Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fan fiction. I am merely a fan who was inspired to write this story. I do not own the music or lyrics either. They are © and simply used for entertainment.
Sexy, Volume II
Kurt strolled down a nearly empty hallway of McKinley High towards a familiar figure. The school day was over, and Blaine was putting some of his things into his locker, as he would not need them during their Glee Club meeting that afternoon. Blaine was preoccupied enough that he had not noticed Kurt's approach, so Kurt decided to take advantage of the situation. He stood behind his boyfriend, placed both of his hands over Blaine's eyes, and leaned in close enough to whisper in his ear.
"Guess who?" said Kurt, in the closest thing he had to a husky voice.
"Alejandro, I told you we must stop meeting like this. My boyfriend will be here at any moment," Blaine said with mock concern. Kurt immediately dropped his hands, and Blaine whirled on the spot to face him, his expression mimicking that of a man caught. "Kurt," he said. "I didn't realize it was you."
"Clearly," said Kurt. He was not quite able to look as irritated as he'd like, because Blaine had just dropped the act and broken into a breathtaking smile. "Why do you do these things to me?" Kurt asked.
"Because you're adorable when you're irritated," Blaine replied. "Are you ready?" he asked, taking Kurt's hand in his own. Kurt felt a twinge of genuine irritation as they made their way to the choir room. He knew Blaine had meant it to be a compliment of sorts, but Kurt had become resentful toward the word "adorable," as of late, along with other like terms such as "sweet," and of course "cute." Kurt wanted a different kind of reaction out of Blaine, but it appeared that he was still woefully inept when it came to being sexy. He didn't know what to do about it, and he wasn't confident enough to attempt anything bold.
Kurt and Blaine were the last to arrive, and hurried to take their usual seats. "Okay, guys," Mr. Schuster called out, interrupting the countless whispered conversations, "what gives an iconic artist the push they need to stay relevant?"
"A sex scandal," Brittany said with confidence.
"Confidence," he said with gusto, ignoring Brittany's guess. Kurt squirmed internally as Mr. Shuster wrote the word he'd just announced aloud onto the white board. It was as though Mr. Schu had been reading his mind. "I know our loss at nationals last year came as a bit of a blow," he said gently, "but when an artist or group is confident in themselves and their ability to create good music, they can ride out the difficult spells, the outside criticisms, and the moments of self doubt, because they know they are capable of greatness. I've seen this group reach greatness before, and we need to do that again if we are going to make it back to nationals this year, and win this thing!"
"Confidence doesn't mean everything," said Santana. "The mayor of munchkin town over here was fairly confident she didn't look like simultaneously like a preschooler and an ancient librarian when she dressed herself this morning, but we all see how that turned out." She still hadn't completely forgiven Rachel for her assumed roll in their loss at nationals last spring.
"Alright, enough," said Mr. Schu, with a clearly impatient tone. He waited until the room was silent. "Last year, we nearly lost sections because we were fighting amongst ourselves, especially the two of you," he said pointing at Santana and Rachel.
"Yeah, but we had also just lost Kurt, and now we not only have Kurt, but Blaine too," said Tina. "We can't loose at sectionals with those odds."
"I still won't tolerate that kind of attitude. We can't afford to be complacent, and we are at our best when we are not only confident in ourselves, but in each other. Rachel, Santana, you are partnering up for this assignment."
"But-" Rachel and Santana cried aloud simultaneously.
"You are working together, or you will be sitting out this week." That shut them up. For a moment, anyway.
"Fine," said Rachel in a haughty tone. "This will be good training for when I'm a star on Broadway and am forced to perform with incredibly jealous actresses whose talent and stage presence is far inferior to my own." Santana made to spring from her seat like a wild cat about to pounce on her prey, but Brittany quickly clung to her arm and held her back.
"Rachel," said Mr. Schuster sharply, cutting his gaze to Santana after a moment, who appeared to have regained her composure. "Everyone, your assignment is simple. Find a song, any song you like, and attack the hell out of it!" cried Mr. Schu. It was clear in these moments of unsuppressed enthusiasm that Mr. Schuster had been born to teach. "I want you to show me your confidence."
