Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me. Wrote this story as a present for a friend. Happy birthday, Ninetalesuk!
…
Lucemon Chaos Mode (or Wild 1st, depending who you ask), Demon Lord of Pride, threw back his head and laughed, his black and white wings shaking with triumph as the fallen angel gazed down at his hated foes, the Royal Knights, who stared up at him and the gargantuan beast looming behind him with apathy and discomfort in their eyes. "You are too late, Royal Fools!" Lucemon boomed. "I have revived GranDracmon—er, I mean Ogudomon, and now this Digital World shall come to an end!"
"Fire shall rain from the skies," the ornately robed Daemon, Demon Lord of Wrath, said boredly, reading from a sheaf of papers in one hand. "The evil dead shall rise to avenge themselves on their slayers. All which was imprisoned shall be set free. All cities shall crumble, and civilization will come to an end as the Digital World is engulfed in eternal darkness…Lucemon, this is the same script as last time-"
"Shut it!" Lucemon hissed. "Don't make us look bad in front of Lord Ogudomon!" The horrible monster towering over him, seven great black legs with seven swords bearing the seals of the Seven Deadly Sins piercing the knees joining above a grotesque mouth ringed by seven eyes with a second, smaller, but no less hideous mouth and an eighth eye growing from thetop of its body howled in stereo, its roars like the wailing of the damned. "See? You're making him upset! Stick to the script!" The other Five Great Demon Lords present sighed and looked back at their scripts, knowing the folly of arguing with Lucemon when he got like this.
"And in that darkness, we, the Seven Great Demon Lords, shall reign supreme," the fat and greedy Barbamon, Demon Lord of Greed, droned. "All shall kneel before us or be destroyed."
"I'll kneel to you, but for only one reason," Gankoomon said with a sly grin and a wink, causing Barbasmon to blush and the other Royal Knights to either snicker or groan.
"N-not in front of the guys, honeybunch, we're on the clock here!" Barbamon hissed, conscious of Lucemon's burning gaze, causing his husband to only grin even wider.
"Do you ever regret letting those two get married?" Omnimon whispered to Alphamon.
"On my very long list of regrets, old friend, that union is pretty far down," Alphamon said wearily.
"And once we're finished reducing the Digital World to a burning cinder, we'll go to the Real World, and destroy that too!" Leviamon, Demon Lord of Envy, said, licking his crocodilian lips with glee. Or possibly hunger. Or envy. Either way, Lucemon was satisfied.
"We will pillage and plunder and destroy until there's nothing left and all of humanity has been exterminated or bent to our will," Laylamon, Demon Lord of Lust, said in a bored tone as she filed her nails, clearly not particularly caring about what she was saying.
Belphemon, Demon Lord of Sloth, would have said something except he had fallen asleep again, a snot bubble growing from his left nostril. An annoyed Barbamon elbowed him and he woke up with a snort of surprise, his snot bubble popping. "Huh? What? Did I miss something?" The other Demon Lords glared at him. "Oh, uh, and after we've done that, we'll go and destroy some other Digital World, since there are many in other dimensions…or something…" He scratched his horned head. "Was I supposed to say something else?" The other Demon Lords groaned and facefaulted or facepalmed. The Royal Knights sighed and Ogudomon looked down at the smaller demons in confusion.
"You ruined our dramatic speech! Again!" Leviamon snarled. "Ugh, can't you ever remember anything we rehearse?! You always do this!"
"Sorry," Belphemon said sheepishly.
"Hey, don't talk to him like that!" Lucemon snapped.
"So what, we screw up we get yelled at, but he gets a free pass because he's your husband?" Barbamon grumbled.
"Yes! Precisely!" Lucemon said.
"…Not exactly fair, boss," Daemon pointed out.
"I'm a Demon Lord! Of course I'm not fair!" Lucemon shouted. "And where's Beelzemon? He's always late to these things!"
There was the vrum of a motorcycle engine, and Beelzemon, Demon Lord of Gluttony, rode up on his demonic bike Behemoth. "Sorry I'm late," he apologized. "The sitter had to cancel at the last minute so I had to ride around the neighborhood until I could find a good replacement since the missus is out of town."
"Your sitter has to cancel an awful lot," Laylamon said suspiciously.
"With kids like mine, can you blame her?" Beelzemon said with a shrug.
"I want kids," Leviamon said enviously.
"Not like mine you don't. What'd I miss?" Beelzemon asked.
