A Midwinter Night's
Dream
by Angela
12-28-05
Notes: This was started before book VI came out, so now it's set in Harry's imaginary seventh year, where the events of Half-blood Prince didn't occur. The POV shifts from poem to poem between Harry, Luna, Neville, and Ginny; I have their names on each one. Also, it's really long, but because of the format, couldn't really be broken into chapters. Bear with me, okay?
December 20th; Harry
A
Lull
Dumbledore says to take a break,
to try to forget
(as
though forgetting Voldemort
is ever really an option)
and enjoy
the lull
of Christmastime
(my last at Hogwarts)
when he
promises the world will be
Safe.
(I wonder why he's so
sure)
The calm before the storm
A stolen, last moment
to
express
repressed emotions
regurgitate
feelings
swallowed--
Saved for a better time:
today.
---
December
21st; Harry
Ron is Spending the Holiday at Hermione's
"Sorry,
mate,"
he apologizes.
No place for me
This time he has to
be
Ron Weasley, future such-and-such,
not
Part of a
hastily mumbled
Harry and Ron
I laugh
(but wonder
when
things got so
serious
that three became a
crowd)
Hermione trembles
when she hugs goodbye
Until she
is snuggled beneath
Ron's heavy arm
And it's snowing
white
and bleak
Not at all like
Christmas
But somehow
expected:
like when I open gifts from
home.
---
December
21st; Ginny
Hermione and Ron Escape
I watch from the
window
wondering at the fact
that I've never
taken
Neville
home to introduce as
The Boy
But everyone
knows
anyway
that I'm not the type to stray
once I've
made
my mind up
His fingers
wrapped around mine at King's
Cross
were enough to earn
a Christmas gift
and a summer
invite
and the take-care-of-my-little-girl-speech
--well, not
so far
thank god--
I lay back on my bed
imagining Neville
laughing
among my brothers
My overprotective bullying
vigilant
brothers
When would we ever be alone?
And suddenly it's no
wonder that
Hermione
insisted on going to her
place
instead
---
December 21st; Harry
Out in the
Cold
I'm still staring
after the carriage
And the
stupid thestrals that
they (still) can't see,
when
Luna
slips
her palm against mine,
Her gloved hands
(a
different color on every finger)
still warm with the inside.
She
stands on tiptoe
to whisper something
about snowflake
pixies
and statistics on influenza cases
(her way to coax me
inside)
"You're beautiful," I tell her,
maybe for the
first time ever
and she blinks
as though she barely realizes
what that means.
Then smiles
"So are you."
---
December 22nd; Neville
torn
when he slides onto the
bench
across from me
muttering a cranky good morning,
my
chest aches
as lungs lose
breath
his glasses are
crooked
and his hair
wild.
his smile is forced.
in
the same instant, ginny
puts her small hand on my thigh
her
fingers pressing
and curling
into the heavy corduroy
and
for a moment
i wonder which one causes
my rapid pulse.
i
wonder which one sees
my shaking hands.
ginny blinks
her
sleepy copper lashes
and i remember why
i fell in love
but
harry grins
as hedwig dips low,
heavy with parcels
and i forget everything.
---
December 22nd; Luna
Watching
Ginny Notice Neville Gaze at Harry
My stomach lurches,
My
eyes water,
Because of
The way her skin goes pale
Beneath
her freckles as she clutches
His knee and sees
His gaze
stray
His pale eyes,
Sightless to her pain,
Sense only
him.
And how does she stand
Such senseless stray
betrayals?
She deserves faithful devotion. . .
And I would be
devoted to deserving
Her faithful affection
If she would notice.
Then Harry wraps
His arms--protective or
possessive?--
Around my shoulders.
I study his fingers,
clasped
Beneath my breasts
And I wonder
How does he
stand
Such senseless stray betrayals?
---
December
22nd; Harry
That Afternoon
"Teach me to fly,"
he
asks once it stops snowing
"Of course, I can fly," he
amends,
"but not how you do."
He's potting plants on
the
windowsill, wiping his hands
(dirt in long streaks)
on
his smock
I suppose I can try
"It'll be cold"
I
warn, thinking of how ice
inches over the broomstick
and how
the wind
makes you feel like your ears bleed
But he layers
his jumpers
beneath his robe
and gathers up an assortment of
gloves,
hats, scarves
I toss him my goggles
and his eyes
light up.
He crams a hat over golden hair
and grins.
"At least I'll be padded when I fall."
---
December
22nd; Neville
flying lessons
he wasn't lying
it's
cold and miserable
and exhilarating
even with starts and
stops
and stupid mistakes
he's patient
and soon
---well,
not too soon---
i'm dipping low and twisting
between
ice-sheeted clouds
feeling like a quidditch pro
free
like
i've never been before
and harry's laughing
like he
hasn't
in years
---
December 22nd;
Ginny
Petulant
Neville isn't at tea
just like he
hadn't been in the library
or in the common room.
or at the
greenhouses
I ask Luna
and she says he's out
chasing
snitches with Harry
Her eyes flash
over her Quibbler
and she
asks if I want
to join them
I say no
and try not to
feel
petulant
just because Neville promised
to spend this
holiday
with me
Then let's have tea with
Professor
Trelawney
Luna suggests
grasping my hand
Over the
table
That way, Neville and Harry
won't be able to find
us
I think she's nutters
to willingly go to the Divinations
room
but of course
she's Luna
so I know she's usually
right
and always fun
---
December 23rd;
Harry
Gathering Holly
The four of us trudge
Through
knee-deep snow
At the edge of the forest
To find holly
To
decorate
Hagrid's hut
(This annual tradition
was
Hermione's idea,
so it doesn't seem
fair that she's
not here
up to her thighs
in cold, wet snow)
Two days
'til Christmas
and I'm still waiting
for last-minute
owl-order gifts:
Goggles for Neville (ordered yesterday)
A
broomstick-care kit for Ginny
And for Luna:
nothing
(I
can't think of anything
quite good enough)
she looks
distracted,
her forehead crinkled
in deep thought,
so I wrap
my arms around her
and nuzzle.
---
December 23rd;
Luna
Four Scattered Lovers
Each secretly aching
For the
devotion of someone
Not wholeheartedly
Dedicated
It seems to
me
We're like Shakespeare
In the snow:
A Midwinter
Night's Dream
As we wander through
This enchanted forest
I
wonder if it might not be
Easy to transfigure
Myself into
A
playful, powerful,
Faerie
Who can
Manipulate love.
---
December 24th; Neville
luna
she reads the
quibbler,
her wand idly stirring her soup
as harry and ginny
bicker
over the wrong and right way
to supervise a quidditch
practice
and i sort of long
for something to read
or
say, or do,
so i won't be such an
outsider
among my own
friends.
until i notice a bubbling
from luna's bowl
and
her alphabet soup
rearranges:
"hullo neville"
luna
doesn't look up
but she smiles.
"looking cute today" the
soup
spells out
"for ginny or,"
my heartbeat steps
up
"for harry?"
i look at her face, appalled
and
embarrassed, ashamed.
but her eyes are cool and smiling
"it's
okay," she mouths
but my hands won't stop
shaking.
