Detective Bunny
With Steve Sloan's many years as an LAPD detective, he had dealt with his fair share of bizarre situations and crimes. His current case, however, had him thoroughly baffled as he stood at a crime scene in a community park.
Steve turned his attention to the victim a few yards in front of him. On the ground lay a man fully clad in a bulky, brown dog suit. His costume puppy head had fallen from his face, and a bloody knife protruded from the man's chest. Amanda Bentley, medical examiner and pathologist, stood over the body examining the knife wound.
Sighing, the detective walked up to Amanda and nodded hello. "Well, can you tell me anything I don't know?" he asked.
Turning to face him, the pathologist spoke seriously. "There's no ID on him. From what I can tell, the knife punctured the right ventricle of the heart; the man died instantly. I won't know for sure until I perform a complete autopsy, but I estimate the time of death as sometime yesterday or last night."
Steve nodded and bent down over the body to inspect the knife. "Well, I'd say it's official that we're dealing with a serial killer. This is the third related murder in less than a week."
"What exactly do you mean by 'related?'" Amanda asked raising her eyebrows. Just how much had she missed while she was gone visiting her parents?
A frustrated smile appeared on Steve's face. "Well, a duck was strangled to death on Sunday. On Tuesday, the victim was a hamster hit over the head with a blunt object, and today we have a stabbed puppy."
Putting her hands on her hips, Amanda scowled at the detective. "Honestly," she said, "how can you be so cynical about this. Do you have any idea who's doing this or what the motive is?"
"None," Steve replied bluntly, then continued with a mischievous tone. "I just hope we're not dealing with a psycho who has a real hatred for cute, fuzzy animals."
The pathologist couldn't help but to smile at Steve's rather dark humor. "Joke about it now, Steve, but you might be surprised if something like that really is the motive."
Later that afternoon, Steve sat contentedly at his desk with a hot cup of coffee and a relatively small stack of papers. He had gotten caught up on his old paperwork and was earnestly looking forward to a much needed day off. He only had forty more minutes of work before he was free for a full thirty six hours- no investigations, no paperwork, and no shift at BBQ Bob's.
As he lazily skimmed through a legal document, his mind was concentrating on all the waves he would surf, all the relaxing he could do stretched out on his deck, and the time he would get to spend with his father. The detective was completely unprepared when Captain Newman approached his desk and tossed him a file.
"Sloan!" the captain boomed, waiting until his subordinate snapped out of a daze. "The serial killer you've been tracking is becoming a major threat to this community. We need to get this guy- ASAP."
Resentment and agitation washed over Steve's face. He didn't need to be prodded to hurry like some rookie cop. It took all of his self control not to clench his teeth or ball his fist in irritation.
"I'm aware of that, Captain," the detective said darkly. "And I assure you that I'm doing everything in my power to catch the killer."
Before Steve could say anything else, Newman held up his hand and spoke quickly. "I'm not here about your investigation, Sloan. I'm here to give you an assignment." He motioned to the file Steve had just received. "I'd like you to go undercover."
The detective caught the fiendish twinkle in his superior's eye and quickly grabbed the file. As he briefly read over the details, he felt like he had been slapped in the face. Newman was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"Oh no," Steve practically shouted, "there is no way on earth that I'm doing something like that! I'd rather dress up as a clown and investigate the robbery of a candy store."
To Steve's horror, the smile on Newman's face only grew. "Oh, you're going to do it, Sloan. I'll make sure of that." With that, Newman calmly turned and walked away, and Steve knew that he could kiss his relaxation plans goodbye.
Several hours after Steve's discussion with Newman, the detective stood very unhappily in the middle of a crowded park in Los Angeles. He had a balloon station set up at one of the picnic tables at the center of the park. Very near his location, on slightly lower ground, was a boardwalk that overlooked a man-made lake. On this boardwalk a mini camera was hidden, aimed in Steve's general direction to capture any criminal on film. Backup units were waiting in a patch of trees, ready to assist Steve if the killer attacked.
Steve was dressed in a bright white rabbit suit, complete with pink ears, whiskers, and a fluffy tail that bobbed up and down with each step. The only redeeming quality of the suit was that the headpiece completely obscured Steve's head, but as it was, he wished the entire bunny head was covered with a paper bag. For safety, he also wore a Kevlar vest and carried a gun tucked in his suit.
Steve knew the reason for his predicament was his own stubbornness with Captain Newman. There was no way it was simply unluckiness that the only animal costume left to be rented out was a very cute, very fluffy bunny costume. This was a very cruel form of punishment from the captain, and Steve was certainly not enjoying it.
