Tenchi and Fans
"So you see, technically, Jurain ships do not really travel at the speed of light, for in all honesty, to physically travel that quickly is not possible; rather, they…"
"NOOOOOO! I ALMOST HAD HIM!"
Ayeka cringed at the interruption of Ryoko's primal scream; the ex/half/semi/retired or just too lazy pirate was sitting on the edge of the couch in the living room and staring slack-jawed at the TV screen, where the words "GAME OVER" mocked her mercilessly. Somewhere beneath that, Mario lay on his side with Bowser looming over him, laughing.
"I was so close!" She went on. "Two more seconds and I would've had him! If it wasn't for that stupid spike trap, I would've won!"
Tenchi glared at Ryoko. "Keep it down a bit, would you?" he said. He turned back to Ayeka. "Sorry about that. So, you were saying?"
Ayeka nodded. "Yes…anyway, rather than actually travelling at the speed of light, we instead…"
"MAIL CALL!"
Ayeka cringed again; this time it was Mihoshi, bounding into the room in high spirits with massive bags hanging over one shoulder.
"Oh, to the purgatory with it," Ayeka sighed.
"Look at this, Mihoshi!" Ryoko whined, still gaping at the GAME OVER screen. "Look how close I was to winning!"
"Your still on level one?"
"...shut up Mihoshi"
"Do you think you two could maybe be a little louder?" Tenchi growled. "I think there are a few people across town that didn't quite hear you."
Mihoshi was too focused on the bags. "see everyone…FAN MAIL!"
She dropped the sacks to the floor; each one was marked with the names of one of the Tenchi household. "Ryoko, Tenchi, Ayeka, Yosho, Washu, ME!" She squealed before staring oddly at one "And Seriyou as well?"
"Anyone else?" Noike made her sudden appearance, Mihoshi, shook her head.
"f'raid not"
"Then what is that?"
"Oh!" she picked up a small brown package that was yet to be named, it felt heavy and could feel the sheer number of letters all compressed into one package. "That?"
"Yes!" Noike snatched the package and fumbled around the outings looking at the name of its receiver and each side named its address to Seriyou. She looked around and there was nothing, nothing for her at all. "WHAT?!" For obvious reasons, the package was unmoved by her intimidation skills but everyone else was and remained quiet not wanting to have their throats strangled as she was crushing the package with her hands before throwing aside and leaving with a scornful departure. "KIYONE?! MAIL FOR KIYONE? JUST WHO THE HELL IS SHE?"
"What I want to know" Said ryoko "is why does Seriyou have fan mail?"
Washu popped her head from the corridor, doing her best not to laugh, even if her long grin was a sign that her lips were very loosely hinged together "To be fair he has appeared in more episodes then Noike has, well that's according to my 4th wall universal communicator invention...in less jargon terms" Readjusting her speech to the clueless bunch "I retuned my cameras where they record us from every third person perspective, combine all the most convient moments, put them together and send them to a alternative universe where its picked up as entertainment. Got a few deals in and you guys were a hit!"
"Yeah but who's Kiyone?"
"Yeah, well, her personality dullified the collection, so I spied on another universe with a another us and spied on some other girl that turned out to be more interesting and used her to edit any bits with Noike. Am I not a genius?" puppets, two of them, sprang from washu's shoulders.
"Your the greatest washu"
"Hooray to you!"
The 'A' and 'B' Washu lookalike puppets waved, waving fans and shouting out chants that made Mihoshi and Ryoko's earlier conversation quite timid. Washu finally let out that long held back laugh.
"Yup! Kiyone wasn't the only thing I borrowed from that universe HAHAHAHA!!" Walking away with her new fanbase by her shoulders cheering her on, the group had seen and dealt with many things but in Tenchi's case especially that was pretty disturbing for Washu and decided to double check his bedroom tonight to find any cameras spying just in case. Ryoko decided that they should at least enjoy the popularity and attend to the packages within the bags.
Predictably enough, Ryoko and Ayeka's bags were somewhat bigger than Tenchi's.
"hehe..Bet you mine is more princess"
"Don't start Ryoko" Warned Tenchi.
"Fine then" Ryoko said, stars in her eyes. Forgetting about his game entirely, she pounced upon her bag, opened the first letter she saw, and promptly began reading.
"Tenchi? What is this 'fan mail?'" Ayeka asked.
"It's letters from admirers of the show – well, us basically" Tenchi explained. "People like to write letters to their heroes, telling them how much they appreciate everything those heroes do for them, kind of as a way to thank them."
Ayeka brightened. "How wonderful! Would you like to read this with me, Tenchi?"
"Sure, Ayeka," Tenchi said.
Ryoko glared at Ayeka, her eyes saying she was going to deal with her. Later. For now she read the first letter and already she was grinning.