---
December 25th; Harry
On Christmas Morning
I open
Ron's and Hermione's
fun and thoughtful (respectively)
gifts
and find myself
somehow sadder
than before--
though I
thought I'd cry
while trimming the Gryffindor tree
with
Neville and Ginny and
a few first-years I didn't know.
Hagrid
isn't home
so I sit
on the steps of his hut,
snow
covering me
until Luna finds me.
She slides close beside
me,
pushes a soft-wrapped present
into my gloved hand
"It's
a hat," she explains, not
meaning to spoil the surprise
"I
knitted it without magic."
And she kisses me
slow and
deliberate and sexy
and absolutely unlike the five or so
(as
though I don't remember
each and every one!)
we shared in the
past year.
"What do you want for Christmas?"
I ask her,
since I have nothing.
I wonder if she can tell how wound
up my
body is
after a kiss like that
She whispers her answer and
I realize
that girls know exactly what they're doing
when
they do that
to a guy.
---
December 25th; Luna
I
can't believe I said That
My crazed mind
Jumbled
with hormones and fantasies
Tumbled the snow, the quiet,
And
Harry's sad eyes
With an intense
Longing for
Someone to
touch
So I
Jumped
From fantasy to fact
In the space
of a whisper
And though I can't say I don't want
The gift I
suggested
I didn't mean
To complicate
A complex
situation
With my petty desires
Even though Harry
Is the
most beautiful boy I've
Ever seen, it's no reason
To
bungle the picture
With premature, premeditated,
Prepossessing
sex and yet
I'm not about
To take it back.
---
December 25th; Ginny
Asking Neville
I ask him at
his weak point
when his eyes are heavy-lidded
guileless
and
his heart brims
with love--
Love for me.
We snuggle beneath
the heavy
quilts protected by thick
draperies and his
constant
jungle of homegrown creepers
Are you in love with
Harry?
His gentle eyes go
wide with shock
and the flush
of exposure
creeps down his neck and over
his round
shoulders.
I've seen you
watching him I say
so he
won't have to ask how
He kisses my hair
My cheek
My
throat
I love you Ginny Weasley
he swears
His voice
shakes
But yeah--I love Harry too
In the quiet that
follows
we are both aware of skin
still pressing against
skin
warm
And his quaking honesty
almost makes me cry
---
December 25th; Neville
what ginny says
she is
vulnerable--naked
physically and emotionally
and i can't say
what must
be said; i can't
retract
the truth.
i
don't know how
to coax her
to understand that i can
love
both.
with love to spare
that i want to be with her,
and
touch her,
and hold her
every day and night for always
"you
have to tell him."
her voice is startlingly
strong.
and
i'm scared that she means
to end this,
but she kisses
and
her hands slide
down my bare skin
"eventually," she
amends
pulling me on top of her.
---
December 26th;
Luna
Neville pulls me into the library to talk about Harry
And
Ginny
And the complication of me.
I remind him that Harry
May
be even more
Complicated
He slumps into
A window seat,
the sunlight
Falling on his hair in shiny highlights
And I
can't resist
But to take his hands
And smile.
"Tell Harry the truth."
In spite of knowing what he and
Harry
Might do,
What he and Ginny
Have done,
And what I
dream of doing . . .
With whom?
A shivery little feeling,
Like
pixie steps on my spine
And I feel a tangible
Awareness of his
clumsy hands
And sweet mouth
Suddenly the solution is simple
I lean across Neville's
Terrified and eager
face
And move my lips near his ear
"I love you too, you
know,"
Though I'm sure he doesn't . . .
Yet.
---
December 26th; Harry
After Lunch
Luna spills
her
sordid little secret
And goes back to her book
(a romance
novel?!)
as though she had only mentioned
the likelihood of
frost
I pull the book away
"What am I supposed to do about
it?"
Her eyes are serene
and she smiles her dreamy
smile
"Answer him honestly."
Shaming me with her
faith
"Aren't you afraid for us?"
She
could've taken the time
to make it look like she
were
Considering:
"No."
(immediately)
I don't
know
whether or not that is
a good thing.
---
December 26th; Ginny
Knowing
I know how
Neville
feels
about Harry
But that never keeps
Us
from
kissing each other
And when Neville
kisses
I wonder
if
he doesn't forget
Harry
Just in the space
of two
mouths meeting
a fleeting moment of
Only me
---
December
26th; Harry
Awake
Instead of sleeping
I lay awake
listening
to Neville
His breathing soothes like
Hedwig's
quiet rumble
and I try to imagine how
it would feel if--
At
first it's hard to consider
(but only because I'm scared)
It's not like I don't care--his
slack face and
parted mouth stirs
a protective possessiveness
I've felt for
years, and
it's not like I've never noticed
the
narrow-minded trap
of heterosexuality and its release
It's not like Luna would mind.
But I'm afraid
Of the blurring
lines
around my relationship with Luna,
Of the emphatic
hardness in my pajamas,
Of what that could mean about me,
what
it must mean about Neville
But am I confusing
the situation
with sex
when Neville might just want
Love?
...assuming
there's even a difference
between the two.
---
December
28th; Luna
Harry promises
To meet Neville this afternoon
To
sort out the
Confusion
Between them
And I can't help
but notice
His sweating palms, his fingers
Combing through his
hair,
His eyes darting everywhere
But back at mine.
"No
matter what happens," I try to
Reassure, "I love you, Harry
Potter."
His eyes flick
Gratefully
Over my face, so I
smile
To feed him encouragement
"What if I'm--"
"I
mean, what if, because of Neville--"
"What if I don't
want--"
I stifle a giggle, remembering
His ardent mouth and
panting breath.
"Don't worry. You're not."
I'm
certain of his return to me
Because I feel
How his body
responds when
We kiss
And I know
How mine responds to
him
Despite everything I feel
For Ginny.
---
December 28th; Neville
last kiss
before we go
to
confess to harry, i want
to be with ginny,
to make her
understand
she is my everything
her tiny body
slides
easily into my arms and i
lean down and whisper
my
promise to love her
always
she trembles
but her mouth meets
mine
eagerly
and for a long, long, time
we kiss.
---
December 28th; Harry
In the Courtyard
It's
snowing
and the cold keeps me
from noticing that Ron
and
Hermione
aren't here
Almost.
But Luna takes my
hand and suddenly
it barely matters
until Neville and
Ginny
stand before us
The snow catches
on Neville's scarf
and across
Ginny's mittens
(both exactly matching the hat
Luna made me)
And my heart pounds
with this ridiculous
(but
somehow not at all ridiculous)
confrontation.
He has no
idea
I already know--
his hands are fidgety
even when
holding Ginny's
and I don't know how to tell him
that love
isn't the kind
of thing that can be coaxed.
Luna
squeezes my fingers,
tucking a lock of pale blond behind
one
adorable ear
and smiles.
"What does your heart say?"
she
whispers, brushing her lips
across my cold cheek.
I watch
her step away,
wondering if she knows how often
my heart
repeats her name
But when I look at Neville,
suddenly bereft of
Ginny's quiet support
it skips.
