Another one-shot!

I tossed and turned all night.

My tears were silent, my sobs had stopped, but it felt like I would cry forever.

Grant and Bex were sound asleep in the other bed, curled up closely to each other.

Bex's head was tucked gently under his chin and Grant's arms were wrapped tightly around her.

I would have done anything to be cared about the way they cared about each other.

You are cared about like that, I thought bitterly.

I pushed the thought away as the night's events replayed in my mind.

"I can't be with you," I said between sobs.

I couldn't bear to look at him, but I didn't have any choice.

Our eyes were like magnets locked together. I couldn't tear my eyes away.

Zach was silent for quite sometime.

I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I could tell by the hurt in his eyes that he was unbelievably confused.

It made me cry harder.

"What are you talking about?" was the first thing he said. I went to touch his cheek, but he pushed me away. "Answer me."

I finally broke our eye contact by lying back down on my bed. "You love me, right?"

He sighed, but nodded.

"Can you wait for me?"

He turned away from me and didn't respond.

I didn't ask him again.

I knew hearing that question once was most definitely enough.

"I know it's unfair of me, Zach," I whispered, "All of this is unfair of me. I've been a selfish bitch, just like you called me the first time we kissed."

He cringed as if it hurt him to remember that moment.

It certainly wasn't the most romantic kiss in the world, especially being that he found out about Josh and I moments after.

I sat up. "I want to be with you more than I've ever wanted anything," I continued, "But I can't take advantage of you anymore. I am not over what happened between Josh and I. I'm not sure that I'd even let you touch me. I'm more emotionally damaged from this than I appear to be and I can't do this to you anymore."

Still no response.

"I know it was shitty of me to wait until after you ended it with Tina, but I didn't think about it until you left," I sighed,

"I want to be able to lie around with you alone in my house and not think about what happened with Josh and me the last time I was alone with a guy in my bedroom. I'm not saying you'd do anything like that. I know you wouldn't…but it doesn't change the fact that it happened to me by a guy that I trusted and cared deeply for."

"Maybe we're just better off as friends," he said quietly. "Fate sure as hell doesn't want us to be together."

This time I was the silent one.

"I'm not saying that I don't want to be with you because I do love you," he sighed deeply, "but there is always something in the way with us…and it always seems to be Josh, whether directly or indirectly."

"He was my dream boy," I admitted softly, "I saw my chance and I took it without realizing that while he and I would make a perfect couple on the outside, there is a hell of a lot more to a relationship than that.

"When I told you that it mattered to me if you liked me or not, I meant it," I told him, "I know that I'm popular and almost everyone likes me, but I am not a good person. I use people. I hurt people intentionally. I would do anything to get what I want, no matter what happens because of it. I think you've gotten to know all of that by now."

He shook his head, finally turning back to me, "You are a good person, Cam. We all do stupid things every once in a while."

I scoffed, "Well, I certainly do it a lot more than every once in a while. I would totally understand if you didn't want anything to do with me. I don't deserve you."

He smiled slightly, "As much as I've wanted to walk away from you…as many times as I've tried, I always come back. I guess it's a downfall of being in love with a girl that doesn't know what the hell she wants."

"I know what I want," I said, staring straight into his eyes, "but I'm not sure I can handle it just yet."

He nodded and was quiet for a while. "These past few months have been nothing but a mess…for both of us. It seems like friendship is our only option."

I was stunned into silence.

I ruined it again because I was being selfish and stupid.

The last thing I wanted was friendship from him.

I wished I could turn back time so I would have made the right decision and chose him over Josh.

He was right though. Fate was working against us.

"Is that what you really want?" I asked him.

He shook his head, "No…but I think it's for the best."

I didn't respond, but I felt myself nodding.

I knew that he could tell that I wasn't happy about the decision, but maybe it was for the best.

"I'm leaving tonight," he told me. "I'm gonna bring Tina home and spend some quality time with my guitar."

I nodded again and he seemed to be waiting for something.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about what happened between you and Josh. If I had, things could be totally different."

He hugged me tightly and I fought back tears as he let me go. "It's funny, isn't it? We're finally both unattached and know what we want, but we can't have it anymore."

I couldn't hold the tears in any longer.

He brushed them away as they slid down my cheeks. "I love you," he said simply, "and I hope you understand why I'm doing this."

He kissed my forehead softly and left the room.

I stared at the door for a while after, crying harder and harder.

I realized then that I loved him too.

