A/N: Okay, sooo... This is a fanfic I wrote three years ago in grade 9. I was 14/15 at the time and I'm 17 now. I found this in my old binder and I couldn't help but type it all out and upload it. It was 23 pages long, and I pulled an all nighter typing it. I know it probably has a few flaws but I edited the best I could, and I swear this is still the most adorable thing I've read to date. Ignore some of the references in here, like the "so rationally they became improper fractions" part.. I included some inside jokes between me and my friend, as you can probably tell by the random spurts of humor thrown in here.
This wasn't exactly easy for me to write out second time either, as Meese is based off of me and everything that Meese feels, I felt at the time. and watching Soul Eater, I felt a deep connection to Crona and in turn wrote this fanfic. Idk how you'll feel about it, but it was pretty damn emotional for me to have to relive this.
Oh, and Earl Weapon is based off my friend who I mentioned earlier. She's Meese's weapon :3
Anywho, just had to get that all out of the way since I wrote this back then with no intentions to actually upload it anywhere, haha. Enjoy~
"HEY CRONA!" Meese called out to Crona. Crona turned around and looked at Meese.
"Y-Yeah?" Crona said, looking at their feet.
"I have a question to ask you." Meese said.
"Y-yeah, okay… What is it?" Crona replied.
"What gender are you? Physically." Meese asked bluntly.
Crona's eyes grew wide. For a second, they didn't know how to respond. Crona muttered, stammering "F-follow me." and started walking. Meese followed. When Crona stopped walking, they were standing in Crona's room.
"Why does it matter?" Crona asked quietly.
Meese shrugged. "Curiosity. Everybody wants to know, I'm just the only one willing to ask."
"What? My gender…" Crona then realized that absolutely no one knew about their gender. Crona considered telling Meese, but wasn't sure if they'd be able to deal with how she would react. Was she expecting Crona to be a boy, or a girl? Crona hesitated, and looked around the room.
"..If you're not comfortable telling me, its okay, I understand. We've all got our secrets. Even me." Said Meese as she waved at Crona and walked out of the room. Crona shut the door and dragged the pillow on the bed over to the corner of the room and hugged it, knees brought up to chest. Crona wasn't sure how to deal with this situation. Meese wants to know Crona's gender. Understandable. But Crona's gender had just been hidden and not really talked about for so long, that they didn't quite know how to tell Meese. What a normal person would just think nothing of and say "boy" or "girl", Crona was over thinking and making a big deal out of. Crona wanted to tell Meese, but just didn't know how, and fell asleep thinking of what to do.
The next morning, Crona woke up and suddenly knew exactly what they were going to be doing. Somehow, some way, Crona would tell Meese their gender. Crona got up, got dressed, and headed for class. They sat next to Maka and stayed quiet for the entire class. When the bell rang to end class, Crona got up and found Meese. Crona grabbed her by the arm and walked her down to Crona's room. They closed the door behind them.
"What is it, Crona?" Meese asked.
'Oh crap.' Thought Crona. They hadn't actually really planned out the whole "how" part of the plan at all. 'Just wing it.'
"Oh, uh, well, you see, I just wanted to say sorry for yesterday and I hope you're not mad at me…" Crona muttered.
"Huh?" Meese cocked her head to the side. "Why would I be mad at you?"
"Oh, umm.. Well…" Crona stammered, and then spoke all in one breath "I was afraid you'd be mad at me where I made things rather awkward yesterday and you just sorta left so I was scared then that I'd actually made things way more awkward than they should be and I just want to make sure things are okay because you along with Maka and the others are my first real friends ever and I really just really hope things are okay with us." Crona inhaled. That was probably the most they'd spoke in front of a friend ever.
Meese shook her head and laughed softly. "Of course I'm not mad at you. I'm the one who mindlessly asked a question you clearly weren't comfortable with asking… But you consider me a friend? Thats actually so sweet of you, Crona." Meese chuckled again.
"Of course I do, the entire group of people here at the DWMA are my friends. But Meese.. Any other person would've just answered the question, thinking nothing of it."
"Well, thats them and you're you. I understand, really." Meese said to Crona.
"So.. You're not mad at me?" Crona's face lit up a bit.
"Nope." Meese smiled.
"Oh thank God." Crona sighed.
Meese smiled and went to give Crona a level two glomp (In other words, a big hug.). But, a very uncoordinated Meese tripped over her own feet and fell forward onto Crona, taking her down as well. When Meese stood back up, she felt bad for looking at Crona. Crona's robes had gotten caught in the footboard, and left Crona on the floor with their panties completely showing. Crona's face was bright red.
"I-I'm sorry!" Meese blushed and turned around. 'So Crona is a girl…" Meese thought to herself. For some reason her heart was pounding and she could feel herself blushing as well. Crona tried to get up, but her robes ripped and left her standing there with her underwear fully visible.
"Aaaah!" Crona yelped. "My underwear are showing! I don't know if I can deal with this!"
"I can leave if you want.." Meese said.
Crona calmed herself. "N-no, its alright…. We're both girls, after all….."