"Lucemon throwing a tantrum about us not following his script," Daemon said.
"Ah, nothing new then," Beelzemon said.
"Gah! Do none of you take this seriously?!" Lucemon growled.
"No," they all said, bored.
"Especially since this'll probably go the way the last dozen times did, with the Royal Knights doing something stupid and the ancient evil we've summoned leaving for some reason," Barbamon said.
"…I'd probably resent that comment more if he weren't probably right," Gallantmon murmured. The other Knights grunted and shifted about.
"That won't happen this time! Ogudomon is a magnitude of evil greater than all the others we've summoned before now! Nothing will stop him from destroying this world!" Lucemon declared.
"That's what you said the last time, too," Barbamon said.
"And the time before that. And the time before that…" Leviamon droned.
"Why are we trying to destroy the world again, anyway?" Beelzemon asked. "I mean, we live here. Where're we supposed to go if the world's destroyed?"
Laylamon nodded. "Yes, all my favorite shoe stores are here. I don't suppose we could convince Ogudomon to spare-"
"NO! Ogudomon will destroy the Digital World and everything in it, and that is final! Okay?!" Lucemon yelled.
"What about you?" Magnamon asked.
"What about us?" Lucemon asked.
"You're in the world too. Won't he destroy you too?" Magnamon reasoned.
"Hey yeah, that's a good point," UlforceVeedramon said.
"Wow, I wouldn't have expected something that smart from the runt," Dynasmon said.
"Shut it, Dynasmon," Magnamon growled.
"…Hey yeah, Lucemon, what is going to keep Ogudomon from destroying us along with the rest of the world?" Belphemon asked uncertainly.
"I…l-look, I have everything under control, okay?! Would it kill the six of you to have a little faith in me?!" Lucemon stammered.
"That would require us to have a reason to place any faith in you whatsoever," Daemon said. The others nodded in agreement.
"Don't worry, Lucemon, I have faith in you," Belphemon said.
"Are you only saying that because we're married?" Lucemon asked.
"…Um…uh…oh, uh, I'm really tired, think I'm gonna take a nap…zzz…" Belphemon snored unconvincingly. Lucemon started crying.
"You know, I'd almost pity him if I didn't take so much pleasure in seeing someone else suffer this kind of idiocy for a change," Alphamon said with a cold smile.
"That's schaudenfraude for you, sir," Craniamon said.
"Gesundheit," Crusdaermon said.
"All right, Royal Knights," Alphamon said, turning to his fellows. "While it's quite likely, given our last few engagements, that this will just turn into another fiasco where we humiliate ourselves tremendously and the super-ultimate ancient evil leaves out of embarrassment and disgust, there's always the chance, no matter how slim or unlikely, that this time will be different, so let's conduct ourselves with all the dignity and pride that being part of the Royal Knights entails bwahahahaha I'm sorry I can't keep a straight face. Yggdrasil, we've become such tremendous laughingstocks. I hate my life and all of you so much."
"Well, sir, now that our roster is finally complete and at long last we have all thirteen Royal Knights, perhaps things will be different this time and things will turn around for us?" Kentaurosmon suggested optimistically.
"Craniamon, what are the odds of that actually happening?" Alphamon asked.
"…You do not want to know," Craniamon said.
"Exactly," Alphamon said.
"Aw, come on, Alphamon! I know some of us can be goofballs," Gankoomon said, pointedly looking at Dynasmon.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Dynasmon said as he stuck a 'Kick Me, My Name is Stupid And I Smell Funny' sign on Leopardmon's back.
"But not all of us are like that, and my little buddy here is every inch a true knight!" Gankoomon said, looking at the newest member of the Knights, Jesmon, with pride.
Jesmon, who wasn't exactly 'little,' bowed his head respectfully to Alphamon, his white armor radiating pure light, his red cape billowing behind him, his three great swords gleaming, and the three fiery spirits floating around him humming angelic hymns. "I have learned much under the tutelage of Gankoomon and the Sistermons, my liege. I am no longer the selfish Huckmon I once was, resenting my dear friend for marrying one of our greatest enemies instead of keeping his engagement promise to me and utterly breaking my heart."
"I told you, I thought you were asking me to officiate your wedding, not marry you!" Gankoomon sighed.
