Hello, I'm J.K Rowling, and I do own Harry Potter. It's all MINE and no one can take it away from me! Seriously though, if I owned Harry Potter, Fred, Remus, Sirius, Tonks, Cedric, and Dumbledore would not be dead. Neither would Harry's parents. Hermione would be with anyone but Ron. As much as I love Ron, I just can't see him with Hermione. Voldemort would be good and he'd still be Tom Riddle, and everyone would live happily after after. Since none of that is happening, clearly I don't own them.
Anyway, the basic plot of this is that the Ministry decided that using phones would be more efficient than owls.
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Fred W
Wanna play Quidditch with us, little bro? Or are you afraid we'll embarass you?
Ron W
Kiss my ascot
Ron W
*ass
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Molly W
Ron, dear, your lung is in the fridge.
Ron W
Sorry, Mum, I don't think that's mine
Molly W
Oh dear, your lunch is in the fridge
Ron W
Haha, much better, Mum.
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Ginny W
So? Spill about your date! How was it?
Hermione G
It was ok, not great. He did bring me a bouquet of fingernails though.
Ginny W
Fingernails? He sounds like a real keeper, Hermione.
Hermione G
Ugh, flowers. Remind me why we needed to use these stupid phones again?
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Ginny W
When are you leaving?
Harry P
In 5 minutes.
Ginny W
Ok
Harry P
Do you need anything?
Ginny W
Justice
Harry P
What?
Ginny W
Oh this stupid phone! I meant just you.
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Charlie W
Mum asked me to give you some of the werewolf soup she made. Are you home?
Bill W
Only if that soup is made with Fenrir Greyback.
Charlie W
What?
Bill W
Read your last text.
Charlie W
Ugh, piece of shot phone. I'm gonna feed it to the dragons when I get back! I honestly meant wedding soup. Mum wanted to make it for your wedding, but didn't have enough time.
Bill W
Well, like the Muggles always say, better late than neutered.
Charlie W
Um, I don't think that's how it goes.
Bill W
Hmm, I wonder what Mum would say if I reheated the soup, only with an extra ingredient in it.
Charlie W
Mmm, iPhone soup, lol. You'll have to invite me over for that. I'll even contribute mine.
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Ron W
Fred, did you take my Chudley Cannons picture?
Fred W
Now why would I do something like that? :)
Ron W
Gee, let me count the ways. Did you or did you not take it?
Fred W
Honestly, I expected you to realize it a long time ago. You're getting slow, Ronniekins.
Ron W
I'm coming over to tickle your ass.
Fred W
You're going to do what now?
Ron W
DUCK! I'm gonna kick your ass!
Fred W
You're not getting anywhere near my ass.
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Hermione G
Hey, thanks for helping me out the other day.
Sirius B
You're welcome. Pleasure to be at your cervix. :)
Hermione G
Um... what?
Sirius B
Your cervix.
Hermione G
I'm still not following you, Sirius.
Sirius B
Why the hell did the Ministry think this was a good idea?
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Sirius B
So, you gonna marry her?
James P
Without a doubt. I love Lily so much. She makes me wanna be a better mannequin.
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Ginny W
Ugh, Michael keeps cracking his knuckles. It's driving me insane!
Hermione G
I'm glad Seamus doesn't do that. However, he's always eating off my platypus. Probably thinks it's cute.
Ginny W
Hmmm, I can see why that would be troubling.
Hermione G
Oh dear lord. I meant plate. I do not own a platypus, and if I did, I would not eat off of it.
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Harry P
Hey, Ron, do you want to play Quidditch?
Ron W
Do I want to play Quidditch? Think of who you're galloping to. Of course I want to play Quidditch.
Harry P
I gallop to no one. :)
Ron W
I have a suggestion. How about we use our phones as Bludgers?
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Draco M
Ugh, I'm sitting with Mother while she gets new robes. Cannot think of anything worse. Can you come rescue me?
Blaise Z
I'm on my warthog.
Draco M
When did you get a warthog? And why are you sitting on it?
Blaise Z
On my WAY. Bloody phone. These damn things are more trouble than they're worth.