I did a little Tetsu angst a while ago for a friend and wanted to make it longer. This is what happened.
They had lost.
It was a simple sentence, but one Tetsuya couldn't wrap his mind around.
They had lost.
After all the practice, all the sweat and tears (mostly from Sawamura) they had shed, and all the injuries kept hidden in hopes they would hold out until they'd won.
But they'd lost.
Tetsuya looked at his team. He watched as they cried, some louder than others, and hung their heads, feet dragging through the dirt as they trudged to the dorms in silence.
They had lost.
It finally hit him, that they weren't the ones going to Koshien. They hadn't pulled through and won. They hadn't been good enough. He hadn't been good enough.
He was the captain, the one who was supposed to lead the team to victory. Yet he had failed. He hadn't pushed hard enough. He hadn't practiced long enough. He hadn't motivated the others enough.
They had lost. Because he wasn't good enough.
The coach would drill them harder, tell them the other team was just a step above, but Tetsuya knew he was the reason they'd lost. He'd failed as the captain, unable to finally take them to Koshien. He'd failed as an upperclassman, unable to show his juniors that hard work and dedication would take you to your goal.
He had failed.
It was as though a crushing weight settled on his shoulders, refusing to leave. Shuffling slowly towards his room, Tetsuya wondered how he could make it up to them. How could he repay getting their hopes up only to crush them because of his own incompetence? How could he make up for not being good enough? What punishment was great enough to measure to his failure?
Staring at his bed, he remembered a story he'd overheard when he was younger. An older child – he couldn't remember any specific details – had wound up hanging themselves with their sheets. Running a hand over the blanket on top, he wondered if that would be the price he had to pay for his shortcomings.
Standing abruptly, he left his room and quickly sought out Jun. He didn't say anything as he entered the center fielder's room, simply sitting on the bed. Jun stared at him for a while, before huffing and scrubbing at his eyes.
"You're an idiot." Sitting next to the captain, he smacked him lightly on the head. "This isn't your fault. You're a damn good captain. We couldn't have made it this far without you."
Tetsuya felt a small part of the weight lift from his shoulders. He collapsed in on himself and finally let the tears flow. Jun turned his head the other way, one hand squeezing his friend's shoulder.
Tetsuya wouldn't tell Jun what had gone through his mind, and Jun wouldn't say anything about him crying. Tomorrow they'd get up again and use the loss to practice harder, but tonight, tonight they would stick together, wallowing in what could have been while comforting the other.
Not as bad as it could have ended. :)