Ignoring him, Jesmon continued, pressing a fist to his chest in a salute. "I know everything there is to know about honor, duty, justice, chivalry…everything a true knight requires to fulfill his calling to protect the innocent. I swear to you, I will do my part to help restore our order to its former glory and respectability and carry us to victory in our many battles against the forces of evil."
"Meh, I'll believe it when I see it," Alphamon said dismissively. "I had high hopes for Gankoomon, too, and he wound up marrying Barbamon. And don't get me started on how big a disappointment Examon is…"
"…Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Examon asked, hurt.
"You slept with Azulongmon's wife!" Alphamon shouted.
"For the last time, she came onto me!" Examon protested.
"Uh, sir, do you think we could maybe…?" Gallantmon prompted.
"What? Oh, right. Good point. Mustn't keep the Super Demon Lord waiting, it's come all this way, we shouldn't disappoint it. Even though we're going to horribly, given our track record," Alphamon said with a sigh.
"It looks like a vagina," Dynasmon snickered.
"No he doesn't!" Lucemon shouted.
"Actually…you know, when you look at him just right, he kind of-" Barbamon started as he looked up appraisingly at Ogudomon, along with the other Digimon gathered, causing the Super Demon Lord to fidget self-consciously.
"And what would you know about vaginas? When's the last time you ever saw one?! Your spouse certainly doesn't have one!" Lucemon shrieked.
Barbamon's jaw dropped. He started tearing up. "…Words hurt, you know…"
"I should punch him in the dick for that," Gankoomon snarled. "I mean, I'd do it anyway, but this is personal!"
"I can't remember the last time I saw a vagina," Leviamon said sadly.
"You could always look at Laylamon's," Daemon joked.
"Just for that, you aren't going to see mine for a very long time," Laylamon said coldly.
"…Meh, worth it," Daemon said.
"No, that's all right, looking at Ogudomon's is good enough," Leviamon said, causing the others to snicker.
"HE IS NOT A VAGINA!" Lucemon bellowed. "Vaginamon-I MEAN OGUDOMON! OGUDOMON!" he yelled desperately when everyone burst into laughter. "GET THEM!" Ogudomon looked dubiously at Lucemon with its many eyes for a moment, then roared and started advancing towards the Knights.
"Okay, here it comes…" Alphamon said. "Everyone, ready! Royal Knights, ASSEMBLE!" he shouted, his call echoing to the furthest corners of the Digital World.
"…We're all right here," Examon pointed out awkwardly.
"Don't care! Everyone assume your strongest forms! Alphamon Mode-Change to…Alphamon Ouryuken!" The sword-wielding dragon Owryumon appeared out of nowhere and transformed into an immense sword that actually looked a lot like an enormous and very ornate black and gold axe with a smaller blade on its back end which flew into Alphamon's hand, causing his body to flash and for his wings to flare out and become bigger and shinier.
"Gallantmon Mode-Change to…Crimson Mode!" Gallantmon cried, his immaculate white armor transforming into more immaculate and super-cool crimson and gold armor with spherical blue crystals and shiny angelic wings of light.
"UlforceVeedramon Mode-Change to…Future Mode!" UlforceVeedramon shouted, bulking up, his beam saber extending, spikes growing from his shoulders, and white markings forming on his armor, which turned a darker blue.
"Come forth, Imperialdramon!" Omnimon commanded. The enormous draconic transport of the Royal Knights appeared out of nowhere. "Transform!"
"Imperialdramon Mode-Change to…Fighter Mode!" Imperialdramon roared, changing into a towering bipedal dragon warrior.
"Omnimon…" Omnimon's arms fell off and his body turned into a sword.
"Imperialdramon…" Imperialdramon grabbed the Omni Sword. He was engulfed in a brilliant white light.
"DNA Digivolve to…IMPERIALDRAMON PALADIN MODE!" Imperialdramon Paladin Mode looked the same as Fighter Mode, except his black armor was white, he was a lot shinier, and he had a huge holy sword.
"I do not have a Mode Change…but I need none, with my impenetrable defense and my Duo Solar Spear!" Craniamon declared as his dual-headed spear shot down from the sky and landed in the ground before him. He tore it out of the ground and twirled it before him dramatically, brandishing his indestructible Omni Shield.
"I also have no Mode Change, but with my Red Digizoid armor and my bow Musphelheim and shield Niflheim, I too cannot be bested!" Kentaurosmon boasted, the crossbow on his left arm bursting into flame as an icy wind swirled around the shield on his right arm.
