'Wingardium leviosa' screamed an 11 year old Harry Potter as he enjoyed his first year of wizard school.

'oh man am I having a ball' he yelled as he turned 14

'Hard times, hard times but a wizard never cries' smiled Harry as his uncle Black breathed his last breath because Helena Bonham-carter killed the only family member he had left.

Harry was now 17 and a great young lad, Hogwarts was a wonderful place full of fun and hot lads for a hormonal gay young wizard to hook up with. His favourite fuck buddy was Crabbe, from the famous gang 'Crabbe and Goyle' But with all the young lads to have passionate hook up sessions with and all the magic to use, Harry longed for something more.

'Oh how I wish I lived a saucier life' sighed Daniel Radcliff. He desperately wanted a hot young artist to cuddle with, preferably American, preferably Channing Tatum. But he wasn't sure how to go about this, however one day Harry just couldn't take it anymore, his life had become too much of sex drugs and rock and roll so he decided to write a letter to his dear friend Lord Voledemort in his best hand writing.

Dear voldey, ( lolz ;))

I miss you a lot, we should defo go camping again like last September ;) . I've been feeling a little lonely, I mean I get a lot of guys but none of them are right. Don't take this offensively but should I stop staying with you over half term, we have a lot of fun but everyone thinks that I'm meant to kill you? Maybe I should lolz joking I wouldn't do that you are too hot I wouldn't spoil your sexiness

Harry stopped writing in frustration. He felt a pit of anger building up in his Adam's apple. WHY THE FUCK CAN I NOT WRITE A SEROUS LETTER WITHOUT FLIRTING? WHY AM I SUCH A PLAYA? FML

Harry didn't have time to think due to the fact that suddenly for no apparent reason he began chanting an unknown phrase that sounded slightly polish. There was a rush of teeth and fur and within second he was splashing around franticly trying not to drown. 'Great Scott!' yelled the wizard man. Harry was thumping round in the big blue much like Channing Tatum in a navy blue ball gown. Things couldn't get any worse, not only had Daniel discovered to his great avail that he was a huge man whore, but now he was drowning in a rather large puddle. Or was it a puddle? It was probably a puddle.

'Are you okay there cutie?' smiled an American voice. Harry looked up in hope that his Channing Tatum was here to save him however it wasn't Channing, no sir ree, it was better. It was a super-hot guy who really suited the name Steve.

'What are you doing in my bath?' shrieked an angry Kate Winslet. Dan the man looked around to SEE that this water was not a large puddle, but a bath. 'Oh, sorry… I don't really understand how I got here, One minute I was at Hogwarts school for strapping young boys and now I seem to be naked in a bath tub'. He directed the word 'naked' at Steve, Even though Harry wasn't naked at all, but he hoped it might put the image of it in the hot lad's head.

'what the hell?' hollered Kate, 'Lets go jack, this guy is weird'

Jack? Oh shit his name isn't Steve. 'Wait' yelled Harry the great 'where am I?'

Jack grinned at Harry 'Well, this is the titanic; it's a rather large boat, it reminds me of something else that is rather large ;)'

Harry felt a tingle in his lightning shaped scar, oh my! This fella was a saucy one. Harry knew that he needed to say something mind blowingly smooth, something so ovary exploding, so fantastic that Jack would have to have him right there and then; Perhaps in the bath.

Harry stood, water spraying over the edge of the tub. Hands on hips, chest out, wand at the ready.

'Jack! You sir look like a winner'

Leonardo Di'Caprio let out a screech, falling to the floor in shame.

Da titanic sank.

Da end.