Annnnnd another from me! Also from dA!
Inspired by "Crystal Ball" by P!nk

Enjoy!

Dean paced the floor from the window to the door and back. He picked up the bottle of Jack made to drink then set it down again. He glanced at the Impala wishing that the damn paint would dry faster. He kicked a piece of scrap metal and watched it bounce arcoss the dirt. He turned back and grabbed the bottle, drinking deeply before he turned and flung it out the open door. It smashed against one of Bobby's junk cars as Dean leaned on the wall, head in his hands.

How the hell did it come to this? Cas walking around with purgatory inside him. What happened to make him do such a foolish and damned thing like that? He looked out as thunder boomed over him. Bobby and Sam had been leaving him well enough alone lately and he wondered if maybe he'd said something he shouldn't in front of them.

Did they know how much Cas really meant to him? Did they know what Cas was to him?

All doubts my doubts have filled my head cascading up and down again. Up and down around again. Down and up around again.

"Oh, I've had my chances and I've taken them all," Dean muttered to himself sliding down the wall to sit as the rain began to fall, "just end up right back here on the floor."

I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes, Dean.

"I've felt that fire, and I've been burned, but I would trade the pain for what I've learned," Dean responded to the conversation playing through his head.

Irony, is hating love and what it does to me. What it's done to me.

Dean looked up, tears streaming down his face, "I'll walk under ladders on my way to hell just to meet you there, but I'm not scared at all of the cracks in the crystal ball. I love you, Cas."

In his minds eye, he watched himself grab Cas and pull him close before he took that stupid angels mouth with his, demanding a return of affection. He watched the both of them as they embraced, deepened the kiss, and deep in his heart, he cried out in joy. He found someone that when they touched, his soul screamed for more. The soul he didn't think he had anymore. That battered and pathetic excuse of a thing that told him right from wrong was healed during that first meeting of lips.

Now, as the memory faded, Dean's soul cried out in pain. In sorrow. It called for its mate, searching through the storm for the one that could calm it. Make it feel loved again. Wanted. Cherished. Only now, there was no answer as there had been before. No gentle caress before the beat of wings that signaled the arrival of Dean's lover.

As the rain fell, Dean cried.

And what was left of his soul died. Again.

-Leave love if you will!-