A/N: I do not own the characters of AOS. Everything you recognize belongs to ABC.

I'm still hurting over the last episode. I am devastated by the careless way they threw it all in our faces. I hope we can try to survive together.

Please tell me what you think.

It's numb. Everything is numb. She does her work, concentrates on the constant rain of small assignments and little emergencies – and it helps. A little. But it's hardly enough. It's all just numb. She follows orders, trying not to meet Coulson's eyes when she does, she made her choice long ago, no other way but to wait and see how it's going to pan out at this point. There are still a lot to do to fix the damage done to her plane. The damaged walls, doors, damaged souls… She exhales sharply and tries to stifle the scream that is threatening to come out every time she sees the broken wall in the middle of the living room. A breath in, a breath out, the scream is gone… it's all numb again and it's better this way. She'd survived. At the end of the day she could endure it and not crumble down when again, her hopes and wishes were crushed. Just when she thought she was getting ready to say yes, to let someone in… to open the door to her deepest emotions… It's fine. She's doing fine, she'd survived for two whole days without loosing her mind. Well done! The fact that he keeps to himself during these days too, and stays away from her helps as well. He trains in the cargo bay early in the morning even before she wakes up, he works with Coulson, keeps to his room for hours... he goes to see Skye for a few minutes after breakfast every day, but he must be too quiet over there too because she thinks she hears Skye chasing him out one morning for making her too depressed and annoyed with his constant brooding. He can brood. She doesn't care about him. She has enough damage to take care of besides needing to deal with his damaged soul, too. She looks at him from the corner of her eye when they stand in the briefing room, he is so angry, she can practically feel the anger coming from him in waves. She wonders whether she made a mistake when she threw these words at him when he tried to apologize… The fuck if she cares! This is for the best. She has enough to take care of with the mission she has to protect Coulson from himself. To protect S.H.E.I.L.D. She doesn't need him, it's better to do this thing alone anyway. It's always better alone. She's good alone. For years… the big mistake was to let someone in and imagine that maybe, in a different world, they could share something new and sweet together... She switches to autopilot and walks out of the cockpit, tired of these thoughts.

It's late, the plane is dark and quiet and there's no one around. She steps into her room to find Ward standing awkwardly in front of her. When he sees her he wears this familiar tough expression on his face, and prepares to confront her.

"What are you doing here?"

He pauses for a second, running his eyes on her figure. She can see how, like the good specialist that he is he tries to assess her exhaustion level and the chances she will fight back. "You know what I'm doing here" he shrugs, trying to sound matter-of-factly about it, as he sits on the bed and starts to untie his shoes.

She watches him in amazement when he starts to peel off his clothes slowly. Is he out of his mind? "Are you out of your mind? I told you we're done."

"I don't buy it" he sends her a nonchalant look, as he walks, in his underwear and nothing else, towards the counter and grabs the whiskey.

"Ward, get out of here" she's pretty sure her voice should sound more determined than what comes out, but it's enough to have him turn towards her, with a glass in his hand and take her heads on. He measures her slowly, caressing her body with his deep brown eyes, like he has all the time in the world.

"Your logic is flawed" he informs her. She has no idea what he's talking about and it probably shows on her face because he's generous enough to explain "you said what we have is a non strings attached, only sex kind of arrangement." She has no idea where he's going with it. She only looks at him frowning, trying to block the feelings that start to built up in her when she has him so close again after these long horrible days. "You said you weren't hurt" he says quietly, walking towards her. "By what happened with Lorelei, I mean" He is so close, she can feel his body heat on her, can smell his familiar smell as he's towering above her.

"I wasn't" she mumbles.

"So…" he smiles "so I can't see why we can't go on as we were." He puts his glass aside and moves his hand to stroke her hair gently. She catches his wrist quickly, and forcing him back.

"No we can't" she hisses, moving away from him, to try and collect her thoughts away from his beautiful body. She goes to the counter and pours herself a drink "get out, Ward" she warns from behind her back.

"If you weren't hurt, and with me obviously being under the influence, there's no reason for us to stop." He repeats, and she can hear that he's trying to sound calm despite the sizzling anger he feels. She feels sizzling of something else in her own body, too. Feels restlessness, as everything they went through and which she tried to suppress in the last few days just comes back to her.

"Ward" she turns back to face him "what happened… it was too much. We were fighting each other. To the death. The team was compromised by our actions. Being hurt has nothing to do with it. It's a tactical decision…"

"I don't care about the team" he cuts her midsentence and moves quickly to stand in front of her. He pries the glass out of her hand and puts it on the counter, then he pulls her gently and makes her sit with him on the bed. She must be exhausted because she doesn't even fight him. "Were you upset about me sleeping with Lorelei or about what she told you?" he asks gently, looking at her carefully.

"I told you" she grumbles "I wasn't hurt."

"You all keep saying I have poor people's skill" he tells her exasperatingly "it might be true, but I'm still a specialist, I know when someone is lying to me."

"I'm not lying to you." She lies straight to his face.

"Don't lie to me" he warns as she's looking at him coldly. He takes a long calming breath before he continues "She thought it wasn't you" he says quietly "when she saw you, I mean. She got confused because I said…" he takes a deep breath and shakes his head slowly and she can see how nervous he is, as he's trying to find the right words. "I told her I cared about a beautiful woman with a great love in her heart. With strength and courage that never end. I told her I cared about a woman who is gentle and sweet, and loyal. I told her that because when I'm with you, this is what I see."

"Ward…" she whispers.

"She saw you, and you are a fighter, you're strong, You don't let your emotions come out when you have a mission to do… she thought you were someone else… I'm so sorry" he whispers, holding her hands and making her look straight at him "I'm sorry you got hurt, and I'm sorry I tried to make a joke out of it at first, when I came to the cockpit, I should have known you wouldn't like it."

"Ward…" she shakes her head, trying to tell him… she has no idea what… his presence here with her, makes her feel at peace for the first time since it all happened.

"I love you" he says quietly "and I know you love me too."

"Ward…"

"You don't have to tell me" he smiles reassuringly "I know." She only looks at him thoughtfully. He's taking a big chance here, coming to her like this, all exposed and transparent. They always tried to avoid these kind of talks in the past because they were trying to protect each other just as much as themselves. She closes her eyes in resignation, letting the sense of calm and relief wash over her "Can I stay?" he asks, smiling when he feels the stress dissipating from her body "I'm already naked…" he chuckles "it would be a waste just to send me out like this…"

She opens her eyes and looks at him lovingly. When he jokes she only rolls her eyes in surrender. His eyes shine at her happily. She can see the hope in them, suddenly she feels a little hope too. She loves him. She knows she does. She has her reasons to keep it to herself and not to tell him, but she's not a coward, she is brave enough to at least stop lying to herself.

"You can stay" she gives up, getting up of the bed and moving to take off her clothes. When her back is towards him she smiles for the first time in days.

"You know…" he says from behind her, making himself comfortable on the bed "this changes everything…"

She throws her jacket on the floor and turns to face him "yes, I know."