---
December
28th; Neville
asking
my chest hurts until even
ginny's
soft hand
doesn't dull the frantic thudding
then she is gone
and harry stands
here.
his eyes are curious,
but knowing.
---
December 28th; Neville
the
question
"i think it's obvious . . ."
"i mean, i
wanted to say---"
"that is, do you think . . . ?"
"er,
cold out today, isn't it?"
"well, ginny thought i should ask
you---"
"or maybe it's stupid . . ."
"it's not like
we haven't been through a lot."
"it's okay if you don't
. . ."
"I mean, it's kind of crazy if you think about it,
but . . ."
"god, this is rough."
"it's just that i've
never really felt this way before."
"and even though---"
"ah,
never mind!"
"are you and luna, um, are you . . .?"
"the
fact is, i care. a lot."
"not about luna---well, yes, about
her, but also--"
"ginny said it was okay, to go ahead and ask
you---"
"i think---"
"no, i know. i know that i
. . ."
"that i love. you."
"and so, how about you?"
---
December 28th; Harry
Answer
"And so, how about you?"
My answer
(a surprise even to me)
is
a press of
lips--warm against
trembling cold
Then
lips
(boys' lips!)
become mouths with tongues
And I
long
to press long and hot
Against Neville's skin--
becoming
him
like the slanting sunlight shining wet
in his eyes.
"I
see," Neville whispers
his breath mist
on my
face.
---
December 28th; Ginny
Sudden
Departure
After dinner we play cards
in the Gryffindor
common room until
quite late all of us
pretending that the
afternoon
Courtyard Scene
hadn't happened at all
Neville
keeps his knee
pressed hard against mine and his
hand keeps
reaching
to stroke my hair
But when Luna wins
the fourteenth
round of Exploding Snap
he suddenly yawns
kisses me
and
darts up the dark stairs
before anyone can protest
or cry
or
change her mind
And Harry offers an apologetic
traitorous
goodnight and
disappears on the heels of
my lover
Luna
looks at me
smiles
and suggests a game of
Crazy Eights
---
December 28th; Neville
because it's you
upstairs
in
the absence of dean and seamus
and particularly of ron
harry
and i are
alone.
curtained beds remind me
of secluded
little nests
of ginny--
her eyes and mouth and nimble
fingers
harry and i are alone
"was it because
they
asked you to?"
he looks at me
green-eyed gaze
narrow,
keeping secrets
making me uneasy
until he
almost--
almost smiles:
"no," he whispers
"because
it's you."
his fingers
touch my cheek,
my lips.
his
hand is in my hair
and his smile
becomes certain.
---
December 28th; Harry
The Truth
If he hadn't
asked
I couldn't answer, then
I wouldn't know
that
(finally)
I am telling
the truth.
---
December
28th; Luna
That night
After Harry slips away
After
Neville, Ginny reaches
Out to wrap her hand
Around my braided
hair
"Stay," she urges, having
No idea how urgently
I
want
To stay her lips with a kiss
And remind her that
her
Neville isn't the only one
Who kisses and stays
away
"Have we lost them?"
She asks me in a voice
So
lonely that it makes me almost
Sorry I'm alone with her
I
shake my head, putting my arms
Around her small shoulders
To
remind her that we are loved
By more than just two boys,
Now
busy with loving
Each other.
I close my eyes,
Close enough
to smell the sweet
Cinnamon on her breath as she bites
Down
hard on a crunchy bit of candy.
She leans on me
Her silky
hair draping
Over my shoulder as dainty fingers
Grasp
The
back of my jumper
"I love him," she whispers
And I tell
her
There is room in the heart
For more than
one
Lover.
---
December 28th; Harry
Touching
I
take his hand
lead him
to the shrouded sanctuary
of my
bed--where no one
(but me) has lain.
His heart is so loud I can
hear
its thumping in my ears--
Or is that mine?
I notice
that my lungs
have forgotten
the rhythms of breath
and my
hands don't
Remember
the simple unclasping of
a belt
buckle.
Still wondering why
(what the hell am I doing
here?)
(why isn't this Luna?)
I push him onto my bed,
his
legs falling against the
jumbled sheets and blankets.
Not
kissing--
Yet
my hand has found
its destination
and
Neville
jumps--almost pulls away.
I hold him
down.
Stroking.
And his eyelids tremble
as he mumbles
weak
protests.
(which I ignore)
My other hand
fumbles
beneath his Weasley jumper
(a gift to Ginny's
boyfriend, I assume)
and finds skin--
soft and smooth and
lightly muscled
"H-Harry," he whispers.
It almost
sounds like pain
and I wonder how
it feels
to have another
hand stroke
down there.
---
December 28th;
Neville
learning the difference
not knowing whether to be
shocked
or grateful,
a naïve part of me wonders
if this
is what
i wanted
when i fell in love with
harry.
but it
wasn't as though
i'd never done it
before--or
rather,
something like it--
so i reach
trying to stop my
hand from shaking
as it slips easily
down his too-loose
jeans
and when i encounter
flesh--so strange but
so very
familiar
harry gasps
and presses his mouth
hard over
mine.
and once he's kissing me
it feels again
like
love
like that tangle of my limbs
with ginny's
so
i finally stop whimpering
and give in
to the feeling.
---
December 28th; Luna
"Goodnight."
I can't
convince
Her to go up to bed
Before it gets too late for
Me
to stay
So I kiss her forehead
And promise
"Things
will look better
At breakfast"
That she better get some
sleep
So she can be just this beautiful
In the morning
---
December 29th; Harry
Experienced
Long after he
slides out
of my bed and stumbles
into his own,
long after
his breathing falls
into steady rhythms,
I lay
awake,
infatuated
(obsessed)
with what his hands
his
mouth, his skin
did to my body and how
he knew
to cover my
mouth with his damp palm
to stifle sound.
---
December
29th; Ginny
Affirmation
It's almost dawn when
Harry
creeps back
into the common room where
I am awake
Still
The
fire has burned down and the room
is dim
but he sees
me
curled alone on the sofa
He says my name and
his eyes go
soft
The tears I kept from Luna
revisit
I thought you
were
okay with this
I swallow the lump
in my throat and
look at
Tousled Hair
Unbuttoned Pajamas
Swollen Lips
Don't
you still love Luna?
my voice sounds desperate and I hate
it
and he closes his eyes--moved?
Of course
he
whispers Always
I don't understand how
it can be
both
But there's a place
for Neville just like
there's
always room for you
in him
He means it
Luna said the
same thing
but
I almost believe Harry
Almost
---
December 29th; Neville
unsure
waking up
shrouded
in harry's scent
makes me shiver
with new emotions
and old
exhilaration
and i see him
dressed
and damp from his
shower
already
washing away the evidence?
"harry,"
i whisper
suddenly terrified.
he crosses the room
without
smiling
but kisses me
"i'm not going to
stop
seeing luna,"
he warns, his forehead pressed
against
mine
i grin
"and i have every intention
of marrying
ginny one day."
as long as that's clear
we can
stay
like this.