"We are going to kill this confidence assignment," said Mercedes, an expression of complete self-assurance on her face. Blaine had just started working a few hours a week at the Lima Bean, and Kurt was spending the remainder of the afternoon with his girlfriends at Rachel's place. Mercedes and Kurt sat on Rachel's bed, their books and notes laid out before them as if learning were taking place. Kurt's history book was upside down, and he had yet to notice in the fifteen minutes since he's opened it. "Who's more confident than a diva?" she added. Kurt nodded without real commitment to the action.
"I have an idea," said Rachel, who had been pacing, the way she always did when she was plotting a performance.
"What a surprise," said Kurt. Mercedes beamed a quick conspiratory smile at him as Rachel launched into a monolog.
"Mr. Schuster was talking about iconic artists this morning, about how their confidence in their own abilities is what carries them through. The glee club has paid homage to such iconic artists as Madonna, Brittany, Mariah, and countless others who's talent and presence have stood the test of time." Kurt placed his elbow on his knee and propped his face on the palm of his hand in preparation for a long rant from his easily excitable friend. "And what do all these performers have in common?"
"They've got nothing on us?" suggested Mercedes. Kurt laughed and congratulated her for her quippy remark with their signature finger flutter handshake.
"Sex appeal," said Rachel without waiting for the other two to get serious.
"Not this again," said Kurt. It was as though he was being haunted. Kurt wanted to feel desirable, and suddenly it seemed he was being reminded of just how much of personal challenged that was, and had always been. He remembered back to a time last year, a time from another life shortly before he and Blaine had gotten together, when he and a band of boys in blue blazers attempted to sell "sexy" to a group of giggling school girls. Blaine had been effortlessly successful, as always. Kurt on the other hand…had not. His frustration at his own limitations was momentarily interrupted as he remembered the way Blaine's curls had come loose when they'd come into contact with all those bubbles.
"Hello," said Rachel, offended that he'd clearly checked out of their conversation as she observed his vacant smile. "Are you listening to me?" she asked impatiently.
"Sorry, what?" he mumbled.
"I said 'I'm sure Mr. Shuster wouldn't mind if we did a group number, so long as Santana is a part of it.' As much as I may hate to admit it, if sexy is what we're going for, she won't hurt our efforts." She did hate to admit it, and the nauseated expression on her face confirmed as such.
"What is going on?" Mercedes asked. "You seem really distracted," she said, hesitantly.
Kurt looked at both sets of eyes staring at him, and he wondered if he should make something up. He decided against it. As hard as it may be to talk about these things, he knew Mercedes and Rachel would not laugh at him about this. Maybe some girl talk would do him good.
"I just…don't feel sexy," Kurt said. "I want to, but I'm just…not." He spoke as though admitting something shameful.
"What makes you think you aren't sexy?" Mercedes asked, a bit of incredulity coloring her tone.
"I look like a porcelain figurine of Pinocchio," Kurt lamented in response.
"Oh my God, you totally-" Mercedes shot Rachael a sharp look "do NOT! What are you talking…" Rachael trailed off.
"Just once, I want to make Blaine feel the way I feel every time I look at him. I want him to look at me, and be so overcome with passion that he can't help but kiss me, right then and there." Speaking the words aloud did not make him feel better about his situation. The thought that he could excite passion in anyone was nearly laughable to him. He was wishing he hadn't brought it up.
"Sexy is more a state of mind than it is appearances, Kurt," said Mercedes. She pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows at her best friend, but he did not look convinced. "I think Rachel's right. We should pick a sexy number for this week's confidence assignment. You need a dose of hot confidence to get your diva grove back." She threw her hands up in the air dramatically in an attempt to make him smile. He did her one better, and laughed aloud.
"What are we going to sing?" he asked.
"We should probably talk to Santana before we decide anything," Mercedes said.
