A/N: this is me needing a break from Bones for something fun and fluffy. don't panic, i'm going back to writing that one again as soon as inspiration hits. freshers week at uni in england has been great so far, just a lot of drinking and too many people around me to have time for writing (this has been sitting on my laptop for a week now)
So this is slash. There are boys kisssing. If thats not your cup of tea then bye bye and good riddance. this is not for you.
also the format is inspired by the wonderful provocative envy's "punch drunk" just thought id mention it (texts below are messages between darcy and richard)
soundtrack: numb - the airborne toxic event
disclaimer: elijah bennet is a boys. i think him and darcy kissing wouldve been frowned upon two houndred years ago, so that part is mine. also the cellphone part, but that's self explanatory
Barefoot
###
(03:21 pm) bingley...
(03:21 pm) when does that thing tonight start? its tonight right?
(03:26 pm) that thing? darcy, man i'm disappointed in you...
(03:27 pm) what? we re meeting up this evening right?
(03:27 pm) we better be. your wife terrorized annie until she marked it in bright pink marker in my calender
(03:27 pm) in pink, bingley
(03:29 pm) what s ur problem with pink?
(03:29 pm) it glitters
(03:30 pm) that s disturbing
(03:32 pm) ur disturbing
(03:32 pm) your mother is disturbing
(03:33 pm) wtf? what's my mother gotta do w/this?
(03:33 pm) everything.
(03:33 pm) your mother's got to do with EVERYTHING
(03:34 pm) did she feel u up again? I told u to run when she s on the hunt and not do that weird turtle thing where u freeze up
(03:34 pm) she takes that as consent
(03:35 pm) did no one tell her to look into those hallucinations? like a doctor or something
(03:35 pm) there s medication for the crazy people you know?
(03:35 pm) plenty of times
(03:36 pm) but
(03:36 pm) you know she s from Missisippi
(03:37 pm) sex ed there is taught by putting on socks
(03:38 pm) well socks are important
(03:38 pm) always put them on
(03:38 pm) im not going to play babysitter for the devils spawn
(03:38 pm) and whatever mutilating horror springs from your genes
(03:40 pm) lol
(03:42 pm) anyway
(03:42 pm) about tonight...
(03:43 pm) we r meeting at the little restaurant. it s in covent garden. at the waterfront.
(03:44 pm) do you got a name to that face?
(03:44 pm) I just told you
(03:45 pm) the little restaurant
(03:45 pm) thats the name
(03:48 pm) weird
(03:49 pm) ur weird
(03:51 pm) your mums weird
(03:51 pm) why do u have to drag my mum into everything?
(03:53 pm) because shes everywhere. EVERYWHERE
(03:54 pm) lol
(03:54 pm) paranoid much?
(03:55 pm) you re not the one she s hitting on
(03:57 pm) because that would be weird
(03:58 pm) didn't we just have that conversation?
(04:01 pm) lol
(04:01 pm) just be there at eight
(04:02 pm) or else jane will have your balls
(04:02 pm) literally
(04:05 pm) your wife is terrifying
(04:07 pm) i know
(04:10 pm) i love her
###
The first time Darcy meets Elijah Bennet, it's a disaster.
It feels like someone cracked up a high voltage system right next to him and the right side of his body feels numb for about ten seconds before it starts tingling like mad.
It's a disaster.
There's no other word for it. It's plot exposition doomed to complete and utter failure, a train wreck in less than thirty minutes of exposure and Darcy wrecks his brain for months afterwards trying to understand how it could all derail so quickly.
Eli Bennet is his sister's polar opposite. The man is easily as tall as himself, but with a darker skin tone and a hair colour that's tethering on the edge between black and brown instead of being the blue-tinged abyss of Darcy's hair. The top part is pulled back in a bun while the lower part is shorter, sporting that hipster like look he's seen on a lot of people these days without ever understanding how it worked when it's not styled - there's a whole drunken rant about that recorded on Bingley's phone, which the bastard refuses to delete with almost sadistic glee.
Anyway, he's smiling, practically radiating warmth as ridiculous as that sounds and Darcy who expected the deep-frosted male version of Jane – the ice queen – Bingley to show up tonight complete with gleaming, white blond hair and and steely, blue eyes, doesn't know whether to be bemused or amused or start asking deeply personal questions about their heritage. So he's a bit distracted and doesn't notice Bennet's outstretched hand, he just frowns at it for a second too long and then rather awkwardly raises his glass in greeting when everybody's looking at him strangely.
There's a glint in Bennet's eyes when he sits down, a lazy grin that's bordering on predatory playing around his lips and it escalates from there.
It's a disaster, really.
###
(09:07 am) so last night happened...
(09:07 am) i mean shit, darcy.