---
December 29th;
Harry
Morning After
Luna is waiting on the
corridor
floor,
her knees pulled up beneath
her chin
"How was it?"
she asks,
springing to her feet as soon
as the Fat Lady lets me
pass.
One quick memory of
Neville's mouth
is enough to
make me try
to put her off with
a mumble about
her not
really wanting to know
She stops walking.
I look
back
She stands with her head cocked,
her wand tucked behind
one ear,
smiling faintly.
"I hope it was good."
(without
even blushing!)
I flush
and she laughs, a peal
that
resonates in the empty corridor
and in another moment
she's
flung her arms around
my neck, nuzzling.
"Oh, I knew it would
be,"
she sighs.
My heart leaps
when our lips meet.
As
I hold her hair,
I kiss her
wondering how this girl
can
exist
outside of dreams.
---
December 29th;
Ginny
Better
Luna promised
that things
would look
better
at breakfast
But from the doorway
I see Harry and
Luna
sitting close
laughing
while Harry's foot
reaches
out
to touch
Neville
And suddenly breakfast
looks a
bit
stupid.
---
December 29th; Neville
she
dodges
i find ginny
finally
in the owlery
leaning
near a wide
gaping window,
her hands yanked
far into the
sleeves
of her golden jumper
"why are you avoiding me?"
she smiles,
laughs almost,
but won't look me
in
the eyes.
"why would i do that?"
you tell me,
i
want to counter
but i already used this holiday's
allotted
nerve
so i smile, too.
"i guess you wouldn't."
but
i'm ashamed of my cowardice--
because
i can't ask her to
stop
when she runs away.
---
December 29th;
Ginny
Escape
Even as I'm running breathless
down the
spiral
of stone steps
I can't believe I'm running
Away
from Neville
my sweet unassuming
Neville
I promised my
support
even though
even though he spent the night
with
someone else--
with a boy--
with Harry
And I don't
stop until I reach
the gilt-framed mirror
that guards
the
Ravenclaw entrance
I touch the glass but realize
I don't
know
the magical words
so I slide to the floor and
curl up
to wait
Until Luna comes back from
wherever she is--
with
Harry.
---
December 29th; Luna
His shoulder bumps
Against mine as we
Scour
The library shelves
for
Crucial tomes
Exploring the link
Between King Arthur
and
The Loch Ness Monster
And though he rolls his eyes
I
know
He's happy to be here
Because
Every few moments.
. .
BUMP
His arm/hand/hip/shoulder
Slides against mine
And
he smiles
That shy,
little
Pretending-it's-an-accident
Smile.
Never
noticing
How we slowly inch
Back toward the dusty
No man's
land
Of the philosophy section
The farthest reaches
Of
the library
Where countless young wizards
Have carved rough
initials
To mark their
Conquests.
And when he bumps
Hip
to hip with that little
Smirk,
I press him
Against the
shelf
And kiss.
And his hands
And my hands
And both
our pelvises
Somehow become
Involved
Until we dislodge a
few
Aged books
And Plato's yellowed pages
Flutter
around
The non-platonic us
"Who is back there?"
Madame
Pince's voice
Is echoed by hurried footfalls
So we
Run.
---
December 29th; Harry
The Room of Requirement
"I
want . . .
I need to be alone with you."
My voice is
breathless
from running.
We round a corner,
discovering
The
door.
---
December 29th; Neville
hollow
even
the feeling
of earth around my fingers
the scent of
living
green things
doesn't
soothe
the ache of
watching
her disappear
after seeing the
panic
in her
eyes.
and i wonder
is this the fair
payment
for
feeling
such happiness
with harry?
or is it
simply
punishment?
---
December 29th;
Harry
Nargles Revisited
The first thing I notice is
the
Mistletoe
that hangs over our heads
Suspended
by a
gold cord
"Probably full of nargles,"
I remember
out
loud, realizing
that mistletoe has, for a
very long
time
reminded me of
Luna,
Not Cho Chang.
She steps
close, her cheeks
and nose pink
"I only said that because
you
obviously
didn't want to kiss me."
and suddenly I can't
remember a time
when I didn't want
at least that much
from
her
"And now?"
I want her to know how much
I want
her.
Her hands grasp
the back of my head, my hair
twists
in her fists as she
pulls
Our lips almost touch--
"Fuck
the nargles," she whispers
(but I hope not only the nargles)
---
December 29th; Luna
Beyond the
mistletoe
Lay a luxurious bedroom
With a canopy bed
Soft
music,
Even a snowy view of the grounds--
All of the props for
a
proper seduction.
We stumble to the bed
Our hands
already yanking away
Various bits of impertinent cloth--
Searching
for skin.
The air is cool
The satin coverlet is cold
Even
the cheery fire
Doesn't brighten this twilit room
But
Harry's breath is hot,
His green eyes light with
Fevered
radiance
As he braces his arms on
Either side of my head
And
I wonder out loud
If he's thinking of Neville.
"Now I
am."
He reddens--
A hot flush against my skin
As his
body stills
So I lean up to whisper,
My lips tingling with the
feel of his ear
"So am I."
Harry's eyes go
incredulous.
For an instant
I panic, but his smile
Stills my
heart
"So you like that?"
I nod.
His hair
falls over his eyes
And his body falls to press into mine
His
brows pulling together
In concentration and I
Fall in love
again
And again
Marveling
If it feels this
good,
How did he ever manage
To untangle himself from his
lover
To come to me?
---
December 29th;
Harry
Pillow Talk
Are there words
to explain this
feeling?
This rush of tender
astonishment
mingled with
sweet,
painful longing
For what? For what we just did?
For
some abstract future
with Luna?
"I'm in love with how
much you love me,
Harry James Potter,"
she breathes
(Giving
power to four little letters
stuck together as the whole
world)
And though I'd never said it,
barely thought
it,
(scarcely dared wish it)
her words are truth.
"Then
you'll be in love with me forever."
Because I have no
intention
of stopping.
---
December 29th;
Ginny
Afterglow
She holds his hand
as she walks down
the corridor
her shoulder
pressed against
his
arm--intimately
her hair no longer
braided
And her
cheeks
maybe pinker than usual
And Harry
shines
My
stomach turns
remembering the softness
of his face as he
kissed
Neville
wondering how
How?
How
he could
possibly make love
to Luna after
That.
Before they notice
me
I leave
---
December 29th; Luna
"I
wonder,"
Harry asks, not looking at me
"Why did you
encourage
Me to talk to Neville?"
And his eyes look
Really
confused
As though he doesn't
Understand how
Love
gives
Without asking for
More than to be loved
"I could tell."
His eyes are troubled,
Somehow darker
"You
could tell that I--
That I wanted him?"
Laughter bubbles
from me
Relief
His innocence is relieving
"Of course
not," I tell him.
"I could tell you loved me
And I knew
you'd be back."
His brow creases,
But how did I know
For certain?
And I suddenly get the feeling
That he's
worried--
"Because I'll come back to you.
Even though I
. . .
Love . . ."
His smile is soft,
His hands warm
against mine.
