a/n: I've been reading a lot of HP fan fiction while trying to awaken my muse for my Degrassi fanfic. Either way, it's a songfic and a oneshot. There are no real specific ships; I'll let you all decide at the end who he chooses, Ginny or Hermione.
Music: "Learn to be Lonely" by Minnie Driver, from the movie version of Phantom of the Opera
Harry sat in his chair, butterbeer in hand. The music was a fast-paced rock song, which the other guests were jumping up and down to in time with the drums.
He was alone at his table, staring morosely at the half-empty bottle in his hand. But what reasons did he have to be morose? Bill and Fleur had been married a mere three hours ago, and the celebration was not only for them, but a reminder for all that life could still be filled with joy and love, even with the war looming overhead.
He sighed as he stared out into the crowd of guests, all of whom but him were out laughing and having fun on the dance floor. The day had started out innocently enough, laughing with Ron and Hermione, and with only a slight twinge of guilt every time he thought of Ginny.
The preparations- tuxes, Mrs. Weasley fussing over his hair, the set-up of the field for the wedding- had kept him busy enough to remain happy, Horcruxes and ex-girlfriends all but absent from his mind.
But then the wedding had started, with an ecstatic bride and an even happier groom. They had exchanged vows, and Mrs. Weasley had cried, and Fleur and Bill had kissed tenderly, promising to always be with each other.
It was at that moment that Harry had remembered everything- and that he would be, as he always truly had been, alone.
The band began a slow song, one nearly unknown to the wizards present, but one that Harry knew well, mainly from Aunt Petunia's caterwauling as she cleaned over summer breaks.
Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
He had been born into a destiny of perpetual heartache, into a world that was determined to keep him alone. His parents, Sirius, Cedric, the old Muggle man, Dumbledore… all and more had died because of him, directly or not. He was born into a world where the people he loved were snatched away, simply because he cared for them. Who would be next? Who would be gone, lost forever, leaving him emptier than before?
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
The most noble course of action had been become very apparent during the days following Dumbledore's death at the hands of Snape. No one around him was safe; as incompetent and lost as he felt, he would have to complete Dumbledore's mission without help. Cutting ties with Ginny had been surprisingly easy; she hadn't fought back, she hadn't screamed and begged like he had half-expected her too. What he hadn't expected was Ron and Hermione flat-out refusing to let him face Voldemort alone.
He had agreed at the time, but now he wasn't so sure. In an effort to distance himself, he had chosen to not dance, to not be with his friends. He had to learn to not rely on them; he had to learn not to grieve over their absence, whether by distance or death.
He had to learn to find his way through the mess of Dark magic and Dark wizards that had dogged him since birth and that had finally shown their ugly faces in his life. His one guiding light had been the love of his friends. Now, he had to grope his way around in the dark.
Who will be there for you,
comfort and care for you?
Up until he was 11, there was no one to comfort him; no one to wipe away his tears when he scraped his knee, no one to give a hug when he was particularly down. The Dursleys had provided no solace and no support.
When he came to Hogwarts, it was a completely different story. Suddenly, there were people around- two in particular- that gave a damn. Hermione and Ron had stuck with him, even when no one else believed a word he said. He had tried to do right by them, tried to be the best friend he could be to both of them, even when two or all three were in the midst of a dispute.
His love life had also blossomed inside the stone walls of the castle. First had been Cho, which had ended just like it started: in tears. She could have never understood; she could have never been strong enough to face the darkness that was always trying to engulf him.
Ginny, however, was that strong. Growing up in a family of 7 children, of which she was the seventh and the only girl had taught her fierce determination, if not loyalty and a strong sense of her own desires and character. She had loved him long before he had even thought of her that way, and she was willing to stand by him in the fight with Voldemort, willing to risk her own life to just be with him.
But time had taught him that those who cared for him would be eliminated, as a way to weaken him, a way to turn his loving soul into one of anger and pain and hate. He had been happy with Ginny and loved her, more then he had loved anything in his whole life. But she couldn't be there for him. Not when it meant that death, not distance, would tear them apart.
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion
Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
Harry settled back into his chair, still staring morosely at that bottle. There was but one thing to do. He just had to get used to being lonely. Being a wallflower at the wedding was a small but necessary first step. If he could somehow manage to fade into the background without a soul noticing at something as innocent as a reception, it would become easier to not have anyone with him when he faced more frightening obstacles.
