I was walking through the corridor with my normal look of repressed anger, easiest way to keep people away anyhow, when I heard it. The Glee-club was standing at Finn's locker, laughing when he opened his mouth and said. "Hey guys, Kurts coming back to McKinley! Yeah, apperently he couldn't handle that douche Blaine anymore. And he said his fashion-sense couldn't be opressed any longer or whatever." The response from Kurt's friends came quickly, cheering and making plans for some welcome-home-party.
I stopped dead in my tracks. Oh no, this isn't good. He can't, no no no no no nononono. I willed my legs to start moving again, to the nearest bathroom. It was empty, good. I could feel the panick attack sneaking up on me. It became harder to breathe. Just like when he's near you, all glittering eyes and fancy clothes. Those skinny jeans and... No stop it! I leaned agains the wall and felt myself slide down it. My breath now coming in short hard bursts, I was starting to feel lightheaded, and my cheeks felt hot with the tears running down them. Oh god, I thought this would stop. He was gone! I wasn't supposed to feel like this anymore.
The door to the bathroom opened, but I couldn't bring myself to look up. I could threathen whoever it was later, nobody could know that Dave Karofsky was having a full blown panick attack on the bathroom floor crying his eyes out like a little girl. "What... Hey, what are you doing? Are you okay?" I could hear Finn's voice. Figure it would be one of the Glee-kids, of course it would be Kurt's halfbrother finding him like this. "I... I-I'm fine. Just, just go Hudson" I winced, my voice was shaking with half breaths and hold back tears. Damn it!
"You don't look okay, dude. Come on, breathe..." The tall teenager folded his legs next to me and rubbed my arm in a way I guess was ment to be soothing. I was shaking, trying so hard to hold back the emotions. "Dude, what's wrong" My entire being longed to tell someone, but him? I couldn't, just couldn't. He would hate me, wouldn't understand. You finally got rid of Kurt, you can finally walk through school without worrying about him. You always knew the footballteam was looking at you for always singeling him out. It hurt to not see him, sure. But you knew he wasn't bullied at the other school, you didn't have to worry about anybody hurting him. "Ca, can't tell... C-can't tell you. Might tell hi-im" Fuck! You said to much, abort! Punch him, leave, do something to stop. "Him who? Azimio?" I shook my head but couldn't help the whisper that came out next. "Kurt..."
"What?" Shit,shit,shit. You need to stop this dude, pull yourself together! I tried to stand upp, but my knees wouldn't hold me. I would have fallen in a pile on the dirty floor if it wasn't for Hudson standing there. "Hey man, take it easy. Come on, splash some water on your face, you look awful man!" As we come to stand at the faucet, I can see what he means. My eyes are all puffy and there are streaks of dried tears on my full cheeks. I splash cold water on my face and start rubbing the evidence of my weakness away. I keep my mouth shut but I can feel him looking at me, his eyes probobly filled with questions. And why wouldn't he? How could he know that I struggled every day Kurt was here? How could he know that I push myself harder than ever, both in sports and in my classes, in some vain attempt to feel like I'm good enough for Kurt? Of course he didn't, but should I tell him? I had already messed it up whispering Kurt's name like a lovesick teenager (oh, the irony). Maby I should just tell him, it can't get any worse and if he hates me... Well he already does.
"I... You can't t-tell anyone" "Sure dude, just tell me. You need to talk about this man!" I was dealing just fine, then things gotta chance. "He wasn't supposed to be coming back..." My voice was so low and it sounded so pathethic. "He finally left, and I could just be Karofsky again. I didn't have to deal with all this shit. I can... I just can't deal with him. He's to fucking perfect, those designer chlothes and prissy attitude and all that." I didn't dare to look in Finn's eyes, couldn't deal with the pity that he was looking at me with. "Dude, are you like... in love with him?" Panic struck my body, he figured it out that fast? "Hey dude, it's cool man. I don't really care you know?" Breathe Dave, you knew he was gonna figure it out. Just take it easy. "But you can't keep bully him, 'cause I'll kick the shit out of you!" "I know, it was just the easiest way to deal you know? He's so... I can't breathe when he's around. He's so sure of himself and so damn pretty, I just..."
"Dave - it's okay to be confused. It's okay to be scared. Let's get you to Glee-club, we're starting soon!"
( I know, it started kind of good but then It died a bit - hoping next chapter will be better. As always reviews=love )