"Ginny?"
He says her name
And my
heart flutters
In a natural panic.
Harry leans close
With
the soft smugness
Of my secret
On his lips.
"How
long?"
I wonder, needing to know
If it's been obvious
from
The beginning
He leans me back
Against the
wall
"Only just now," he promises
"It's okay, you
know."
Of course it is--
Love is always
Good
But
does Harry think--
And he's still smiling
Like he's drunk
too much butterbeer
"Go for it," he whispers.
---
December 31st; Harry
Skipping Breakfast Again
This
time I see her
She pokes her head through the doorway
and (for
the third time) decides
not to come in and eat
breakfast with
us
I notice the sharp
pain in Neville's eyes,
blue
that never looked so
Blue
And it's been three days
since
any of us has seen her
(more than a flash of her hair
as she
runs off)
So I wonder if I
(or maybe just Luna)
should try
to talk to
Ginny.
---
December 31st;
Harry
Discussion in the Dormitory
"She hasn't said a
word to me,"
he says in a low voice
even though we're very
much
Alone.
In three short (dizzying) days
he's become
my
confidante and (sort of substitute)
best friend,
so we
sit
(with well kissed mouths
and unbuttoned jeans)
alone
and talk--
About girls.
"Luna's in love with her,"
I
blurt out,
Already aware that this
won't help.
Neville's
eyes go
Wide.
"I don't mind," I rush
to add.
"...if you don't."
And though he's clearly
shaken,
he
shakes his head.
"Ginny needs as much love
as she can
get."
But his eyes mist over
so I hold on.
---
December
31st; Luna
I find her
Finally,
Out in the icy air
And
swirling snowflakes
Near Hagrid's hut
And though I'm
barely dressed
For snow
I wrap my thick cardigan
Tight
Around
my middle and trudge
Through knee-deep snow,
Risking snow
pixie contamination,
To the brambles of a
Used-to-be pumpkin
patch
Where she shivers
Hatless
Gloveless
Neville-less.
"His
feelings for you haven't changed,"
I say before she
Looks
up.
Her eyes flash
But she can't hide the
Redness
"Maybe
mine have."
I consider
For a long time
What that might
mean
To me.
But the wind drives cruelly
So I push
"Talk
to him."
But she trembles and whispers
Something about
Harry
"He loves Harry," she repeats
And I wonder
If
I dare show her
How loved
She really is.
---
December
31st; Ginny
Caught
I never meant to run away
I
confess, still not knowing
just how to take back
three days of
frantic
hiding or even
Whether or not I
really want to
But
it hurt me so much
I never expected it to hurt
And Luna
reaches out to brush snow
from my hair
Because you love
him
she reminds me
And I don't want to be
apart from
him
but I can't seem to manage
being near
---
December 31st; Luna
I can't believe
That I can be
so awful
As to yearn for her
While I'm
Speaking for her
boyfriend,
And I wonder
Where my own priorities
Lie and
why
I've turned out to be such a
Terrible friend to
Both
of them.
---
December 31st; Ginny
Sweet
She's
standing here
shivering and
Her ears get red
so I wrap the
long
tails of my scarf
up and around until they block
the
snowy wind
And I mean
to step back but
she grasps my
wrist
Bare fingers cold through the sleeve of
my hand-me-down
coat
and holds
Her eyes are long-lashed
and far-away
but
she leans close
brushing the sad look from
my face with
her
frosty lips
I blink
forgetting to pull
away
preoccupied
with my sudden loss
of breath
Hmmm she murmurs
opening
my curled fingers
and plucking the red
candy cellophane from
my
mittened palm
As I expected
Her eyes flash with
false bravado
Sweet
---
December 31st;
Harry
Warming up After the Snow
Luna shivers, pulling
her
freezing-cold sweater
more tightly around her
shaking
shoulders
so I yank
my sweatshirt over my head
and slide it
over hers (hood up).
"Why didn't you wear a cloak?"
I
scold, even while I'd rather
Ask about Ginny.
Her teeth
chatter and I
don't expect
an answer.
"I kissed her,"
she
whispers, her eyes
on the floor
My heart drops out
of my chest
like a jealous creature
ate it
But the feeling
passes
(much sooner than I anticipated)
into wondering
curiosity
"And?"
She shrugs, stepping down
the
corridor toward
the Great Hall.
"And then," she
whispers,
her voice almost lost against
the high stone
walls
"and then we pretended
that nothing
happened."
---
January 1st; Ginny
Mulling
Thoughts
I don't know what time it is
but I can hear
them
celebrating in the common room
So it must be
after
midnight
New year
New start?
I think of the way he
always
made me smile
and how I never thought
there'd ever be
anyone
but Neville
But now I have
a kiss
light and tender
and unprotested,
even as we walked back
together
She's
sweet
brilliant, warm
wonderful
and the best friend I
expect
I'll ever have
and yet when I close
my eyes I
wonder
if maybe
Maybe I wanted
to kiss
back?
---
January 1st; Neville
happy new year
they ring in
another
mad new year,
with kisses and party hats
and long
drinks of
questionable concoctions
but i stare at the
staircase
wondering if she'll show herself
possibly coaxed
down
by the obnoxious festivities
wasn't i supposed to
kiss in the year
--this year and every one after--
with
her?
i want to die;
she's hiding
because of hurts i
inflicted
and days have passed
without so much as a glimpse
of
the girl i love
harry and luna,
just as sober
even as
they kiss
for an auspicious year,
come to me
and
harry's hand in my hair
makes me feel less alone
but even more reprehensible.
---
January 1st; Luna
An
impulse
A twitch
A stupid move
A stupid motive
Why do
I always complicate
What should be
Simple?
She needed to be
comforted,
Not accosted.
This wasn't supposed to be
About
me.
But I always seem
To turn things around and
Make
everyone
Stare.
This is no different.
That sugar-brushed
touch
Of two pairs of lips
Charged the moment,
Changed the
day,
Changed the world.
Giving her yet another
reason
To run away.
But will I have the courage
To chase her?
---
January 2nd; Harry
In the Infirmary
After
searching all morning
a tip from
Sir Nicholas sends me
to
the infirmary
where Ginny is
(supposedly)
helping Madame
Pomfrey mix
potions.
But when I arrive she is
alone
asleep
on one of the pristine beds.
I watch her
breathe,
startled by the intensity
of my affection
for
her,
Feeling awful for being
so much at fault in
her
misery.
"Ginny," I whisper,
trying not to wake her
even
as I touch a strand of her
shining hair
"Be easy on
Luna,"
I want to talk about Neville
And the complicated
way
we've entangled
Everyone
(but this is about
Luna)
"She loves you so much."
And I lean down to
brush
a kiss to
her forehead
(something I'd never
done)
and I'm shocked
by the
jolt of feeling.