"Listen to this Tenchi!" Ryoko said, brandishing a letter. " 'Dear Ryoko: I never actually watch the show much but when I do its because of you, your my favourite character because your tough and not cry and wail about like Ayeka. How can Tenchi stand someone who tries to romantize him every day? Its good to know..." Ryoko re-read the last part very slowly "that you get Tenchi in the Tenchi forever movie"
"THAT IS A LIE!" Screamed Ayeka.
"No its not" teased Ryoko "I get Tenchi I get Tenchi!"
"I'll get you-you"
"Tenchi stood in-between the two, pushing them back with each hand "That's enough! And Ryoko don't get your hopes up, with Washu mixing documentaries of us and other variations of us in different universes, who knows what she's conjured up."
"I'll say" Smirked Washu, making a timely appearance, perhaps because unknown to them she didn't mention they were still being recorded and wanted the drama to be ever present "In one part he says he doesn't like either of you two and kisses Sakuya"
Tenchi flipped "Washu I demand" Washu had gone and rather then enquire with her, both Ayeka and Ryoko had their hands firmly gripped round his throat.
"Your saying you don't like us?" snarled Ayeka.
"And who the hell is Sakuya?"
Mihoshi nervously and foolishly cued in a joke in hopes to defuse the situation.
"Maybe she's me?"
Two pairs of eyes from two of the most feared women in the universe gave their undivided attention to the blonde beauty and for all her training she wilted under the hostile reception over the possible notion that she would be Tenchi's girl. Tenchi however finally broke their combined grip, a tan of blue was how his air dried skin looked and was gasping for breath and for a voice to summon that was loud enough to get some order.
"Please for my sake"
"Already drank it"
"Not that sake Ryoko, look, for my sake and sanity, stop overreacting!" He added "I do not hate either of you, I have not made a 'choice' if at all" All three groaned, Ayeka being the more restrained emotions, and wanted to brush aside the recent horrifying revelations in the last two and half minutes, sat down looking nice and proper.
"Should we answer them all back?" Ayeka said.
"Uh, Ayeka, you don't have to answer them," Tenchi said. "People don't really expect their favourites or heroes to answer back. Besides, it'd take a long time to write back to all of them."
"But I would like to!" she insisted. "These people were kind enough to take the time to write these things to me, and it is the least I can do to return the favour. What about you Ryoko?"
Ryoko's bag was suddenly encased in black energy and lifted off the ground. A second later the window sprung open under the same blackness, and the bag catapulted itself through the opening, Ryoko took aim and fired a reddish black beam and outside the sky was turned white with a bang that followed and then a strong yellow with a red flare radiating from the top and the girls watched as the flames died away along with the mail.
"All done," Ryoko muttered. Mihoshi looked 'different' at Ryoko."The appreciation is all I need. I'm sure I can be asked out to do better things"
"Yes you can!" Snapped Mihoshi "How about I ask you out to clean up!" Mihoshi yanked out Ryoko's arm and twisted round her back, forcing her out, Ryoko's shocked pained looks show she wasn't mimicking it.
"Hey! Ow! What's the deal? I only thought princesses do submissions!" Ayeka restrained the urge to respond to that cloaked snipe at her heritage as Mihoshi ushered Ryoko out. "I spent two weeks getting that field properly trimmed for farming and what do you do? You barbecue my potatoes"
"I believe the term is roasted my potatoes, ack!"
Tenchi and Ayeka kept the absent conversation till Mihoshi and Ryoko were far out of sight and hearing when it was safe to open their 'fan mail' at last. It was slow work but for the majority of the time, the letters were good, there was the odd exception though.
"This is…interesting," Tenchi said with a raised eyebrow as he scanned one of his letters.
"What is it?" Ayeka asked. Tenchi reluctantly handed the letter to the alien girl, who took it and read:
Tenchi,
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Kiomie
Ayeka frowned. "Why does this 'Kiomie' claim she loves you so vehemently? She does not know you at all. And what is the meaning of all these O's and X's?"
"Well, she doesn't love me, so to speak," Tenchi tried to explain and not wanting himself being strangled once more. "She just…has a really big crush on me, I guess. And the O's and X's means 'hugs and kisses.' It's supposed to mean that the person is giving them to you through the letters."
"I see," Ayeka said, though she clearly did not, still deeply suspicious.
Tenchi chuckled. "Don't worry about it, Ayeka…some people get a little weird about writing to their heroes anyway."
Ayeka shrugged, and dug into her own bag, pulling one out at random. Tenchi returned to his own stack of letters and scanned through them quickly, a couple of which were quite similar to Kiomie's.
About half an hour later, Tenchi was almost done with his own bag, but Ayeka was barely halfway through hers. He glanced over at her, and saw that she was blushing.
"What is it, Ayeka?"
"Oh, well…this letter…it's erm"
Tenchi caught the photo that was included with the post photo, and Tenchi had about half a second to register the image of a muscular dark-haired man in a Speedo before he covered his eyes in horror.
