It's hard not knowing…

But I guess that's something we all go through.

It's hard to imagine…

But I guess we block out what we don't want to see.

It's hard to take…

But I guess that's what we call "life."

"Jude? Are you still awake?" Sadie called out as she followed the dim light.

She found Jude sitting in the living room of their apartment, her laptop on her lap. She sat on the couch, under the lamp, cuddled in the robe. Jude's newly blonde ocks were tossed into a messy bun on the top of her head.

Jude glanced up to see Sadie leaning against the hallway opening, looking exhausted. She closed the laptop slightly, but not all the way. "Sorry. Did I wake you?"

Sadie shook her head as she took a few steps and slipped into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and grabbed the milk, pouring her a small glass. "I couldn't sleep." She walked into Jude's sight and held up the milk container. "You want some?" Watching Jude shake her head, she put the milk away and joined Jude in the living room. She took a sip of her milk and asked, "What are you doing?"

Yawning, Jude shrugged. "I guess I couldn't sleep either."

"So you're surfing the net?" Sadie questioned with a raised eyebrow and smile.

Jude chuckled lightly and replied, "No. I was just getting a head start on this 'About You' essay." When she saw the look of slightly confusion on Sadie's face, she decided to elaborate. "You know, the cheesy essay you always write at the beginning of the school you so the teacher can get to know you or whatever."

"Oh," Sadie remarked as she realized what Jude was talking about. "So how's it coming?"

With a smile on her face, Jude shook her head towards her sister. Even though they were living together, and as sisters, closer than ever, there were still things that they didn't exactly share with each other. Jude had the heart to write moving song and share them with the entire world, but sometimes she liked to keep her writing to herself.

Sadie smiled at her sister and stood. "Alright, I get it." She yawned and stretched with her empty glass in hand. Dropping the cup off in the sink, Sadie stopped by the living room one last time and announced, "I'm gonna try and get some sleep."

Jude smiled up at her and nodded. "Goodnight, Sadie."

"Goodnight," Sadie cooed back to Jude. She started to walk back to her room, but turned her attention back to Jude. "Don't stay up too late."

Nodding, Jude opened the laptop back to her typing position.

I wish I could say what's on my mind, but I can't. Truthfully, I'm so muddled I can hardly figure out what exactly I'm pondering. I'm confused, to say the least.

So much has changed for me in the past year. Some would even say I'm a completely different person. I don't believe that. If anything, I think I've simply grown up, matured.

Now, some would say I'm different because of my so-called fame. That might be a part of it. Other would say my independence from my parents did it. I'd say that came from my change, not causing my change. A few people would say the friendship changes I've lived through changed me. Still, that fact was only one aspect of my different outlook.

As much as I'd like to say I did it on my own, I didn't. I have Vincent Spiederman to thank. Not only is he an awesome guitarist and co-writer, and an all-around good guy, he's the love of my life.

Time and time again, he has supported me with his love and encouragement. Because of him, I have found my strength to stand up against my fears. Because of him, I have a voice to be heard and acknowledged. Because of him, I feel extreme emotions that make me better to understand others as well as myself. Because of him, I am me.

Taking a deep breath, Jude smiled at the thought. She saved the file and closed the program. She smiled at her blank computer screen one more time before closing the laptop and setting it aside. Jude went to her room and closed the door behind her with only happy thoughts.