Rachel looked like all the air had been let out of her happy balloon, clearly having allowed herself to forget about that part for a moment. She perked back up within seconds, though. "I have an idea of something we can do in the meantime," she announced, letting a devilish grin cross her face.
"Haven't you had enough ideas for one day?" asked Kurt.
"Grab your bags," she said without acknowledging his question.
"We're going somewhere?" he asked, this time expecting an actual response.
"We are going shopping," she said brightly. Mercedes perked up at that too, reaching for her purse. "We are all going to get new outfits for our sexy number."
"Okay, I suppose I can help you ladies with wardrobe selections," he said, standing up. Maybe helping them find the perfect ensemble was exactly what he needed to lift his spirits.
"And we will help you find an out fit that will make Blaine's jaw hit the floor," said Rachel.
"Well," said Mercedes observing Rachel's kitten patterned blouse, "I will."
"You ladies know that everything worn on this body is either mail ordered or custom designed by yours truly," he said, looking horrified. "I don't shop off-the-rack."
"Maybe it's time you tried a little something different?" suggested Rachel. "The old you doesn't feel sexy, maybe the new you will."
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves there Joan Rivers," said Mercedes. "There's nothing wrong with the old Kurt."
"No, of course not," Rachel protested, "but I'm just saying that sometimes a situation warrants wearing something you wouldn't usually put on. If I learned anything from my foray into the styling's of one, Ms. Brittany Spears, it's that while being yourself is always the most important thing, there is nothing wrong with occasionally putting on something that makes you feel more desirable."
"What have I got to lose?" Kurt said after another brief moment's hesitation. "You and I have final say, correct?" said Kurt under his breath to Mercedes as Rachel turned to reach for her purse. His eyes rested on Rachel's pale yellow tights and penny loafers. Her smile was as good as a confirmation.
Two days later, the glee club minus Kurt, Rachel, Mercedes, and Santana all sat in hushed chatter as they waited patiently for their missing members to appear for their scheduled performance. Santana strode into the room first, looking her usual steamy self in a navy mini dress and knee high five inch heeled boots. Mercedes came in next wearing flattering apple bottom jeans, and a corseted black and navy top. Sam sat up a little straighter in his seat, peering around Mike to have a clear view. Rachel followed Mercedes wearing a navy tube top with black lace trim, a black foe leather short skirt, and pumps. Finn sat in attention next to Sam, but he never had a need to peer around anyone. Everyone's eyes but Sam and Finn's turned toward the door in preparation for Kurt's entrance, but they were not at all prepared for it. Kurt walked into the choir room wearing a powerful version of the confident smile Blaine had seen before on his boyfriend's beautiful face before, but the familiarity ended there. Kurt was wearing a well fitted black v-neck tee-shirt which revealed a very…fit…Kurt Hummel beneath the thin fabric. He'd paired the shirt with artfully torn blue jeans, which both gave and hugged in unfamiliar ways. Kurt's hair was styled differently, too. Rather than being perfectly swept up and held in place out of his face, it had been gelled into intentional disorder, long strands of his light brunette locks falling in front of his blue eyes, which seemed only more striking as a result. Kurt winked at Blaine with one of those eyes before joining the other three in the center of the room.
"Dare I ask?" Mr. Shuster asked, barely concealing his ominous expression.
"The assignment was to show you our confidence," said Rachel
"And that is what we intend to do," Mercedes finished.
"Sit back, and prepare to be entertained?" Kurt said to the room.
At Kurt's last word, the band began to play, percussion and bass taking precedent to form a thumping rhythm, and the four began to move fluidly in time with the beat.
Santana: So hot out of the box
Can we pick up the pace
Turn it up, heat it up
I need to be entertained
Rachel: Push the limit, are you with it?