He had never felt particularly intelligent or talented or witty. That was what Hermione was for. He had never felt particularly strong or funny or confident. That was Ron's forte. Ginny was the beautiful one, the loving one. But now he had to find all of those qualities within himself and himself alone; there was no other way he could find and destroy those Horcruxes. He needed to find his friends within himself, and be his only companion.
And when it was said and done, he couldn't run to them, either. If he somehow managed to kill Voldemort and survive himself, he couldn't very well go back to his abandoned friends and expect them to welcome him with open arms and hold him and praise him.
You've always known
Your heart was on its own
He had always felt awkward around affection. The Dursleys had never shown it, and eleven years of neglect were still proving hard to overcome. He now realized that this perhaps was his heart's way of telling him that he was meant to be alone. This was fate reminding him that he had a job to do, and that no one's affection could help him. Only the love he felt for his friends could save them; that is what he surmised the 'power he knew not' mentioned by the prophecy to be. His love could save those he cared for from a certain death.
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone
He gazed out onto the dance floor, at slow-dancing couples and the smiling newlyweds. He laughed bitterly, without any other feeling. He simply had to get used to the feeling of emptiness inside of him. As long as he pushed everyone away, it would always be there. He would learn to love it, embrace it knowing that this emptiness was the price he had to pay for the safety and general well-being of those he loved most. He knew they'd be worried, but this was something he had to learn to love, and that he had to do alone.
Learn to be lonely
life can be lived
life can be loved
Alone.
Alone. It was a scary word, one that resounded in his mind as the last notes of the song faded, and the voice had long since stopped holding out the note.
He glanced at his now empty butterbeer and stood, stretching a little to work out the kinks that had developed from sitting for the majority of the reception. He started to head over to the refreshments table, when his vision was filled with an abundance of potion-sleeked bushy hair.
"Harry Potter," said Hermione, her hands one her waist and glaring at him.
He stopped walking and just looked at her. "What?"
"Why aren't you out dancing? Ginny's been looking for you."
His stomach clenched, and he looked to his right and saw both Ginny and Ron at the edge of the dance floor, ignoring their fellow party-goers who were now grinding to another rock song.
"I'm just not up to it, Hermione," he replied, keeping his voice void of emotion.
She arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms in front of her chest, wrinkling her baby blue dress robes.
"Harry, you've been like this all evening. We aren't stupid. What's wrong?"
He looked into her eyes, and behind the irritation saw concern. He knew very well that she wasn't daft; she would see through any excuse he gave.
"I'm learning to be lonely, Hermione."
She looked at him in confusion.
"What? Harry, what-" Her eyebrows plunged downward as she realized what he was saying. "No! You are not thinking of leaving us, are you? To do this on your own?"
He shrugged, struggling to maintain the belief that what he had decided to do was right. She had a remarkable talent for making him feel like his plans were ridiculous.
"Harry Potter, you are not facing him alone. I don't know how many times we all have to say it." She was getting red in the face, and he stopped her before she could begin her tirade.
"I know, Hermione!" he shouted, silently thanking the Sonorus Charm that had been placed on the bands instruments so that no one could hear their argument. "But I absolutely refuse to let any of you become like my mum and dad, or like Sirius. None of you are going to die because of me! None!"
She shook her head. "You can't stop any of us, Harry. Not me, not Ron, not even Ginny." At his look of indignation, she spoke louder. "Yes, Harry, I know she agreed to let you be noble. But she had always planned on coming. You may not be willing to sacrifice us, but we are willing to sacrifice ourselves for you! We've allowed you to be noble for this long; now allow us to be noble in turn."
She grabbed his hand, encasing it in both of hers.
"We all love you too much to let you face this alone, Harry."
He put his other hand on both of hers, and shook his head.
"No."
She pulled her hands away, this time grabbing both sides of his face.
"Listen to me, Potter. You will not do this alone. If you sneak off, we will follow. Nothing you try will stop us. Nothing. Love is your greatest power, and we will not allow you to lose it."
He growled in frustration. She was just as stubborn as he was.
"Now, come on," she appeased, grabbing his hand again. "I know this argument isn't over, but have some fun with us now. If you are so bent on leaving us, at least have fun while you can."
He reluctantly allowed himself to be led towards Ron and Ginny, and shot a sheepish smile at the female redhead. She returned it with a wink, and he felt his sheepish smile turn into a grin.
He could put-off learning to be lonely for just one more night.
a/n: The End! Read, review… please?