Hullo everyone. This is my first time writing fanfiction, and I do hope you'll enjoy what I can offer for now. :) Hopefully my writing will improve as this fanfiction progresses.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji.

Chapter 1: Identity

Pain.

It hurts...all I feel is pain.

Make it stop..make it STOP!

STOP IT!

He screamed as he jolted awake, remembering the moment the doctors had injected him that final time. He would never forget the feeling that surged through him the moment the toxin had taken effect. The blinding hot pain that had coursed through his veins, causing him to lose control of everything: his mind, his body, who he was...everything.

S-012 took a deep ratting breath, trying to calm his nerves. He closed his eyes, almost afraid to look at what was beyond the curtains of the carriage seat. His arms were still stinging from the injections, the blood was still buzzing inside of his veins.

"Are you feeling alright, sir?" a cool voice asked. S-012 jolted upright, hands clenching the red velvet fabric of the seat cushion. Who was he? Where was he? He could tell he was moving, and he could hear the faint clip-clopping of horses.

Oh...he remembered, That man came for me with that boy...

He opened his eyes, and looked straight into the red ones of the man sitting across from him. He had raven-black hair, and was wearing a butler's outfit. There was a silver pin on his chest, and the chain of a silver pocket watch could be seen dangling out of his pocket. There was a kid sitting beside him, who looked like he was of noble status. He was frowning, his arms crossed over his chest. He was wearing an eye patch and a sapphire blue ring on his thumb. His hair was ashen-gray, his skin was as pale as porcelain.

"Again...I asked if you were feeling alright, sir," said the older one again, "I can stop the carriage if you would like."

"O-oh..." S-012 responded, his throat scratchy, "I...I'm.."

"Sebastian," said the kid, closing his eyes with an annoyed expression, "do you not think it inappropriate to ask him such a question while he is still recovering from what happened?" Then in a lower voice, "I think it would be wise just to leave him alone until we return home."

"Of course, bocchan," said the man, smiling, "I apologise for my ill-conceived remark."

S-012 looked abashedly at his feet, clenching the fabric under his fingers even tighter. He had to ask the man to do it. He had to. He had refused to open his eyes once they had left the institution until he had entered the carriage, afraid to see what he had longed to see for years.

He had to do it.

"Exc-cuse me," he mumbled, "M-may I make a request?"

"Of course, sir," said the man—Sebastian, "whatever you need to make the ride more comfortable, do not hesitate ask for."

"It's nothing much, r-really..." he said in an even softer voice, "can you..c-can you op..op..."

He paused, trembling, his eyes clenching shut. Could he do this? Could he face the world that had been a dream for him?

"Can I see what it looks like...o-out-outside?"

He could tell Sebastian was giving him a look of confusion, but nonetheless the butler complied. His breath hitched when he heard the rustling sound of the curtains being pulled apart.

"Sir? I have opened the curtains, like you've requested," came the soft voice of the butler. S-012 could see the light through his eyelids. The child shuffled in his seat a bit to better shield his eyes from the bright light.

Do it; you have to do it...

He opened his eyes, and everything went white.

Huh? Where am I...?

It feels..soft..and warm...I like it..it's surrounding me...I'm lying on something soft...

"E-excuse me!" a high-pitched voice squealed, before a crash was heard. S-012 yelped, his eyes shooting open.

He was dumbfounded.

He was lying in a...was this a bed? Yes, he was lying in a –very comfortable—bed. He was looking up into a dark blue canopy with an intricate floral pattern. The sheets were white—not grimy and dirty—and embraced his body gently. He was wearing a clean white nightshirt...it was so soft. He could smell something sweet beside him.

At his bedpost was a girl wearing huge glasses holding broken shards of what used to be a teapot, which was where the smell was coming from. Upon seeing his awakening, she scrambled to pick up the pieces quicker, only to slip in the spilled tea, and fall to the ground.

"U-UM, I AM VERY SORRY ABOUT THAT P-PLEASE FORGIVE ME!" she shrieked, her voice rising an octave, her hands trembling whilst clutching onto the shards of broken teapot.

S-012 could only stare in silence.

"Maylene!" shouted a voice from outside of the closed door, "what are you DOING in there?"

The door opened to reveal the same boy that had been sitting next to the butler in the carriage. He wore the same eyepatch, the same ring, and had the same bored expression on his face. In the light, S-012 could tell that this boy assumed high stature among the others he had seen so far. He held himself up with authority, with his blue eye giving a piercing glare. This boy could not have been more than 13 years-old, and yet it was still amazing. His clothes were unwrinkled, his socks were perfectly levelled with each other, and his bow tie was tied with the perfect knot.

"Ex-excuse me b-bocchan!" the maid stammered, getting to her feet. She hastily readjusted her glasses and smoothed out the wrinkles in her maid outfit. The boy eyed the mess on the floor, and scoffed, "you have got to be more careful."

"Y-yes!" the other exclaimed, standing up straight.

The boy dismissed the maid and then called for his butler. Within seconds, it seemed, the butler was at the boy's side, eyeing the mess on the floor as well.

