Disclaimer - I own nothing except the idea for the story, the characters of Armistead, Lady, Coco, & Cap'n Jack.
Car Wash: A Time Of Your Life Interlude
Chapter One: Meet Coco
She was driving him crazy. It boggled Luke Armistead's mind how everyday actions done by a certain young woman could bring surges of desire so powerful they threatened to overwhelm him. And the hottest thing about it all was that she had no idea what she was doing to him.
They explained arriving in one car at the charity car wash easily enough; as it was being held in Richmond at a large abandoned gas station, Armistead had simply driven over and picked Mickie up from her place. Lady - as usual - was fawned over by most of the Divas, and she ate up the attention before Armistead sent her to lie down by Stephanie and J.R., who were handling the money. The Sheltie joined several other dogs that had accompanied various superstars, such as Torrie's beloved Chloe, Maria's Bichon Frise, Ashley's shepherd mix, Jeff's yellow Lab, and Dave's two Yorkies.
Predictably, the car wash was a huge success; the chance to meet the superstars was a major draw, true, but seeing nearly every Diva in the company in bikinis or something similar seemed to bring what looked like every man - regardless of age - in Richmond or the surrounding area.
There was a slight disagreement when Cryme Tyme and Jimmy Wang Yang started to argue over who should provide music. Naturally, Cryme Tyme's choice was rap, while Jimmy's choice was country. Eventually, Vince settled the debate by turning a nearby radio to a mix station, and told everybody to be content with that.
But the first sign of mischief was probably when DX - who else? - announced they had the perfect idea of what would go great with a car wash, got into Shawn's rental car, and drove off with gleams in their eyes. Upon their return forty-five minutes later, said gleams had evolved into wide grins.
"Uh-oh," Armistead nudged Jeff's arm as they finished drying off a Chevy Cobalt crowded with college girls who were gazing flirtatiously at them. "Look who's back."
Jeff glanced over and an uncertain expression came over his face.
"I don't like the look they have. It usually means trouble."
"Well, in our way of thinking it means trouble," Armistead replied. "For them it usually means something they think will be gut-bustingly funny."
The Big Show walked over and started to help them, and a couple of the car's occupants squealed when he appeared, causing him to roll his eyes.
"I'm sticking with you guys for awhile," he stated. "If I hear Edge complain one more time, I think I'm gonna chokeslam him."
Off in the distance they saw the World Heavyweight Champ - who hadn't wanted to be there in the first place; the only reason he showed up was because Vince had told him all title holders had to be there - shaking his head at the driver of an SUV.
"For the last time, lady," Edge said loudly, "the car Ford makes has nothing to do with me!"
Jeff and Armistead burst out laughing as they heard the Rated R Superstar talking about the Ford Edge. Now finished with the car, Edge stalked toward the cash table.
"Still selling cars, Adam?" Armistead joked, and Edge glowered in their direction.
"Bite me, Johnny Reb."
Armistead smirked. "So does this mean I won't get a discount at the local dealership when I mention your name?"
Edge stopped and clenched his fists. It looked as though he was about to walk over and smack Armistead, but Triple H's cheerful voice solved that problem.
"Go on, Coco...go say 'hi' to your Uncle Adam!"
Before anyone could say anything, Edge gave a shout of surprise as a chimpanzee latched onto his left leg and started chattering.
"What the...get it off me!" Edge squawked.
Armistead, Jeff, and Show all three burst out laughing. Triple H and Shawn beamed like proud parents at the interaction.
"Coco likes you, Adam," Triple H said.
"Yeah," Shawn agreed, "she's very affectionate."
Coco was now humping her Uncle Adam's leg. Uncle Adam looked like he wanted to either vanish into thin air or kill someone. Armistead bent double in laughter, The Big Show leaned against the car and shook his head, grinning, and Jeff was bent over the trunk, laughing so hard he was crying.
The minor commotion drew the attention of Vince's Executive Assistant.
"What's going on here?" Jonathan Coachman demanded as he walked up to DX. He was glowering at Shawn - who instantly became the poster child for innocence - and as such didn't see Coco release Edge - who ran away like he was being shot at - and Triple H beckon her over to them.
Coach never knew what hit him. Coco ran up and gave him a low blow. The WWE Chairman's Executive Assistant collapsed on the ground, Armistead and Jeff lost it again - this time Big Show joined them - and Triple H simply picked up Coco and him and Shawn wandered over to the three superstars that were supposed to be working, causing the car's occupants to begin a fresh batch of excited squeals upon seeing DX.
Armistead leaned down and told the girls the car was finished, and they drove off with flirtatious waves. He turned back to DX and laughed.
"I'm almost afraid to ask this...where did you get that chimp?"
