Hey? How are you?
Yes, I know I should be writing other things, but I got this idea and well, what ya gonna do?
As always, notes at the bottom, enjoy!
Warnings: Genderswap (cannon chapter of the opposite gender as in the cannon), some OCs (minor one, not that important), relationship CC/OC (a cannon character with an original one, but not important ones, depending of how you look at it), original names (if you don't know them by now, what have you been reading? xD), maybe some OOC (but remember that this is MANGA-VERSE, so that changes this a little bit), angst and bad poetry (is that even a warning?)
Clarification: All the text in italic are memories/flash-backs, and there're three in total (the last one separated in several parts).
Disclaimer: Beyblade does not belong to me. The poem does, and it's a poem, not a song, but if you wanna hear a song, I recommend the hidden-track in the song "Run" by Malukah/Judith de los Santos, it goes perfectly with this.
She sat on the edge of the bed, her hands were in tight fists, but the shaking would not stop.
She shouldn't be feeling this way, yet the thoughts in her mind had not gone away.
She was a twenty-five year old woman, for god's sake! Not the High-school girl she once was.
She shouldn't be thinking about him…
-.-
It's silly to think
how this came to be.
I can't help to see you
every night in my sleep.
-.-
Kai breathed in deeply. She needed to calm down; this stress was not good for her. Not in this situation.
But by every second that passed, those thoughts became harder and harder to ignore. And the tension was starting to kill her.
All these thoughts, these memories that were torturing her, were all about the same subject, the same person.
Kinomiya Takao.
-.-
I've been dreaming so much
about you and I.
What we had, what we were.
What we could have become.
-.-
The dual-blunette looked over at her watch once more. If he's not here in five seconds, she swears to god…!
"Hey!" finally!
"You're late, Kinomiya" she said crossing her arms and looking to the other side, letting him know that she was not happy about having to wait.
"Yeah sorry. I got a little distracted" Takao sat beside her on the park bench, not really caring that he had upset her. After all, he knew she was just faking it.
"If I had known that you would have taken this long, I would have gone home and change" Kai took a hold of her green school uniform, she never really liked hanging out with Takao while wearing it.
But he had insisted that they should meet up after classes, and her school wasn't that close to the park. So now she was stuck wearing this ridiculous red bowtie and way-too-short skirt.
Not that she didn't look good on them, mind you, she just rather be wearing her pants.
"What did you wanted to talk about, anyway?" she asked after a moment of silence, looking over at her friend's face.
"You know…" there was a blush across his cheeks, and he was pointedly looking at anywhere but her "Today marks four years since we met"
"I know" if she had to guess, she'll say he was nervous.
"Well, I've been thinking…" his blush deepened, and he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes dead-focused on the ground before him.
"Well, that is a surprise" she teased, with all the intention to make him snap at her.
Throwing insults back and ford was usual between them, so it was so strange to see him acting so shy around her.
Kai didn't like it.
"Hey, I'm serious!" Takao said raising his voice, sounding offended, but he finally looked her in the eyes.
"Fine, I'm sorry" she apologized, noticing that whatever he was thinking was hard for him to express "Go on"
Takao sighed deeply. He was nervous, alright, and it was starting to unnerve her.
"I've been thinking that…we've known each other for so long and…and we had this special bond over beyblade…" the more he talked, the more he rambled and the lower his voice got.
"Wait" she interrupted him "You're not gonna ask me for a battle, are you?" Kai put on her best indifferent/serious expression, and waited till she had his full attention to say "'cuz you know I can't do that on these heels"
Ok, don't judge her. She wanted to go back to their normal interaction! She didn't like this, and it was putting her a little bit on the edge.
And if this was going to where she thought it was going, she had every right to be.
"What? No!" he didn't really know how she got that idea "And if you hate them so much, why you wear them?"
The dual-blunette had half a mind to keep on that pointless argument, but she chose to remain silent. This was important, and better to get it over with soon.
"What I'm trying to say is…I-I really care about you and…" oh, boy, this was going where she thought it was going!
This was so like…about freaking time, damn it!
Was she blushing? She felt like she was blushing. This was all so sudden.
Yeah, ok, it wasn't. Kai had been waiting for Takao to make a move for like…months now? A little bit longer and she would have tied him to a bed and had her wicked way with him…
Oh, wait, he's still talking!
"And-and I feel this way…about you and…I don't know if, maybe…" Aww, he was so cute! She loved how he looked, all blushed and stuttering.
"Kinomiya" but she had waited for this for a long time, and he was just staling.
"No, let me finish! What I mean is…you"
"Takao" ok, that got his attention.