Baby don't be afraid
Imma make you feel good baby
Mercedes: Let's go it's my show, baby, do what I say
Don't trip off the glitz that I'm gonna display
I told you, Imma hold ya down until you're amazed
Entertain you still you're screaming my name
Kurt: No escaping when I start
Once I'm in I own your heart
There's no way to ring the alarm
So hold on until it's over
All: Oh! Do you know what you got into
Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do
'Cause it's about to get rough for you
I'm here for your entertainment
Oh! I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
You thought an angel swept you off your feet
But I'm about to turn up the heat
I'm here for your entertainment
Rachel: No escaping when I start
Once I'm in I own your heart
There's no way to ring the alarm
So hold on 'til it's over
All: Oh! Do you know what you got into
Can you handle what I am about to do
'Cause it's about to get rough for you
I'm here for your entertainment
Kurt approached Blaine, who still sat statute like in his chair, eyes wide. Kurt walked once in a circle around him before bending his knee, and slowly swaying on the spot as he maneuvered his way toward the ground while he sang. He did have one positive thing to say about these jeans, they allowed him to be much more flexible than his usual garb.
Kurt: Oh I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
You thought an angel swept you off your feet
But I'm about to turn up the heat
I'm here for your entertainment
Santana: Oh, Do you like what you see?
Mercedes: Oh, Let me entertain ya 'til you scream!
All: Oh!, do you know what you got into
Can you handle what I am about to do
'Cause it's about to get rough for you
I'm here for your entertainment
Oh! I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
You thought an angel swept you off your feet
But I'm about to turn up the heat
I'm here for your entertainment
The girls and boy ended their performance in various poses of confidence and sensuality in front of the stunned crowd. Kurt had though during their brief rehearsal yesterday that he would feel silly attempting to be sexy, but he hadn't. He felt oddly empowered by his own bravery.
"That was a little…" Mr. Shuster began.
"Hot," Sam finished the thought. His embarrassed expression told everyone he had not meant to say the word aloud. Mercedes attempted to hide the smile that had spread across her lips, but it was no use.
"Too much," Mr. Shuster said after the quiet laughter had mostly died away.
"Since when?" asked Santana in an almost accusatory tone.
"Mr. Schuster, that song was on the radio charts for weeks," began Rachel, taking up the defensive to counter Santana's offense. "So, there's no denying it was a hit single worthy of recognition. Plus, we edited out a lot of the more suggestive lyrics to make it school appropriate."
"I don't recall you having a problem with Ms. Holiday strutting through those doors and singing about touching," added Santana.
"Why do you think that song was fulfilling the assignment?" Mr. Schu asked them, clearly deflecting.
"Because confidence is sexy," said Rachel, stranding as tall as she was able. She too wore a pleased expression as she caught Finn's eye and realized by his expression he'd been just as enthralled by their performance as Sam had. Both of the boys foots were tapping nearly in sync with one another in a nervous sort of way. Rachel and Mercedes did not look worried. On the contrary, they looked smug at the effect their gyrating limbs had seemed to have on their respective boyfriends. Santana looked up for a moment at Brittany, who too looked transfixed. She wore a smile that was even more vacant than usual, and did not seem to be taking in a single word. She waved at Santana, who waved back with her pinky.
"That's true, but trying to be..." he searched for a word that felt appropriate for a teacher in this situation…"provocative," he said after a moment, "is not the only way to express your inner confidence," he replied. "I want to let you express all the different sides of who you are, especially if it means you feeling good about yourselves, but we need to be careful guys. There is a line, and this club has had its fair share of close calls when it comes to crossing it."
Kurt did not pay much attention to Mr. Schuster's cautioning word, or the string of arguments that followed. He was looking at Blaine, who in turn was looking at various things around the room as if all of them were far more interesting than he was. While the other two boys gapped at their respective partners and could barely sit still, he stayed rooted to his chair. Kurt's burst of confidence faded as quickly as it had surfaced while he watched Blaine, appearing cool and collected as ever, not at all phased by anything that had just taken place. The glee club began to disburse after a few minutes, and Kurt lost sight of Blaine for a moment in the sea of bodies. Apparently, Mr. Schuster had dismissed them for the day. When the crowd had cleared, Kurt walked toward Blaine, who was standing with his back to Kurt rifling through his book bag.
