AM I A GOOD MAN
A WHOUFFALDI FANFICTION
WRITTEN BY PROFILERSINACASTLE
NOT BETA'D
A/N: Hi, this is the first time I ever write for Doctor Who and this story is very precious to me.
I wrote it for my own enjoyement in the beggining and only considered posting it on here later.
I've been working on this for a couple months, hours have been spent re-reading, correcting and working around this story.
To be honest and I still don't think it's perfect but I have to accept that.
Like I said in the summary, this is a whouffaldi fanfiction and if you do not ship them this story is not for you.
I would enjoy if you would please leave your thoughts on this story in the reviews, but please be polite and nice about it. I have been writing chapters to a companion piece called The Lives of 12th and Clara and if you like this story I might post it, it's not done but I have outlined the first couple of chapters.
Thank you.
-Océane
If I grow up to be half the man you are, Clara Oswald, I shall be happy indeed.
-The War Doctor
He had changed so fast, she couldn't believe it. One second he was saying his goodbye's to someone named Amelia and then he was staring at her with a brand new face. She knew that was going to happen, she saw all of him and his different faces. But it was one thing to see all he used to be and to see him change right in front of her. To add to her confusion he was staring at her like she was a complete stranger.
In his defense, he had to admit that he probably forgot to mention that she was the first face this face saw and she became so much more to him. She was seared onto his hearts and he had to take all of her in, inspect each and every corner of her. He had to memorise every detail of her face and she was standing right there so why not do it now? If she was the first face, he had to remember each and every part of their first meeting. That's when he felt something awful inside of his body. Kidneys! He really didn't like they're color and had hoped for better ones, but he remembered one of his older self, saying that regeneration is kind of like the lottery, to add to his list of post-regeneration problems he wasn't even ginger this time around. But he had a Scottish accent and guessed that being so close Amelia was the cause of this accent change. He didn't mind it one bit though.
He felt old and that's saying something for a two thousand years old alien. For the first time in a very long time his body was almost matching his age, almost because he was way older than he looked and looked fifty at least. It was a couple of thousand years younger but still, he looked more the part now than he did in a while. He guessed the mid-life crisis was over now.
Clara was still confused by the Doctor's behaviour when he dropped another not so good news, they were crashing and he forgot how to fly the old cow. They were crashing and he asked her if she knew how to fly the TARDIS. The only time she had tried to fly the sentient machine, she almost flew them into a supernova. She was pretty sure the TARDIS had something to do with it but still her point stood he was the Doctor and she was just Clara and he was the alien, she wasn't supposed to know those things.
But if she took that into perspective she was supposed to be just a normal girl when she meet The Doctor. How did that turn out? She learned she had echoes of herself living and dying all over time and space and she actually jumped into the Doctor's time stream. These were moments where she wished she remembered more of her echo lives maybe she worked on a TARDIS during of them. Maybe.
She had memory of some lives, but with her human brain it was hard to make sense of all that information. She remembered being a time lady the most, she also remembered leading the Doctor to his TARDIS. But she couldn't remember how to fly the damn sentient machine. What's the use of having all the memories but not being able to remember them clearly?
The Doctor was only asking her because he had truly momentarily forgotten how to fly the old girl. He probably shouldn't scare her with stuff like that but he was just fresh out of a regeneration and didn't even know what he was like. How was he supposed to know how to fly the machine? Memory was always a bit hazy after a regeneration and he was sure he taught her how to fly the TARDIS at least once. Apparently he didn't if he used to look on Clara's face as any indication. After a not so safe landing and an adventure he'd rather forget about, they were back in London but it wasn't good enough.
If he was honest with himself he didn't have any reason to be jealous of the phone call Clara was having. He was the one talking to her, not literally but a past version of himself was.
He probably thought it was a good idea at the time, he hated goodbyes and he had waited to be on board the TARDIS when he first said goodbye to Rose, so he guessed it made sense. Still he had to be mean about it and ask if it was her boyfriend knowing quite well that she hadn't had one since they began travelling together. How does one date, when they're always up there in space or in the past saving some distant world? Rose tried and failed miserably, if he remembered correctly Mickey ended up with Martha and Rose with the meta-crisis, which not so bad in itself but dating whilst being on the TARDIS unless you were Amy and Rory didn't work or ended extremely well.
But jealousy got the best of him and he lashed out at her, his Clara, the woman who jumped into his time stream and survived, the woman twice dead, his impossible girl.
She was truly impossible because after she finished that call, she came and hugged him. He was taken aback and honestly didn't know how to hug her. For one thing she was too small, at least that's what he convinced himself and Clara didn't need to know the real reason so he was more than happy to say that she became shorter and that it made for difficult hugs.
The hug seemed to make things a little better but not how the Doctor wanted it to be. He knew he wasn't the floppy haired boy with the big chin, but he felt the same way than that man felt about Clara. After all, they were the same person and he remembered everything thing he felt for Clara quite well.
He didn't want her to treat or act with him as he was that man, simply because that man was dead but he wanted her to trust him as much as she did her chin boy. He wanted the same level of trust that lead her to accomplish her selfless act. Not that he wanted it to happen again but he wanted that level of trust with Clara because he knew that he would burn several universes to keep her safe and he needed her to know that. He needed her to look at him and she the amount of love and devotion he had for her. He might not be as flirty, all touchy-feely, he was a changed man but the essence of his being was still the same.
He was still the Doctor and he wanted to be her Doctor.