Meese turned around. Crona was blushing red and staring at her feet, fidgeting with her right hand gripping her left arm. "T-That.. Answers your question, I g-guess.." Crona briefly looked up at Meese, a faint smile on her face, and then returned her gaze to the ground. Meese took a step towards Crona.
"Yeah." She said.
Suddenly, Ragnarok emerged from Crona's spine. "Sooo, the cats finally out of the bag, haha!" He gave Crona a noogie. "Took ya long enough!"
Meese snickered. "Cat of all words? Really?" She raised an eyebrow at Ragnarok.
"HEY NOW, ITS A FIGURE OF SPEECH I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT YOU PERVERT!" Ragnarok retorted at Meese. Crona and Meese both giggled, and Meese took another step towards Crona. Sensing Meese's intentions, Ragnarok slipped back inside of Crona wherever he came from. Crona finally looked up at Meese, made a slight noise out of shyness and looked back down at her feet. Something came over Meese, as she threw her arms around Crona and kissed her abruptly on the mouth in a passionate yet gentle manner. Surprised and taken aback, Crona just stood there until Meese pulled back.
"I-I….I don't think I know how to deal with this…" Crona mumbled. Meese kissed Crona again, softer and shorter this time, taking just enough time to push her soft quivering lips against hers and pull back again. She looked at Crona's face and smiled shyly. Crona returned the smile, staring back at her feet. Meese put two fingers under Crona's chin and tilted her head up so she was looking into Meeses usually cold black eyes, which were looking more soft and accepting at the moment. Meese kissed Crona again, and in that moment Crona could sense all of Meese's anger, her pain and all the hatred she felt towards herself and others throughout her lifetime. She sensed all these emotions and more, because they felt familiar to her. She then realized these were all the emotions raging inside of herself, as well.
'She's just like me…' Crona thought to herself. Suddenly with an overwhelming power of acceptance and understanding, she kissed Meese back. Both girls kissed each other so rationally they became improper fractions. Meese sat Crona on her bed and sat on her lap, running her fingers through Crona's short purple-pink hair, mouth still pressed closely against hers, moving in sync with hers. Crona's hands moved up Meese's back, one making its way under her shirt to feel the smooth skin of her back. In que Meese took off her shirt and lay down on top of Crona. Crona began unbuttoning Meese's pants as she began lifting Crona's robes up over her head. Before long, both girls were laying on top of each other on the bed in just their under garments. Crona was wearing a training bra. She seemed embarrassed of it, because she suddenly stopped kissing Meese and wrapped her arms around her chest to hide her bra, and looked down. Realizing she was looking directly at Meese's breasts, she turned her head to the side, away from Meese.
"What's wrong?" She asked Crona.
Crona remained silent. She tightened her arms around her chest to hide her plain white training bra even more, which seemed quite childish compared to Meese's lacy blue and black bra. Meese sat up.
"C'mon, whats wrong, Crona?" She asked again, and smiled.
'She never smiles...' Thought Crona 'So why is she smiling so much right now with me?' Crona lay there, avoiding eye contact with Meese. After a few brief moments of awkward silence, she spoke. "I… I just… I don't know." she sat up, still hiding her breasts. She glanced at Meese and looked back at the mattress. Meese noticed that she had gone back to being very shy, as opposed to the less shy side she had shown while they were undressing each other. Then she noticed that Crona hadn't taken her arms down from her chest from the very moment her robes had been removed. Meese raised an eyebrow. To lighten the mood, she said "Embarrassed? Don't be. As long as you don't have a tiny penis growing out of your lower back or anything, I won't judge."
Crona let out a light chuckle. "Huh…" She seemed to be processing the mental image that had come with what Meese said. Returning to the topic at hand, she blushed and said "Its just… My t-training bra. It just seems immature c-compared to… To yours…" With each word her face turned a deeper red.
Meese laughed, and attempted another joke. "Well.. If you don't like it, then just take it off!" Crona laughed softly, trying to allow Meeses attempts at lightening the mood work. Unfortunately, they weren't working. Meese smiled at Crona.
"Listen." she said as she got off the bed and pulled her shirt over her head. "I think this is far enough for today. To be honest I never even meant to take it this far. Something just sorta… Came over me. How about we take it slow and when you're ready, we can try this again." Meese smiled again. Crona nodded. She was actually happy that someone had come this far with her, and was now understanding enough to wait until she was ready to take it a bit farther. Meese seeing her training bra was just where it went outside her comfort zone for the time being. She smiled back at Meese "Okay.". Both girls put their clothes back on. Meese smiled at Crona once again and waved, saying something about seeing her in class tomorrow and left. It was the same manner as last time, except Crona felt better about herself and what had happened.
The next morning Meese was late coming to class. Crona had sat next to Maka but kept the seat next to her free just in case Meese showed up. She wanted to talk to Meese, and ask her some things.
About midway through class Meese showed up. Handing her late slip to Dr Stein she sat down in the seat next to Crona. Meese nodded and smiled at Crona as a silent "Hello".
'She's not smiling like she did last night...' Crona noted to herself. 'Its a forced smile.' Crona passed Meese a note. It said: Hi :)
Meese replied with: Hey :3
Unsure of what to say next, Crona just said: What's up?