"So, what'd you think of the song?" Kurt asked, watching Blaine's reaction carefully.
"It was great," he replied, but there was no enthusiasm in his voice to match his words, and he barely glanced in Kurt's direction. He seemed completely uninterested. "Hey," said Blaine, "How about I just meet you outside? I've got a question I need to ask Mr. Schuster before we head out."
"Sure," he said, feeling utterly dejected. As turned away from Blaine, who was still looking for something he apparently could not find, Kurt tried not to let the disappointment crush him. It wasn't easy.
"Can I ask you something?" Kurt asked Blaine. It was about two hours after they'd left McKinley, and they were sitting on Blaine's bed doing their homework together. They were probably the only teenage lovers who would actually be doing so when completely free of parental supervision. Kurt hadn't been able to focus much on his studies, and he decided in that moment to bite the bullet, and address what was bothering him.
"Of course," said Blaine, looking up from his history paper.
"What do you really think of this?" asked Kurt, motioning toward his newly purchased ensemble. Blaine pursed his lips, clearly searching for the right way to tell the truth.
"This new look is great and all," said Blaine, in a reassuring tone, "but, I think you're meant for so much more than any Gap outlet can provide. You're the most fashionably dressed person in the state of Ohio. Why change that?"
"Only Ohio?" Kurt questioned in jest. Blaine smiled, and waited for Kurt to offer a real answer. "I wanted to try something new; something a little less fashion forward and a little more…" Kurt didn't specify more of what, but instead said "I'm sick of just being cute." Kurt gestured quotation marks in the air, and said 'cute' with all the distain he could muster for the four letter word.
"Being cute is a bad thing?" Blaine questioned. "Kurt, I love all of the cute," Blaine imitated Kurt's air quotes, "things about you. You're the only person I know who can find a three dollar outfit from goodwill, and with nothing but a needle and thread turn it into practically a work of art. You frequently incorporate references from Broadway musicals into everyday conversations. You still cry every time you watch Easter Parade when Don finally realizes that he's in love with Hannah, even though you've seen it a million times!" Blaine chuckled.
"What can I say? I can relate to her pain." Kurt shot Blaine a knowing look, arching one eyebrow as if to say 'you know what I mean, right?' Blaine smiled to show that he did.
"I just don't get why you think you needed to be anyone but who you are. It's not like you," said Blaine when Kurt continued looking dejected. "What is this really about?" he asked. Kurt looked at Blaine, and sighed. There was no point in skirting the truth. He was a terrible lair, and Blaine knew him too well not to see through any deflections.
"Let's face it," Kurt sighed, "all the sexy in this relationship is riding on the Blaine train."
"The what?" Blaine asked, baffled. "Kurt, that's ridiculous. Since when did short and awkward become sexier than tall, pale, and blue eyed?" Kurt scoffed audibly at Blaine's attempt to downplay his own appeal. "Besides, after what you did today-"
"What are you talking about?" Kurt asked, cutting him off. "You seemed barely affected by my…strutting," he finished lamely.
"Oh, I was affected, alright," he protested. "Which seemed the whole point of that, er, performance." He raised his eyebrows in a chastising fashion. "Why do you think I made up an excuse to stay behind for a few minutes? I needed to…cool off." Blaine looked embarrassed, but he smiled at the look on Kurt's face, and was glad he'd decided to reveal that truth.
"I'm confused. You just said you liked me better in my old cloths." He did know what to think.
"I do like you're old cloths; I like you being yourself," he insisted, "but, it wasn't the cloths that…um…affected me." He chucked again. "It was your attitude, and how you carried yourself. It was the way you moved, and the way your eyes locked on me…" Blaine let the thought trail off and shook his head, as if attempting to suppress the feeling from resurfacing at taking him over. "You could have been wearing a black leotard, and I wouldn't have noticed." Kurt's eyes twitched momentarily to his closet. "Kurt, the attitude I saw today, I see that all the time in you. You are the proudest, most confident person I know; this assignment should have been a cake walk for you. You don't have to change your cloths or sing a provocative song to be sexy. You just are." Kurt continued to look at his fingers twitching in his lap. "Don't you believe me?" Blaine asked.