Takao shut his mouth and looked at her, and Kai smiled the most seductive smile she could muster, moved a little bit closer to him and said with the most authoritative tone she had:
"Why don't you stop making a fool out of yourself and kiss me?"
And he did.
-.-
About a decade has gone
since I crushed this hope.
How stupid I was
to break my own heart.
-.-
She shouldn't be thinking about that. There were more urgent matters she needed to focus on. Why was his memory coming back to haunt her right now?
Takao was…on the pass. She'd chosen to leave him behind…
How much time has passed now? Not even a minute?
Oh god, why was this taking so long?!
-.-
I want you gone,
I want you out,
to have nothing of you in my mind.
-.-
Two hours, seven minutes and forty-four seconds.
That's how long it has been since Kai got her admission letter from Tokyo University. And now she was sitting here, once again on a park bench, wearing her school uniform and waiting for him.
This time, however, she was the one to call him. She was the one with something important to say, the one that was nervous and couldn't find the right words.
Once this summer was over, the dual-blunette would be starting collage. In another city.
A city that seemed to be so far away from here; where no one knew her and everything was unfamiliar.
A city where she'll get the best education she could get, where all the business contacts she'll need resided and where her career will start.
Going there was the first step she had to take to fulfill her dream to succeed her grandfather as CEO of Hiwatari Enterprise.
A dream she had since she was ten years old.
"Hey, babe" and here he was, the one thing that was tying her to this place.
Takao sat beside her and gave her a kiss, and despite of all her self-restrain, Kai kissed him back.
"Something wrong?" he asked, concerned. Apparently she had started crying somewhere in the middle of the kiss.
Kai smiled sadly, this was harder that she anticipated. But she had to do it.
"We need to talk"
-.-
I want to leave you behind,
to rip my heart out and never feel
what I no longer deserve to feel.
-.-
She was crying. Oh god, she can't believe she's crying.
This was so stupid! She has more control than this.
"It's time" her husband's voice startled her, and Kai turned her head around to look at him.
Oh, Jacob. They've been married for…three years now. A convenience marriage more than out of love, and yet he was here, by her side, supporting her in this very hard moment.
This should be a very important and happy moment for the both of them, and she could see, behind the concern and fear in his eyes, how exited he was about this.
She hoped her eyes were showing at least half of that happiness.
The dark-haired man took her by the hand, when he realized that the dual-blunette wouldn't move, and guide her to the bathroom, where the only thing that was out of place was a single, little cardboard box.
A box that could change both of their lives forever.
"No, I can't look!" she said, afraid of that tiny, little thing, and hided her face on her husband's shoulder, who hugged her close, trying to calm her down.
This was supposed to be such a big moment on hers and her husband's life, and all she could think about was him…
-.-
I love you so much
and it terrifies me to think
that you were my true love,
because I can't seem to let go.
-.-
"Hey!" it was late at night and no one was on the streets, so Kai was a little surprised –and truthfully, a bit afraid- when someone touched her shoulder and spun her around.
It was around 10pm and she was walking in a not-so-nice-looking neighborhood wearing really expensive clothes and jewelry, by herself.
So maybe she was being a little paranoid, but believe her, she never expected to run into him…
"Hi…" she mumbled, surprise all over her face.
He had…grown up. He was a lot taller than she remembered. Boyish features had been replaced by harsh angles. He wasn't wearing that baseball cap anymore and, surprisingly, he had a goatee.
"You…do remember who I am, don't you?" the blunet had to ask after several minutes where all she did was staring wide-eyed at him.
Ok, that definitely broke the ice. He hasn't change, alright.
"I don't think it's even possible to forget you, Kinomiya" Kai had to suppress a laugh; it sure did feel good to see him again.
"Right back at you, Hiwatari" Takao had that playful smile she hadn't seen in so long on his face "So tell me" he finally let go of her shoulder, and put his hand on his jacket's pockets "What's such a rich and refined lady like you, doing in a place like this?"
"Honestly? My car broke a few blocks from here" see that she wasn't the only one who thought she was out of place here?
"Oh, so rich people are not above walking home? Didn't know that" rich people jokes, really?
"Actually…" although, after all this time, she wasn't sure if he was just joking or being sarcastic "I was seeing if I could get a cab"
They stayed silent after that. It has been so long since the last time they saw each other, so it was a little awkward. It's not like they could start acting as if nothing has happened between them.
"You know, I can give you a ride if you want" Takao offered, but Kai guessed it was more out of courtesy than anything else "And maybe we could catch up a little"
She was sure that, if she kept looking, she would find a cab somewhere. Or she could call home and have someone pick her up, but…
It's been so long…
-.-
I don't know who you are,
I don't know what you do.
And yet I can't seem
to stop thinking about you.
-.-
The silence in the car was deafening, and you could cut the tension in the air with a knife.