"Dynasmon Mode-Change to…Megaphone Mode!" Dynasmon whipped out a megaphone and stuck a beret on his head.
"Crusadermon, Mode Change to…" Crusadermon twirled about and posed dramatically with a rose in one hand as a spotlight shone down on her from nowhere and rose petals slowly drifted down from the air. Steam hissed from vents on her armor and parts of it dropped off, revealing flawless skin, shapely curves, and a more than ample bosom only barely contained by her armored brassiere. Her helmet's front split apart and retracted to the sides, revealing an incredibly beautiful female face with blue eyes shining through a pink and yellow domino mask, and incredibly long golden hair with yellow ribbons interwoven in its voluminous mass billowed out from the back of her helmet, flowing down to her heels. "Crusadermon Eternal Beauty Mode!" A radiant light shone behind her and doves flew all over the place, white feathers falling all around.
"NOT THIS TIME, YOU BASTARDS!" Kentaurosmon shouted, pointing his crossbow at the doves. "Inferno Frost!" Flaming arrows shot from his arm and pierced the doves, causing them to burst into flames in chirps of agony. "HA! FINALLY! FINALLY! YOU AREN'T GONNA GET MY ARMOR THIS TIME, YOU FLYING SUKAMON! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Crusadermon gasped. "No, my beauties! You fiend!"
"They keep pooping all over me! What did you expect me to do about it?!" Kentaurosmon snapped.
"Stand there and take it like a mon, without harming an innocent creature! Isn't protecting the weak part of the Royal Knights' code?" Crusadermon retorted.
"There's nothing innocent about pigeons!" Kentaurosmon snarled.
"They were doves, not pigeons, you uncultured brute!" Crusadermon cried.
"Jah-gamon, Jay-gamon," Kentaurosmon said dismissively.
"Dynasmon! Kill this lout for slaying my beautiful doves!" Crusadermon screamed.
"Okay," Dynasmon said, raising his megaphone to his mouth.
"None of that now! If you're going to kill him, can it at least wait until after the battle?" Alphamon snapped.
"Oh, very well, if we must," Crusadermon sniffed reluctantly.
"Aww, darn," Dynasmon grumbled, lowering the megaphone.
"Gee, thanks for the save…" Kentaurosmon grunted.
"You're welcome," Alphamon said. "Now, let's keep this up! We aren't done!"
"I dunno, boss, I feel like we've kinda lost momentum…" Leopardmon said, really not wanting to change for…certain reasons.
"I DON'T CARE!" Alphamon bellowed.
"Yipe! Okay, okay! Leopardmon Mode-Change to…" Leopardmon's body shifted and transformed from an armored two-legged Knight to a four-legged armored feline with wings growing from his thighs and a closed helm which caused his head to look like that of a jungle cat with a blond mane. "Leopardmon…sigh…Leopard Mode!"
Dynasmon pointed and laughed. "That is still such a stupid name!"
"I will kill you one day," Leopardmon growled.
"Again, save it for later. Keep it up, people!" Alphamon barked.
"I am known as the Dragon Emperor! I shall smite all who stand before me with my mighty Ambrosius and Caledfwich!" Examon roared, raising his lance and spreading his mighty wings, which were at least two or three times as big as he was.
"I'm not going to bother trying to Mode Change this time, since every other time I've tried my armor explodes and I wind up wearing a barrel, so I shall fight as I am now! I am the Warrior of Miracles, Magnamon!" Magnamon declared, his golden armor radiating light…
And then exploding. "OH COME ON! I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING THAT TIME!" Magnamon screamed, desperately trying to cover his (very, very small) 'Digi-Egg.'
Alphamon sighed. "Imperialdramon Paladin Mode?"
"On it, sir," the giant dragon said, dropping a barrel over Magnamon's head. "Good thing I started carrying these around in my cargo area."
"Yes, if only we didn't need them all the time," Alphamon said wearily.
"Why does this keep happening to me?!" Magnamon wept. "I'm the Warrior of Miracles!"
"Well, if you get right down to it, not all miracles are technically good," Craniamon said.
"Since when?!" Magnamon demanded.
"A miracle is an event not explicable by natural or scientific laws. It is not, by definition, something that is necessarily benign, but people usually associate it as being something good, even though a horribly tragic and unlikely accident also technically counts as a miracle too, but most individuals choose not to look at it that way," Craniamon explained.