Meese replied: Nm, been in class like 2 minutes and already bored :P You?
Crona: Nothing.. Can I ask where you were?
Meese: Oh, it was nothing. I was just running a little late is all :)
Crona: Oh, okay. I was beginning to wonder if you were even gonna show up. Had be a bit worried as to where you were, lol. Um.. Can I ask you a question?
Meese: Okei. Wut is it? ^^
Crona hesitated before writing the question on the piece of paper. After a couple seconds of awkwardly deciding how to write what she wanted to say, she simply wrote: Uh… What are we, now?
Meese: Err. Whatever you want to be! I'm cool if you still wanna be just friends. Or if you wanna go out thats cool too. I'd really like that. Or maybe you never wanna speak again after what happened last night. Whatever you want its up to you! :)
Crona: I don't know.. Definitely not the never speak again part, haha. But as for the other options… I just don't know. Thats why I'm asking you…
Before Meese could reply, class was over and Crona had gotten up and rushed out the door with her books clutched tightly to her chest. Meese let out a sigh. Was Crona upset or pissed with her, or was Crona just being her typical shy self? Meese was confused. She got her stuff together and went home.
Later that day, Crona was sitting on her bed hugging her pillow and thinking to herself when she heard a knock at the door. She got up and opened the door for whoever was knocking. It was Maka.
"O-oh! H-hi…" Crona stammered.
"Can I come in?" Maka asked.
"Uh, y-yeah, yeah sure." Crona opened the door to let Maka in, then closed the door behind her. "W-what is it you want?" Crona asked Maka.
"Crona, can you tell me what was wrong with you today in class? You were awfully silent and, well, awkward and rigid, even for you. Then Meese came in late and you passed notes all day without saying even a word to anyone else, and when the bell rang you ran off. Whats going on?" Maka sounded slightly stressed.
Crona hesitated before answering Maka. She didn't want to say anything to upset her or give her the wrong impression of what was going on. "C-can I tell you something?"
"Anything." Maka replied.
"You promise you won't judge me or Meese?"
"Of course not."
"Okay, well…" Crona sat down on her bed, and Maka followed pursuit, sitting at the foot of the bed, ready to listen to what Crona had to say. Hopefully telling Maka will help clear some of the confusion in Crona's head. "I'm not entirely sure how it happened, or what came over Meese and I, especially for two people as quiet and introverted as me and her, but.. I don't know. She just randomly asked me what my gender is. It caught me off guard, so I hesitated in my answer. S-she took it the wrong way, and left before I could say anything. The next d-day in c-class I found her and brought her back to my room and I intended on somehow telling her my gender, even if it was just implying things until she caught on and said it herself. B-but.. Something happened. All I r-really remember is somehow we both fell and my dress got caught and ripped, and she saw my underwear which r-revealed my gender… She found out my gender in a way I didn't really want her too and we started flirting to try and lessen the awkwardness and before either of us knew what we were doing… W-we… We both ended up making out in our underwear and we stopped there when we realized what was happening… But now I t-think she wants to go out…. But I'm not sure how to deal with that…."
Maka stopped to think for a second. Not bothering to ask Crona her gender, assuming at that point that Crona is female, Maka asked "Well, do you feel the same way about her? Y'know, in a way you'd want to go out."
Crona's eyes widened. Her heart started thumping in her chest, it felt like it would
burst out. Her face felt flushed and hot. Was she blushing? Her forehead began to sweat slightly and her stomach filled with butterflies and started doing backflips. What was this feeling? "I-I… I honestly don't know how I feel… I feel something.. But I don't know what it is…" Crona muttered and hugged her knees into her chest. She'd never felt a rush of that kind of emotion before, let alone that much of it. Did she like Meese? She didn't know.
Maka put her hand on Crona's shoulder. "Well I can't tell you how you feel, Crona. But I think you'll figure it out. Do you want me to leave you to think on this on your own?" Crona just shrugged. Maka stood up. "I really think you just need to think to yourself right now, theres not much I can do. But I'm always here for you if you need me." Maka began walking towards the door.
"I-Its just…" Crona whispered. Maka stopped in her tracks to listen. "Its just that, even if I did like her, I've never been taught how to love. I wouldn't know the first thing to do. I'd just be awkward and afraid of getting hurt, or hurting her. She'd never be able to deal with me…"
Maka's eyes watered. "Oh, Crona.." She flashed back to the night she met Crona, and how distraught Crona was and how far she'd come since that day. But love and relationships was still a new concept for her. 'Still so little confidence and so much self loathing, even despite how far he… or, she, maybe, has come...' Maka thought. She looked Crona in the eyes and said "But you'll learn, Crona. If thats what you choose. Just please take your time to think. This is a new concept for you, whether you truly like her or not." With that, Maka hesitantly turned and left Crona to herself. She didn't want to leave Crona alone, but she knew from experience that sometimes a person just needs to think over their feelings themselves.
