Chapter 1:
(Vernon's POV)
I walked down the stairs to the door where a letter sat. The letter was from Hogwarts. Oh yes, those annoying wizards. My wife's half sister Lily had gone crazy and married one named Severus Snape. I remembered meeting him for the first time. "So are you going to marry my sister in law." I asked him.
"Obviously" He said in that ear grating low stern voice.
And then they had a son named Harry. Harry Snape, what a retarded name. And then they died, leaving me to raise the boy. As if raising Dudley wasn't a royal pain in its own right. "Sure Hogwarts, you made my life misery, and now you demand my son. No siree." I thought.
I grabbed the letter and ripped to pieces and jumped up and down on top of it. "Dad dad stop that racket." Dudley shouted from his room.
"NOO!" I roared.
Harry walked into the entryway "What going on?" he asked.
"Nothing" I replied.
"Well if a man jumped up and down and screams. There must be nothing going on." he said with sarcasm inherited from his blasted father.
Harry suddenly spied a piece of the envelope. Quick as lightning, Harry grabbed it. "It say Harry Snape. Why did you wreck my letter?"
"Your letter, any mail that goes into this house is mine. And I can do anything a please with it."
The next day I heard the alarm clock beeping. I looked and it read 5:00am. "Honey, why are you waking so early?" asked my wife Petunia.
I didn't say anything but walked down the stair to the door. There was no letter, yet. After a while the letter dropped into through the slot. Harry tried to grab it but I barged past him and ripped the letter in half.
I ripped the halves in half causing scraps of the letter to fly everywhere. Harry grabbed another little piece of letter. "Uncle Vernon, this says something about Hogwarts. What is Hogwarts?"
"Nothing" I insisted.
I did not want Harry to learn about Hogwarts after years of making sure he did not know about it.
The next day I had taped closed the mail slot with duct tape. "You never gets any letters now Harry"
Harry walked into the living room. I followed him in and found he had some letters. "Where did you get those?" I demanded.
"Through the chimney." He replied.
"Well you're definitely not going to Hogwarts." I growled and grabbed the letters from Harry and threw them in the fireplace. I light the fire and it consumed the letters. A perfect tactic for tomorrow.
The day after that I waited at the fireplace. The fireplace was stuffed with sticks and logs, and I had a bottle of lighter fluid and a lighter at hand. When letters flew down I set them on fire before they could get out of the fireplace. Harry then walked into the room. "Ha Ha Harry. Looks like I just outsmarted your wizard pals."
"Wizards?" asked a confused Harry.
Why did I tell him that. "Hogwarts is about Wizards?" asked Harry.
"Forget it!" I barked.
Suddenly the window opened and a storm of letters came through. I grabbed the letters and tore them to shreds. I tried to throw them into the fire but Harry grabbed a handful of the scraps, and ran away with them. "Come back here" I roared, but Harry locked himself in the cabinet.
(Harry's POV)
I turned on the lights and arranged the chunks I had into a letter. With scotch tape I had hidden, I managed to put the letter back together. The letter was about some Magical academy. It said I was invited to a school where I could learn to use magic. There was a list of supplies that it said could be found at a place called Diagon Alley. Ha what a pun. Anyway how was I to get to this Diagon Alley. For all I know it might be all the way in Chicago. And that was the stomping grounds of that other spellcasting Harry.
Then I had a plan, check my dad's old possessions. Vernon had that safe he said he wanted to open to burn all of the papers. That night, I crept down the stairs and into the basement. I could finally find out what was in that safe. The safe was weird though, it had no dials or keypads. Just and metal box with a handle and a little needle. I touched the needle with my finger and it jabbed into me. I pulled back my finger in pain. Suddenly the door opened revealing a stack of book and papers.
On the top of the papers was a letter. It read. "Dear Harry Snape, If you are reading this, then you are on your way to discovering the wizard world. I have left information to help you find your way. I have also left my journal with you to read. May you learn to be a great wizard, and not make the errors I did. I left my will for you to take to Gringotts Bank."
There was more information about Hogwarts and magic. At the end the letter was signed "Sincerely, your father Severus Snape."
I noticed there was a small bag in the vault. I put my hand and was shocked when it felt huge from the inside. I stuffed my dad's possessions into the bag and went back up to the cupboard. The next day Dudley woke me up with a smile. "Guess what day it is?"
"The day someone stupid like you was born."
Dudley's face turned into a scowl. "Your just jealous I get lots of presents. Anyway I'm going to the zoo and you're not going. What do you say about that?"
"Whoop-de-do" I replied in deadpan.
"You're no fun"
"Why would I want to be your fun?"
Dudley walked away and out the door.
Then Vernon walked up to me "Were going to..."
"Dudley told me"
"But did he tell you not to break anything in this house?"
"No"
Vernon walked out the door with Petunia. Perfect I had the house to myself. This was a perfect time to check out Diagon Alley.