A/N- this is my first attempt at a multi-chapter story. It won't be terribly long and I'll try to hurry with updates. This story has been rattling in my head for awhile. I apologize in advance and thanks for reading!
The morning after Jerry dies, Andy finds herself alone in her living room, curled up on her sofa in a ball. Insides feeling raw from everything that's happened in the past twenty-four hours.
She tucked Traci into her bed last night, sometime after three am. It physically hurts to think about the pain she saw in Traci's eyes.
It hurts so much that she stops thinking about Traci and starts thinking about Sam, which isn't much better.
He disappeared from the hospital at some point last night, looking shell shocked, and like...well like his best friend got stabbed and bled to death.
She tried calling him when she got home with Traci, but only got his voice mail.
She knows he's suffering right now, can't begin to imagine losing your best friend like that. It's bad enough just seeing Traci hurt from losing Jerry.
Andy feels guilty, like she needs to split her self in two; one to take care of her best friend and the other to take care of her boyfriend.
It doesn't feel right calling Sam a boyfriend when he's so much more than that.
She can't even put into words how much he means to her, how he's her whole world and if she lost him….she quickly shuts down that train of thought.
Her phone starts beeping letting her know it's going dead. Finds it on the kitchen counter where she tossed it last night after trying Sam for the third time.
Once it's plugged into the charger, she sees there are three new voice mails, listens hoping one is from Sam.
The first two are from Gail and Noelle, asking how Traci is and if she needs anything.
The third is from the hospital asking for a call back.
Andy calls the hospital assuming it has to do with Jerry and maybe they're looking for Traci or something, though she doesn't know why they would be.
She just can't imagine any other reason why they'd be calling. Has completely forgot about her visit there yesterday.
After several transfers and one long hold, a nurse comes on advising that they just wanted to let Andy know they ran the blood work on the drugs used to knock her out, and there's no long term damage.
"No long term damage" SERIOUSLY?
And yeah, Andy knows that's not what the nurse meant and she probably doesn't even know who Ross Perrick is, much less how much damage he's inflicted. How many lives ruined…
She realizes the nurse has continued talking during Andy's internal rant. She's not really paying attention until her brain latches onto one word….baby.
"I'm sorry?" Andy blurts out "what did you say?"
She wonders if she sounds like she's talking as fast outside her head as she does in it?
The nurse repeats (maybe in a little more annoyed tone this time) "I said there shouldn't be any effects on the baby either but you need to set up an appointment with your OBGYN just to make sure."
"I'm sorry?" Andy says again "baby?"
She's not even sure what the nurse is talking about anymore. Thinks maybe the woman switched conversations while Andy wasn't paying attention and she's talking about someone (anyone) else now.
She hasn't slept since waking up from the drug induced sleep, which quite frankly wasn't very restful.
"I think you have the wrong person" Andy tries, assuming (hoping) maybe they just mixed her up with another patient.
The nurse grows quite, too quite. She finally asks Andy to "just hold on one second honey." Sounding much more friendly than she was five seconds ago.
Andy's tired and frustrated and this close to hanging up on the woman.
She just doesn't have the time or energy to wait for them to get their shit together, she has enough going on today.
A minute later a different voice comes on the line. "Ms. McNally?"
"Yes" Andy answers, clearly frustrated.
"This is Dr. Patil, I did the blood work yesterday when you were brought in by the police."
Andy starts to tell her that she is in fact a police officer, but quickly decides one battle at a time.
"I'm sorry Ms. McNally, did you not know you were pregnant?" Dr. Patil asks in a low voice.
Realization is slowly creeping into Andy's consciousness, maybe they do have the right person, but, but…..but (literally all words have escaped her, probably for the first time in her life).
"Are you SURE you have the right patient?" "Maybe you mixed my test up with someone elses?!" Andy cries. (hopes, prays)
"No mam, I'm positive these are your test results" the doctor patiently replies, "But please feel free to set up an appointment with your own doctor, you'll need to anyway if you didn't know you were expecting."
OF COURSE SHE DIDN'T KNOW! DOES THIS SOUND LIKE THE VOICE OF SOMEONE WHO KNOWS?! She wants to yell, but bites her tongue instead. Enjoys feeling the pain between her teeth instead of….well, yeah.