"…Huh. Suddenly most of my life makes a lot more sense," Magnamon said.
"I need no Mode Change or weapons…the only power I require is in these two hands of mine!" Gankoomon said, kissing his fists. Hinukami coughed. "Huh? Oh, uh…and you too, pal."
"All right," Alphamon said. "Now that we're all ready, let's-"
"Wait," Jesmon interrupted, and Alphamon instinctively knew everything was about to go horribly wrong.
"Yes, Jesmon?" Alphamon said through gritted teeth.
"I, too, have a new form I would like to unveil," Jesmon said.
"Really? I didn't know about it," Gankoomon said in surprise.
"I have been working on it in secret with the Sistermons for quite some time. We wanted it to be a surprise," Jesmon said.
Gankoomon smirked. "Well, all right, little buddy, let's see it!"
"How much do you want to wager this is going to turn out to be completely stupid and pointless?" Leopardmon said wearily.
"That's a sucker's bet," UlforceVeedramon said.
Jesmon's armor started glowing brilliantly. "Jesmon, Mode-Change tooooooo…"
The light grew and grew in intensity, until it was so blindingly brilliant everyone was crying out and holding their eyes. "Ah! My eyes! I can't see!" Gallantmon cried.
"The light! It burnsssssssssssssss!" Dynasmon hissed.
"I can't see! I CAN'T SEE!" Laylamon shrieked, flailing about.
"Meh, it's not so bad," Beelzemon said, wearing special three-lensed sunglasses.
Ogudomon howled and staggered back, its seven eyes squeezed shut and watering up.
As Alphamon squinted and averted his gaze, he marveled at the incredible amount of power he felt emanating from the newest and youngest Knight. This power…it's incredible! Could it be? Could this finally be what we need to become the great heroes we once were and could be again?
As the light died down, he got his answer. The majestic knight was now wearing a pink dress covered in glitter, jewels, and more ribbons and bows and frills than existed in Crusadermon's closet, he was wearing makeup and eyeliner and a sparkling tiara, his cape had been replaced by flowing fuschia hair that went down to the ground, his armor had turned pink, his swords were replaced with sparkling wands, and his three fiery spirits were now fluttering pink butterfly kitty fairy things. "Pretty Pink Princess Mode!" Jesmon screeched in a high falsetto voice.
There was a long, long silence as everyone stared at Jesmon. Alphamon made a noise like a strangled sob, trembling all over. Dynasmon burst into hysterical laughter and collapsed to the ground. "This…this is…oh sweet Goddramon, this is too much! AHAHAHAHA!"
"He…he's even more beautiful than meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Crusadermon cried, bursting into tears.
"There are no words for this," Kentaurosmon said dully.
"No words at all," Gallantmon agreed.
"This…is even worse than my direst predictions," Craniamon said, looking absolutely flabbergasted.
"Well, at least that makes my current outfit look positively sensible in comparison," Magnamon said, trying to look on the bright side.
"And it makes my name seem absolutely normal!" Leopardmon agreed.
Imperialdramon Paladin Mode facepalmed. "I am beginning to think it was ever a mistake to form this team."
"I really should have stayed with the Draconic Legion," Examon said morosely.
"If you go back, I'd like to join you," UlforceVeedramon said. "This outfit is looking less and less appealing by the day."
"I do not understand," said a confused and hurt Jesmon. "Gankoomon, why is everyone acting like this?"
"Jesmon…I…they…it's just…" Gankoomon started and stopped a few times helplessly. He sighed. "I…think we need to have a long talk with the Sistermons later…"
"Wow. Just…wow. That's…I can't even laugh at that," Laylamon said with a grimace. "It's just so…pathetic."
Daemon nodded. "I think they've finally, truly hit rock-bottom."
"I…actually, no, I don't wish I had a dress as pretty as that," Leviamon said, surprised.
Barbamon shook his head pityingly. "Oh, Gankoomon…you must be so disappointed."
"Zzzz," Belphemon snored.
"Well, guess that's that. Ogudomon will probably leave any minute now," Beelzemon predicted.
"N-no! It's not over yet! There's no way a being as powerful or malevolent as Ogudomon will let something like this dissuade him!...right?" Lucemon pleaded, staring up at the Super Demon Lord.
Ogudomon stared at the Royal Knights, specifically Jesmon, for a long, long time. Then he sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, no. I'm not doing this."
"WHAT?!" Lucemon shrieked.