---
January 2nd; Ginny
Jolted
I open my eyes to
watch
Harry walk away
amazed at the way
my
heart
pounds
Wondering how he can
encourage me to
Love
the girl he's so obviously
mad for
And then kiss
me
sweetly as though
he holds no
grudge
---
January
2nd; Ginny
Embracing Complication
Sometimes love is
almost
too complicated to make
me want to bother
Because
why care
at all when
your lover becomes
enamored with
another
leaving you
alone
and confused
and kissing
your
best friend
When all you ever
wanted
was him
But then
that kiss
that secret quick
almost clandestine touch
stirs
you into an emotional
Ecstasy
Until all you think about
is
her
Because it's easier to love
Luna than to
forgive
Neville
---
January 3rd; Luna
Ginny slides into the
seat
Directly across
From mine in the library
But
before I can get my
Hopes up
She opens a book
Like a barrier
dividing us
And then
She looks at me
Over the top of
her book and
With eyes bright with mischief
She beckons me
close,
To lean across the table
For a
conspiratorial
Whisper.
And I wonder how
Awkwardness can
just
Vanish
In a shared gaze and
A shy smile.
"I'm
so sorry," I exhale
In a hurry to fix
Everything
That's
been so wrong
"I don't know what I was thinking."
But
she reaches
Across my book and wraps
Warm fingers around my
hands
"Don't apologize,"
She whispers, her voice
thick
With some shaking
Emotion.
And my spirits
Rise.
"You
don't hate me?"
She smiles,
Slow, and silly, and a
touch
Self-conscious.
She shakes her head.
"You're my
best friend,"
Ginny reminds me,
Squeezing
"I forgot
how much
I need you."
Her words--barely spoken
But
mouthed
In the heavy stillness of the library
Make my
heart
Race
Surely she couldn't mean it
The way I
Would
mean it.
She must see in my eyes
The question
I'm too
afraid to voice
Because her gaze
Softens.
Her
voice
Quavers
"For real."
---
January
3rd; Ginny
Making the Jump
Let me sleep over
I
barely understand
my own feelings
Clustered together in a
tight
knot of torment
and joy
but I know that I want
to
explore this reckless
Feeling
to find out firsthand
the
limitless potential
of this emotion
So maybe I can
understand
Neville
and Harry
I want to be with you
She stares
like she doesn't
comprehend but
her lip trembles
and a
tumultuous smile
emerges
What about Neville?
she
asks
her expression wavering
And though I realize that
it's
an attempt at escape
I don't want
to think about
Him
This
is about you
---
January 3rd; Harry
The
Corridor
She slips her arm into
mine as I hurry
down a
corridor
(headed to the owlery
to send a note to Ron)
Her
hand is freezing through
my thick jumper
and her words
stop
me cold
I hardly know my own
feelings when I
think of
them,
both beautiful and
loved
Together
"Does it
bother you?"
she asks me
in a low voice
that's saturated
with
expression
And I can't say
anything
(because
I'm afraid of
assuaging my guilt
in this way)
But I shake
my head.
"Does Neville know?"
Luna bites her lip
"I
guess we can't
expect Ginny
to tell him," she murmurs.
I'm
about to offer to
break the news
but she takes a deep
breath,
"I'll tell him."
And I kiss her
just
because she's
wonderful.
---
January 4th;
Neville
luna and ginny are having a sleepover
"do you
mind?" luna asks
as though asking to borrow
a book or a
quill.
"i think it might pull her out of
this dark mood of
hers."
and even though she won't
say explicitly what
is
planned for the night,
i can't see it being
much
different
from what i already
imagine.
"you
don't need my permission,"
i remind her, since
apparently
ginny and i are no longer.
luna smiles
softly,
pressing a cool hand
to my cheek
"but we'd
like your blessing,"
she whispers,
and i wonder
how to
give a blessing,
a promise, a vow
that will not be revoked
as
soon as jealousy rears
its ugly head
and suddenly i realize
that luna's "we" might not stand
only for
herself,
that ginny might also
crave my permission.
so . .
.
"just see that she's happy."
---
January
4th; Luna
When Ginny sleeps over
She slides in beside
me
Her narrow body
Trembling
Beneath striped pajamas
Her
shy eyes stripped
Of guile and guilt
"Luna,"
She
whispers,
Her freckles
Blushing
I kiss her,
My own
body unsteady
My emotions spinning
"I love you,"
I
tell her.
For years but
"I thought you'd never
See
me."
And her eyes soften
Her fingers touch my face,
My
lips,
Then drop to the top
Button
Of my nightshirt
"I
see you now,"
She promises.
---
January 4th;
Harry
A Quarter Past Midnight
It's a strange feeling
to
be awake
in the middle of the night
because
my girlfriend is
sleeping
with her girlfriend,
even as I lay
within
touching distance
of Neville
(without even touching.)
"What
do you suppose they're . . . ?"
Neville begins, his voice
clear
and strong,
not doubting that I'm still
awake
(Soft skin
against smooth curves
long hair entwined, gold and copper
girls'
mouths open,
eyes shut,
tiny moans)
"I have no idea."
Quickly.
A silence stretches as we
both imagine
every
last detail
and every long moment
"Do you suppose we ought
to--?"
I've already thought of it:
Release.
I close
my eyes, tempted,
but see only Luna's pale skin.
"Nah."
Neville
sighs, his vines fluttering
"I suppose not.
Wouldn't do a bit
of good,
really."
I shift on my mattress,
my body tight
and awake
"Not a bit," I agree.
---
January
4th; Ginny
Namesake
My fingers
shake
as they run over
smooth
skin
Pale and soft
where light
rarely touches
And
I wonder if anyone
has ever taken the time
to notice
the
beauty in the curve
of Luna's breast
or the gentle flare
of
her hips
as they taper into a narrow waist
And I discover
the
faintest mark--
a tiny crescent of moon
on the inside
of one
smooth thigh
I kiss the birthmark
and she gasps
You just
Discovered my name
My tongue traces
the barely pink
curve
Now I've tasted your name
I answer.
Luna
shudders
making the candles
flicker
---
January
4th; Luna
As I kiss her
Her gasps accelerate
Into
whimpers,
Then into a moan
So I slide my
Wand into her
hand
"Bite down on this."
And she is
Quiet.
---
January 6th; Harry
After the Owls
I'm sorting
through
the various junk mail
correspondence (looking for
a
response from Ron)
When Neville jumps
from his seat,
rushing
from the
Great Hall without
a glance back
And a paper
flutters
onto the floor
A note.
It's from Ginny.
A
confession;
all the details we
already knew
About her
newfound
Regard
for Luna
I hope he finds her,
sorts
this out so
we can have some
sort of happiness
between the four of us.
---
January 6th; Neville
chasing
ginny
she sees me just after
i notice her
she runs.
i drop my bundle—
my books, my plants,
my
wand—
and give chase.
"ginny!"
yet she darts into
darker corridors
areas unfamiliar
even after seven years
and
would have vanished
down a forked passage
were it not for
her footsteps
scuffing against
old stone
a stitch forms
painful in my side, beneath
screaming lungs
but she's
within sound.
within sight.
within reach.
i grab her
arm
forcing the both of us
to a grinding halt
in the
shadow
of a gargoyled pillar.
"let me go."
she tries
to wrench away
but somehow i'm stronger
and I yank
her
against me, wrapping my arms
around her shaking shoulders.