Andy realizes she's just shaking her head back and forth and finally gets out a quick "thank you" before hanging up.
She's not sure if the doctor was going to say anything else but she knows she couldn't listen to anything else.
She stands at the kitchen counter, stiff as a rod. Stands there until her legs start to ache, until she hears movement and turns to find Traci fumbling from the bedroom.
Andy puts it out of her mind, she has to or she won't be able to function, and right now her best friend needs her.
Traci slowly makes her way to the kitchen looking every bit like one of the zombie things from that show Sam likes.
Andy puts her arms around her friend, squeezing out all other thoughts.
"What do you need, Traci?"
Traci smiles, though it never reaches her swollen red eyes.
"My mom's on her way back to town now, she called a few minutes ago." "I'm probably just gonna head home, there's a lot I need…." She suddenly stops and starts to crumble just a little, shaking her head.
Andy just keeps rubbing her back, her own tears mixing with Traci's.
Finally, after having all the comfort she can stand, Traci takes a deep breath and pulls herself together. Says she'll be ok. Dex has Leo for the rest of the week and she has her mom.
"Has her mom"…. phrases like that used to remind Andy of her own sad, pathetic childhood. Now hearing it conjures up a whole new set of worries.
She knows Traci is fiercely independent, so she just tells her to call if she needs anything. Says she'll bring dinner over later tonight for them.
Traci looks like she wants to argue but finally just looks grateful and gives Andy a tight hug.
After Traci leaves Andy's not quite sure what to do. She wanders aimlessly through her apartment like she's lost, or maybe looking for something…answers maybe.
She wants to talk to Sam, comfort him, just be there for him, but she doesn't trust herself around him yet.
She knows "guess what - I'm pregnant!" is the last thing he needs to hear right now. Plus she's not really even sure she is yet. I mean doctors make mistakes, right?
Nobody's perfect. Nobody...
She just needs to find out for certian. Why worry if she's not even pregnant.
Not that she thinks he'll be upset, just…she's not sure exactly what he'll be.
Her mind is rambling ten times faster than her mouth ever could. She finally lands on the sofa. She just needs to think this through.
Okay, say she is pregnant, that wouldn't be the end of the world would it? I mean she loves Sam, having a child with the person you love, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, is a good thing. Right?
Only she's not entirely sure Sam feels the same way. He's never told her he loves her, although he seemed pretty happy to hear it when she said it so, that's good right?
She knows he cares about her, the way he looks at her sometimes. It's written all over his face, almost like he adores her. She's actually blushed under those intense gazes before. Times like that she could swear he loves her. No man has ever looked at Andy like that.
Just the times he doesn't, the times when he flees from her bed in the mornings, or gets rattled at the thought of going away with her for a weekend. Times when he gets distant and quite, those times make her worry. Brings out all the insecurities that she isn't normally prone to.
She's giving her self a headache. Decides to just find out once and for all if there's anything to even worry about.
She makes an appointment for that afternoon. Feels kinda guilty using the drugs she was given as an excuse for an emergency appointment but she can't wait anymore. She needs to see Sam.
The exam room is cold and sterile, reminds her too much of last night and Jerry. Thinks of all the times when she was a kid taking her dad to get stitched up after a drunken fall. Nope, nothing good comes from hospitals.
She has a gynecologist but feels strangely embarrassed to go to her for this. Like she'll get a lecture on birth control or something. Feels kinda like a knocked up prom queen (not that she was ever a prom queen, or knocked up), just...anyway.
Eventually the doctor makes his way in. He's middle-aged with thinning hair and a kind smile.
For some reason Andy keeps focusing on his hair (or lack thereof), maybe to keep from having to make eye contact with him.
She doesn't know why the hell she's embarrassed. She's a grown ass woman, a woman who carries a gun for a living for goodness sake, she done nothing wrong! There's no doubt she's mature enough to have a baby. (Right?)
Finally she just gathers her courage and looks up at him.
He smiles that kind smile when he tells her "congratulations."
Maybe it's the kind, almost fatherly smile. Maybe it's the "congratulations" when she's not sure there's anything to celebrate. Whatever the reason, Andy burst into tears….