A/N: an extremely random, short, and quite ridiculous bit on how Animorphs could have ended if a female "god" (or whatever you want to call what Crayak and the Ellimist were) had been in on "The Game." Done on a sugar high after watching the Animorphs TV series, so I take no blame for the insanity that you are about to read. Hopefully, you'll at least find it amusing. And, as always, reviews make my day so please push that adoring little button at the end and drop me a line!
"Full emergency power to the engines," Jake said. "Ram the blade ship."
The Rachel's crew of misfits all sucked in dramatic breaths, preparing themselves for sudden death.
"What the hell?! Okay, I'm calling a time out here."
Jake, Marco, and Tobias all looked up in shock to find that (once again!) they'd been pulled out of reality and were currently suspended in something that looked suspiciously like the inside of a vacuum cleaner.
In front of them was floating a very pissed off humanoid brunette, who tapped her foot impatiently (on what, they had no idea). Seconds later, Crayak and the Ellimist appeared, both looking somewhat surprised.
"Holy shit!" Marco cried, throwing his hands in the air. "I give up! It never ends."
"Quit your bitching," Tobias snapped back.
….
"Wait, why am I in human form?"
Ignoring the Animorphs' musings, the two god-like beings faced the one who summoned them.
"You can't call a time out!"
"Oh yes I freakin' can, Crayak. Because I am so sick of your ridiculous shit!" She whipped around and pointed an accusing finger at the Ellimist. "And that goes for you too, mister."
"Hold up," Jake interrupted. "What's going on?"
"What's going on," the mystery woman continued, "is that- despite what you may have heard- these two idiots have been battling over nothing for the last couple of millennia. And I'M ENDING IT NOW!"
"Why do you care all of a sudden," Crayak snorted, huffing and folding his none existent arms over his nonexistent chest.
"Because this entire thing is petty and ridiculous! Honestly, the cake wasn't even that good!"
"Excuse me," Marco demanded. "Cake?"
"Yes," she snapped. "This whole damn 'game' or war or whatever you want to call it started because Crayak stole the last piece of my pineapple upside down cake."
Flabbergasted, the remaining Animorphs stood there in shocked silence, jaws literally dropped to the floor (or they would have been if there was a floor).
"And, you know, at first I was flattered. But now it's just annoying! Especially when these idiots" she tossed a deadly glare at her now slightly frightened counterparts "decided to let Rachel get offed, that idiot The One take over Aximili, and then mess with Jake's brain so that he and Cassie could never be together." She turned around and Tobias would have sworn he saw the Ellimist and Crayak wince. "I actually liked the Animorphs you machauvinistic idiots! So you know what, I'm putting an end to this."
She snapped her fingers and, just like that, everything changed.
The Animorphs were all transported back to Earth. Tobias was now permanently a human with the ability to morph. Rachel was back and looking better than ever (and, upon her return, she and Tobias decided to make up for loss time by making passionate, crazy hot sex). Jake lost all of the guilt and his emotional hang ups. Cassie suddenly dropped Ronnie off a cliff and she and Jake proceeded to have their (long overdue) wedding of the century.
Ax was released from the clutches of The One and immediately kicked some Yeerk butt before becoming the Andalite High King and permanently uniting Andalites and humans with an unbreakable peace treaty. And Marco hooked up with every hot chick alive before accumulating enough wealth to make Bill Gates look like a homeless crack addict.
Looking down on all the good she had brought to the universe (and adoring Animorphs fans everywhere), the goddess like person thing turned to Crayak and the Ellimist.
"Now are you two going to get along or will I have to rip off your nonexistent balls?"
Out of sheer terror, Crayak and the Ellimist finally agreed to peace (over a delicious bit of pineapple upside down cake).
All was well in the universe and everyone got the happy ending they deserved.
And the moral of the story, kiddies, is that women should rule the universe because then people would be far to busy having awesome nookie and eating yummy treats to fight about anything.
The end.