Meese was sitting alone in her room inside the house she shared with Earl Weapon. She had initially been sitting on her bed, thinking, but ever since the sun set and night crept over Death City, she seemed more comfortable sitting in the corner of her room, curled up and staring at the pieces of dust that were dancing in the moonlight which poured into her room from the window in which she had the curtains drawn. At nighttime, that was her most comfortable way of thinking. She sighed. Things weren't turning out for her the way she'd hoped they would. She hadn't planned on nearly having sex with Crona. 'Damnit, why'd I have to lose control?' She thought to herself. She bit her lip 'I'm so stupid….' She had gotten so close, too. So close to everything she wanted to achieve with Crona. All she wanted was to get to know Crona and start a relationship with someone who could understand her. She thought for sure Crona would. Why else would she feel the way she did about her? "Wait…" Meese whispered and sat up straight. She remembered the look Crona had given her just before they kissed, when Crona had looked into her eyes. Crona had understood. For just a brief moment, Crona understood everything Meese had been feeling. Like they had connected. "Then I had to go and fuck things up." Meese said out loud to herself in a full tone now. "Shit! I am so god damned stupid!" Meeses stability was rapidly waning. "Oh, I hate myself!" Losing control of herself once again, Meese stood up and pulled a knife out from the drawer in her nightstand. Grunting, she pressed the blade to her wrist and dragged it sideways, back and forth down her wrist until she couldn't bear the pain and the blood was pouring out and dripping down on her jeans. She was shaking, and tears rolled down her face. She threw the knife across the room, leaving it sticking out of her closet door as she went into the washroom to get some bandages to tend to the wounds she'd given herself. Shortly after patching herself up, she passed out on her bed.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. Meese's alarm went off for the dozenth time. The clock read 9:45. "Oh shit! I'm late again!" She flew out of bed, got dressed and ready for school in minutes. Halfway out the door she grabbed a black sweater to cover up her arms.
"Late again today, Meese?" Said Dr Stein as soon as Meese entered the classroom. Meese handed him her late slip. "Well, since class is already started, everyones already been paired into groups. You can just join up with Earl and Soul and help them dissect todays subjects." He nudged her in their direction and went back to whatever it was he was doing. On her way up to sit next to Soul and Earl she noticed Maka and Crona were paired in a group, and were passing notes to each other. She got the feeling they were talking about her, and not knowing Crona's disposition on the current situation, her heart sunk to her stomach thinking of what they could be saying. Soul and Earl showed Meese what they were doing and they continued their dissecting.
Towards the end of class, Crona passed a note to Maka who passed it on to Soul. He read it over and then reached over to write on Meese's paper: I think Crona wants to speak to you after class or something.
Meese erased what Soul had written and wrote in its place: What? o.o
Soul: Idk. I guess Crona has something to say to you. I thought I saw your name written on some of those notes they were passing.
Meese: Shit.. .
Soul: What?
Meese: Nothing…
Soul: What? Did something happen between you and Crona?
Meese: Yeah, but I'm not 100% sure what anymore.
Soul went to reply to Meese, but was interrupted by Maka tossing another note onto Soul's workspace. He wrote to Meese: One sec.
Meese wrote 'K' even though she knew he was already busy reading the other note. He wrote a reply to Maka and they passed notes back and forth for a while. Meese assumed they were discussing what Crona had told Maka, which made her feel even more excluded and sunk her heart even further. Suddenly Soul grinned and chuckled to himself, nodding at Maka. He leaned back over and wrote on Meeses paper: U. What do?
Meese's eyes grow wide and she inhaled a sharp deep breath as her heart began wildly pumping so hard it threatened to burst her ribs. She began shaking uncontrollably. In her best writing she could muster with how much she was shaking, she wrote: What?!
Soul: Crona likes you, man. A lot apparently. I think he'd like to go out with you, maybe.
Meese corrected Soul: *She… Crona's actually a chick. Found that out just the other day.
Soul: Oh? Really? Well that means if you two date its…?
Meese: Gay as hell. No hatin? ^^
Soul: Oh definitely not, man. I'm just surprised. I always just sorta assumed Crona was a guy.
Meese: I think most did.
Maka suddenly tossed another note onto Soul's books, which had long been closed. He read the note and wrote on Meese's paper: Will you be Crona's girlfriend? Hehe.
Meese: Um.. If she's okay with it! ^^"
Soul: Of course she is. She's the one asking through Maka and me
Meese: True. Tell her I'll speak to her after class is over.
Soul: Consider it done.
The rest of class went by slowly. Too slowly. Both girls were nervous about the inevitable meeting at the end of it. The only fun thing that really happened for the rest of the entire class was when Death the Kid spewed blood all over Black*Star when Patti had cut stars and hearts all over their dissected project in the most asymmetrical design she could come up with, all while Black*Star was attempting to use his dissecting knife to cut Kid's hair on any one side to make it uneven. Even Dr Stein was chuckling to himself, and Ms Marie had to come over and calm the group down.