"i'm
sorry. i'm sorry."
i could whisper the words forever
if it
would make her
understand.
she stills
and i let
go
trying to think of a way
to explain.
---
January
6th; Ginny
Shattering
If I had to choose
Neville
pants
Out of breath from the chase
I would choose you,
Ginny
Something cracks inside of me
In a
heartbeat
Breaks
And he doesn't say the rest
That he
doesn't want
to choose
That he loves him
And he'll
suffer
a long time
if forced to leave him
And shouldn't I
care
about that if I
love him at all?
Which I do
Oh god
I do.
But now I have
Luna
confusing everything
inside
because how could I touch her
and kiss her
and love
her
without turning away
from Neville?
---
January
6th; Neville
rejection
her eyes fill with tears,
and her
breath
explodes from her lips
in a ragged sigh
"i love
you," she mouths,
her voice lost
but--
i wait for
the rest:
the accusation,
the hurt,
the imminent
rejection.
but
she only turns
and runs away
again.
---
January 6th; Harry
At Dusk
At dusk she finds
me,
polishing my broom in McGonagall's
empty classroom
The
sun slants orange,
turning her hair to fire.
"Do you hate
me?" she asks
her voice shaking,
"Am I in your way?"
I'm
afraid to look up
So I focus on the smooth wood grain
(afraid
to see revulsion in her eyes)
I shake my head.
"I could
never hate you," I tell her
embarrassed by the catch
in my
voice.
"You won't look at me," unsteadily.
I'm
ashamed
(we're all ashamed)
of hurting her so deeply
I
want to tell her
how sorry I am
that any of our
happiness
caused her pain
But I can't find words
"Neville
loves you," I whisper
instead. "More than I can say."
Finally
I find the nerve
to look at her
Her cheeks are pale
and
her eyes are rimmed with red
I want to touch her,
to smooth
her windblown hair
and coax out a smile.
"We all do."
(barely
a whisper)
Her breath catches and
tears spill
over ashen
cheeks.
"Talk to him; please."
---
January
6th; Ginny
Making it Right
He's alone
staring into
faded
embers
long after the common room
is empty I creep
close draping
a woolen cover
around his shaking
shoulders
Ginny? he asks
incredulous
as I slide into
the chair
next to him
I understand now
My voice
doesn't
waver and I look him
straight in the eyes
I
can't do any of this
motioning blindly at the room
the
school
my whole life
without you
And it all spills
out
about Luna and love
and my confusion over his
feelings
for Harry
and how I finally see
that love can't be
quelled
by
the weakness of one's
will
---
January 7th;
Neville
confessions
into the wee hours
of morning
we
explain everything,
sharing
the depths of feeling
never
trusted with anyone
before.
and we learn to understand
how
to trust
each other with more
than what we think we
ought
to feel
i wonder if harry notices
that i'm not in my
bed
and if he wonders
or if he knows
--seems like he always
knows—
exactly what's happening here
unable to pull
ourselves away,
we fall asleep,
ginny's head tucked
tenderly
upon my shoulder
my arms around
her narrow body
and
her soft brassy hair
wafting sweet fruity scents
into
the air around us
i dream
for the first time
in
weeks.
---
January 7th; Harry
Breakfast Together
I
can almost
feel Luna's sigh
of relief
When they walk
in
together (hand-in-hand).
Neville smiles
his
shyest,
Brushing my shoulder
with the back
of
his fingers as he
sits down.
I realize that his
new start
isn't
our end.
And the pink tinge
on Ginny's
cheeks
when she meets Luna's
eager gaze
Shows that
there will be
no quarrels over
who does what
With whom.
---
January 7th; Neville
cornered
"when
we met, i thought you were cute,"
she says
smiling across a
row of
potted mandrakes.
her hair is twisted
into two
braided knots
and her garden gloves
are embroidered with
unicorns
i watch her and try
to remember what i
thought
when I first met
luna lovegood.
"i think i was
afraid of you,"
i finally say
and she has that way of
looking
right through you
as though you were
inconsequential,
but
then she smiles,
and chews her lip
"but i still
think you're cute,"
she says
"and now you're
sleeping
with harry."
i don't know whether to
apologize or
feel indignant,
since she is, after all,
on
kissing terms with my
girlfriend
but her gaze is direct
so
I stumble
and stutter
until she pulls out her wand
and
gnaws the tip.
grins,
"maybe i want to sleep with you,
too."
and yes, I'm still
afraid.
---
January
7th; Harry
Near Hagrid's Hut
I meet Ginny on the slope
of
the hill
as I come back from visiting
Buckbeak and Hagrid
And
I'm glad to see
she's smiling.
Even the sunlight
reflected
off the snow can't match
her radiance.
I tell
her I'm happy
(thrilled, ecstatic, overjoyed)
that she and
Neville
were able to finally talk.
"I hope you still want
to
be friends with me," I joke
(but somehow half-serious)
She
touches my jaw
and her smile
dims
into something more
serious,
Less gleeful
"Even when I hated everything,"
she
murmurs,
her voice thick
"I never hated you."
And
without knowing quite how
We're kissing.
And I don't
even think
of Luna or Neville.
---
January 7th;
Luna
The strange sensation
Of witnessing
A moment so
unrehearsed,
So private
Between two so dear.
I suffer the
wavering conflict
Of one
both shocked and
Relieved.
This
strange turn,
This surprising display
Of startling
affection
Might make short work
Of the plan
I've barely
allowed myself
To plan.
But because I'm just
A human
girl, I wonder
If he finds her lips more
Delicious.
Or if
she prefers the strong
Hold of his arms
Over mine.
And
the snow starts to fall
Faster
As Harry tangles
His hands in
her hair.
I marvel at the
Spontaneity of their tandem
Move
toward
Each other and wonder
If anything I've ever done
Was
quite
So very mutual.
Or natural.
---
January
7th; Ginny
Reflecting On a Kiss
Wasn't it just this
morning
that I woke in Neville's arms
and wasn't it just
three
days ago
I did the same with Luna?
And still
I'm
soothing snow-chapped lips
with the press of
a new
kiss
Harry's lips
so perfect
and somehow I
thought I
knew
Everything
about love
---
January 8th;
Luna
Tally:
Ginny and Neville--of course
Neville and
Harry--yes
Harry and me--indeed
Then me and Ginny--at last
And now that Harry
Kissed her . . .
I glance
at Neville
Remembering the delicious shiver of
Hunger
His
fingers coaxed
From my belly.
I need to
Hook up Harry and
Ginny. . .
And Neville and me.
---
January
8th; Neville
a lesson in mathmatics
lately luna has
been
hovering
in the corner of my vision
like some
pale-haired
phantom
planning something devious,
or at
least outrageous
keeping tabs on
my movements and
occupations
"neville,"
her voice is
beseeching,
sweet.
i pause, just inside the greenhouse
doors
"have you thought at all
about what i asked for?"
at
first i'm
confused
but, remembering yesterday's teasing
i
blush.
i stammer.
i shake my head.