"Oh maybe its Manuyka"
Ayeka's caught the sarcasm and the obvious jealousy in Tenchi's eyes. "What's the problem? Do you find him unattractive?"
"Well, no…I MEAN, YES…I mean…er…um…just…never mind, Ayeka."
"I thought he was rather handsome," Whistled Ayeka.
"H-handsome?" Tenchi stuttered.
"Well, not as handsome as y…!" She clapped a hand over her mouth, blushing again.
"Not as handsome as what?"
"Nothing!" ayeka said quickly. "Erm…let us continue with this!"
Both nodded, glad to be away from the subject. Tenchi dug into the last letter in his bag, flipped it open, and read:
To Tenchi,
You rule, dude! When I first heard about Tenchi Muyo, I thought, 'man, that Tenchi guy doesn't have any powers, that's so lame!' But then I saw you in action, and dude, you kicked some serious ass! Those are some awesome moves you got! I guess I should've known, since you're Yosho's student and grandson, your tougher then you look.
Peace out,
konoji
Tenchi chuckled again. It wasn't the first time someone had commended him for his martial arts, and he was sure it wouldn't be the last. He flipped over to the back and saw a postscript:
PS: That Ayeka chick is a real cutie! Are you two going out? Big score for you if you are, man!
Tenchi's face turned pink, a much preferred change in its own way the oxygen starved blue skin of before and he couldn't help smiling. He glanced over to Ayeka again, and saw that she looked thoroughly puzzled by something in her current letter.
"Tenchi, I have never heard this word before. What is its meaning?" she asked, showing him the letter in her hand and pointing at the word in question. Tenchi leaned forward and squinted his eyes so he could read it.
It was a four letter word that began with an 'F.'
Tenchi's eyes bulged. "Let me see that," he said, snatching the letter and glaring at it. It was signed by apparently a name of TridentSpear.
Ooh, baby, you get me so HOT! You gotta come over to my place sometime, milk jugs, I'll show you a good time, I promise…oh yeah, first I'm gonna-
Tenchi stopped reading at that point, shredded the foul letter into pieces, and more pieces, and more pieces, until it resembled confetti.
"Tenchi, what on Earth and the Jurain Empire is the matter?" Ayeka asked.
"It…just…gross…idiot…totally uncalled for…" he muttered incoherently as he shredded.
"I was concerned," Tenchi said, "when he said that word and 'others' I wasn't aware of its meaning but they sound and read, unpleasent…"
"That's an Earth curse. A bad one. Probably one of the worst there is."
"What does it mean?"
Crap, Tenchi thought, redness quickly creeping onto his face. "Umm…you see…it's a really…really derogatory term for…um…y'know…ahem…well, uh…having…y'know…sex."
Ayeka's own face flared red. "Oh!" she said. A look of shock and indignation crossed her face. "How rude! Why would someone write such foul language in this?"
"Well…some people are just…creeps like that. Bad people. That stuff isn't really a note to take note of, it's just…well, garbage. You shouldn't waste your time on that sort of thing. Real messages are that with meaning, as long as people in the masses write something worthwhile to us or about us in this case then its always good."
"You mean like this?"
Tenchi stared at the sudden letter that ayeka showed, it didn't come from the bag but from her sleeve. "Read it"
Tenchi took hold and read it.
Dearest Tenchi,
I cannot even begin to describe how thankful I am to have known you. My time here would have been dull, quiet, and worst of all, lonely, had it not been for you. You did not have to take the strange girl from another planet into your home and teach her everything she knows about Earth, but you did anyway, and rest assured I am thankful for it. Though you may not realize it, you have changed my life for the better in every way I can
think of. You have been the best of friends to me, the most trusted of allies…and even though some might think you weak if you were without superpowers, I would still have felt just as safe in my life than those. Know, Tenchi, that I am grateful beyond words for everything that you have done for me. Always and forever.
"...That's beautiful, Ayeka"
"I forgot the X though"
"The X?"
Ayeka was quick with this, she had Tenchi close enough to her at last, close enough to suddenly lean forward and kiss him on the cheek, her affection, her X. "I'll see you later" She gave a smile and got up to go out, mainly to see how Ryoko was under her new tyrant, Mihoshi.
Tenchi smiled and rubbed the cheek "Perhaps I should have told her that she forgot the other two X's. Heh. To know though people elsewhere still write about us and to us, it makes it feel all so special."
"You sure Tenchi?" Tenchi's heart skipped several beats by washu's voice that suddenly broke into the privacy of his moment.
"I'm quite sure, why?"
"Well, not everything written is good"
"Like what?"
Washu could only smile and it was a callous one for that.
"Ever heard of fanfiction?"
THE END?
All work is based on the Tenchi Muyo/Universe and Tokyo, refrences included except for a certain abusive author that is or calls himself trident spear. Everythng else was my own work and for once is not a M rated fic. For everything else there is a review.