"Oh wow. Big surprise," Beelzemon said.
"Certainly didn't expect that," Laylamon said drily.
"Is it strange that I'm starting to wish they would agree to stay and fight us, just to break up the monotony?" Kentaurosmon asked Gallantmon.
"Normally I'd say yes, except that Jesmon is wearing a dress, so I'm starting to think the world does not and never will make sense again," Gallantmon said dazedly.
"B-but great Ogudomon, they're right there, completely helpless! Why don't you-" Lucemon begged.
"Look, kid, I'm a professional world-ending Ultimate Evil. I've got standards. Prestige. I only get summoned by the best villains and fight the choicest heroes in epic battles which will be spoken of in legends for generations to come." He pointed one long, city-crushing limb at Jesmon. "That is a male knight dressed as a magical girl. I have no problems fighting knights. I have no problems fighting magical girls. I have no problems fighting female knights. But this? This is…this is just sad. If word got out that I battled a male knight dressed as a magical girl, I'd be the laughing stock of all the other world-ending Ultimate Evils. I could never show my face at all the hangouts and barbecues and parties again. My reputation would be ruined forever…something which I'm beginning to believe you're becoming all too familiar with. I should never have answered your want ad…my agent thought it seemed a bit too desperate…"
"But…but…" Lucemon said weakly.
"If you're going to summon a world-ending Ultimate Evil to fight your enemies, get someone else. Like Quartzmon. That guy's so desperate for work he doesn't care who summons him or who he's up against. Heard just last week he got called up by some ugly witches and was defeated by some pastel-colored ponies with a magic rainbow. Boy, he's never going to live that one down," Ogudomon said with a chuckle.
"We tried summoning him a couple months ago, actually," Daemon said.
"He left after Magnamon's armor exploded. Figured he'd seen enough," Laylamon said.
"Why does it keep happening?!" Magnamon moaned.
Ogudomon nodded. "Hmm. Yeah, I can see that. Surprisingly clever of him. Maybe I should've left around then, after the whole megaphone thing I was starting to feel iffy."
"HEY! DON'T DISS THE MEGAPHONE!" Dynasmon shouted into his megaphone.
"You really shouldn't. Dynasmon with a megaphone has been classified one of the top ten most dangerous things in the Digital World," Imperialdramon Paladin Mode said.
"Really? Huh. Then why haven't you guys tried harnessing his power?" Ogudomon asked the Demon Lords.
"We tried once. It was horrible," Beelzemon said with a shiver.
"I still have nightmares about his singing voice," Barbamon shuddered.
"NONE OF YOU RESPECT TRUE ARTISTIC GENIUS!" Dynasmon bellowed.
"…Yyyyeah, I think I'm starting to understand why so many of my poker buddies warned me to steer clear of this place and the Cosmic Destructor's Union is trying to blacklist this world. I'm just going to leave now before the sheer stupidity starts to infect me, too. Later." Ogudomon tore open a portal, ignoring Lucemon's frenzied pleas to stay. He paused, and Lucemon's hopes rose…
Until the Incarnation Digimon asked Dynasmon, "Do I really look like a vagina to you?"
"YES!" Dynasmon shouted.
"I can kind of see it too," Kentaurosmon admitted.
"I wish I couldn't," Examon groaned.
"From my experience, I would say yes, you look like a vagina," Jesmon agreed.
"Exper…I am really going to need to talk to the Sistermons about what they've been doing for your training," Gankoomon groaned.
"You totally look like a vagina! Wh-which I've seen lots of. Yeah. Tons and tons of them," Magnamon said nervously.
"Don't be silly, Magnamon, everyone knows you are a virgin!" Crusadermon said obliviously.
Magnamon facepalmed as some of the other Knights started laughing. "Don't remind me…"
"A vagina. Huh. That explains a lot," Ogudomon murmured to himself. Lost in thought, he wandered through the portal and disappeared.
"No! NO! GAAAAH!" Lucemon shrieked, tearing out his hair. "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!"
"BECAUSE YOU SUCK!" Dynasmon yelled.
The other Demon Lords nodded. "Yeah, you kind of do," Daemon agreed.
"DON'T YOU START WITH ME!" Lucemon shouted at him. "Don't think this is over, Knights! Next time I'll destroy you for sure!"
"That's what you said last time," Kentaurosmon said.
"And the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that…" Leopardmon agreed.
"Statistically speaking, you will fail just as you have every single other time," Craniamon added.
