Pimp My Cell
By B1ockh3d
BT: - Bermuda
JM: Jagermeister - Jager
MR: Mukuro Rokudo
CM: Cameraman
VTV announcer: Later on VTV, Namimori Shore; next, Teen Boss 2; and right now, new series Pimp My Cell!
BT: Yo, wassup homies?! I'm MC ,
JM: And I'm his homeboy Jagermeister!
BT: And welcome to Pimp My Cell!
*sound of airhorn blaring*
JM: Hells yeah bro!
BT: Yea yea yea! Here we are at Vindicare long term resort for the best of the worst!
JM: Where we keep the best of the worst gangstas EVA!
*multiple sound clips of an airhorn blaring*
BT: Woo! Let's go meet some of the homies!
BT: Alright! Here's Mukuro "The King" Rokudo!
JM: The only man to escape Vindicare!
BT: We missed The King, so we got him to stay longer!
JM: Beast guy!
BT: But not beast cell! C'mon, look at his cell! When's the last time someone replaced the water in there?!
JM: Naaaaasty!
BT: And those chains on him? For reals?
JM: They rusty n sh*t!
BT: And look at his nasty ass tank! It's all scrap metal and dusty!
JM: Who's our maid?
*the two lean into the camera* BT&JM: Alejandro!
BT: Look at The King! His clothes are the same color as his skin!
JM: The King needs more color than white, man!
BT: The King needs to look like a real gangsta boss! He has no swag!
JM: Swagless! *makes a thumbs down motion*
*recorded sound of a crowd booing*
BT: That's right! Let's ask The King how he feels about all dis sh*t!
MR: ...
BT: He's so ashamed he doesn't even want to talk about it!
JM: We understand your pain, King.
BT: Alright, we have our work cut out for us.
JM: You can count on us, King!
BT: After this short commercial break, you come back and see what we did fo The KING!
Cameraman: *whispering* You have another minute till commercials...
BT: Woah! You tellin' us how we run our show?!
CM: No...
JM: Because that sh*t ain't cool!
CM: Vongola TV commercials are every ten minutes...
BT: And?!
CM: Just ramble for a minute...
BT: Nu-uh! We need our sponsers! We need the green!
CM: Then advertise on the show for thirty seconds...?
BT: ...Good idea homie! Jagermeister!
JM: Right! *mumbles something unintelligible* Go out and buy Jägermeister! Sh*t's so good I named myself after it!
CM: I don't get paid enough...
BT: Yo yo yo! Welcome back to Pimp My Cell bruthas!
JM: While you were gone, we-
BT&JM: *Giant letters pop out of the screen* PIMPED HIS CELL!
*a red velvet curtain falls down*
BT: Check it out! We took the cell, replaced all dose greeeasy brackets with Chrome-d out ones!
JM: The King loves Chrome!
BT: Which is also why we replaced his rusty old chains with shiny Chrome ones!
JM: We also replaced the water-
BT: And made it a freshwater fish tank!
*Camera cuts to different assortments of fish in Mukuro's cell*
JM: All of them imported from Hawaii!
BT: The pineapple state!
CM: *under breath* The Aloha state...
JM: You have something to say, Cameraman?!
CM: *shakes head*
JM: That's what I thought!
BT: We also added a red comfy throne for The King!
JM: And lined the cell with pineapples!
*camera zooms in on random gauges*
BT: We added spinning rims to all the gauges that have no purpose-
JM: And gave them purpose!
BT: Yea yea! And~
*BT pulls down another curtain with a neon sign reading "THE KING"*
JM: We gave him a sign too!
BT: Now everyone will pass him and give The King all the respect he deserves!
JM: *starts twitching subtly, whispers* Say it, man! We practiced during the commercial!
CM: *sighs* But what did you do to give him-
BT: Give who?
CM: *sighs again* THE KING swag?
JM: You tryin' something homes? From the top!
CM: *sighs extra long, emphasises* But what did you do to give The King swag?
BT: Glad you asked, broski!
*camera focuses on Mukuro*
BT: We gave The King a haircut-
JM: The King loves haircuts!
BT: And an Obey snapback from Lids! We also got him shuttershades-
JM: Printed like the Italian flag!
BT: From our bruthas from otha' muthas at Hot Topic!
JM: Two shiny Chrome chains from a random kiosk at the mall-
BT: Don't be hatin' on the little bros, bros!
CM: Are you gangsters or douchébags?
JM: Zip it motormouth or I will CUT you!
CM: Jesus...
BT: We also got The King his own basketball jersey, with "The King" and "69" inscribed on the back!
JM: Gold on Green, yo!
BT: We had our Intern put pineapple boxers on The King, and some skinny jeans.
JM: We pulled them down a bit fo that authenic gangsta look!
BT: Word! Last but not least, we got The King a new pair of white Air Jordan's from Famous Footwear!
JM: Crazy coo!
BT: We got The King a new Rolex and some shiny-ass rings!
JM: And how does The King feel about his new swag?!
MR: ...
BT: He's speechless! We have a happy King!
JM: *blares airhorn*
BT: Tune in next week for our next homie who needs no nick name: GHOST!
The show was cancelled after the first episode. It's unclear if the ratings were low, if the cameraman "ran away", if Ghost slaughtered them when doing renovations, or if one of the rings they gave Mukuro happened to be a hell ring, and destroyed the prison.
Hey Blockhed13/B1ockh3d fans! Sorry I've been idleing for so long! I've been busy with other things, and I just got this thought of hilarity of OOC Bermuda and Jager. I thought it would keep the edge off you guys for waiting so long for my updates! I promise you they're coming soon! Hang in there!
-Blockhed13/B1ockh3d