It was becoming quite apparent that Steve was not the man for this kind of job. As much as he tried to speak cheerily to the kids, he seemed to scare them away. Whether it was because of his demeanor or the creepy smile on the bunny head, Steve didn't know.
The detective felt like crawling into a hole when he saw a group of teenagers casually approaching him. They were all boys with pants two sizes too big, and their manner of walking told of their high level of self-worth. Steve subconsciously backed away when the group stopped right in front of him. "Can I help you?" he asked dryly.
"Look at what we have here!" one of the boys shouted to his buddies. "A bumbling, girly idiot."
"Hey girly-man!" A second boy stepped forward and poked Steve in the ribs. The cop could barely restrain his desire to put the kid in a headlock and arrest him.
"I am not a girly-man," Steve said through clenched teeth. "I am a respectable citizen volunteering to make the day better for children."
"Yeah right," the first teenager snorted. "Come on, boys. Let's get out of here; I don't want to catch girly-man's lameness."
As the teenagers left, laughing raucously, Steve swore private revenge on Captain Newman.
His superior would pay for this, and Steve would have several hours to think up suitable revenge.
Steve was completely unaware that, on the other side of the park, loomed something much worse than a gang of cruel teenagers. Dr. Jesse Travis had agreed to watch Amanda's two kids for the day, and he was taking them for a nice walk in the park. Unfortunately for Steve, the three were headed on the path leading straight towards him.
As Jesse and the kids rounded a corner of the path, they came into full view of the heart of the park. C.J.'s eyes lit up when he saw a man in a rabbit costume, standing near a picnic table.
"Bunny Man!" he cried, letting go of Jesse's hand and running forward. "Uncle Jesse, I want to see Bunny Man!"
Shrugging, Jesse and Dion followed a very eager C.J. to the character. If Steve had known who was approaching, he most likely would have taken off running right then and there.
Instead, he had his back to the three, oblivious to the fact that they were drawing very near. He was trying to make a balloon animal for a very cranky little boy, but Steve kept messing up. Eventually, the kid got so mad at the 'phony Bunny Man' that he punched Steve right in the stomach. The blow wasn't extremely painful, but it certainly startled the detective.
Wide eyed, Steve gaped at the little boy. "What was that for?!" he demanded, but the kid had already retreated.
Though C.J. was blindly darting towards Steve, Jesse and Dion hadn't missed the exchange between the kid and the costumed man. They weren't close enough, however, to have clearly heard Steve's voice. The three walked right up to the costumed character before anyone spoke.
"Bunny Man!" C.J. squealed, itching to reach out and hug the man.
"Hey, I guess you're not too popular with the kids," Jesse said lightly to Steve's back. "But do you think you can try to make us a couple of balloon animals. We won't bite."
Steve's blood turned to ice. He reverently hoped that the voice he had just heard didn't belong to who he thought it did. After all, there was no way that Jesse would be in a place like this; he never went to parks.
Slowly, Steve turned around. His worst fears were confirmed when he looked into the face of his best friend and business partner, Jesse Travis. And to make things worse, he also had to face Amanda's kids. The color drained from his face, and he took a step back.
Brows raising in concern, Jesse stepped forward. "Hey, Buddy. Are you okay?"
Steve's eyes darted around the park. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide until Jesse left. All he could do was try to disguise himself or suffer the ignominy that would come if Jesse Travis ever found out who was in the suit.
The detective took a deep breath and nodded his head vigorously at Jesse, hoping that the gesture would satisfy the young doctor.
C.J. bounded forward and wrapped his arms around Steve's torso. "Bunny Man!" he sang. "Bunny Man! Bunny Man! This is so cool, you're really Bunny Man!"
Dion was more skeptical. "You don't look like the Bunny Man on TV," he said cautiously. "I don't think I want your autograph after all."
Slightly embarrassed by Dion's remark, Jesse coughed nervously. "I'm sure he doesn't mean that. Even if your costume is a little, well-"
"Girly?" Steve ground out, shocked that he had spoken so carelessly when his goal was to say nothing so that Jesse wouldn't recognize his voice. He felt like kicking himself hard.
"Well, I, Uh- Bunny Man is a pretty feminine character," Jesse said, hoping to be helpful. For a brief moment he thought the man's voice had sounded familiar, but he quickly shrugged it off. "And, on the bright side, nobody can tell that you're a guy unless you talk."
It was very hard for the detective to keep quiet. Gritting his teeth, he gently pried C.J. off of him and reached for a balloon to fashion into an animal.