I finally had the feeling I had been waiting forever to feel for someone and it was useless.

We weren't together. We weren't going to be together.

I lied down on my bed and closed my eyes.

I didn't want to talk to Bex and Grant when they came back.

There was no point in holding my tears in anymore.

I let them fall and lied in bed for an extremely long time, not knowing what to do about anything.

"Guess what, guess what, guess what?" Bex practically screamed at me over the phone on Christmas Eve.

"What?" I rubbed my ear, "And do you think you could tell me a little quieter?"

She giggled, "Sorry. But this news is great. Great, I tell you. I mean, it's so great that I could scream and scream and scream."

"Just tell me," I told her.

"We got a gig!"

I almost dropped the phone, "What? Where? When?" I paused, "How?"

She laughed, "What is this, twenty questions? Come over. Grant and Zach are here…so we can work out a set and everything."

I sighed, "I don't know, Bex…"

I hadn't seen Zach since he left the resort a few days before.

I was still pretty tender about him. I cried a lot. The only upside was that I didn't think about Josh at all. Zach was the only thing on my mind.

"Please, Cam. We finally got somewhere with this band thing. You two need to be around each other again…there isn't anything you can do to avoid it."

I complied after a few minutes of arguing and took the longest route to her house as I possibly could.

I was scared to see Zach.

If he was happy, I think I would die.

I loved him and I wanted him to be happy, but I wanted him to be happy with me.

Screw Tina if you see her with him, my evil, bitter thoughts reminded me.

Hearing music coming the garage, I headed in that direction and willed myself not to spaz out when I saw him.

I didn't realize that I was holding my breath until I entered and saw him.

"Hey, Cam…" Grant smiled at me.

Bex turned to look at me, "You look horrible."

I laughed despite myself, "Thanks. Really," I rolled my eyes, "I hadn't noticed that."

I sighed inwardly as I took in Zach's appearance.

I was mad at myself for being relieved that he seemed just as miserable as I was, but I wasn't too mad.

It made things a little more real to be around him again.

He wouldn't meet my eyes.

"So what's the deal?" I asked Bex as I sat down on an old couch.

"Well," she began, "Grant and I have been checking out places we could possibly play. Ya know…just for fun more than anything else. But we went to this internet coffee house—Netopia—about twenty minutes from here and they want us to play!"

"When?" I inquired.

"New Year's Eve for about forty-five minutes," Bex responded.

"But he said if we get a good response, we could go on longer," Grant interjected.

"That's awesome," I smiled.

"So you're in?" Bex asked.

"Of course I'm in…why wouldn't I be?"

She glanced towards Zach, "I dunno. He's not."

I could feel my eyes widened to twice their size, "What the hell do you mean? The Zach I know would most certainly want to do this."

He sighed, "The Zach you know got lost."

I turned to Grant and Bex, "We'll be right back," I told them.

Zach followed me slowly outside.

We sat on the hood of my car in silence. The snow fell lightly around us. "What's up?" I inquired.

He laughed bitterly, "What isn't, Cam? I thought this would be easier than it is. It was a mistake on my part."

"What was a mistake?" I asked him.

"It was a mistake to ever fall for you," he snapped at me.

"Okay…" was all I could think of to say.

Maybe it would have been better if he was happy about this all.

He was definitely consistent in making sure everyone else felt just as miserable as he did.

He groaned, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. This is all too much though, ya know?"

I smiled faintly and wrapped my arms around myself, "Yeah…I know."

"I don't know what I want anymore," he told me.

I sighed, "I do."

He slipped an arm around me and I let his warmth radiate through me. "I wish I was as sure as you are."

I shrugged and rested my head against his shoulder, "I can wait. I have to wait."

"Why's that?" He questioned.

I took a deep breath. It's now or never…or later…maybe?

Thoughts swarmed through my head and my heart. I felt scared to tell him how I felt, but maybe…just maybe…it would make everything okay.

"Because I love you, too," I admitted softly.

He jerked and practically scampered away from me, but not before he told me what he thought.

"I am so tired of your bullshit," he hissed at me, "How can you take advantage my feelings again? I know exactly what I want. I want to be as far away from you as I possibly can be."

But as Zach retreated to the safety of his room, he thought

That was the worst lie I've ever said in my life.

Yes, I'm evil. Yes, this is a one-shot. No, I don't think I'll be continuing.

Or do you want to make this a two-shot?

R&R!