Marissa
I lay awake for what seemed like an eternity, though I knew it had only been a few minutes since the bright morning sun woke me. I could only stare at the inside of my wrist, lost in thoughts that seemed to bounce back and forth in that moment suspended in time.
I had fallen asleep on the opposite side of the bed, both of us facing away. I awoke to his hand lightly holding mine, his chest against my back. From what I could tell he wasn't awake, and hadn't meant to move toward me in the dark of the night. Even so, I didn't rouse him. I just stayed there, my mind fighting with itself.
In his arms, with the feel of his breath on my neck, I felt safe. More than I had in a long time. At that moment I felt that everything with my dad, with my life, would be okay. That somehow this boy from another world would make it okay. I thought back on when we first met, and it made me smile. I had asked him who he was, and his reply was coy and enigmatic.
"Whoever you want me to be."
As ridiculous as his response had been then, now it seemed to have a hidden meaning. This boy from the wrong side of the tracks; Who stole cars and started fights, was clutching my hand gently, as though he might break me. I didn't want to move, yet at the same time I knew I should. He wasn't my boyfriend. He was hardly my friend, even. I barely knew him. Yet I found I couldn't bring myself to slip my hand free.
He was like gravity. Like this undeniable force that pulls you in. I felt drawn but not trapped. I was held there, but not against my will. If anything, it was my will that kept me there. Behind me I felt him stir, and he pressed his forehead against my neck. I thought maybe he was still asleep, or that maybe he wasn't, and only wanted to be closer. I couldn't decide which made me more comfortable.
After a moment he released my hand, rolling away from me slowly. I turned to face him, and was rewarded with a shy smile and what almost looked like a flush of red in his cheeks.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to…"
"I know."
I looked away, not sure of what to say to him. He hadn't meant to. That statement opened up so much more to me. With Luke I had sometimes felt wanted, desired, but never needed. Something about him reaching for me in the night made me feel needed. He hadn't been trying to move things forward, hadn't tried to do anything really. He just needed to hold me as much as I needed to be held. That thought sent a flutter through my stomach.
"You wanna go home?"
Did I? I had to ask myself the question again. Home was my father, but at the moment I didn't feel as though it was where I should be. I could still go to Mexico; We all could. That option didn't appeal much to me either, after what I had just felt.
"I just… I think I wanna stay here."
His eyes were searching mine, as they had during the cotillion rehearsal. Now as I had then I felt warm and somewhat nervous. It felt like he could look into my eyes and see so much more than he should. Like he could see what I really wanted. After what seemed like another eternity, I broke the contact, reminding myself that I had someone waiting in Tijuana.
"I'm gonna go take a shower."
I said it without thinking, without giving myself the chance to doubt the decision. I simply sat up and left Ryan lying there. I thought back to the night, a couple weeks back, when I had ended up unconscious in my own driveway. I don't remember much, except waking for a moment as he picked me up. I had felt safe then, too, and wrapped my arms around his neck without a second thought.
Pushing that out of my mind, I stood up completely.
Ryan
I don't remember if I had been dreaming or not. The first thing I recall was the smell of her skin, the feel of her hair against my face. Sleep was immediately banished from me the moment my eyes opened, and I found myself curled up next to the girl. It was a peculiar way to greet the day.
How I got there, my arm draped over her, I have no idea. I'd slept in the same bed with girls before. Without actually, like, sleeping with them. In fact for awhile I had actually shared a bed with Theresa. Yet in all those times I never once moved to them in my sleep, as I just had.
Slowly withdrawing my hand, which had taken hers of its own accord, I rolled slowly away. I hoped she hadn't woken up yet, which would save me from having to explain myself. After just a moment she moved to face me, her gaze locking directly onto mine.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to…" I blurted out, unsure of how to explain myself.
"I know."
She looked away, then looked back. For a moment we only stared at each other, content in the lapse of conversation. The thoughts running through my head were jumbled, and I knew I couldn't act on any of them. Everything that happened here was up to her. Because even though I had come for Seth, I stayed for her.
"You wanna go home?"
Part of me wanted the answer to be yes. So that she would turn around and go back to Newport, leaving Luke high and dry in Mexico. But at the same time, it wouldn't be good for her to be home when her dad left. I'd felt pain similar to that, and I didn't want to put her through that.
"I just… I think I wanna stay here."
I felt a knot form in my stomach, which was something alien to me. I hadn't gotten nervous like this when talking to any girl. Ever. Yet something about those words went straight into me, and twisted me up inside. We stared at each other for a long moment, my eyes searching hers as she gazed back at me. Then she sat up.
"I'm gonna go take a shower."
She looked back at me, before rising smoothly to her feet. I simply lay there and watched Marissa walk away. I thought I should stop her. Pull her back down to the bed. But why? What right did I have to do that? She wasn't my girl. She wasn't my anything, really. Something inside me just wanted to grab her, and drag her back against me. I began to sit up and started to do just that, barely managing to stop myself.
Pushing that out of my mind, I put my head back on the pillow.
Author's Note: Having just finished the first season of The O.C., way behind the times, it seems that Ryan and Marissa have their work cut out for them if they're ever to be together. I remembered how much I liked the little cat and mouse games they played for the first part of the season, and figured I could write their thoughts on this particular turning point in the love triangle. I hope you enjoyed it, and make sure to review! Gives me something to work with.