, furiously batting away my tears.
"No one's ever? Shit," he groaned again, pressing a kiss to the hollow area bellow my ear.
"You don't -" I pushed at his chest in a pathetic attempt to move him. I didn't want the moment to end, but I wasn't sure I could take his rejection.
"No, stop. I have dreamed about this for years, Bella. The fact that no one else has touched you, or made you feel good, fuck, it's so unbelievably sexy. I never thought mine would be the only name you'd scream, Bella."
I moaned, the impact of his words sending tingles throughout my body and setting light to an intense burn in the pit of my stomach.
The burn intensified, setting my whole body ablaze as he started to rock in and out of me. I had never believed how the simple actions of sex could ever feel so mind-blowing, the way girls described, or books romanticized, but even for my first time, there was no feeling in the world that could compare.
I was with Edward. I couldn't be closer to him than I was in that moment. I was sharing something with him that no other man would ever have, and he with me. I had dreamed about him being mine for so long that I couldn't truly believe it was happening.
He had waited for me. He had kept the one thing that could never be replaced or forgotten. His gift to me, was him. And by some unbelievable chance, we were sharing this together. Our first time together was also our first times. It was the only thing Edward could have given me that would mean more than his words ever could.
I looked into his eyes, noting all the emotions swimming behind the dark green forest. His own gaze flicked between my eyes, letting me know he was reading me, reading my emotions like I was him.
I could see the lust, the awe, the disbelief, but it was all overshadowed by that look. My heart swelled to bursting point at the familiarity of it. He was looking at me like I was the most precious thing in his world, the way he had always looked at me.
"Edward, please," I gasped, his emotions proving to be the catalyst in the deepening sensation down there.
"You're so perfect, Bella." He groaned lowly as I tugged at the hair at the nape of his neck. I could feel the muscles in his shoulders rippling under my arms, and each subtle movement sent a shiver down my spine.
"Edward..." I arched my back, needing to be closer still. The feelings he was bringing out in me were unlike anything I could have imagined. Could you get addicted to a feeling like that?
"Happy Birthday, Bella." His words sent me catapulting over the edge. I could feel myself clenching around him. I should have been ashamed at the way I shouted his name as white lights blinded my eyes, but I couldn't find it in me to care.
I felt Edward's entire body tense above me; his breath caught and his body convulsed. I flushed deeply at the thought of what that meant.
He pulled out of me gently, rolling over and leaving the bed. I felt cold and alone almost immediately. I curled myself under the heavy duvet, thinking that was it, he was done, and it hadn't felt as good for him.
"Bells?" My heart squeezed at his use of my nickname; it had been Bella all night.
"Scoot over," he said softly, nudging my back with his knee. I turned to face him, noting that he was wearing his boxers and a smile. I watched him settle himself into the bed beside me and smiled widely as he held his arms out for me.
I crawled into "the nook," snuggling myself as close to his body as I could get. Despite the pain, the arguing, screaming and betrayal, my heart felt fuller than it ever had.
"My Bella," he breathed, his whispered words causing goose bumps to form on my naked back. His arms tightened around me as I pressed a kiss to his chest. I could feel the steady beat of his heart under my ear and relished it.
"Thank you," I whispered back. "Even if this was all some elaborate dream...It was the best birthday ever." Tears stung at my eyes with the truth of my own words. What if it was a dream? What if I had yet to wake up?
"You're not dreaming, Bella. I'm here, and I'm never letting you go again."
His finger hooked under my chin and lifted it until my eyes were locked with his. With great patience, he slowly lowered his lips to mine, kissing away every one of my insecurities with the brushing of his lips.
Edward was back with me, had given me the only piece of himself that no one had ever touched, taken the same from me, and was holding me.
Whether I had wished for it or not as I had blown out the candles on my cake, it truly was my best birthday ever.
If I had learned anything, it was to never listen to rumors again.
Author's Chapter End Notes:
There is a very strong chance that I will make this one-shot into a fully fledged fic in the near future. If that's something you would be interested in reading, then just add me to your favourite authors list and it should pop up when it's posted :)
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