"I believe that you love me," he qualified, "but it's just hard for me to believe that you," Kurt kept his eyes averted as he spoke, "want me…the same way that I want you." They were silent for a long moment, Kurt still staring at anything but Blaine's face.
"I wish you could see yourself through my eyes." Blaine said, shaking his head in exasperation. "Do you know what you would see then?" Kurt still didn't say anything. "You would see that you have a smile so radiant, and eyes so brilliantly blue, that they seem to fill the room with a light." Kurt stopped looking away to face Blaine again, and Blaine continued. "You would know when you sing, a part of me feels as though I must have died, because no one but an angel could sound so beautiful." Blaine took Kurt's hand in his, and placed it palm down against his own chest. "Do you feel that?" he asked. Kurt felt the rapid thud of Blaine's racing heart, like the wings of a humming bird. "That happens every time you walk into the room." Kurt's heart began to beat faster too, quickly keeping pace with Blaine's. "I do want you," Blaine whispered, looking deeply into Kurt's eyes to insure Kurt would see the truth in his. "I want ALL of you. The cute, and the sexy. The sweet, and the sultry."
"Sultry," laughed Kurt, and rolled his eyes at the word. Blaine sighed, and decided he'd better take a different approach. Blaine pulled Kurt's arm still on his chest toward him, and directed Kurt's chin forward with a gentle finger from his free hand. Blaine softly placed his lips on Kurt's.
The kiss began as gentle as a whisper, like the mild sweeping motion of a painter's brush stroke. Their lips were not forced together; they simply fit. Two pieces of a puzzle, reunited at long last. They moved in synchronization, like a well rehearsed but ever changing dance, and in that moment nothing else mattered. The world did not exist outside of them.
Kurt leaned backwards onto the folds of Blaine's soft pillow. When Blaine pressed his mouth harder onto his, Kurt's heart sang out like a peel of chiming bells. Blaine really wanted him. How else could he be kissing him this way? Only passion could drive such eagerness. It was clear to him now that their love was built not only with the trust and companionship that true love requires, but fueled by the kind of fiery chemistry that keeps that love burning forever more.
Blaine moved his lip to Kurt's ear, "I love you," he murmured. "I want you." A flutter of nerves began to well up inside of him, clashing against the excitement of his newfound enlightenment. Kurt wished he could suppress it. He did not want to ruin such a moment.
Their kisses continued, and the room became feverish as they lay entwined. Kurt became immediately angry at himself for the gripping panic that overcame him when Blaine sat up and began to take off the long sleeve knit shirt he'd been wearing, revealing a form fitting white tee-shirt. Blaine felt Kurt's muscles tense when he leaned back in, and he quickly pulled back to look at Kurt's face. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"I'm sorry," Kurt exclaimed, coving his face with his hands. "I'm such an idiot," he went on.
"You're not an idiot," Blaine protested. He pried Kurt's hands away from his face so that he could look at him. "Please tell me what's wrong," he pleaded.
"I just…" Kurt shook his head. "I tell you that I want to feel desired, and when you try to just that, I turn into a panic-stricken child. I'm just…I'm not ready for," Kurt grew even more inwardly furious when he could not even bring himself to use a proper term to explain his feelings. "I'm just not ready," he finally stated, knowing Blaine would understand what he meant. There was a dumbfounded expression on Blaine's face for a moment, but he collected himself.
"Kurt," said Blaine, "you don't feel like I've been…pressuring you, or-"
"No!" cried Kurt. Great, he thought. Just great. Not only was he making a fool of himself, but he'd made Blaine feel like he'd done something wrong. It wasn't him. It was all Kurt. He felt like a pathetic coward. "You've done nothing but try and be everything I need, but somehow I'm still not ready to be with you, that way…I don't understand why!" Kurt's self-directed frustration was apparent in the desperate way in which he said the last sentence. He truly did not understand why his own mind, heart, and body could not come to an agreement with one another.