"BLISTERING ORB!" Lucemon shouted, hurling a fireball at Craniamon.
The Knight wordlessly raised his shield, which the orb burst harmlessly against. Craniamon glanced at his shield, which was completely unscratched and undamaged. "You know, I think that attack used to be a lot stronger."
"Maybe Lucy's been letting himself go?" Gankoomon joked.
"He's been overdoing it on Digi-bites and ice cream lately on account of his depression from losing all the time-" Belphemon started, having woken up at some point earlier.
"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU SOMEDAY!" Lucemon bellowed.
"Even me?" Belphemon asked, hurt.
"I'M SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING IT!" Lucemon snarled.
"Our glorious leader," Laylamon said deadpan.
"Definitely not voting for him at the next election," Beelzemon said.
"I wanna be leader," Leviamon whined.
"You'd probably be better than Lucemon," Barbamon said.
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I HATE EVERYTHING!" Lucemon spread his wings and flew away, screaming curses at the top of his lungs.
"Well, that happened," Daemon said dispassionately.
"I should probably go after him," Belphemon said worriedly, taking off after his lover.
"Guess that's it for today. Hey, Gankoomon, we still on for dinner?" Barbamon asked as the other Demon Lords prepared to leave, seeing no reason to stick around.
"Sure thing, darling!" Gankoomon said, blowing him a kiss. Barbamon caught it and swooned.
"So…I do not understand. Have we won?" Jesmon asked uncertainly.
"It would seem that way, yes," Gallantmon said.
"Ah," Jesmon said. There was a pause. "It does not feel like we won."
"You'll get used to that feeling in due time," Examon said resignedly.
"You'll be feeling it a lot," UlforceVeedramon sighed.
Jesmon frowned. "I was led to believe that our battles and struggles were rather more…epic in nature. Do you mean to say that they're all like this?"
"Yep," Magnamon said, depressed that his armor had exploded again.
"More or less these days," Imperialdramon Paladin Mode said.
"I can't remember the last time we were in a fight that didn't involve a prank war or one of Dynasmon and Leopardmon's frequent scuffles," Kentaurosmon confessed.
Jesmon frowned. "But…Gankoomon told me-"
Gankoomon laughed nervously. "I, uh, might have exaggerated a little. And by a little, I mean…a lot. A lot a lot."
"Oh…" Jesmon said, looking rather dejected.
"H-hey, don't fret! I'm sure we'll get to have a big epic battle like the legends speak of one of these days…right guys?" Gankoomon asked the other Knights. They looked at each other and shrugged. Gankoomon sighed.
"I don't see what you guys are complaining about. We saved the world again! Who cares if it was in a pointless stupid way? It's not like anyone else was here to see it! We can just lie about it being awesomer than it was. I do that all the time," Dynasmon said.
"Like your prowess in bed?" Leopardmon remarked.
"I KILL YOU!" Dynasmon screamed, pouncing on Leopardmon. A violent fight ensued.
"Yes, get him my love! Tear out his kidneys!" Crusadermon cackled, goading her lover on.
"Isn't anyone going to stop them?!" Jesmon asked, appalled.
"No," Gallantmon said.
"But why not?!" Jesmon demanded.
"No point. They'll just get back to it later," UlforceVeedramon said.
"Plus, it's fun to watch," Magnamon said.
Jesmon looked disgusted. "Is this truly what the Royal Knights have become? What happened to your honor and valor? Your heroism and dignity?"
"Heck if I know," Kentaurosmon grunted.
"It's a bit hard to take such talk seriously from a guy dressed like a magical girl," Imperialdramon Paladin Mode said. Jesmon fidgeted self-consciously.
"Alphamon, sir, are you all right? You haven't said anything since Jesmon transformed," Craniamon asked his leader, who still seemed catatonic with shock, in concern.
Alphamon blinked slowly, then turned his head towards Beelzemon, the last Demon Lord remaining, who was cursing and trying to get a stubborn Behemoth to start working. "Beelzemon?"
"What?" Beelzemon grunted, glancing up.
"Can I borrow one of your guns? I have a sudden urge to shoot something," Alphamon said.
Beelzemon gave him an appraising look. "Would that something be the other Knights or yourself?"
Alphamon grinned terrifyingly, his eyes glittering with madness. "Why don't we find out?"
The Royal Knights exchanged glances and started running. It would be quite some time before they stopped.