DING DONG! DEAD DONG! Finally, class was over. Crona and Meese glanced at each other briefly and gathered their books. Crona left the class and walked down the hallway and into the private closet area that she had told Soul to tell Meese to meet her in. Moments passed, and Meese still hadn't shown up. It'd only been maybe 30 seconds or so but Crona was already panicking. 'Oh God...' Crona thought. 'What if she's mad at me now or something?' She awkwardly stood there, waiting.
Soon Meese pushed through a crowd of students and walked up to Crona. "Sorry for being kinda late.." She mumbled shyly. "Earl kept, uh, glomping me…" Meese looked down at her feet and fidgeted with her sleeves which were pulled down over her hands and arms. 'She's even more withdrawn today..' Crona thought. It was obvious that both girls were shy and awkward over this meeting, but Crona couldn't help but wonder what the big deal with Meese and her sleeves suddenly was. 'Why was it she was so talkative around me that day, then, if she's always so shy out here…?' Crona thought before that was interrupted by Meese.
"So, uh… Now what?" Meese shyly asked Crona. Crona just looked at her shoes.
"I-I-I don't know.."
Suddenly, as if out of nowhere and possibly from the same impulse which had compelled her before, Meese embraced Crona in a big, warm hug. Crona just stood there for a couple seconds in shock from the physical contact from Meese. Reaching her arms up, she hugged Meese back. "Of course I'll go out with you." Meese whispered as she tightened the hug and buried her head in Crona's shoulder to hide how red her face suddenly turned. Crona smiled.
When Meese got home that day, a wave of emotions rushed over her. Not good or bad, just emotions. They washed over her like a tsunami and suddenly she was burdened with her thoughts which followed shortly after. She wasn't unhappy, but her thoughts kept her from feeling the warm and fluttery feeling like they do in the movies- Like she had earlier when she hugged Crona. She sat down in her usual corner and thought to herself. She was in a relationship with Crona. Crona was her girlfriend. She wanted to be happy with Crona. She wanted to feel comfortable and relaxed around her. She wanted a normal relationship. She just wanted all her problems to go away when Crona was around. But, she wondered… Was that even possible? Everything thats wrong with her, and the cuts on her wrists that no one knew about… She wondered how that could happen. But then her heart lifted. She realized that she was already on her way to achieving that. It dawned on her again that Crona had looked into her eyes, felt what she felt and unlike most people, she had understood. Meese smiled. '...But she doesn't even know me yet' Her thoughts kicked in again. 'She doesn't know my past, my present, would she ever understand the way I act and why I say the things I say even once she gets to know me even better?' Her thoughts darkened. 'I'm not worth a relationship. I'm not even worth dirt. But I'm not going to let down Crona. She wants a relationship, so I'll let her decide for herself whether I'm bloody well worth it.' and with her thoughts she fell asleep, staring down her razor blade like she does every night.
Crona had slept rather well, for once. All night she had sad on her bed hugging a pillow, and finally fell asleep with a smile on her face. Getting up and getting dressed, Crona headed for class, eager to see her friends- Especially Meese.
When Crona got to class she saw that everyone except for Death the Kid had already shown up. Earl and the rest of her group were huddled together talking, and Meese was off to the side doodling on a loose piece of paper. Crona walked up to Meese and smiled. Meese returned her smile, not quite forced as before but still wasn't the same smile she'd give her multiple times that night. Crona sat down next to Meese. "H-Hi."
"Hey." Replied Meese. She was drawing a picture of Slenderman ripping Earl to pieces while she was lugging a box of locker locks off to the side.
"Thats, a, uh, interesting drawing you've got there." Crona said. Meese chuckled.
"Have you seen mine and Earl's experience out in the hallways by our lockers? This is nothing." Both girls laughed, picturing Earl and Meese outside their lockers battling with the locker locks like they do every day. Meese may be shy, but Earl isn't, and never hesitates to take both hers and Meese's lock and attach them to Meese in some way where she can't take it off herself.
"So h-how are you today?" Crona asked Meese.
"I'm uh, pretty good I suppose." Meese replied. "And you?"
"Oh, um, I'm good." Crona replied. Both girls sat in silence until Dr Stein rolled in on his chair and began class. Once the lesson was over and everything had been dissected, Stein let everyone talk for the last 5 minutes before lunch.
Suddenly everyone was crowded around Meese and Crona. Death the Kid and Patti were arguing over symmetry and giraffes, Liz was doing her nails, Black*Star was boasting about what a great superstar he was, Tsubaki and Maka were casually talking, Soul was sitting around in his "cool guy" position and Earl was checking out Kids ass from a less-than-subtle distance. All these people. Surrounding her. Her! She got overwhelmed, and suddenly felt as if she couldn't breathe. Maka suddenly turned around to talk to Crona and ask her how she was doing. Tsubaki smiled at Meese. She knew that Tsubaki was going to talk to her. 'This is all casual talk….' Meese thought. 'What do I do? How do I handle this? What do I say? How do I act?' her heart started thumping, and not in the good way that Crona made her heart beat. Her face felt hot and she began shaking. 'Just. Breathe.' Meese thought.
"So how have you and Crona been doing, Meese?" Tsubaki said to Meese.
