All These Things We Hold Dear
An NCIS Fanfic.
The Desk of Special Agent Caitlyn Todd
There was no way to pretend that her desk would ever seat her again. She was dead forever. She wasn't going to walk into work tomorrow morning dressed as always in her pantsuit, sit at her desk, and then begin working on something.
She would never enter the office for the very first time and be pointed in the direction of the empty desk next to Gibbs. She would never find the surprise Tony left her in the chair. It actually was a nice surprise.
She would never sit in her chair and throw carrots at Tony's head, whilst dodging flying food from his side of the Bullpen.
She would never sit down only to be confronted by McGee, who is lying under her computer, "upgrading it."
She would never look up and smile at Gibbs and say good morning.
She would never silently speculate Gibbs' relationship status with the mysterious redhead with Tony.
And for all these things, they held on dearly. Everything she had ever done was her last. There would never be a new moment to hold on to. Nothing would be the same.
The one thing that they could keep the same was her desk. Everything on its surface would be forever in perfect order; never a pencil out of place, or a paper not filed into its correct folder. The drawers would forever be neat and organized, free of clutter, and filled with her secrets.
That is why Cassidy cannot sit in her desk. This is not allowed, nor will it ever be. Her desk must remain pure, untouched, just as she left it.
That is why Ziva is not allowed at her desk. Nothing can be moved. The boat must not be rocked. The memories must not be disturbed.
Except, as Gibbs discovers, they cannot forever keep her desk just as she left it. The idea is unrealistic and shows just how attached they all still remain with her memory. The desk is a thing. They can associate all the memories and feelings of loss with it that they want, but at the end of the day the desk is a thing. It has no feelings or hopes or dreams. It does not contain the essence that was Caitlyn Todd. Caitlyn Todd is dead.
And no matter how cliché it may sound, the only way to truly keep her alive is to remember.
And to move.
And so Ziva takes a seat. They reluctantly allow this.
It is time for some new memories.
The old will never be forgotten.
A/N: This is the first story I have planned in the things series. Each chapter will deal with important objects in the NCIS universe, and the impact said objects have on the characters and events.
I'm rewatching episodes, so the list of possibilities for this series continues to grow. If you know of an object that you would like to see written about, please let me know and I'll see what I can do.
Thanks for reading and pretty please drop me a note and tell me what you think!
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Disclaimer: NCIS is the property of Donald P. Bellisario and Don McGill.