Kai was really regretting having taken on the man's offer, but outside it had started to rain and these damn shoes were way too much expensive to walk on them in the middle of a storm.
"So…" finally, Takao started talking, deciding that, if he wanted this awkward tension between them to disappear, he would have to be the one to do it "How've you been?"
"Fine" the dual-blunette answered while watching how the rain hit against the window's glass.
"More that nice, if you're living in this part of the city" he commented, once again in that tone she wasn't sure if it was playful or a well-masked insult.
"You know, I'm not that rich" she said, starting to feel annoyed by his tone.
"I can search how much you make in a year on the internet, Kai" he said that a little more playfully, maybe finding funny to think that she didn't even know how public her life was.
"You've searched for me on the internet?" it was inevitable for the dual-blunette to ask that, even if, perhaps, she shouldn't have.
Takao coughed embarrassed, a light blush spreading through his check.
"Not intentionally" he said, focusing too much on the road ahead "It's hard not to find out about the life of the most influential women in all of Japan"
"Hn" Kai sighed, she shouldn't be feeling disappointed, but like before, it was inevitable.
"I heard you got married…" the blunet commented in a low tone, after some time in silence.
"I did" she wasn't about to denied that "For two years and a half now" it would be an insult to him, and her husband, if she as much as tried.
Kai turned to see how her answer had affected him. He was looking at the road, hands tightly holding the wheel, blue eyes hiding an unreadable sentiment, which she couldn't quite guess. Again, this shouldn't matter, and it shouldn't hurt this much to know that she couldn't read him as easily as she used to.
They stayed in silence for a while, the rain outside slowly ending.
"Hey, you mind passing me my cigarettes?" Takao asked breaking the silence, and pointing to where they were.
"You smoke now?" she wasn't really judging him, it's just that smoking was one of the last things she ever thought he'll do.
"From time to time" he admitted, shrugging his shoulders like he didn't care "Why? You don't like it?"
"Hardly my place to say" Kai rummaged through all the things he had there, and when she finally found the cigarettes, a small picture felt on her lap.
-.-
Tell me it's over.
Tell me I lost,
that I had quit a long time ago.
-.-
"Who are they?" she asked, holding the picture before her.
In it, the blue-eyed man was holding a small child in his arms and a black-haired woman was hanging off his shoulder, they all had party-hats on their heads and looked very happy.
"That's my wife and my son, Makoto" Takao said, looking briefly to the photo "He turned one year a few months ago"
Kai felt as if a bucket of cold water was suddenly emptied on her back, a sensation she knew perfectly well she had no right to feel.
"I didn't know you got married" she whispered, almost in a trance, watching that picture as if she couldn't believe what it showed her.
"Well, I don't expect someone as important as you would care about the life of someone as insignificant as me" he said, that spite in his voice so clear now it was impossible to miss it.
"Takao…" the dual-blunette said softly, an apology ready on her tongue –through she wasn't sure what she should apologize for.
"I know…" the car came to a stop and he sighed deeply, this wasn't going as either of them wanted it to go, and old grudges were starting to show up.
"Listen, I…" he looked at her, blue meeting red, an edge of sadness and regret shinning clearly in their eyes "I wanted to apologize for the way things ended up between us"
Kai opened her mouth to say something, but Takao kept talking before she could.
"I was really angry at first but, I'd time to think and…" he sighed again, avoiding her gaze for just a second "I really had no right to tell you what to do"
If she had to be honest, Kai had wanted to hear him say that a long time ago. Back when the hurt and anger were still raw and all she wanted was to be proven right.
Now, however, it felt unfair to let him take the blame.
"I'm also at fault of how things went down" she said, ignoring the hurt that it caused her.
It hurt, even if it shouldn't, because it felt like an ending, as if the anger and resentment that were the only things left between them were finally fading away.
"Yeah, but…" a small, sad smile curled the blunet's lips "I didn't own you. It wasn't right for me to ask you to do what I wanted"
"You wanted me to stay…I wanted to go" Kai said, looking through the window. She couldn't stand to look at him right now. She didn't even know why she was still inside his car, not when the need to get out and run home was so big.
"Yeah…I didn't have the status to make you stay" Takao whispered, and she now fully understood what that tone before was all about.
"You know that wasn't the reason I left" he thought that what he had chosen to do, how much he made, had anything to do with her leaving, because she was rich, and he was not "I would have done it even if you were a millionaire"
"So it was just me then…" the dual-blunette had wanted to make him understand that her decision had nothing to do with him, but apparently he wouldn't have believed her anyway.
It was her fault, really. This was the first time since then that she saw him.
She'd never bothered to call, to send a letter or anything. She left when the anger was high and the hurt was deep, and never had the courage to confront him.
