This is what happens when you and your friends decide to pretend that you are various characters from fma. Yes, this was pretty much a real rant given by me, Envy, in defense of my beautiful hair. I would start ranting now, but then the whole fic would be an A/N. Once you understand the fact that we really do stuff like that, more things said by me, NinjaSquirls, Happy-Moogle-Mustang, and Jane Austen Girl will suddenly become explainable. Not understandable, mind you, but explainable. Now on to this crack-induced fic of doom.
Disclaimer: Friends will agree that I don't own It. Nor do I own any of the other characters from Addams Family, but this really doesn't have anything to do with that other than the fact that I also don't own FMA. That said, onto the random drabble-ish fic.
Envy's Hair:
People just don't appreciate a good sense of fashion. I believe I am a good example of this. If it isn't my wonderful choice in clothes, it's my hair. It does not look like a palm-tree! Has anyone ever actually seen a palm tree? Clearly not if they think my fabulous hair resembles it. Yes, my hair is green, as are the fronds of the tree. Note, however, I mention fronds. Otherwise meaning several spikes sticking off each "leaf." My hair is solid spikes that do not resemble fronds in any way. And it takes a great deal of work to keep it like this!
I wake up in the morning, and if I'm lucky my room will still be intact and not eaten by Gluttony. Next, I go to the bathroom and take a shower using special shaping shampoo and conditioners. After this, I take my own specially made hair gel. Yes, I have to make my own. Only one hundred years ago they had the perfect gel, but about thirty years ago they took it off all the shelves! They said it "wasn't in enough demand." After killing them, I went out and got my own ingredients and made it myself, and no, you can't have the recipe. I reapply this gel to my hair three times, making sure to blow-dry it on the first and third times. This helps it keep its shape.
I will usually have to repeat the entire process about two or three times a day, depending on how often I am required to, or feel obligated to, change forms. That is horrible on my hair! Either the electricity produced from the transformation will make it staticy or my hair will go limp. I almost don't know which is worse! It's simply awful! It's even worse when Dante has me go off on another of those bloody assignation missions. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get blood-stains out of your hair! Once it soaks into the follicles the smell is almost impossible to get rid of, not to mention it being highly uncomfortable and that it has the tendency to stain my clothes. Who ever invented black is a genius! It doesn't show the bloodstains nearly as much as the other colors do, plus, it's so sliming! –sigh- sometimes I wish I had more manageable hair, but nomater what else I try, I just can't find a form that's better-looking than this one! But I suppose this is the price of staying so beautiful. Well, Dante's having another cow. Something about another mission. I hope it doesn't ruin my hair; I just finished primping again!
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Well, there you have it. Another short little drabble-ish fic about Envy. This one actually did turn out how I expected it to! Go me! Please leave a little review for me to let me know how you think it turned out.