"O-oh.. U-uh we've been g-g-g-g-good I guess…." Meese couldn't control her stammering. No one else seemed to notice, but Meese was all too aware of it, making her even more awkward and uncomfortable. 'I'm not good at this…' Meese continued thinking to herself. 'People are talking to me…. How the hell do i talk to them?' It was too much. Meese needed some air, she felt like she was suffocating.
"Thats good!" Tsubaki smiled at Meese again, and went to talk to Soul for a bit.
The bell for lunch rang and the students began shuffling out of the classroom. "Are you coming with us, Meese?" Maka asked.
"Of course she is!" Black*Star exclaimed, draping his arm around Meese's shoulder. "No one would pass up an opportunity to have lunch with me, the one and only great Black*Star!" Maka rolled her eyes.
"Um.. Yeah, I just gotta go to th-the bathroom f-f-first…. I'll find you g-guys." Meese mumbled as she shrugged Black*Star off of her and walked out of the classroom, clutching her books close to her chest with her head down.
"Is she okay?" Maka asked Crona with a concerned look.
"Y-yeah I guess so, she's always like this isn't she? She just has to use the washroom, I'm sure she'll be fine.." Crona replied, looking equally as concerned. She wanted to go after Meese, but figured she just wanted some time alone.
Maka shrugged. "I guess so." but she couldn't ignore the twisted and unstable soul wavelengths she picked up from Meese and she brushed past her.
Meese stumbled into the washroom and checked to see if anyone was there. Empty. She slammed her books on the sink and turned the tap on and splashed cold water on her face. She looked at herself in the mirror and burst into tears. "What the hell is wrong with me!?" Meese sobbed. "Why can't I socialize? Why am I so afraid?" She kept sobbing "These guys… They aren't even hurting me! They don't seem to be using me at all, even… But they don't seem to want me around either! I'm just too bloody quiet and awkward, no one wants a shy little fuck like me around!" Meese slumped on the floor of the washroom, bawling into her hands. "And Crona… Crona asked ME out! She clearly wants a friendship and she clearly wants a relationship so why am I so goddamn afraid? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!" She broke down completely, shaking and crying into her hands while occasionally punching the wall or even herself. She bawled until she started choking and no more tears came out. When she stood up and looked in the mirror, her makeup had run down her face leaving black streaks down her cheeks and neck, and her eyes were red and puffy. Collecting her books, she hid in one of the stalls until lunch was over.
Crona was sitting at a table with Maka and Soul- Everyone else had wandered off.
"She didn't come..." Crona whispered, looking at her lap with water filling in her eyes. "Did I do or say something to her...?"
Soul sighed. "I don't think so." He folded his arms behind his head "Ever since Meese joined the DWMA she's always been kinda quiet. She never really talked to anyone at all. It was really only just before we met you and you joined that she started talking. Even then it wasn't much. Just casual shit like school and whatnot. Maybe she just wanted to be alone today for lunch, who knows."
Maka couldn't stand it anymore. She couldn't stand to see Crona broken. She had to tell them about the wavelengths she had picked up. Crona had to know nothing was her fault for Meese ditching them. "Soul's oning, Crona. You didn't do anything. Listen, I don't know how Meese will feel about me telling you guys this but she's always been particularly good about putting a wall up around her soul wavelength. Like she didn't want anyone to see her. I could always see her soul, but I could never quite grasp her soul wavelength, if that makes any sense. But today when she left to go to the bathroom, she accidentally brushed up against me, and for about half a second I could sense her soul wavelength and get a good look at her soul. It was... Dried up, almost. Bruised. Beaten... Unstable. I don't think anything has ever had anything to do with us. She's just got her own problems in her own mind and soul that we probably couldn't understand. It's complicated, but I think you get what I'm saying. None of this is your fault, Crona. Meese is just... Troubled about something.
"Hell in her head..." Crona whispered.
"What?" Asked Soul.
"When Medusa-sama was trying to turn me into a k-k-kishin, there was a... A h-hell in my head. Like I couldn't escape... My own mind was my biggest hell."
"Crona..." Maka whispered. "I felt that. When I was absorbed by the madness, I felt a bit of your hell. It was..." Maka sat up and her eyes widened "actually quite similar to Meese."
"Then we've got to go!" Crona stood up.
"What? Go where?" Soul asked.
"We've got to go find Meese! Before... Before it's too late! Before the hell in her head... Takes control of her." Crona ended her sentence in a whisper.
Maka stood up. She understood what Crona was saying. "Her soul was incredibly unstable. Makes me wonder actually, what she's been through or going through... and with her personality..." Crona nodded.
"What? Are you telling me Meese is gonna cut herself or something?" Soul exclaimed.
"O-or worse..." Crona sounded scared "W-we want to g-get to her before she reaches that point..." Crona smiled "like Maka did for me"
Despite the situation Soul couldn't help but grin at the memory of Maka helping Crona, and at how Crona wanted to do the same for Meese. "Alright." He said "Anyone know where she lives?"
"I do." Maka said.
"Then if she's not in class this afternoon, that's where we'll go. We'll skip right away if she's not there."
DING DONG. DEAD DONG.
