He wanted to say I love you,
but he kept it with goodnight.
Because love means some falling,
and he's afraid of heights.
"Here's to a life without chains,"
He doesn't hear them but he takes a drink, shamefully watching across the table with empty cans until he pulls himself away with the pain his teeth draw on his bottom lip. He lets the bitter-sourness blur his thoughts and further drains it with another confident shot. (One, and then two, and then three, and then...) Streaks of light hit his face and he seeks the heat of the free night, but he hated how its brightness is still nothing compared to him.
"Aominecchi!"
The smooth voice rang in his ears for minutes. He grumbles incoherently and slides another arrogant smirk at the pleading blonde, still holding his being in place; no movement.
"shut up."
He lied again.
He felt him withdraw, carrying a childish pout as he switches to another man. Hell, Aomine could rip the bastard's head of there and there, but he wouldn't. He'll never take that chance even if it's dangling right in front of him.
( "come back," he wanted to say. )
He can't deny it. He'll never do, but he will never speak of it. How much Kuroko questioned the pain on his face, the excessive sweat as he watched his best friend, team mate, ( love ) drift farther from him. There were too much times that he scolded him, too much times he destroyed the peace on court and too little time to fix and tie Ryouta back to him.
( "You pushed him away.")
"Here's to a life without chains,"
He stands and leaves the suffocating and deafening dark place, carrying heavy weights on his feet. He could feel gold eyes following him - saddened, which added his burdens more.
He stood on a concrete ground without fences. This is what real freedom is, he thought. In the late night without anyone, watching all the life unfold throughout the city below him, he watched cars go from place to place, and he wished he could do the same too. ( if only he had home. ) The cigar light flickered in front of his face, slowly lowing away along the wind. Any flame does. Any passion does.
He was a hundred feet high and he reaches his hand out, losing his palm repeatedly as if he could grab the miniature buildings and play with it as he wants. He wondered if it will hurt to fall down, or will he become numb and just die the second he does.
However, hasn't he done that so much times?
Falling in love is simple and good, and the fact that Kise won't take the risk to jump and do it for him too made him fall out of pain. Every time he thinks about he could imagine himself - no, feel himself falling over and over again from the cloud to a hard, sandy ground.
He does it so much times it could even be an indirect self-harm already.
"Oi! This kid's drunk ...hard. Bring him home."
"Fine."
Yet he doesn't barricade himself from giving in.
Just what will become of him?
He noticed changes everyday. Tiny and simple ones. The way the sun-colored locks changed it's wave, when he deliberately inches away when he's shy or thinking, when he could tell if Kise's famous smile is scripted or natural, when his fingers shake when he realizes his mistake, or when his left arm trembles when he lies. Everything.
This is what love does to him.
Is it even love? How can you use such word if only either of you knows it?
Rather, it's torture.
When only Aomine dreams abut him, when only Aomine prays fro him, when only Aomine looks forward to saying hello to him, when only Aomine is happy whenever the blonde is near him.
"Aominecchi." He mumbles in his sleep.
( Am I wrong after all? )
It doesn't matter if Kise will never love him back.
What matters is that it feels right.
"Good night, Kise."
( he could fall again. But tonight, just like any o the other previous nights, he's going to promise himself again that he won't lose balance and fall off a cliff again. He's going to get over him, definitely.)
But as said, it was just like any other night.
A new tomorrow begins and the cycle repeats.
a/n: f-first Aokise fic and I don't know what to think. Sorry if its cohrneh. Still, please review!