"Kurt, I'm not ready, either." He said the words slowly, and precisely.
"You're not?" Kurt questioned. He looked genuinely shocked.
"No," said Blaine quickly. He realized his definitive tone may be taken the wrong way, so he propped himself back up in preparation for further explanation. Kurt followed suite, though he remained in a rather more slumped position than Blaine, as if shrinking under the weight of his own mortification. "Don't misunderstand me," he went on. "I love you. But that is exactly why I'm not ready for that level of intimacy." Blaine had less difficulty with the language of their discussion than Kurt did. Kurt listened intently for the explanation he was sure was coming. "This," said Blaine, pointing between the two of them, "you and me, this is the real deal. I look at you, and I see a future for us well beyond study sessions and glee club meetings." Kurt saw that future, too. Even though he'd only known Blaine just over a year, he could not imagine a life without him now. Even the most trivial and far fetched of all of Kurt's future plans included Blaine, without question or hesitation. "I've got my whole life ahead of me to love you, Kurt Hummel. Why should we want to go and mess all of that up by rushing into anything?" Kurt smiled in spite of himself. Blaine's words comforted him, as he was sure was his love's intention. But, along with the reassurance, he felt sure that Blaine's reasons for wanting to wait were different from his own.
Blaine leaned back into the pillow next to Kurt, and they wrapped their arms around one another, staring at the ceiling of Blaine's bedroom as if it were a star-filled sky. "Do you ever think about it?" Kurt asked after a long moment.
"Yes," Blaine confessed. "A lot more than I'd like to admit to," he added after a hesitant pause.
"You're blushing," Kurt said, turning to look at Blaine's face.
"I'm sure that I am," Blaine conceded, laughing at himself. He rubbed the back of his neck with the palm of his hand, and ran it up over his curls to his forehead, displacing several hairs for their tightly gelled prison. "Don't you?" Blaine asked, a hint of his own vulnerability seeping into his tone. Perhaps Kurt was mistaken in thinking he was the only one who needed reassurances.
"Yes," Kurt said in a quiet voice. It was true, of course. In a moment of courage, Kurt decided to keep the honest dialog going by asking another question. "When you do, think about it, are you ever," Kurt paused to take a breath, "are you ever scared?" he managed to ask.
"I think," began Blaine after a long moment's contemplation, "that being scared about your first time is sort of universal." Blaine tucked Kurt's head into the space between his chin and shoulder blade, his cheek now resting against Blaine's neck. "It's just an unavoidable part of being human, you know?"
"I guess," Kurt said.
"I will tell you this, though," Blaine said, "When the time is right, I don't think I'll be scared then." Blaine's voice sounded not only certain, but calm. Serene even.
"Why not?" Kurt asked.
"Because, I'll be with you," he said plainly. "I love you so much, and I trust you so completely. What chance does fear have against that?" He asked as though the answer was obvious.
Kurt could not begin to describe what he was feeling in that moment. He felt…brave. More importantly, he felt compelled. Blaine lay calmly beside him, content, and clearly unaware of the impact his words had had on his boyfriend. He'd simply been stating the truth as he knew it. His truth, and now Kurt's truth too.
"What are you doing?" Blaine asked, as Kurt sat up. Kurt began to pull off the V-neck tee shirt he's been wearing, something he fully intended to return tomorrow. Underneath, Kurt wore only a ribbed sleeveless undershirt. The image of Kurt's surprisingly well developed form made Blaine's heartbeat kick into high gear again, the rapid pace gaining strength with each inch Kurt removed from between them as he moved closer.
