It has been 10 years now, the tragic day still fresh in my mind and I remember it clearly has if it was yesterday.

flashback

Today I had a lot of fun with all my family, and I didn't fell different from my cousins because of my skin color.

You know I'm a little different from the rest of the members of my family...and...And...(Subbing)... all of the kids of my age, older or younger makes fun of me at school or in the streets because of it ...and yes...I don't have any friends.

Go on you can laugh at me...but you know what I don't care

And It doesn't matter...because momma said that one day they all going to regret it.

There's some children who laugh at my face and... (Pause)... I mean REALLY at my FACE and some of them do mean things to me as well...well but my mom says that they are jealous of me

Because I'm special and they are not...and that I should be happy with my skin color and...oh oh ohhhhh

Sorry

I forgot to introduce myself to you, my bad...

You know I have this habit of talking too much...and yeah ...my dad always tells me that my mouth going to get me in trouble or out of it same day and that I should think before talking

Ohm sorry...again

Ahahahah...me and my big mouth

Well let me introduce myself then

Hi my name is Neuza James Stokes...YES...MY NAME IS NEUZA got a problem with it...? Though so

And yes "NEUZA" is a strange name.

But i like it...because is original and no one have it from around here

And mom say that no one have it as well all around the world.

Mom told me that my name is special and that I should be proud of it and hnm...oh...

Hnm guys I forgot what I was going to tell you on the beginning...

Hnm...uhnm...oh yeah I remember ...is why I'm different from the rest of my family.

Well you know my mom and dad don't have the same color skin you now ...and yes I know what you guys are thinking about... and no... they are not...I repeat...they are not aliens ok,they are humans beans like you... But just a little different from each other... (pause)...by their skin color

Oh sorry I talk too much I know...ahad..Ahh

Sorry

well let me go straight the point well you see I'm not exactly white you know...I'm a mixed race,...yes my mom is white and my dad is black

and I don't mean it like black because he have a light skin like mine...well I'm a little more lighter than him...but not that much...oh I forgot telling you how old am I...well I'm 9 years old and I will be 10 in two months.

Mom and dad said that we going to do something really...really...really special for my birthday and that we are going to travel to other country so that I could meet someone really nice that going to be my friend forever and that he also going to protect me from everything and always play with me.

So I'm really anxious for my birthday to came so that I could meet him, i'm going to show him so many things and teach a lot of games and how to dance as well.

ohm did I tell you guys that I looooove...to dance...specially ballet, even though i know how to dance many different dance style...ballet is the one I love the most really.

Well I was seeing...hnm...today I had a lot of fun with my family like I never had before ...even noticing that my mom was acting a little bit strange toured me and was spacing out a lot...I quit enjoyed myself all day, but...

Everything changed at the next morning...when I wake up to find myself alone.

One the beginning didn't want to believe it and I still don't... but the proves were there in front of me and even seeing it I still couldn't believe it because if I do I have to go back to reality and i don't want to believe or see that I'm alone now and my life will be an empty shields.

i don't know for how long I stayed like that, the only thing i know is that same people came and toke my parents and then my grans,aunt and cousins away from the house and washed the all house and i was still standing in there in disbelieve.

there were no tears in my eyes' really tried to cry but...my eyes still dry maybe is because they know that crying myself out and wetting my face want bring my family back to me...and that it want bring all the moments that i had with my mom and all her advice back to me...and that i will never hear her or their voices again.

Never again.

And that the only think that i will be seeing now on for sure it will be only darkness and hate, sadness or maybe happiness from the people that hate my family because of me and my father.

which i really don't know why...because we never did nothing to them to hate us that much I'm just a innocent child who were born in a family that her mother and father have a different skin color and that has been judged since the day that she was born...and that also she never had any friend from school...or out even in her own house and that her only friends was her mom, dad and granddad.

And then after it a lady came in and started talking to me about something that i didn't quite catch.

That's when i realized that my family is gone for real and that we're never going to have the fantastic day like yesterday but even realizing it my eyes refused to drop any single tear

end of flashback

since that day my life never been the same again, and now with twenty one years old and in my last year in university where i have been studying law for 3 years now...well this will this is my fourth and last years in university, still i never really cried.

