16th of November
He looked at the pale and pointed face in front of him.
How could he live with himself, this piece of filth, this coward, this useless git ! Two years had passed since the war and he was still here. « How come you didn't get rid of yourself yet, you disgusting rat ?! Didn't you realize yet how much pain you caused ? Didn't you noticed every single person in the wizarding world hates you ? The world would be so much nicer if you weren't there. You're the most loatheable person I met… ». His voice was so full of hatred it made himself shiver with rage.
The livid face was what he loathed most in his entire life and it was still looking back at him, equal loathing in his eyes, with a tiny dangerous flash of illness. It was too much. He lost his temper and grabbed the closest blunt object he would find and : « I HATE YOU ! » His mirror broke into a thousand pieces.
Draco Malfoy had changed since the war. He collapsed on the bathroom floor, hands shaking. He had borne up his guilt for two years now, with the help of his talents in potions, but he had ran out of auroch horn powder two days ago and he was diving into madness. Though it wasn't the first time, and though he knew exactly what happened when he couldn't brew his Morpheus potion, he was dreading what would come next.
Glass fragments were sanking into his bare hands and feet as he got up and dragged himself to his bedroom. He didn't care about hurting his body anymore, he deserved it. And, truth is, physical pain would make him forget the mental one for an instant when it couldn't be soothed by another mean.
A silvery shape entered his flat through the frosting window. « I am indeed sorry, Mr Malfoy, but you'll have to wait another week for auroch powder, importation is at a dead point right now. But you can be sure I'll send you the first jar I receive. Good day to you, Mr Malfoy. ». Panic started to invade his mind. « No, no, no, no… Please… ». His voice broke and he crumbled on his bed. That was it, another deadly long week in perspective. His hands, still covered in shattered glass, were clenching his legs with strength, making them bleed. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts… But that was making him think of nothing else for now.
He eventually made his mind to change clothes after a while, because his pants and shirt were stained with blood. He chose other black underpants and pants, with a grey shirt, and decided to take a shower before. Back to the bathroom, he vanished the shattered glass from the floor and undressed painfully to go under the hot water.
As he was below the soothing stream he snatched the glass morsels by hand, not wanting it to be vanished so easily with magic, while a carmine flow joined the water to the pipes. When pain was finished he would just numb his thoughts under the hot stream.
This rare moment of comfort seemed to last long, because darkness had fallen when he turned back to his room, his towel on his skinny hips. But the mistake he made just then sufficed to mess up everything. He looked at the great mirror of his room, behind the screen of bamboo. The creature looking back didn't even seem human. It was more… ghoul-like, with translucent skin and salient bones and dark circles under its eyes. He hadn't eaten in days. The more he could bear was sugared tea. When his mother was coming he would eat a little while she watched but throw up everything when she left. His body just could'nt stand solid food anymore.
His eyes fell on the creature's right forearm, then on his own left forearm. Scars were covering roughly a third of it but the snake and skull were still visible. Don't even think about it. His mother was coming the next day, he just couldn't. He put on his shirt and made an effort : tea. Take a book and think of something else.
Brewing of Morpheus Potion
For this is a potion which will lead you to a high state of rhapsody and torpor
We advise to use it to soothe highly intense pain and always under a healer's watch.
In the bottom of a tin caldron dispose 1 teacup of Aurora spores in a circle.
Wait until they start to hover a few centimeters from the bottom.
Add three cups of golden beetle juice in one stroke,
Place the cauldron on short flames and then think about the uselessness of your life Stop thinking for Merlin's sake !
He cowered at a corner of his bed, exhausted.
Maybe he could just sleep now, it had been a long time since he had really slept. Four years ? Maybe this time he could just keep his mind of any thoughts, just for enough time to fall asleep. An bitter laugh invaded the room. Don't be ridiculous.
Ice-grey orbs kept staring at the ceiling.
Author note : Hello reader(s?) ! I hope you liked this first chapter ! Please correct me if I do grammar mistakes because this is not my original language, this is an exercise for me : as I read the Harry Potter books in english I will try to write this story in correct english as well. The second chapter is already half-written but I don't know when it will be finished. I hope you will like this story, because I think this character is very complex and interesting and as I wasn't fully satisfied with all the fanfics I read about him and I decided to write my own ! And remember that all the wizarding world comes from the imagination of J.K. Rowling and not mine !