I don't own Warriors...I just write the parodies!
Chapter One-
Tigerstar sat in the Dark Forest, remebering various memories. He remebered back to when Brambleclaw and Tawnypelt were just born. (Flashback)
Wow, Tigerclaw thought. They're so... ugly. Except the brown one. He's coolio! Man, I am so hip. He thought, staring at his two newborns. He trotted up to Goldenflower. "Hey. Um...I need to talk to you." he whispered. "What is it, sweetiekins?" asked Goldenflower. "Can we sell the tawny one?" he asked loudly. The whole clan stopped and stared. Goldenflower pulled Tawnykit close. "Why?" she growled. "Well, um... Starclan, thats an ugly baby! She's just so ugly! But this brown one, he's coolio! I like that lil' tom! Let's name him... Beautykit!" he suggested. He kicked Tawnykit. She slid on her stomach, not seeming to care. Goldenflower slapped him. "We are keeping Tawnykit. And it's not Beautykit...lets name him Bramblekit." she mewed, pulling Tawnykit close with her tail and licking her. "I'm still calling him Beautykit. And the ugly one is Uglykit." he mumbled, folding his arms and turning away. (End Flashback)
Wow, thought Tigerstar. I was really hip back then! He thought. Tigerstar stood up and struck a pose as Brokenstar walked past. "What's with you?" he asked. "Oh, just remebering how rad I was back then. When Beautyclaw and Uglypelt were born." he answered. "Who?" Brokenstar asked. Tigerstar didn't answer. He was already walking away. "I'm gonna go kill Firestar, 'kay? Watch the house while I'm gone!" he called. Brokenstar nodded and turned away. What's a house? He thought. Oh, well. I'm gonna go through Tigerstar's diary!
Tigerstar stepped into the world of the living. He snickered. This will be hilarious! He thought. Tigerstar then began to gather up pine-cones. Lots and lots of pine-cones. You are doomed, Thunderclan! Death by pine-cone! He thought maliciously. Tigerstar scented the air. "Thunderclan is...that way!" he mewed, marching off with a net full of pine-cones trailing behind. Sure enough, the scent of cat's grew stronger and stronger... Tigerstar had reached Thunderclan camp. He shimmied up a tree. "Hehe..." Nobody could see the dark shape, high up in the tree watching Thunderclan. "Okay...now, how do I do this?" he muttered. Okay...stay cool. Just jump to another tree...on the other side of Thunderclan camp, then stretch out the net... and pine-cones will rain down, suffocating Firestar! Tigerstar took a big step backward, and jumped. "I believe I can fly, I can touch the sky! I think-" Tigerstar landed, face pressed into an oak tree. "Ow..." he wined. "Hey, at least the net is stretched out!" he mewed. The net full of pine-cones was stretched over Thunderclan camp, like a signal of pine-cone-y doom.
Tigerstar snickered and was about to let hold of his side of the net. He leaned in, when... "CAW! CAW!" a hawk emerged from its nest, right behind Tigerstar.
"AAAAAH!" Tigerstar yowled. He plummeted forward, net in paw. Pine-cones plummeted down like rain. She-cats huddled their kits into the nursery. "AAAAAAH!" Firestar screeched, being covered with pine-cones. Tigerstar screamed like a she-cat as he, too, was covered by pine-cones. Sandstorm popped out of a small pile of pine-cones. "FIREY!" she mewed, digging through the pile of pine-cones.
Firestar's scraped-up ginger pelt appeared beneath the pile. " Hewo!" he mewed like a kit, popping up. Jayfeather hurried towards him. "Brain damage." he said, dragging the crying leader away. Tigerstar lay motionless under a pile of pine-cone's. "It hurts so bad..." he mewed. With his last reserves of strength, he emerged from the pile of 'cones.
"Dad?" Brambleclaw screeched. "Yes, Beautyclaw, it is I, your wonderous father." he said in a deep voice. Squirrelflight doubled over laughing. She wipe a tear from her eye. "Hehe... Beautyclaw?" she gasped, struggling not to laugh. "Shut it, Squirrelflight!" Brambleclaw hissed. Tigerstar's eyes narrowed at Squirrelflight. "Don't bully my son!" he warned. Squirrelflight shrank. "Dad! My name is Brambleclaw!" "Sure." Tigerstar sneered.
The clan camp was a mess. Cats were being pulled from the reckage, limp and choked with the scent of pine-cone's. "It smells so BAD!" Cherrykit mewed as Honeyfern pulled her brother from a pile of pine-cone's. Tigerstar sat in a corner, everyone afraid to approach him. I miss the bond that Beautyclaw and I used to share. He thought. Brambleclaw walked up to him. He took a deep breath, and stared at his father with a cold gaze. "Tigerstar, I want you to leave me alone. Leave me alone and never come back." he growled. Tigerstar almost fainted. "But I'm so hip! I'm a hipster. Why?" he asked. "Because," mewed Brambleclaw. "You're embarassing." Tigerstar turned away. "Fine. But I will have revenge!" he hissed. Tigerstar turned and darted away into the night.
Firestar was just waking up. "Jaybetter?" he asked. "Ya. You have a broken nose." Jayfeather said. "GARB!" Firestar gasped. Jayfeather snickered. "Nah, just a stuffy nose. Go back to sleep now!" Jayfeather sighed. Firestar nodded and put his head down and went back to sleep.
R-E-V-I-E-W!