TITLE: Lost Within

AUTHOR: Lara aka Lara_SGC

SEASON/SEQUEL: Very beginning of Season 9 after the events of Threads and Moebius.

SUMMARY: It's not warm when she's away.

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp, Double Secret Productions and Showtime. I created this story for my pleasure and for the pleasure of others. Ain't No Sunshine credited to Bill Withers.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This fic is a response to the Ficathon prompts given at the Sam Carter/Jack O'Neill Appreciation Thread at Gateworld.

It has an happy ending! Duh, I love this ship grin

Jack O'Neill, big famous General and base leader, was sitting in the darkness of his own house; sprawled over his leather couch. He could feel the bumps pressing into his back and the cold leather against his naked forearm.

His hand painfully wrapped around his glass of Scotch; half empty.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he twirled the glass in his hand making the pure copper liquid swirl. The ice cubes going round and round. It was almost hypnotizing. Almost. But not enough. Wasn't it always?

Somewhere in the distance a dog barked, a car passed his house but then all went quiet. There were no sounds in his house; no children laughing, no one asking him to join him upstairs.

No one to hold him, to comfort him.

To love him.

Teal'c and Daniel were visiting old friends and loved ones off world and Carter had a date. A date! After all they've been through, after all that had happened between them, she'd decided to go on a date.

He didn't understand why. It confused him. It's all your fault, O'Neill. You pushed her into that cop's arms time and time again and now you're crying because she doesn't love you anymore.

But he wanted to see her happy. Even if that meant sacrificing his feelings for her. Crushing his very own heart.

But she wasn't happy, O'Neill. She didn't say yes.

And yet she didn't say no either.

She wanted you to stop her. To tell her how you feel.

He didn't. How sure can you be that a person loves you enough to end a marriage?

His heart knew.

He pressed the glass against his lips and let the hot liquid burn his throat and when he swallowed hard he felt it burn inside him as he thought about Sam.

She was gone. To Area 51.

They had had a big argument about her leaving last night and he had screamed at her. But he had been desperate. Finally Pete was out of the picture, her heart was healing after losing dad but then suddenly she told him matter of fact that she was leaving to sort things out.

Leaving him.

He had made a serious mistake. Just as Sam stormed out of his office he'd yelled after her that he'd been a fool to fall in love with her.

That…was a mistake he regretted deeply. He loved her more than anything. He hadn't meant it; he was just desperate.

Now he sat, drunk, on his couch staring into his glass of Whiskey. Jack leaned back and grabbed the remote of his stereo and pressed the play-button.

Ain't no Sunshine when she's gone.

It's not warm when she's away.

Flashbacks of her smile, her laugh floated around in his head and he closed his eyes.

And she's always gone too long.

Wonder this time where she's gone.

God, he missed her. What had he done?

Fighting back tears, he sat upright as he felt himself sway and a slight nausea kicked in. Slowly bending over and resting his head on his knees, the glass slipped out of his hand and crashed to the floor.

Ain't no Sunshine when she's gone.

~*~ Part 2 ~*~

The music had long faded, and he had slid off the couch onto the floor, resting an arm and his head on it. The Whiskey bottle was lying long forgotten and empty on the floor next to him.

Is it only love that breaks your heart? Is it only love that tears you apart?

There was always something standing in the way. Could he just let it go and go on with his life without her?

He groaned. He tried to imagine how it would be to go to work without seeing her. Going on with his life without talking to her, holding her. No, he couldn't do that.

The tears traveled down his cheeks, the alcohol had taken its toll. Jack O'Neill wasn't an emotional guy. The last time he really cried had been when he lost Charlie and when he lost Sam. And now he was crying over her again. This means something doesn't it? It does.

Maybe he should just stop thinking and let the booze destroy the last of his thinking- and feeling-brain cells.

A sound. His head jerked up, his vision blurry and he closed his eyes trying to fight against the alcohol.

There again! Someone was walking up to his front door. It stopped as if the person hesitated to ring his bell. Probably some salesman.

The clock read; 02u36.

Or maybe not.

He crawled back on his sofa and quickly looked around his living room; an empty Whiskey bottle, his crumpled clothes, his tie tossed away, his living room in total chaos; it looked like crap. Reflecting the way he felt.

Not caring in the least, he thought the person had walked away but his heart skipped a beat when heard someone using the key.

Daniel?

No, he can't be. He was off-world.

His gun was in reaching distance, slowly without making a sound, he pressed his cheek against the cold leather and waited when he heard the door being slowly opened. Carefully closed, foot steps in the hall, foot steps at his living room door, the door opened and he risked a peek.

He gasped.

Carter stood in the doorway. Her eyes swollen, her cheek stained with dried tears.

He watched her silently as she walked over to him and crouched down in front of his leather sofa.

