I do not own UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie or Full Metal Alchemist

"Hey Ed, wait up!"

Edward Elric began to run as he seen a town ahead of the hot desert they had been walking in for the last day and a half.

"I see cheeseburgers!" Ed said slowly, falling to the ground. His brother, Alphonse, better known as Al, rushed to him and picked him up from the sand.

"Ed, you got to snap out of it," Al said, trying to get his brother to wake up.

"Can't you see the cheeseburgers?" Ed shouted at Al, looking at him with a completely serious look on his face. Al groaned and dropped Ed and began to walk away.

"Where are you going tin man?" Ed said as he ran towards Al. Al turned around for a second, shook his head, and kept moving. Suddenly, a giant spaceship came from the sky, crashing to the ground. Al looked up as it slid through the desert sand, on crash course with Ed.

"EDWARD!" Al screamed as he went running for Ed, but then sunk into the sand. The spaceship hit Ed, and kept going for a second.

"Oh my god, what's going on here?" Al screamed, looking at his half of his brother's body sticking out of the side of the spaceship.

"What hit me Al?" Ed asked a small smile on his face. Al forced himself from the ground, and ran to Ed.

"You can't get me out of this Al," Ed said slowly, a smile on his face. "I'm a goner this time."

Al began to struggle with the ship, trying his hardest to pick it up.

"It's over Al," Ed said again, looking away. "I wonder if God is real and if I do see him, he will forgive me for all those "you aren't real" cracks."

"I know he will brother," Al said, holding Ed's hand. "I know he will."

"Oh my, what have I done?" a voice cried.

Al looked over as a beautiful young woman came running over and bent down and looked at Al, a sad expression on her face.

"I injured you," she said sadly, as Al and Ed looked down at her bouncing chest.

"That's….. OK? Ed said, continuing to look. She then leaned down close to Ed's face.

"I'm going to make it up to you," she said softly. Ed's mouth opened wide as she leaned in even closer.

"I'm going to give you half of my soul, so you can live," the woman said as she kissed Ed on the lips. Ed closed his eyes as Al looked at Ed, jealous.

"Lucky," Al said, and then remembered his brother was under a ship. As the woman kissed Ed, Ed began to feel his power come back as he found himself out from under the ship.

"Ed?" Al asked as he continued kissing the woman.

"What is your name?" Ed asked when they finally finished.

"Valkyrie," she said softly as Ed was bathed in a golden light. Ed looked as everything went black.

As Ed woke up, he realized he wasn't where he just thought he was. He looked up and saw Winry scowling at him.

"Hey Winry," Ed said sleepily, yawning and stretching as he sat up in bed. "What's going on?"

"You tell me Edward!' Winry screamed as she pointed to a young girl sitting in a chair near Ed's bed.

"Honey, you finally awoke!" the girl screamed as she wrapped Ed in a hug. Ed looked at Winry confused, who looked away.

"So you're dating 7 year olds now?" Winry said, looking at Ed with disgust in her eyes.

"I'M WHAT?" Ed asked, pulling the girl off him.

"Who the hell are you?"

"It's me," the little girl said with a hurt expression. "You don't recognize me?"

"Um, no!" Ed shouted, jumping up from bed, running into a corner. "I've never seen you in my life little girl!"

The girl then started crying hysterically, looking down. Winry slapped Ed in the head as she went to comfort her.
"What was that for?" Ed screamed, holding his head.

"For making a young girl cry!" Winry screamed, holding the girl. Ed rubbed his head and began to wonder if he fell into another dimension.

"So you are up," Al said as he came lumbering in the room.

"Al!" Ed screamed, running over to him quickly. "What's going on? Who is that girl? Why is Winry here? Why is she mad at me? Why is this…?"

"Calm down," Al said, looking at Ed.

"This is..."

"I can't believe he doesn't remember his soon to be wife Valkyrie," the young girl said, sobbing.

"VALKYRIE?" Ed screamed, looking at Al. Al shrugged, looking away.

"Well, when you got hit, I…"

"I did get hit?" Ed screamed. "You mean all that stuff, me kissing that girl and everything…"

"Happened," Al confirmed. "Then she turned into that and you fell unconscious, so I called Winry here and that's it."

"Why did you call Winry?" Ed whispered. A wrench hit him in the head.

"Because you shouldn't be going around being the Full Metal Pimp!" Winry screamed.

"I'm not!" Ed said slowly. "You heard what Al said. I was dying!"

Valkyrie jumped on Ed, laughing.

"You are so funny, Eddy Poo!" she said with a laugh.

"Eddy what?" Ed said, looking at Al. "No, this can't happen, this isn't happening. I'm dead!

"You're going to be," Winry said quietly.

"Crap!" Ed screamed, dropping Valkyrie. Suddenly, a space ship came crashing into the room they were in, Ed barely avoiding it. Al managed to get Valkyrie and Winry out the way.

"What the hell is it with spaceships hitting me these days?" Ed asked, screaming. The spaceship suddenly opened, as a woman who was very busty stepped out of it.

Ed and Al looked down again, not knowing what to say. Winry went behind Ed and hit him in the head.

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ED?" Winry screamed.

"Boo- Nothing!" Ed said. Winry kicked him away.

"Enough," the woman said. "I've come for the princess."

"Take her!" Ed shouted, throwing Winry to her.

"Not her," the woman said. "A woman name Valkyrie."

"That's me!" Valkyrie shouted as she raised her hand.

"W-what?" the woman stuttered, looking at the little girl. "That's not possible!"

"Is that you Hydra?" Valkyrie asked.

"No no no no," Hydra said, looking down at the girl. "This can't be happening." She angrily looked at Ed.

"This is your fault!" she screamed at him.

"WHAT!" Ed screamed. The woman then began to go on fire.

"I'm going to make you pay," she said as she looked at Ed.

"Worst… Day…. Ever…" Ed moaned as she came at him.

That was the first chapter, prepare for crazyness next time!