I remember them every day and wish that i could see them one more time, but i know that such thing was impossible

I never really had someone that i could call friend or family.

is not as if i didn't try to make friends...is just that is a little bit hard for me...and every time i make friends...they end up running away from me...because they think I'm not normal, well even i...sometimes thinks that I'm not normal as well...i mean came on where are you going to find a girl that every time a guy approaches her a invisible force surrenders her or scare them off her...?

*well it doesn't matter any way.

Just because i don't have friends it doesn't mean that i want be happy...or that i want realize my dreams*

I reminded myself, when same girls started making fun of me and whispering and laughting at me because i don't have friends and that I'm always by myself and anti-social.

I'm not really upset or sad by their words because they are right ...and because I'm used to hear them every day.

which of course i think is childless and none of their business if i have or don't have friends i don't know or understand why they love to talk about me...i mean i don't talk or tell anything about them to others and i don't know them like they don't know me as well.

every week is the same for me ...i woke up early around 4am and go for a run in the park and came back home around 5 am to take a shower.

Prepare myself to university and also to hear every single bad word about me and i leave my apartment at 6:30 and be in university at 7:10,and even before putting my foot on the gates people start talking about me and how weird i'm,and then at 8am the lessons start after be alone on break and lunch time and after go back to my apartment.

yeah...yeah i know that you guys must be thinking*isn't she bored with her military life...girl what you doing with your life?...you have to change and start living your life, we're young's just once you know* well let me tell you that once you are used to it, it want be that bored as you think.

well as i was saying...and then go back to my AP and do whatever i want and then go to sleep and the next morning to the same thing, but it looks like the gods or the devil decided to revenge on by something i did to them in my others life...because today everything went wrong,...since when i woke up and find myself on the floor and then after run out of hot water...and had the electricity cut because i didn't pay and then after i lost four buses and had to walk to university... be forty minute late for my lessons.

Then be accused of being responsible of stealing mathematic students exam paper and exploding the science lab...i mean come on...why would i do such a thing?...if I'm not even taking science or math's at university,...what benefit would it bring me on doing it?

The head teacher was screaming so loud that i believe that even the dead could hear it from whatever they are...oh please...god have mercy on me...when this finish and i still alive I'm going to start going to disco and parties and also try to live like every girl of my age or maybe just study more yeah that will do, but first please just make her shut up, my head fell's like as if exploding.

And after the yelling and screaming scene i walked out of the office to find a group of people standing outside the door with their eyes one me

brilliant now they all going to think that I did it to get attension and be noticed ,which is not my intension because i didn't bloody do nothing...but then again...who is going to believe me.

I walked fast and passed them with my head high because there is no way i'm gonna let this stupid joke and people destroy me...i'm gonna show them that i am strong and that i can handle this situation like everybody else in here.

i went to my locker to get my staff so that i could go home,but before opening the locker completly a white envelop came out of it and fall on the floor next to my feet.

i bended down and pick the white envelop from the floor and turned it arround to see if there were something writen on it... but it was blanck.

At first i didn't want to open it but the courisity was stronger than me so i opened quick before i change my mind about it and just trow it on the bean.

I stood there don't know how long in shock...after opened and readid the letter with my eyes really wide that it looks like its poping out of my head and it would if it was possible.

I readed the letter over and over again and then after looked to every coredor to see if i could see the idiot that put this in my locker still around there but i didn't see no one so went back to the letter and read it loud just to make sure that i wasn't dreaming or something

*you breaked your promise human and i am gonna make sure that you regret it,but don't worry we gonna have many centuary for it,see you and by the way did you like my surprise...?...Hope you enjoy it,as much i did...*

OK Neuza don't panick, don't you dare panick do you hear me...?...bread...bread...ok that's it keep on doing that and keep it cool

bum**********bum********bum...what you doing hearth...?...stop beathing fast,i can't belive it,...ok...maybe they just put the letter on a wrong locker...yeah...it's a mistake is not ment for you so just...just pretend you never...never read or saw it and trow it in the bean near you...that everthing will desaper and be over...

that's when i noticed the small letter below on the back of the letter

*and by the way,is not a mistake,the letter are really for you Neuza,you can run,but you cant hide from me*my eyes went wider this time.

ok i think i need to see a doctor...yes i need to see a doctor...and maybe start trying for real to make friends.

