Pearls of Wisdom From Cobra Commander
By Artful Dodger and Indigo Rose
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Never have, never will! As for blame, I blame Indigo Rose! hey! She's the one who convinced me to start buying some of the old G.I. Joe tapes from Rhino, and now I can't get them out of my mind... Cobra Commander's face floats up at me in the middle of the night... um, never mind. Anyway, enjoy!
***
In an open field on the outskirts of a typical whitebread middle- class subdivision, Bobby raised his head to glance quickly up over the fallen log, then crouched back down in the tall grass next to his friends. "This blows!" he complained bitterly. "Jim got all the good guns and people, and we got stuck with your sister and little Timmy over there!" At the mention of his name, the six year old started to wail, but was quickly hushed by the others.
"I've got an idea of something we could do," Dave's sister Katie piped up, but was ignored by the boys as usual. She scowled darkly in Bobby's direction.
"It was a dumb idea to play war, anyway," Bobby whined, conveniently forgetting that it was his idea and the reason why they had broken into the gun shop in the first place. He kicked at a clump of dirt in a petulant manner.
"What are we gonna do, Bobby?" Dave asked him, his dark hair falling into his eyes. "Jim's team outnumbers us, and they've got all the swell cover since they won the coin flip and got the clubhouse."
"I don't know," Bobby said in a dull voice. "Maybe we should just give up..."
"Oh, stop snivelling," said a voice from the trees.
Turning, the boys faced a figure in a smart blue military-style uniform. The silver and white accents of the outfit contrasted well with the scarlet cobra insignia on the chest. The boys astonished faces were reflected back at them from the mirror-finished faceplate of the helmet. "Cobra Commander!" they shouted in unison, their faces beaming with excitement and joy.
"Complaining about being outnumbered and outgunned is no way to win battles," the Commander admonished them in a lilting voice quite similar to fingernails on chalkboard. "In such a situation, there's only one honorable thing to do—cheat! Simply set up an ambush in this open area and lure your opponents into it. Then, their numbers will mean nothing!" he screeched maniacally, throwing his arms wide in emphasis.
"That's great, Cobra Commander!" Bobby grinned back at the blue figure, his eyes shining. "But how do we lure them out?"
Cobra Commander gave an impatient wave with a gloved hand. "Must I do *everything* for you?" the terrorist leader complained irritably. "It's easy. Simply have that wailing brat over there in the middle of the field crying for help. Oh, and get him to pretend he twisted his ankle or something. They *always* fall for that!" he cackled.
"Too cool!" Dave said happily, while Bobby followed with, "Now we know!"
"And knowing...." Cobra Commander replied with enthusiasm, "... is half the battle!"
"COBRA!!!"
***
This message was most definitely NOT brought to you by the National Child Safety Council. Neither COBRA nor its affiliates assume any responsibility for any claims made in relation to this, so don't even think about it.
By Artful Dodger and Indigo Rose
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Never have, never will! As for blame, I blame Indigo Rose! hey! She's the one who convinced me to start buying some of the old G.I. Joe tapes from Rhino, and now I can't get them out of my mind... Cobra Commander's face floats up at me in the middle of the night... um, never mind. Anyway, enjoy!
***
In an open field on the outskirts of a typical whitebread middle- class subdivision, Bobby raised his head to glance quickly up over the fallen log, then crouched back down in the tall grass next to his friends. "This blows!" he complained bitterly. "Jim got all the good guns and people, and we got stuck with your sister and little Timmy over there!" At the mention of his name, the six year old started to wail, but was quickly hushed by the others.
"I've got an idea of something we could do," Dave's sister Katie piped up, but was ignored by the boys as usual. She scowled darkly in Bobby's direction.
"It was a dumb idea to play war, anyway," Bobby whined, conveniently forgetting that it was his idea and the reason why they had broken into the gun shop in the first place. He kicked at a clump of dirt in a petulant manner.
"What are we gonna do, Bobby?" Dave asked him, his dark hair falling into his eyes. "Jim's team outnumbers us, and they've got all the swell cover since they won the coin flip and got the clubhouse."
"I don't know," Bobby said in a dull voice. "Maybe we should just give up..."
"Oh, stop snivelling," said a voice from the trees.
Turning, the boys faced a figure in a smart blue military-style uniform. The silver and white accents of the outfit contrasted well with the scarlet cobra insignia on the chest. The boys astonished faces were reflected back at them from the mirror-finished faceplate of the helmet. "Cobra Commander!" they shouted in unison, their faces beaming with excitement and joy.
"Complaining about being outnumbered and outgunned is no way to win battles," the Commander admonished them in a lilting voice quite similar to fingernails on chalkboard. "In such a situation, there's only one honorable thing to do—cheat! Simply set up an ambush in this open area and lure your opponents into it. Then, their numbers will mean nothing!" he screeched maniacally, throwing his arms wide in emphasis.
"That's great, Cobra Commander!" Bobby grinned back at the blue figure, his eyes shining. "But how do we lure them out?"
Cobra Commander gave an impatient wave with a gloved hand. "Must I do *everything* for you?" the terrorist leader complained irritably. "It's easy. Simply have that wailing brat over there in the middle of the field crying for help. Oh, and get him to pretend he twisted his ankle or something. They *always* fall for that!" he cackled.
"Too cool!" Dave said happily, while Bobby followed with, "Now we know!"
"And knowing...." Cobra Commander replied with enthusiasm, "... is half the battle!"
"COBRA!!!"
***
This message was most definitely NOT brought to you by the National Child Safety Council. Neither COBRA nor its affiliates assume any responsibility for any claims made in relation to this, so don't even think about it.