(09:09 am) I had to talk jane out of killing you and literally string you up by your balls
(09:12 am) and i'm literally in a meeting right now
(09:12 am) and this is literally not making any sense whatsoever
(09:13 am) is your wife into necrophilia or something
(09:13 am) because doing that in that particular order...
(09:13 am) is literally pointless
(09:15 am) idk if i should be annoyed at you or be a proud papa
(09:19 am) you re creeping me out
(09:20 am) but i'm so proud
(09:22 am) of what?
(09:22 am) using the word literally three times in less than two minutes?
(09:22 am) get a bloody dictionary
(09:26 am) oh back down boy
(09:26 am) back down
(09:27 am) i'm not answering that
(09:27 am) fucking ever
(09:28 am) oh but ur going to tell me wtf happened last night?
(09:28 am) no
(09:28 am) bc that was one unholy disaster
(09:29 am) did i dream that or did you really call him
(09:29 am) "a sorry excuse for a wannabe hippie lowlife with a holier than thou attitude and way too perfectly manicured fingernails"
(09:30 am) bc wtf man
(09:30 am) I get the rest but the nails?
(09:30 am) what was that about?
(09:39 am) he provoked me
(09:39 am) he told you to relax
(09:40 am) exactly
(09:40 am) i'm legit not getting this
(09:42 am) its a contradiction
(09:42 am) look it up in the dictionary
(09:45 am) u and that dictionary
(09:45 am) is this some fetish i didn't know about?
(09:51 am) you mean like shagging potential sociopaths and marrying them?
(09:51 am) thats your kink
(09:55 am) and yours is to passive aggressively insult people into submission?
(09:56 am) bc srsly
(09:56 am) that has never worked out
(10:02 am) never
###
The next time they see each other it's at a cocktail evening at the Bingley's town house in Belgravia. Darcy has an arm slung around Caroline's waist to keep her from tripping over her own two feet and she's giggling and clinging to him and it's kind of amusing because despite her alcohol infused brain, her remarks are as sharp and cutting and spot on as usual.
"So, Eli", she drawls when they're standing in a circle together with the Bingley's and Bennet. Darcy can hear the slur in her voice which the blueberry stoli has caused and prepares himself to possibly throw himself in the crossfire before Jane literally eviscerates her right on the spot.
She has that glint in her eyes.
"Pray tell, what are you doing now these days? Last I heard you sold your start-up company and lived the life of a gentleman at leisure."
One corner of the man's mouth quirked up. "The term gentleman might be up for discussion."
"But leisure fits?", Darcy interjects and the hairs on his neck stand up when the silver grey eyes direct their focus on him. They've been doing the passive-aggressive banter all evening to Carline's utter delight and his nerves are on high alert.
"I was never one much for definitions, Darcy", the man drawls, seemingly bored by the conversation already. "They just don't seem to... apply most of the time."
"It stands to reason that they're quite essential for basic communication", Darcy retorts and Caroline snorts into the lapel of his jacket.
Bennet's eyes light up, but there is a sort of condescending smile playing around his lips like he's watching some circus animal perform a bunch of tricks which, while surprising, are still those of an animal. "Well", he says, "you argue about the importance of definitions while not even bothering to apply their correct meaning to the situation."
There's a delicate snort from Jane who hides it in her drink. Bennet shoots her a fond smile before once again concentrating on Darcy. "Communication for example means the act of communicating, therefore the exchange of thoughts, ideas, feelings etc. by speech, signals, writing or behaviour. Definitions as in words comporting a specific meaning only exist in speech and writing so when I want to comport a meaning by gesticulating or, you know, simply looking at you..." The look in his eyes intensifies at that, the eerie grey colour holding Darcy in place and he can't move and he can't breathe - there's no fucking air whatsoever around him – and he feels a flush creeping up his cheeks like he's thirteen all over again. It's weird and confusing and a whole lot of other things, but his thoughts are crawling at snail's pace, like his neurons are suddenly filled with honey and axons stick together like someone played around with glitter glue in his head.
"... you would understand that definitions are not exactly essential for communication", Bennet finishes and Darcy is so dazed and flustered that it takes the other's soft snickers around him to jerk him back to reality.
Humiliation washes over him and his mouth snaps shut, his shoulders tense and he feels the ice cold mask perfected over years in business meetings and at social gatherings slipping over his face, effectively eliminating any and all visceral reactions. "Maybe I would have", he snaps, all clipped cool voice and minimal facial movements. He sees the flicker of uncertainty in Bennet's eyes and hears Charlie groan, "if you hadn't based your explanation on the very thing you were arguing against."
He feels Caroline's nails on his arm, a sharp, yet silent warning not to take things too far. The look in Bennet's eyes turns calculating, trying to appraise Darcy but then he smiles.
"You mean like a snake biting its own tail?", he asks idly, tracing the ouroboros tattoo around his left ring finger with the index finger of the other hand.
