My first Castle fanfic! Just a little something I came up with since watching Rise. Please enjoy! I don't own the show or the characters.

Beckett would later blame the heavy medications she was taking. She would blame the crash from the insomnia she'd suffered from since that first night she'd woken up in the hospital. She would blame exhaustion. She would blame traumatic stress. She would blame her own weakness. She'd even blame the solace afforded by her father's cabin with nothing louder than crickets chirping in the night.

But for right now, she was willing to let all her shields and walls drop like wet card houses.

It was a lucid dream. She was sure of that. For one, she felt no pain. Pain was a constant companion of hers now; barely a week out of the hospital, ten days after being shot and operated on, damn right she was used to the pain. But here, there was no pain.

Two, her mother was there. Standing proud and tall, a tender smile on her face, wearing her good suit and pumps that made her look fabulous. "Katherine," she said. "My little Katie. How much you've grown."

Beckett didn't question the presence of a woman dead almost twenty years. She merely ran into her mother's embrace and held on tight. "Mom," she said, clinging tightly. "Mom."

"There there, Katie," crooned her mother, rubbing her back as the homicide detective's shoulders began to shake. "Hey now, no tears. You're alive, you should be happy."

"But you're not," Beckett said, pulling away with dry eyes. "You're dead."

Johanna Beckett nodded sadly. "I know, sweetie."

"It's not fair."

"No, it's not." She reached over to tuck a piece of hair behind her daughter's ear. "But it's happened, Katie. Nothing can change that."

"You shouldn't have died. Not you, or Roy, or Raglan." Beckett felt her throat begin to close up as she said those beloved names. "It shouldn't have happened."

"Katie, you should learn to let it go."

"I haven't put away the bastard who had you killed!"

Suddenly Johanna became the strong mother Beckett remembered. "Language, Katherine!" she admonished. "Now collect yourself. This is no time for rash behavior."

Chastised, Beckett pulled herself together. She looked at her mother. "Did it hurt? To die?"

Johanna shrugged. "It's not for you to know. What I can tell you is that it's final. You can never go back. It leaves a void, your death. To never be seen by the ones you love again."

Beckett thought of Captain Montgomery, never to see his daughters grow up. She thought of Royce, never to tease her again. She thought of all the victims who's murders she'd solved, never to walk in the light of day with their families ever again.

"I watched you die in that ambulance." She blinked. Why was Castle's voice suddenly echoing through her head?

"See?" Johanna nodded. "You came close to leaving forever, Katie," she said. "You came close to leaving that void among those who care about you. Your father. Your comrades." She gave her daughter a look. "Your partner."

Beckett glanced at her mother sheepishly, catching the tone of her voice. "There's nothing going on between us, Mom. Castle's my partner. He's shadowing me to write his Nikki Heat series."

"Katie, don't tell me you still believe that thin ploy," replied Johanna. "You were never that gullible, even as a child."

The slight insult stung a bit, but Beckett knew it was true. That was one of the things that made her such a good cop - she could smell bullshit a mile away, and her excuse stank worse than a garbage scow on the Hudson. She'd long discarded Castle's lame reason for staying as true. After all, he'd flat-out told her that he loved her.

But after that awkward confession that she was never about to admit that she heard, she wasn't above using "He's writing a series based on me" as a shield.

Johanna sighed. "You can't be afraid of of love forever, Katie."

"I'm not afraid of love," she replied instantly.

"Yes you are, Katie. You have been for a while." Johanna was gentle as she was honest. "You're afraid to let people in, to let them see past your defenses and get to know the real you. You're afraid of getting hurt when they leave you."

Beckett swallowed. Somehow, hearing her fears laid bare by her mother made them even worse to confront. The fact that her mother had been a lawyer probably added to that difficulty.

"But that Richard Castle is something else," Johanna said. An amused grin twisted her lips. "He's put up with you for so long, despite your demeanor. He's managed to worm his way into your heart."

"That's - ridiculous," Beckett sputtered. But her rebellious memory conjured up that moment just before the lights went out in the cemetary, the shouts and screams and sirens and Castle's whispered words of love. Those words that followed her into unconsciousness, that helped her wake up from the black - and what made her send him away with a vague promise of I'll call you. "He's an arrogant, selfish man-child on a constant sugar high who uses me and the 12th as his personal playground!" exclaimed Beckett hotly.

Johanna smiled knowingly. "And yet you haven't sent him away."

"Because the mayor would have my ass if I dared to boot out his precious Castle."

"You know, you used to love jumping off things as a kid," said Johanna suddenly. "Curbs, walkways, sidewalk dividers, steps - you'd just fall off and land with a laugh. Drove your dad crazy because he had to watch you." The younger Beckett frowned with confusion. "My point is, Katie, sometimes it's okay to fall. Because when you fall, someone's there to catch you. Castle is that someone. If you wait too long to fall, he may not be there to catch you."

Beckett couldn't help thinking about every other time Castle had been there for her. Straight from day one, he'd helped her solve cases in ways she wouldn't have considered. He helped broaden her range, opened her mind to places she hadn't found before, and led her into a world outside of just being a homicide detective. Even when he poked the ashes of her mother's case and called up her fury, he came back.

"He's a good man, Katie. Good for you." Now her mother was becoming the staunch lawyer who'd argue her point to the bitter end. "He's that rare soul who can understand why you are the way you are."

And he was, Beckett realized. He wasn't like Demming, who had to guess everything, or Sorenson, who made everything a competition. He wasn't like Josh, who was never there and therefore didn't realize why she'd come home exhausted and unwilling to talk about her day. Castle knew there were levels to her, layers to the Beckett onion that he'd never hope to peel back and examine. Most men would take that as a challenge, but not Castle. No, he just waited (okay, maybe he also poked and prodded a tad) to see what she'd show him with every new case. Sometimes she surprised him. Sometimes, she even surprised herself.

Her mother kept speaking. "He's already told you his feelings." That wasn't a question. "He could have brought it up at the hospital when you woke up. But he chose to wait. Do you know why?"

Beckett nodded. "Because I lied. He doesn't know that I remember everything."

"That is part of it," Johanna said, admitting the evidence. "But he's waiting for you to be ready. He'd wait for eternity, I think."

Beckett scoffed. "Yeah right."

Her mother raised an eyebrow but didn't correct her. "Just remember, Katherine Beckett. Just because he acts like an insensitive ass doesn't mean he isn't looking out for you."

"I know, Mom."

"Good." Johanna pressed a kiss to her daughter's forehead, and for a brief moment, Beckett could pretend that she was a kid again. "Now you know what you have to tell him. Sooner rather than later."

Beckett shot up in bed, breathing heavily as the early morning light streamed into her bedroom. She felt that her dream had been a really important one because she could still recall bits of it. Her mother had been in it. Quickly she tried to remember more...her mom had said something...she'd been upset, and patient...Castle...something to do with Castle...

The homicide detective frowned. Why had Castle been in her dream?

Oh well, she thought. I'll remember it sooner or later.

Next chapter coming up!