"Clean this up, Sebastian. And then please inform Finnian here what the situation is."

Who is Finnian? S-012 thought.

"Yes, my Lord," replied the butler, before the boy exited the room. S-012 was still frozen in place, fingers wrapped around the blankets that offered a sort of security to him.

"Forgive our maid; as you have already noticed, she can be a bit clumsy at times," muttered the butler, causing S-012's head to perk up.

"What happened?" he asked in a small voice. The butler stood up slowly, holding a dustpan of the mess. He made his way next to the bed and looked down at S-012. He told him to sit up, and S-012 obeyed immediately.

"You lost consciousness in the carriage, so I brought you up to the young master's guest bedroom," he said with a smile, setting the dustpan down and picking up a thermometer on the nightstand next to him. He instructed the boy to hold down the thermometer with his teeth. A minute later the butler took it out and looked at the reading. He 'hmmed' to himself and put it down.

"A slight fever, but it seems you have recovered well, aside from lack of sleep. You should be up and about in no time."

"Thank you," said S-012, lowering his eyes, "but why am I here? What am I going to to?"

"It's exactly the same as I had mentioned before when we first encountered each other. I am offering you a job here. You will be paid a sufficient salary, and will sleep in a room well-prepared t— "

"I-I don't care about that stuff; I'll do anything as long as I can go outside!" S-012 suddenly cried, flinging off the sheets. He immediately covered his hands with his mouth, ashamed of his outburst, feeling dizzy.

"I'm-I'm sorry," he whispered, eyes filling with tears. He was trembling, he knew it.

"Do not worry yourself," said the butler, gently pushing the blonde back onto the bed, "but you need to listen carefully."

S-012 nodded.

"From the information I had gathered from the institute where you were being experimented on, I discovered your personal files—your record. Now I am assuming that you have been labelled with a specific code on the back of your neck—ah, I see it. S-012. Well, I must convey to you that your actual name is Finnian. That is the name you were given at birth, and that is the name we discovered when the Young Master and I searched the medical files of those left alive."

S-012 stared.

"Finnian..." he mumbled, "my name is Finnian."

Sebastian smirked at him.

Finnian. He liked the way it sounded. He was Finnian.

No, he was S-012. That was what he'd been called for his entire life. He wasn't a person, he was an experiment, a specimen.

There was no Finnian.

"Please try to calm yourself," the butler said, clearing his throat. Only then did S—Finn—S-012 feel the tears coursing down his cheeks. He welcomed the familiar feelings, the dark, the helplessness. He couldn't stop. He covered his ears, and shut his eyes tightly, whimpering.

He heard the butler sigh, and only then did S-012 dare to crack one eye open. The butler pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and slowly wiped the tears from his face. It was strange not feeling the tears dry up on his cheeks.

It was...nice.

Sebastian instructed him to breathe slowly and deeply. S-012 did as he was told, and slowly calmed down. After a few moments the butler spoke again.

"Finnian."

"N-no.."

"Listen to me. You are not an experiment. Your name is Finnian. That was the name you were given when you were born, and that is the name you will have for the rest of your life. You are Finnian. Embrace the name, do not reject it It is who you are."

S-012 began shaking in anger. There was no Finnian, so why was this man trying to impose the name on him?

"I'm not that...whatever that is, I'm S-012!" he shouted, his eyes clenching shut, "I'm S-012! That's who I was born as and that's who I am for the rest of my life!" His hands clenched into fists, his knuckles turned white and he could feel a cold sweat forming on his forehead. He was going to lose control again...he was going to hurt someone again.

"Please kindly direct your anger at this wall," the butler said coolly. Suddenly, all the anger, all the agony boiling up inside of him reached the top. His anger flared, and, shutting his eyes, he obeyed, his bare knuckles impacting the wall as much as a brick would. There was a loud crash, and he stood in place, trembling. He opened his eyes slowly, afraid to see what he had done. What he saw both impressed and terrified him. He had managed to punch a fairly big hole into the wall.

The butler smiled.

"This is why we want you to work here, S-012," the butler said, "you possess the strength of at least ten men. Your abilities will be put to use." The familiar label brought him back from his trance and he fell against the bed, covering his face with his arms.

"I'll do it," he said breathlessly, "just let me go out—"

"DAMN IT! THAT'S THE SECOND BLOODY TIME TODAY!" roared a voice from afar. The butler sighed, and stood up.

"If you will excuse me...Finnian. I believe our chef has managed to burn down the kitchen once again...oh, and do call me Mr. Sebastian. You will address me as such as in the duration your employment here. I encourage you to take on your name, for that is what you will be referred to as."

"Yes...S-Sebastian-san."

Sebastian stepped outside of the room, and looked back at the broken boy on the bed.

"You are free to go outside in the meantime. The specifics of your work will be discussed once you have settled in the Phantomhive mansion. Excuse me."

And he left.

Thus ends the first chapter of my first ever fanfiction. Reviews and suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Until next time,

-Jay