This is a fanfic about after the Carnival, it's mainly about Shizuru and Natsuki. It's my first one, so please be gentle with your reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own Mai HiME or any of the characters used. (T.T) Please don't sue me.

Shizuru looked out the window. It was raining hard, not a single person in sight. She sighed, and turned back into her office. She'd jumped at the chance to take the Directors position when it was offered to her. Mashiro quit after the end of the previous year, Shizuru had graduated with the highest grades, was loved by everyone (except Haruka Suzushiro), and she already knew the schools affairs.

But Shizuru didn't take the job because it was her dream to be Director of Fuka Academy; she took it so she could be close to…her.

A knock on her door woke Shizuru from her reverie. She sat down behind the large desk. "Enter." She said, and she watched as the brass handle turned and the oak door swung open.

"Shizuru-san," Mai said as she bowed, "You called me?"

"Yes, thank you Mai. I wanted to talk to you about your and Takumi's scholarship funds."

The girl seemed to stiffen, "Um, well, you see…" Mai struggled to explain.

Shizuru cut her off, "There's no need to worry, it's all taken care of."

"Oh." Mai's releif was evident, "Thank you Shizuru-san."

Shizuru held up her hand, "Wait a moment before thanking me, Mai. Can you still use your Element?"

Mai's eyes darkend. "I don't know, and I don't plan to find out."

Shizuru nodded. "Either way, Kagutsuchi will not come when you call it. Your contract was broken when the Star was destroyed. That is all, you may go."

"Thank you." Mai got up and slipped through the door quickly.

Shizuru looked down at her hands, neatly folded in her lap. Like Mai, she had yet to see if her element remained. Yukino and Akane had lost theirs, which didn't upset either. They'd never really wanted to be HiMEs. Yukariko, the nun, also lost her abilities, and her dear husband ran off, leaving her to take care of their child all alone. Shiho also lost hers, and when she realized it she went berserk. They'd had to put her in an institution. Midori, Akira, Mikoto, and Nao all still have their Elements. No one had seen Alyssa or Miyu, and Shizuru didn't know about…her.

As she sat alone, Shizuru's mind took her back. One of the many memories she tried to repress flooded into her mind.

She hates me. But I love her. The only way is if we both go, together. I have to defeat my dearest, Natsuki. It's the only way, but I wish she didn't hate me.

Duran and Kiyohime were fighting viciously. Shizur watched as Natsuki was trapped under a falling bell.

Now's my chance.

Shizuru swung her naginata in a graceful arc and broke the bell, catching Natsuki in tight hold.

I won't let you go anymore. You're all mine.

She pulled Natsuki toward her and held her in a close embrace. Natsuki surprised her with a kiss.

What? But, she hates me? Doesn't she?

"Shizuru, you were the first one who came to me when I was unable to believe anyone. But, I can't have the feeling that you wish I did. Even then, I'm happy that you loved me. I also love you, Shizuru. So…" Natsuki quietly told her. Then, "Duran! Load Silver Cartridge!"

She loves me, but, this is the end.

"Fire!"

Shizuru watched as Duran fired into Kiyohime, and then she held Natsuki.

"I'm fulfilled." Shizuru whispered.

This is the end, I die in my loves arms, this is my fate.

And they died together.

If only it had been that simple. But, I should have foreseen that I wouldn't get that peace. Miyu brought us back. She loves me, but not the same way. Tomorrow is the start of the new term; I haven't seen her since Graduation. What am I going to do? If only we'd stayed dead.

Natsuki sighed. She didn't know what she was going to do. "Damn it!" She said, a little too loudly, the other bar patrons looked at her curiously. She cursed again more quietly, got up and left. She got on her bike, and drove, not really paying attention to where she was going.

Term starts tomorrow. What am I going to do? I'm going to see her.

Natsuki had been wondering the same thing over and over again.

It would have been so much easier if we'd really died; I wouldn't have to face Shizuru's feelings. I love her, but, just not that way. I wish I could, but…I just can't. Now I have to face her again, after what happened.

Natsuki shuddered as she remembered.

It was Shizuru's Graduation day. She asked Natsuki to her graduation party.

But I didn't know it would just be the two of us.

When Natsuki arrived at Shizuru's apartment, she was surprised to discover that they were alone.

"Oops. I guess I forgot to invite everyone else." Shizuru told her, a sly grin on her face. "Guess it's just us."

Natsuki stopped the memory before it upset her.

That's when I should have left. Damn it. Before…no! Don't think about it. Crap. What am I going to do?