"Conquering my fear," Kurt explained with a come-hither expression that Blaine had never seen before, even this afternoon. "After all," he continued as he reached down to kiss the nape of Blaine's neck, "I've heard that in between all the way, and nothing, is a whole lot of middle." Kurt looked up into Blaine's taken aback expression. "Maybe we could explore it together, one step at a time."
Blaine couldn't suppress the full body shiver that overcame him as Kurt's promising words sank in, especially as his soft lips were now gently tickled the sensitive skin of Blaine's throat and jaw line. With a groan that could only be interpreted as complete surrender, Blaine wrapped all of his limbs around Kurt, and their discussion came to a close.
My hands are searching for you I can feel you all around me My hands float up above me I can feel you all around me So I cry And I can feel you all around me Take my hand, I give it to you I can feel you all around me
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you
I'm alive, I'm alive
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place
The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you
I'm alive, I'm alive
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
The light is white
And I see you
I'm alive, I'm alive
I'm aliiiiiiiive
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
Now you own me, All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you, I believe
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed
Friday rolled around, and it was time for the remaining members of the glee club to perform. "I'm ready to go now, Mr. Shuster, if that's okay," Blaine announced. Kurt had no idea what song Blaine intended to sing, and looked around as Artie and Puck each took a place in front of their fellow club members with their guitars at the ready. "Find a song, and attack the hell out of it?" he asked Mr. Schuster.
"That's right," said Schu, nodding. Kurt smirked. If anyone knew how to do that, it was Blaine.
"Pay attention." Blaine said firmly under his breath to Kurt, before he took his place and turned to face the room. Kurt looked around, suddenly wary. An upbeat melody filled the auditorium. Blaine began to move before them, allowing the song to carry him away as he always did, each note acting like a gentle tug on a marionette's strings.
You're a falling star, you're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.
And you play it coy but it's kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.
'cause you can see it when I look at yooooou.
Blaine was all over the room, but he'd stopped in front of Kurt, and pointed at him. He sang the last word as though it were a moan of pleasure. No one else seemed to notice just how grand an effect the small sound had had on Kurt's emotions, and Kurt was embarrassed as he reminisced to a time in recent memory when similar sounds had been made.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.
Kurt's heart nearly jumped into his throat as Blaine approached him again. Blaine danced around Kurt chair for a moment, grabbing his hand and pulling him onto his feet so they could dance together. Blaine spun and twirled both around and with Kurt, but never broke eye contact for more than a moment. Brittany stood, taking Santana's hand and leading her to the floor. Tina launched up from her seat towing Mike, and before long, every member of the new directions accept Finn and Rachel were up and dancing. Rachel tugged for a few seconds before Finn rolled his eyes and gave into her.
Blaine seemed to have the energy of three people coursing through his veins as he exclaimed the next verse with more fire than any of the others.
And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
Blaine stopped moving, and held Kurt's hands in his.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah
They broke into movement again. Kurt wasn't sure if it was the dancing that had made him dizzy, or if it was just the idea that Blaine could really mean what he was singing, but he knew whatever the cause, he never wanted this feeling to end.
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
The instruments died away, finding Blaine and Kurt with their faces only inches apart, their breathing heavy. Kurt watched Blaine's face, looking into his hazel eyes. He was shocked when those eyes got even closer as Blaine, overcome, leaned in and kissed him right there in front of everyone. He did not seem to have been able to help himself, and he turned a delicate shade of pink when he leaned back and realized what he'd done. There was a brief moment of silence that followed. Puck then put his fingers to his lips and wolf whistled. Everyone around them erupted with laughter.
After several minutes of friendly mockery from the boys, and soft smiles coupled with affectionate glances from the girls, Blaine twined his fingers with Kurt's, and they filed out of the room with the rest of the New Directions. Kurt smiled, and caught Blaine's eye as Blaine stared at him. Kurt fully intended to further explore the wonders of the middle with Blaine later that evening.
Songs in this fan fiction:
Adam Lambert "For your Entertainment" (lyrics edited above, as they would likely be on Glee)
Flyleaf "All around me"
Michael Bublé "Everything"