It was obvious that he'll think, after seeing everywhere how much she had succeeded –how much she had, supposedly, 'moved on'-, that what had gone wrong between them was him.
"Well, no matter…" the blunet said, shacking the hurt off, and took the picture of his family from her hands "We're happy now" he looked at it and a smile curled his lips, a real smile "Aren't you?"
Kai froze at his question. Just a few hours ago she wouldn't have hesitated to say that yes, she was happy. But seeing him now holding that photo, seeing the happiness in his smile and the love in his eyes, there was something that was tying her throat, and squishing very tight.
"I am" a part of her was hopping without hope that he asked, because he was unsure of his own answer.
-.-
I need to break free
from you, from this.
I wish I could just move on.
Why is it so hard to let go?
-.-
"Hey!" it mustn't have been more than a minute since Kai got out of the car when she hears Takao calling her and trotting the few meters that separated them.
"Here" he said, putting a folded paper on her hand, and when she opened it she saw some numbers written hastily on it.
"What's this?" it was really obvious what it was, it was more of a question of why was he giving her this.
"My cellphone number" he shrugged his shoulder and suppressed a laugh, finding funny the dumbfounded expression on her face "So if you ever feel like calling me, or sending me a message, you, you know, can"
There was a big smile on his lips, not unlike the one from his youth, and she couldn't help to correspond it.
For a moment, Takao looked like he wanted to hug her, to hold her tight in an embrace and press her close against him. Or at least Kai hoped he did.
At the end, he just put a hand on her shoulder and squished a little.
"It was really nice seeing you" he said, and the dual-blunette was surprised she hadn't broke down crying yet.
"It was nice to see you too" she didn't wanted to say goodbye, not now, not again. She didn't have the strength.
Takao smiled one more time and turned around to go back to his car, and Kai wanted nothing more than to yell at him to stay, but she bit her tongue to not say anything.
She didn't have the right to ask that from him, nor did she really want to. Her life was waiting behind her, with her house, her husband, her job and her career. Not with him.
"So, I'll see you around, Hiwatari" before getting in the car, the blunet turned around and said his goodbyes, a little hope shining in his eyes, and Kai took strength from she didn't know where, to answer.
"C'ya, Kinomiya" she smiled and waited for his car to be out of sight before going into her house.
The rain that had stopped before had started once again, but she didn't really care that all her things were soaking wet, because the rain will mask perfectly her tears.
-.-
I need to stop this dreams
this fear has only made me bleed.
I need to forget.
I'm just making a fool out of myself.
-.-
"You want me to look?" Jacob asked, patting her on the back to calm her down, but Kai shook her head. This was something she had to do.
She freed herself from her husband's arms and dried her tears, and turned around to look at that dreadful cardboard box.
She was so afraid of that tiny little box because it held what could be the ending of her feelings for her old friend.
She had fought so hard to hold on to them. Through all this years she had pretended to have forgotten about them, to no longer care for him, but it had been all a lie, she still felt the same for him than she did when she was sixteen.
And she needed to put an end to this. She was just making herself miserable and wasting all her chances to be happy.
He had moved on, and she needed to do the same.
Kai took a deep breath and opened that cardboard box, taking what was inside it in her hands to see it, and the next thing she knew, she was hugging her husband, tears of fear, happiness and excitement running down both of their faces.
She will forget about Takao, she had many reasons to do so.
Mainly the two bars in her pregnancy test.
-.-
Give me the strength to let go…
-.-
The end.
Well, I guess this needs some clarification. I don't know much about english poetry, to be honest, and this is more of a translation of the original poem than anything, which was writhed in free form, so that's why it may not rime so much. I wrote that poem for the guy I had a crush on during High-School, after waking up feeling like crap from a dream of him, and then I latter thought it went well with what I think happens between the ending and the epilogue of the manga.
I love Tyka, but when it comes to the manga, I can't see them having a happy ending. Not for a long time at least.
Why did I chose to use a Fem!Kai? Well, because I like it, and the manga needs a lot more girls than what it has. Do keep in mind that in this reality, everyone knew that Kai was a girl from the beginning, she never hided it, and her personality is based in (what I think is) the personality Kai has in the manga, which is more harsh, insolent and sarcastic (instead of cold and distant, like in the anime) and of what would be a normal girl, so maybe that's why it may be more OOC than what people are use to.
So, what do you think? Is it good? Is it bad? Do I suck writhing poetry (it's better in spanish, trust me)? xD
Why don't you leave me a review and tell me if you liked it or not? And tell me if you think that Takao still feel something for Kai or not (I have some ideas for a sequel dealing with that n.~)
Have a nice day and take care!