"From a local place that rents animals out to events like birthday parties and stuff," Hunter replied. "We saw Coco and just had to take her, especially after the manager of the place says she goes crazy when she sees WWE on TV."
"Crazy as in 'berserk'?" Big Show asked uncertainly. Hunter shook his head.
"No, she just loves the shows."
"Whatever possessed you to rent her for a car wash?" Armistead wanted to know.
"Why not?" Shawn asked cheerfully. "We figured it'd be an added bonus to the event. You know, 'help a good cause, get your car washed, meet the superstars and Divas, and see a monkey'."
"Yeah, 'cause that last one really goes with the others," Armistead joked.
"She is cute, though," Jeff admitted. He held out his hand to Coco, who puckered her lips at him and made a kissing noise, causing Jeff to laugh.
"She really likes Shawn," Triple H replied. "I think he's one of her favorites."
Coco looked at Shawn and smacked him in the face before shrieking and bouncing up and down in Hunter's arms.
"Oww..." Shawn muttered, rubbing his left cheek.
"She's an affectionate little thing, all right," Armistead stated as John and Dave walked over to them.
"'Sup, guys?" John asked. Dave glanced at Triple H, then did a double take before shaking his head.
"I'm not even gonna ask," he said. John turned to him as if to question his statement, and Dave motioned to Triple H. John turned and saw Coco.
"Man, what're you doing with Umaga's baby cousin?"
The group laughed as Coco turned and saw John. She gave a monkey-like grin and waved her hand up and down in front of her face three times in an imitation of the Champ's famous 'you-can't-see-me' trademark, causing John to grin, impressed, Triple H and Shawn to beam proudly, and the rest of the group to laugh.
Matt Hardy wandered over with a troubled look on his face.
"I got bad news...the girls are mad at us."
Shouts of "What?", "Why?", "What'd we do?", and "Wasn't me!" could be heard from several guys and Big Show and DX grinned.
"Well..." Matt hedged, "it was kinda my fault. I was washing a car and the girls inside wouldn't stop flirting with me. Anyway, Ashley sees them flirting with me, and me not doing anything to stop them - I was ignoring them, to be honest - and so she thinks I liked them doing it. She got mad and she's probably gonna get all the Divas to give us the cold shoulder the rest of the day."
Armistead, Jeff, Dave, and John all stared at the United States Champion. John was the first to speak.
"Aw, man...this sucks. We're all gonna get punished for something we didn't even do!"
"What Matt said is exactly what's gonna happen, too," Jeff muttered. "Candie's gonna go right along with them."
"Man," John continued, "if 'Ria's mad at me for this, I'm gonna make a visit to Smackdown!, and the STFU's gonna be the least of your worries!"
He said this while trying to hide a grin, for he knew it wasn't Matt's fault for what had happened. Triple H laughed.
"I'm so glad I'm married; I don't have to deal with the drama of dating anymore."
Matt gave him a sarcastic grin.
"Maybe not, but Stephanie was the first person Ashley headed for after she left me." A fake thoughtful look came over his face. "Hmm...gee, I wonder what they talked about..."
Hunter's smug grin vanished in the blink of an eye. "Aw, crap..." he muttered, causing everyone else to laugh at him being in the same boat as Matt, Jeff, John, Dave, and - unbeknownst to everyone else - Luke.
Suddenly, Coco started struggling in Hunter's arms as though she wanted to be put down. Hunter was jarred from his depressive thoughts by this, and put her on the ground. Before he could grab her hand, however, she ran away from him and over to a car that was being washed by Kane and C. M. Punk. She came up behind Kane, and without so much as a by-your-leave, raised her arm and gave a hard smack to the ECW Champion's rear end.
There was dead silence among Armistead's group before Hunter muttered, "Ohh, shit..."
Kane stiffened and turned around. Upon seeing Coco, he blinked several times, not having expected a primate. After a few seconds, he glanced up and his eyes fixed on the group of male superstars watching him. Instinctively, everyone - Big Show included - pointed to DX.
Kane glanced down at Coco before - to everyone's surprise - he extended his hand to her. She placed her hand in his and he led her over to Hunter and Shawn, who were staring at him with nervous, guilty grins on their faces.
"Lose something?" Kane asked in a soft voice.
Shawn nodded vehemently, and Kane gave Coco's hand to Triple H before speaking.
"If you want to let her loose..." he paused, then to everyone's surprise, he grinned. "Turn her in Vince's direction. Then you'll see some action." Having said that, he walked back over to the car he'd been washing.
After a laugh over what had just happened, Armistead spoke up.
"Listen guys, let's just go back to work. Maybe by the time lunch rolls around the girls will have forgotten what happened."
At the looks from the other guys, Armistead shrugged.
"Hey, I know it's wishful thinking, but we're in America, so let's dream big."
With a laugh, the group split up and went back to work.