"but why . . . ?"
even
my question fades
beneath hearty
embarrassment.
she
touches my face with
warm fingers and
steps close--
i can
almost taste the mint
of her breath
"simple geometry,"
she whispers.
"let's turn triangles
into a square."
only
loony lovegood
could make maths sound
so very sexy.
i
try to look her in the eyes
but she's looking at
my
mouth
and i can't believe i'm
this close to pushing her
onto
the nearest table like
some kind of wild beast.
"it's
too complicated," i protest
weakly.
luna shakes her
head
"it's all about finding
the proper formula," she
says
with a low laugh.
her lips
touch my ear:
"i'll
draw you a diagram."
and she vanishes
into the frosty
afternoon, leaving
my head spinning.
---
January
8th; Harry
Alone in Bed
Alone in bed
(with Neville)
I
can barely concentrate
(especially while he does
that thing he
does
. . . with his mouth)
Barely concentrate
on working
up
the nerve to explain
how a strange mingling
of snow
and
some crazy kind of
half-platonic love
can
create
Kisses.
and I'm about to blurt
out the
guilty confession
but he pulls away,
his face
looking a
touch queasy.
"I'm sorry, Harry,"
he says and repeats
"I
didn't really even
touch her, but--"
And it all
tumbles out:
About Luna seducing him,
(murmurings on maths and
mingling)
And about the unrestrained madness
passing between
me
and Ginny.
Then for an instant
I'm nervous
But
he laughs and I laugh
and we tumble back
into the warm
bedclothes,
wondering at the strange
scheming minds of
girls.
---
January 9th; Ginny
Girl talk
When
Luna tells me
her idea
how to seal the cracks
and the
crevices
that might settle
in the distances between the
players
of our half-crazed love exhibition
I'm intrigued
and
I think on how
Beautiful
the world seems when I'm kissing
Neville
and how
Passionate
kissing Luna makes me feel
and
finally how very
Logical
it was to finally kiss Harry
It all
makes me imagine
how very sparkly
love could be
between my
lovely Luna
and Neville
---
January 9th;
Ginny
Changing Things
We all need to talk
Luna
and I find the boys
looking mischievous and well-kissed
in the
deepest shadows
of the planetarium
I think
and Luna
thinks
that we should
expand
this relationship
Neville
looks wary and Harry
looks at me like an owl
studying a
browsing shrew
Squares are stronger than triangles
Luna
chimes in
raising her eyebrows at
an even more alarmed
Neville
---
January 9th; Neville
protests
it's
bad enough
to be discovered like this,
disheveled and horny
and
only half into everything
and then harry
starts staring at
Ginny like
he wants to devour her,
but what they're
suggesting
is bound to fail
at the expense
of everyone.
and my
heart
won't survive such a fall,
especially if i let luna
lovegood
lure me into
whatever it is she's luring me into
on
top of
everything else
"this is insane," i sputter
and
every last objection
tumbles out of me,
until i'm almost
yelling,
frightened because i know
i'm the only
opposition
ginny's eyes flash and
i flinch
she's
about to explode
but luna steps close,
grabs my
shoulders,
and kisses me into submissive silence.
---
January 9th; Harry
The Decision
After Luna so
eloquently
convinces Neville
that geometry is a good thing,
We
decide
to try it all out
Together.
---
January
10th; Ginny
Awkwardness
We agreed
to meet early
in
the boys' dormitory
an hour after sunrise
So we don't have
all day
to think and obsess
and talk ourselves out of
something wonderful
And it's astounding
how strange the
familiar room
seems
when I know I'll be
in the bed across
the room
With Harry
Luna grasps my hand
pulling me close
for
a quick kiss
and Neville looks
longingly even as he
reaches
for her hand
Hi Harry I whisper
Suddenly shy
as he
leans close
to nuzzle me
hello
---
January
10th; Luna
When I'm with Neville
His lips taste a
brilliant red,
And his voice is warm sunlight.
He brushes his
fingertips
Over my skin like lemon-zest and vanilla
And I'm
dying to
Attack him with soft,
Scarring whispers.
"Breathe,
Luna," he whispers
The sound loud as snow
I do.
And
the spinning world
Stills.
---
January 10th;
Harry
Cinnamon
I never expected
to twine my fingers
through
red hair.
I find it
Delicious.
And when she leans
up
kissing me
I find that
Cinnamon
is my favorite
flavor
Through lowered lashes
I see Luna
twisted into
Neville
her breath coming hard
Ecstatic.
Ginny's hands
paw
against flesh
and I curl,
dizzy,
around her
Closing
my eyes
and falling into the sweetness
of her
Cinnamon.
---
January 10th; Luna
When it Happens
He bites his lip
and
Closes his eyes,
His breath stopping
Violently,
then
Shuddergaspsigh
Collapse
And I feel him
Everywhere
At
once.
---
January 10th; Neville
glee
"are
you still afraid of me?"
she's still beside me
naked,
her
long hair tangled
around the wand still
tucked behind her
ear
before I answer, i take the wand
"teeth marks?"
luna
rolls her eyes.
"you know how loud ginny
can be."
and
we both laugh
then i realize that
i haven't stopped
smiling
since yesterday
when she shut me up
with her
kiss,
that ginny is my heart
and harry my soul
but luna . .
.
luna is my
glee.
"i was never afraid of you,"
i
lie.
and she laughs harder.
---
January 10th;
Ginny
New Crush
He looks at me
wonderingly and
I
remember my childhood
crush on him
how his very
presence
was enough to
Still my heart
I was too young to
imagine
that one day it would be
Like this
dazzling and
moving
and achingly sweet
Made sweeter by the magic
of
Neville and Luna
both so loved and so close
wrapped up so
thoroughly in each other
I think you're fantastic
Harry
murmurs smoothing
tangles from my
bed-tousled hair
And I
think I have
a bit of a crush on you
---
January
10th; Harry
In the Dormitory
Wrapped in blankets
(but
naked underneath)
we're as comfortable as ever,
Finally free
of the muddling
complications of repressed,
unexpressed,
restrained emotions
It's amazing to see
three beautiful
faces
of three incredible friends
All of us belonging
somehow
to each other
And I finally realize that
intimacy isn't
the skin
(or the sex or the secret looks)
It's the way we
are,
(the way we've always been)
and the miracle
of being
able to express
such perfect love.
---
January
12th; Harry
And Life Goes On?
Ron flings his bags
onto
his bed,
stretching and fussing over
how good it is
to be
home and
how much he missed his best mate
(never mind that he
didn't send
even a single letter)
And I realize just
how
much has changed,
trying not to blush as I
catch
Neville's eye.
"Harry," Ron says, his voice
troubled
as he
pulls me aside.
"Heard a weird rumour
as soon as I
got back."
Then he promptly tells a story
of a first year
who
Solemnly swears
he saw me kissing
Ginny.
I swallow
hard and look
at Neville
who chokes, coughs,
and looks
generally guilty.
But I manage
to shake my head
"Obviously
the kid is nutters."
Ron smiles
"Obviously," he
agrees.
"Same kid says
he saw you kissing Neville,
too."
What a long year
this is going to be.
end.