"Oh!" C.J. said when he spied the long blue balloon, "Will you make me a bunny. Like you, Bunny Man!"
In irritation, Steve almost popped the balloon in his hand. Instead, he nodded slowly at C.J., trying dumbly to twist the tube-shaped balloon into something that resembled a rabbit. He spent at least a couple minutes trying to create an animal, then gave up and handed C.J. a twisted, ugly balloon in the shape of a knot. Jesse and Dion looked on, the latter shaking his head sadly.
Steve hoped that all of them would leave after receiving the malformed balloon animal, but C.J. was only disappointed for a few seconds. In an instant, he became fascinated with the bunny ears on Steve's head. "I wanna try on your head, Bunny Man! Can I? Can I?"
The detective vehemently shook his head no and backed away. C.J., not wanting to be refused, jumped up to try and catch one of the costume ears. Steve was frantic; C.J. was going to expose him! He darted away from the boy as fast as his legs would take him.
By this time, both Jesse and Dion were laughing heartily as they watched C.J. was eagerly try to grab an ear. Jesse knew that he should tell C.J. to leave the poor man alone, but the guy's reaction was absolutely hysterical. The doctor would make sure to tell Amanda about this incident later, maybe Steve too.
Weighted down by the awkward suit, Steve was extremely uncoordinated. In his mad attempt to get away from C.J., he unknowingly neared a set of a few concrete stairs leading to the water's edge boardwalk. He ran backwards quickly and accidentally toppled down the stairs. His foot caught at the side of one of the stair railings, twisting painfully as Steve plummeted down. As he fell, he clocked himself in the head on several stairs.
It didn't seem to Steve that the bunny head absorbed much of the blows; the side of his head throbbed painfully as he lay sprawled out on the wooden deck. When he recovered from the shock of the fall, Steve mentally berated himself for his sheer stupidity.
Steve looked up and saw C.J. and Dion standing horrified at the top of the stairs. Right behind them came Jesse, running at full speed. The doctor took the steps two at a time and knelt right in front of Steve. Thankfully, the bunny head was still covering Steve's head.
Absolutely horrified, Steve pulled himself up quickly and tried to stand. When he put weight on his left ankle, he hissed and dropped back onto the ground. The detective wanted to cry. Now there was no escape. He was doomed. Steve could only imagine what kind of torture he would be put through when Jesse found out who exactly was in the suit.
The doctor spotted a young woman chatting on a cell phone and immediately asked her to call for an ambulance.
Jesse, concerned, reached over and pushed Steve into a reclined position. "Take it easy, Buddy. I'm a doctor. Where are you hurt?"
Steve scooted away. In a deep voice and with a very bad Italian he said, "I'm-a-fine. I must have-a- tweaked my ankle a little. And my head's okay too."
"Your head?" Jesse asked, reaching for the bunny costume head. "Now I'm going to need you to take off your costume so I can take a look at you. A head injury can be dangerous, and you're ankle will probably need treatment."
The detective froze. "No!" he said a little too forcefully, startling both himself and the doctor. He couldn't believe he had said anything about his head. That only had made the situation ten times worse. "I mean, I-a-don't want to-a- trouble you."
Jesse was very startled. This whole incident was becoming stranger by the second. What was with the man's strange accent, and why on earth would he refuse to take off his costume head? Not really caring about any sense of pride the man had about his costume, Jesse was determined to help the guy. After all, it was at least partly Jesse's fault that the man got hurt in the first place.
"Sir, I only want to help you. Now take off the costume." Jesse was beginning to get impatient. He grabbed the bunny head and pulled hard, but Steve held onto it. The two fought over the costume head for several seconds until Jesse got the upper hand and wrenched the costume away from him.
Very irritated, Jesse yelled before he realized who the costumed man was. "What is wrong with you?! I'm trying to help you, not kill you!" It was only then that it the doctor looked at the man's face. His eyes grew to the size of saucers and his mouth fell open. "Oh, my- Steve!"
Steve closed his eyes and sighed. He wanted to crawl inside himself. Let the teasing begin.
"Steve! Why on earth are you here and what are you doing in that?" Jesse motioned to the rabbit costume.
"There's a serial killer that's been targeting costumed characters. Well, now I'm the newest target."
Jesse recovered from the initial shock and flashed a penlight in Steve's eyes as he tried to process all this new information. "I don't get it. How is you putting yourself in danger going to catch any criminal?"
"I have backup," Steve said simply. Then he realized exactly what he had just said.
