Disclaimer: I own nothing! (except maybe a couple talking portaits.. but I don't care about them because I'm such a loving writer) I wish I did, but alas I don't. I'm just a poor muggle who has figured everything out. The almighty goddess J.K. Rowling owns everything Harry Potter in this story. Including Lupin's boxers sadly..

Title: Who's Shagging Whom?

Warnings: Nothing really, except a little thing at the beginning that isn't a big deal (in my oppinion).

Summary - Draco Malfoy has heard something through a door late at night in Hogwarts castle... A teacher and a student going at it! (scandal!) The problem is, he isn't able to tell anyone who it was. For every time he is about to reveal the secret, something pops up and interrupts him. Mentions of Slash... more coming in later chapters.. I think.

"Oh, please professor, please don't fail me." You could hear moaning and muffled sounds, but that came out clearly. The blonde haired Slytherin leaned in closer to the door, his face a bright red as his mind imagined what was going on. "Professor, please.. please.. PROFESSOR!" There were more moans, then silence.

Draco Malfoy leaned against the wall next to the door and slid down to the floor. 'What the heck was that? Stupid question. Who was that..? Stupid question. That one voice most certainly belonged to--' the door knob fiddled, as if it was being unlocked, and then turned. Draco quickly scuttled around the corner, not wanting to be caught. But peeking his head around, he saw, straightening out his robes was none other than--

"AHH!" Peeves the ghost had suddenly appeared behind him and licked his ear. Clasping a hand over his mouth, he stood up and made a break for it, running as fast as he could down the corridor. That was one teacher he did NOT want to be caught by in this situation.

The professor, who had just been.. working.. in the empty classroom looked around the corner. No one was in site.. except Peeves who gave him a raspberry. He figured it was just him the whole time and turned on his heel, heading back to his chambers for some sleep. The rest of the castle was dark and empty then, except for the corridor on the other side of the building. That was where Malfoy was leaning against a tapestry next to a suit of armor, panting and holding a stitch in his side.

"Bloody hell... Him.. and.. and him..? That's just.. CRAZY! They seemed to.. enjoy it though.." Once again he was talking to himself, he did that a lot when he was alone. But this time he got a response, from a painting of a young wizard in a plume hat holding a sword.

"Wha's all this talk abou' now so early in the morn'?" The painting of 'Benitode Conweb' leaned forward and looked around. Spotting Draco, who looked as shocked as you have ever seen him and looking around too for the source of the voice, he made his way through a couple more paintings to stand across from him. "Ove' here."

The blonde boy looked up and saw the wizard painting, 'Oh god.. what did he hear..?'

"So young sir, wha' are ya doin', runnin' around the halls like there was a ferret stuck up your pants?! Who is these two crazy fellows you were yammerin' about'?" He seemed intrigued, no one came down this hall anymore, not even Filch to clean the dusty suits of armor.

"Uh.." Draco wondered whether he should tell him what he heard and somewhat witnessed. That trademark, devilish and sexy Malfoy smirk spread across his face. If he told him, he might tell others, and soon it would be around school. And it wouldn't affect him at all, because this painting didn't seem to know much about him.. or much about anything at all.

"Well..." He stood and composed himself, straightening his robes and hair and the like. "A student and a teacher were just.. shagging.. in an empty classroom, just minutes ago."

"Ohh, do tell me more, young lad. Who were these two?"

Perfect, he seemed like he wouldn't be able to keep a secret. "I heard, with my own ears. Profess--" At that exact second, Mrs. Norris let out a loud

"Mroooooow!"

And Malfoy, just realizing what time it really was, bolted once more, cursing to himself.

"Damn damn damn damn damn!!!" Tonight he just couldn't finish a thought without being interrupted. But he was in enough trouble already, having been accused of turning Hagrid's dog, Fang, pink. Which he didn't, it was that stupid Longbottom, he was practically a squib and couldn't do any spell right.

Finally he made it back to the Slytherin common room, collapsing into a stiff chair by the fireplace. He stared at the fading embers, catching his breath for the third time tonight. He shook his head, his hair falling out of it's regular position to hang in his piercing eyes that were currently glowing a deep red from the glow in front of him.

"I should never have gone out tonight, it's just too much strain on my delicate physic.." Draco chuckled a little, then laughed, and soon he had slid out of his chair and was clutching his ribs as he laid on his side having what seemed like a laughing fit. For some time he couldn't stop, until he forced himself for lack of air.

"I can't wait 'til tomorrow night.. I'll go back and tell that Conweb the whole thing, and he'll spread it around the school for me. It'll be the greatest rumor since when all the girls in school were talking about whether Professor Lupin wore boxers or briefs!"

"Eh? What about Lupin's boxers?" It was Goyle, apparently Draco's laughing had woken him up.

"Oh, nothing Goyle, just thinking." He had returned that emotionless mask to his face and stood up. "Just go back to bed."

"What about you..? You haven't been to bed yet..."

"I'll sleep down here." In truth, he wasn't that tired. But Goyle wouldn't stop asking questions, and he just wanted to be alone again. Crabbe and Goyle were starting to get on his nerves lately, so he escaped them as much as he could.

After another minute of glaring at him, his "friend" shrugged and grunted before heading back up to his room.

An hour later, the blonde beauty was left in the dark with nothing to do, so he ended up falling asleep sprawled out on the couch.