There is no way that am gonna stay in here after this thanks god that i don't have to stay for the lessons today.

how could it be possible for a teacher to be such a pain in the ass...I mean come on...I never had problems with teachers before...so...no... I'm not used to be yelled by a teacher and be suspended for a week,specially for something i didn't do is so not fear.

And that stupid,idiot and maniec guy just stand there...watching the teacher acusing and yelling at me for something i didn't do.

And even knowing that it was his dam fult the fucking stupid and idiot guy didn't defend or helped me like by telling the teacher that he was the one who did i only new who the guy was...everthing would be so much more easy.

what i dont undrestand is why he did it...even that stupid letter of his...

I didn't even knew that there were a guy that liked me in the university,well apart from the ones that runned away...of couse they don't count

And don't think that i'm a stressed girl because i'm not.

its the contrary i'm a very calm and calculated girl who dosen't do nothing...i mean nothing without thinking first of the consequence it may or will cause and put me into

And now i'm walking back to my lonenly but very confortable apartment on a busy tuesday afternoon where i will be staying for a month because the christmas break will be next week,and we normally have three week break for christmas holiday...and since i'm suspended for a week i will be staying at home for a all month.

I stoped brutaly when my skin felt like burning,and looked all around me,after a minute i started walking again but the same felling came back but more stonger and i panicked and start walking fast almost running and the feeling still there.

Some people looked at me as if i was crazy,but i'm don't really care about there opinion about me any way... I keep walking faster and faster but the feeling of sameone is watching and following me didn't go away.

Is the same feeling of before and i think that is the same person also,all of this started months ago a week after my birthdays,and that scares me because i live alone and don't have no one to protect me like father sayed i would

*..Ooh father i misse you so much,you and mamma i wish you were here at this moment with me,i'm sure that you would know what to do..*

But nothing of that matters now because i know that something really bad will happen to me if i stay here in the street that's for sure,so i walked faster than i was...ten minutes after i could see the white building where i live and i walked faster still not feeling save.

*...came on Neuza you can do it,faster,faster...*

I was walking really fast,i really don't care what people where talking about me because the only thing i could think about was to get inside the safty of my partment as soon as possible... where at least have guards who protects the building so when I saw the door in front of me ,I runned the faster i could and opened the door in a way that for sure looks like as if it gonna ripe.

i stayed there with my back facing the door to caught my breath,slowly my breath started coming back to normal,i turned my head slowly to see if i would see the perv that was watching and following me,but i didn't...still i know that he was there.

I runned to the elevator and pressed the fourth,thank god no one was there

*..ding..*

the elevator door opened and and i left quickly and my legs and hands where shaking,i took my apartment key from my hand bag and opened the entreing my apartment that i feeling secure.

i walked to my room and trow my bag any where and went to the bathroom,i need a hot shower after all this that for sure..*..thank god i called and payed the water today morning..*

when the hot water made contact with my skin,i felt my muscle relaxing and all the stress leaving my body *..this's what i need,there's nothing a hot water can't resolve..*i turned the hot water tab after 30 minutes under water and stoped in front of my big mirror on the bathroom,which i don't why i still have it...but any way as i stend in front of the mirror for the first time in months...the person i saw starting at me was a lonely long blond hair girl with a big light gry eyes and pink lips with a innocent and confused face,with a full breast and curves on the place with a long and full legs,resuming ...a kid in a body of a full developed woman.(..sight sadly..)

people stops me on the street every day to ask if i was a model or and actriss...because of my looks...i also remenber that many models agencies wanted to sany contract with me but i always let them down because i don't wanna do anything to do with glamour,i just wanna be a respectful lawer and judje who will be helping people not to feel different because of their believes,religion or skin colour...i don't want any kid to suffer and be alone like i did and still do because they are different

(...sight again...)

I know that same day i will realize my dream,but at moment i'm just gonna live my life and try and finish university without no more problems

(...sight again taredly...)

i rechied for my toal and rap it around me and opened the door,i walked stray it to my wardrobe and toke my blue PJ out and put it on...after it i dryed my hair and put it up.

i climbed the bed after finishing everthing that i needed to do...i didn't really eat because i wasen't angry so toke a green apple from the fruit basket to hold my stomach teal tomorow...as my head touched the pillow i blacked out to find myself in the dreaming land.