Steve groaned, "Oh, no they're going to kill me now." His units were going to be incredibly confused. They'd radio Newman and ask what exactly was going on and why Steve had wandered out of their line of vision. The inevitable headache Newman would suffer would serve the captain right.
Jesse raised his eyebrows and wrenched off the costume's leg so he could examine Steve's ankle. "I can imagine. Where, oh where, has their little bunny gone?"
"Funny."
The doctor prodded Steve's ankle for a while and let out relieved sigh. "Well, the good news is that I don't think you broke anything. I won't know for sure until we do an X-ray, but I think it's just a mild sprain."
It was obvious that Jesse was waiting to say something else. "And the bad news?" Steve prompted.
"Well... for starters, I think you have a mild concussion, also you didn't catch your killer, you've suffered the public disgrace of becoming Bunny Man, and I think your backup is coming over right now to have a chat with you." Jesse nodded his head at the three police officers walking up to the boardwalk.
Steve heard one of the policemen ask, in not so polite terms, what Steve was doing as well as the wail of a siren in the distance. "Perfect," he groaned.
That evening, a very disgruntled Steve Sloan lay in a bed at Community General Hospital. He had been forced to bear endless teasing by practically the entire hospital staff, especially from Mark, Jesse, and Amanda. It seemed almost his entire police precinct had sent him gag gifts: Easter cards, chocolate bunnies, stuffed rabbits. But the most unique one was a little clip on name badge that read Detective Bunny, given to Steve by Captain Newman himself when the captain came by to chew out the detective for his reckless behavior.
To most people who knew Steve, it seemed absolutely ridiculous that he might dress up as a cute animal and make balloon animals. That alone was worth making fun of, but Steve's situation became hysterical because of the method in which he had been hurt- running away from an eager little kid. And to make everything worse, the entire incident had been caught on film by the camera that was supposed to record a criminal.
Steve was pouting and fingering the little play badge when the door to his room opened. Mark and Jesse entered, their faces jubilant.
The younger doctor stepped forward and could barely keep from laughing. "Hey, Steve. Ready to 'hop on' out of here?"
"But," Mark warned with a sparkle in his eyes, "we've only agreed to release you if you're good and stay out of our hare."
Steve scowled and shot the two doctors an exasperated glare. "If you two are done having fun at my expense, I'd like to go home now."
Mark stepped forward, his face now serious. "Really, son. I'm just glad you're safe. When you told me you had an assignment, and then when the captain called me saying you were at Community General-"
Father and son shared a heartfelt look, and Steve felt guilty for making Mark worry. "Dad, I'm fine, humiliated but fine."
Two days later, Steve was back at work, braving even more jokes at his expense. With his mild injuries, he was forced to do strictly desk work, so he couldn't escape any ridicule by going out in the field. Steve wanted to punch his superior in the face when Newman came striding smugly up to him that afternoon.
"Sloan," he said arrogantly, "if you still want to dress up as a clown and catch candy store thieves, you're more than welcome to after your ankle heals."
"I get it, Captain," Steve said stiffly. "But I think I prefer the bunny suit to the clown costume."
As Newman walked away, Steve twirled a keyring around his little finger. It had taken a lot of pulling strings to get this set of keys. Steve smiled as he spotted the perfect unsuspecting victim.
"Hey, Mathers!" Steve called as he spotted a young, inexperienced cop passing by. The officer, caught off guard, warily approached the detective. "I know how much you've been wanting some action."
The rookie's eyes lit up, and Steve continued. "I have a secret, very confidential undercover Auiassignment for you."
The rookie cop looked so excited that he might accidentally wet himself. "Really?!!" he squeaked.
"Oh, yeah! And you even get a nice new Mercedes to go with it." Steve tossed the cop the keyring and handed him an assignment folder. "It's Newman's old car. He just acquired himself a nice, new car."
The rookie was speechless. Steve reached over to the young cop's shirt and pinned his gag-name tag onto it. "To make your job official," he explained. "Good luck, Detective Bunny."
Babbling and in high spirits, the rookie left to start on his assignment. Steve decided that it would be a good idea to go out for lunch, before Newman discovered that he had somehow traded cars with a rookie cop and before the rookie cop discovered how uncool his 'undercover' assignment was. Smiling, Steve left the precinct with only mild hindrance from his ankle. "Who has the last laugh now, Newman?" he asked under his breath as he gave the captain's office a fleeting glance.
The End? This chapter can stand alone or be continued. I haven't decided whether or not to add another chapter.
Author's Note: Comments/ Constructive Criticism appreciated.