"Okay, lets go find Meese." Said Maka.
Maka, Crona and Soul began walking towards the classroom. When they got there, Soul just poked his head in. He shook his head. "I don't see her in there anywhere. Do you feel any of her soul wavelengths in the building by any chance?"
"No, I don't. Even if she was here I doubt I'd be able to. I think our best bet is to just go to her house." Maka replied.
"Then lets g-go." Crona said.
The three took off towards Meeses house. Maka led the way. When they got to Meeses house they stopped, and Crona tried opening the door. It was locked. Soul tried knocking on the door. No answer. But Crona knew she was in there, she just had this feeling. Crona took out Ragnarok and beat the door down.
"Well, thats one way of getting into someone's house." Soul stated.
They walked into the house. Maka and Soul began searching the bottom floor for Meese while Crona went upstairs. The upstairs floor was tiny. To the right was the bathroom, and straight across was Earl's room. Crona could tell because there was Muppets painted all over the door. To the left was a plain white door which could only be Meese's room. Crona opened the door and poked her head in "Meese, y-you in here?"
Meese was huddled in the corner of her room. She looked up. "C-Crona?"
Crona walked over to Meese and knelt down beside her. Meese had a razor blade in her hand and her wrists had already been slit multiple times, her arms and clothes covered in blood. Crona immediately ripped the blade from Meese's hand and threw it out the window. "M-M-M-Maka!" She called out. "We n-need some b-bandages! I found M-Meese!" Crona took Meese's arm. "You're worse than Dr Stein, you are…" She mumbled.
Meese started laughing, but her laughter quickly turned into sobs. She tried turning her head away from Crona so she couldn't see her emotions. Crona let go of Meese's arms and put both her hands on either side of Meese's face. She forced her to look at her face. Tears quickly overflowed and spilled out of Crona's eyes. With a force, Crona leaned in and kissed Meese.
"W-why are you here?" Meese sobbed.
"Because we all love you, Meese, and we were worried about you." Crona replied. "Maka and Soul are here too, they're getting some bandages for your arms."
"T-Thank you…" Meese sobbed.
Crona pulled Meese into a hug. "Why are you doing this to yourself, Meese?"
"Because I'm pathetic and worthless." Meese replied. "And I decided today that I was enough of a burden and I'm not gonna bother anyone else anymore.. This.." She held up her bleeding arms. "This was all just anger and frustration… I didn't plan on going this way, I just wanted to find somewhere to hide out until I died from starvation or something. But I guess my emotions got the best of me…." Meese let out another sob as more tears rolled down her face. "I'm tired of living, Crona. I'm tired of constantly being that burden. I'm tired of always getting hurt, or hurting someone. I'm tired of being afraid. And being in a relationship with you scared me because I know in the end someone will just get hurt!" Meese completely broke down in tears. Crona was now crying, too.
"I-I… I know how you feel, Meese…" Crona began, but was interrupted by Maka entering the room with bandages. She looked frightened at the sight of Meese, with her arms bleeding and tears rolling down her face. She knelt down and bandaged Meese's arms.
"You'll need to see Nygus about these. Those cuts look pretty deep.." Maka said. Meese nodded. Crona suddenly broke down and burst into tears.
"Crona!" Maka exclaimed. "Whats wrong!?"
"I-Its just that…" Crona sobbed "Meese is e-exactly like me! S-s-she feels the same way I did! She's only ever been hurt and she can't deal with people. She's exactly like me!" Crona threw herself on top of Meese in a hug. Meese seemed surprised at first but then wrapped her arms around Crona and buried her face in her shoulder, much like she had in school when she agreed to be her girlfriend.
"You've never really had friends, have you Meese?" Maka asked in a sober tone.
Meese lifted her head. "No… Not really…" She replied. "I… I always tried making friends, b-but they" Meese sniffed "Always ended up turning on me. They'd use me, or only come to me when they had no one else. I've… I've never had a real friend that I can truly depend on...I've been used and taken for granted my whole life and as a result I've become antisocial."
"But what about Earl?" Maka asked.
"I only really knew Earl since coming to the DWMA, before then we were just acquaintances. And even now, she may be my friend but most of her time is spent hanging around Death the Kid or Rabbit…" Meese replied.
Crona suddenly put on a face. Meese couldn't tell if it was her determined face or her poop face. "Be friends with us!" She exclaimed "You're already my girlfriend and most of us consider you somewhat of a friend already, so just join us!"
Meese's eyes filled with tears and began crying again. "I-I-I want to.. B-but you don't want to be friends with me.. I'm t-too weird, I fuck everything up!" She sobbed even harder.
Crona pulled Meese in and hugged her tight. "You do realize who you're talking to, right? If no ones judging me, then we're not going to judge you either." Meese sobbed even harder, and wrapped her arms around Crona. Crona tightened the hug and let Meese bury her head into her shoulder once again. "T-Thank you…" Meese sobbed. Maka put her hand on Meese's shoulder and smiled at Crona. Soul had been standing in the doorway, watching the whole time. He smirked. "Maka's done it again." he said to himself.