She looked so beautiful. Those blue eyes filled with emotions; screaming out to him, her shining blond hair softly playing with the leather rim of her jacket. There he sat, just watching her.

Her gaze went from the Whiskey bottle, to his chaotic living room to him again.

"God, what happened here?" She finally brought her gaze back to him and frowned.

For a few seconds or maybe more, the two gazed into each other's eyes. Each trying to find what they needed. Craved for.

Jack broke off the stare and bent down, hiding his face in his hands now leaning on his knees. He tried so hard not to cry. For crying out loud, Jack. Get a grip!

But it was too much.

It hurts. I'm sorry, Sam. I'm sorry I let you down. God, it hurts.

She wasn't his. She would never be. Who could love a sad, drunk man who can't express his emotions?

Sam wiped the tears traveling down her cheeks. Why did they deserve this? Never had she seen Jack like that. She felt her heart breaking upon seeing him like this. Lost and utterly devastated.

Her high heels dug into his carpet when she leaned to him, placing a trembling hand on his shoulder and softly turned him toward her.

Brown eyes asked her questions she knew, she only had the answers to. She hadn't intended to stay away for a long period of time. She couldn't. She couldn't live her life without him. The last couple of hours had set her off in a thinking tantrum but no matter how much she tried to tell herself it was her life…her heart always screamed for Jack.

Oh, Jack. When did we fall? It should be so easy to love each other.

Emotions washing down on her, she reached out to him and wrapped her arms around his tormented body. Where the hell did she even think she could leave him and sort things out? There was nothing to sort out…she loved him. It shouldn't be that hard, should it?

Is it only love that breaks your heart? Is it only love that tears you down?

Jack leaned into her and he cried. Sobs wreaking his body as he held onto her. God, he loved her. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Jasmine and vanilla. Her scent was calming her. Reminding him of all the times she'd been laying next to him on missions; calming him. Reassuring him. It was time. After all they've been through. It shouldn't be that hard.

He leaned back but not out of her embrace to look at her.

Sam swallowed hard. "I'm so sorry. Please tell me it'll be okay?"

He hunched away from her, yet again feeling the cold of his leather sofa. "What do you want, Sam? What do you want me to say? That I'm selfish enough to ask you not to go? That I love you? You've known that long enough."

She softly smiled but it was a sad one. "Did I? It's been years since we left in the room. You could've stopped me but you didn't. I thought I'd lost you. I feared you moved on and I thought Pete was the one - that I loved him enough to-"

Her hands were trembling. She stood. "I worked so hard on keeping that wall between us but it kept crumbling down and when I almost lost you, it crashed into a million pieces. I can't get over you. I don't want to lose you."

Her heart was hammering into her chest, her throat painfully dry and her eyes stung with unshed tears but she would not cry. She would not let him go. He loved her and he still did. That had been painfully obvious when he screamed at her this morning.

She never thought she'd feel that hurt at seeing a man cry. But he wasn't just a man. He was the man she'd fallen in love with.

Then he stood and nodded. "Sam-"

There was pain and hesitation in his voice. Sam reached up and placed her hand against his tear stained face, brushing them away with her thumb.

He took a shaky breath. "I can't imagine living without you."

Sam smiled at him through her tears and as both their walls came crashing down they reached out and joined in a fierce hug. An embrace that held promises and love.

Their bodies crushed against each other, their heartbeats racing on the rhythm of love.

Jack pulled back and for the first time that night, she saw a smile on his lips. There was no surprise when he slowly leaned down.

Tiptoe-ing she met his lips halfway and lost herself in the kiss. It held so much love, so much care and she almost felt disappointed when he pulled back only to wash that feeling away when he kissed her again. Longer this time. Much longer.

She felt him smile against her lips and in desperate need for air, she broke the kiss and searched his eyes.

She laughed. "All those years…we're crazy aren't we?"

He nodded but there was something in his eyes she couldn't read. It was something beyond happiness, beyond content. "What?"

His hand softly caressed her cheek, he pulled her back against him. "God, Sam. I need you."

Sam rubbed his back. "I'm not going anywhere." She softly stepped out of his embrace. "Jack?" She searched his eyes. "I love you."

He grinned and Sam knew that leer. "Wohoo." He did in his best Homer impression. She started laughing with him not caring about the moment being broken. That's Jack for ya and god did she love him.

"Sam?"

She tilted her head looking at him, adoration filling that gaze. "Hmm-hmm."

"Will you marry me?"

Her heart started beating a million times a minute, her knees got wobbly and butterflies rummaged through her whole being. The tingling sensation didn't go away and she let it consume her. Her lips broke out into a grin. "Yes of course!"

And so it was.

Lips met and tongues battled over a love that had never been lost. A love that could not be tamed or destroyed. They were one.

Their one and only.

END

Thank you for reading!