Meese was being kept overnight at the infirmary in the DWMA. Apparently Meese has had many other similar incidents like this as long as she'd been at the Academy, so they had to keep her and make sure her mental stability had balanced before they could let her go back into class. If she went to class the way she was with unstable mental health, she'd get anxiety the way she did before and there'd just be a repeat of the ordeal that had just happened.
Crona was walking to her locker after class. She missed having Meese there. She wanted to see her, she was worried about her. When they took her to the DWMA infirmary she was clinging to Crona and shaking uncontrollably. It took Maka, Soul, and Crona just to drag her out of the house. Nygus walked up to Crona.
"I've been looking for you." She said. "I've already talked to Maka Albarn and Soul Eater Evans. Would you like some answers on Meese's condition? Or perhaps some therapy, I've been told to offer it as experiences with friends like these can be quite traumatic to some."
"Is Meese okay?" Crona asked, ignoring the questions Nygus had just asked.
"She's strong willed, Crona." Nygus replied. "She's been through this before and is recovering fast. Admittedly this is probably the worst case we've seen, but she's really pulling through and should be in class within the next week or so."
Crona looked relieved.
"Listen, Crona. I've already gotten permission from Meese, and I've told Maka and Soul already. Would you like to know what Meese's overall mental condition is? She feels as if the three of you deserve to know."
Crona's eyes opened wide. "S-Sure. As long as she's okay with it." She replied.
"Okay, come with me." Nygus said and began walking down the hall. Crona threw her books in her locker and began to follow behind her.
When they stopped walking, they were in front of the infirmary door. Nygus opened the door and motioned for Crona to walk on in ahead of her. When she walked in, Meese was sitting up in the bed she was staying in, reading something, with a whiteboard and a dry erase marker lying next to her. She looked like she'd recently been hooked up to machines of some sort, and her arms were wrapped in fresh bandages. Meese looked up at Crona and smiled. She motioned for Crona to come over and sit down on the bed next to her. Crona sat down. Meese pulled out her whiteboard and marker and wrote: I can't speak right now. When I reach a certain point I become mute. Its been happening to me for a while now. I was even mute for several months at the beginning of the year, before you joined the school. It'll take a day or two of speech therapy, but I'll be fine.
Crona nodded. Meese erased what she had written, and then wrote down: I understand I sorta put you guys through an ordeal. I'm sorry. But I wanted you to come here now and explain to you why I am the way I am and why I act the way I act.
She let Crona finish reading, and then wrote: Next to me is my medical file. Read it. It'll explain everything.
She passed the thing she'd been reading to Crona. Crona opened read the basic info section and looked at Meese, confused. Meese wrote: Open up the section on special needs and medical health. It'll make more sense then.
Crona opened up to that section and read it. "Y-you-" Crona started. Meese nodded and wrote: I've got a lot going on inside my head. Its fucked up in here and sometimes everything builds up, overflows and explodes. Thats what happened. It was nothing any of you did, I just want you to know that. I'd reached my breaking point, and thats why I had the balls to ask you your gender the other day, because I simply just didn't care anymore about anything enough to be shy. To be honest, I kinda regretted it after. But oh well, I guess it worked out.
Crona sat there silently. Now she understood, completely. She read over Meese's medical records again and again. Her eyes watered and she looked at Meese. "N-Now I get it. I get everything. I… I understand, Meese." Crona leaned over and gave Meese a hug. Meese smiled and hugged Crona back. "..Thank you.." She whispered in a hoarse voice.
After staying with Meese for a few hours, Crona left and was on her way back to her room in the DWMA dungeons. As soon as she got to her room she collapsed on her bed. So much had happened in the past few days. She didn't know how to deal with this.
*-*-* A Few Weeks Later *-*-*
DING DONG. DEAD DONG. Class was over. Today was Meese's first day back. Maka, Soul and the others all crowded around Meese and Crona for a chat. Meese laughed and smiled. Apparently Nygus had given her a new kind of medication and it was working wonders. Meese could actually socialize now without flipping out in mental hysteria. Everyone began to leave the classroom. Meese looked at Crona and smiled, and grabbed her hand.
"Come with me." She said. Holding her hand the entire time, she led Crona out of the DWMA, into her house and into her bedroom. Looking Crona in the eyes, she grabbed both of her hands and squeezed them. "Thank you, Crona. For everything. You saved my life. If you, Maka and Soul hadn't stepped in when you had, I probably wouldn't be here and I sure as hell wouldn't be feeling better like I do today. Thank you." Meese said, and kissed Crona gently on the lips. Crona kissed her back with equal gentleness and passion. Meese walked Crona over to her bed and sat her down on it.
"You ready to try this again?" Meese asked. Crona nodded. Meese lay Crona down, kissing her face and her lips. They ran their hands over each others bodies. Meese lifted her shirt up over her head as Crona removed her robes.
'Finally.' Meese thought to herself.'Something. Someone, who makes me happy, really truly happy and accepted. Someone who isn't pushing me over the edge…. Finally' she smiled her first real smile that had not been forced in any way for a long time, as she and Crona continued with each other until they fell asleep together in Meese's bed.