Darcy waits, tense and unmoving. Bennet chuckles and reaches for a drink from the tray the waiter is carrying. He toasts Darcy.
"And yet it means immortality", he muses. "Curious, don't you think?"
The flicker of a smirk tugs at the corner of Darcy's mouth and he pulls Caroline closer towards him. "I think it quite fitting actually." Bennet's eyebrows sky rocket and Charlie drapes an arm around Jane's shoulders to keep her from committing bloody murder. "Immortality has always been for the more weak-minded. Living in limbo seems to suit your inability to decide", Darcy's masks slips for a split second, the grin spreading wider across his lips, "even on definitions."
###
(11:34 am) so if this is kindergarten
(11:34 am) and i have to be a killjoy and play nanny
(11:34 am) THEN U BOTH GO INTO TIME OUT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW
(11:35 am) i'm serious
(11:35 am) last night was fucking insane
(11:35 am) and not in a good way
(12:14 pm) what s your problem, bingley?
(12:23 pm) u two are insane
(12:25 pm) you said that already
(12:28 pm) THEN IM SAYING IT AGAIN
(12:30 pm) look
(12:30 pm) i like sex as much as the next person
(12:30 pm) and id really like to continue getting it
(12:31 pm) since i'm all married and shit
(12:31 pm) which is literally the only reason -
(12:31 pm) but if u keep pissing off jane
(12:32 pm) i cant even fathom why it would be necessary to -
(12:32 pm) then i'm going to die a slow and painful and -
(12:32 pm) tie the knot at our age when its not about the -
(12:32 pm) and CELEBITARY death
(12:33 pm) u feel me, man
(12:33 pm) - money
(12:33 pm) it makes absolutely zero sense whatsoever
(12:34 pm) so pls
(12:34 pm) for the love of god
(12:34 pm) fucking stop bickering and get on with it already !
(12:58 pm) and also stop doing the diabolic duo thing with carol
(12:58 pm) u two are frightening
(01:07 pm) says the ice queens husband
###
They don't stop.
No.
Of course not.
Rather, it escalates from dignified banter over champagne and appetizers to a full blown war with Jane and Charlie between the frontlines and Caroline as an amused bystander fuelling the fire with her caustic barbs and cackling laughter.
They're exchanging insults and arguments so rapidly that they make a Wimbledon tennis match look like slow motion love scenes and spike each other's drinks with everything from alcohol to hallucinogens and when Eli Bennet sends an official looking package containing fifteen white mice to Darcy's office in retaliation for receiving jasmine blossom and patchouli forest scented incense sticks as a host gift at dinner the night before to "help him feel more at home", Darcy conquers by sending a bunch of religious fanatics by his door to try and convert by singing songs at the top of their lungs until Bennet has to fake a fire alarm to get them out of the building.
There's just...
There really is no limit.
No, not after Bennet comes up to him one day while he's out having lunch with an important business associate and throws a bright red, sequin tanga right in his face, telling him in a mock exasperated voice to "stop leaving his underwear on the floor" and asking if he could please "buy some more lube, we're running out of it, love".
He objects more to the term "love" than anything else.
Honestly.
But when, after the fourth or so date Bennet has brought along to their outings, Darcy acidly asks if his un-definedness also transcends into his dating behaviour since he doesn't seem to have any standards to speak of and Eli mockingly raises an eyebrow, telling him that it would certainly not hinder communication in any way, he snaps.
"Possibly", he says tersely, trying to keep his voice calm and under control. They're in the middle of a five star, French cuisine restaurant and Jane's clenching her knife in one hand, still deciding whose throat she wants to slash first while Charlie looks caught between exasperation and amusement. "But I doubt there's much communicating to speak of happening since your flavour of the weeks usually doesn't seem to have more than three braincells rubbing together. I can imagine this quite limits the experience."
He swears this is the final hit needed to tip Bennet over the proverbial cliff, but the bastard just smirks and raises an eyebrow. "What", he asks, "do you want to try out?"
And Darcy's spluttering, blushing furiously and trying his hardest to convince all and sundry that "no, of course he doesn't, he has standards" in case anyone forgot and anyway, "who wants to have that done to him?" He's a man, thank you very much.
And while Charlie is sniggering into his napkin at Darcy's embarrassment and Jane doesn't know whether to make sure that her husband doesn't asphyxiate or to chide them both for their lacking table manners, Bennet's smirk turns predatory once again and he's eyeing Darcy – really eyeing him – before proceeding to explain to him what a prostate is and why men like it very, very much to get it stimulated.
He even offers to draw him a diagram. And the web address of an online sex shop.
Darcy hates him. He really does.
###
(09:38 am) you wont believe what he did today!
(09:38 am) hes gone mental
(09:38 am)mental, I tell you
(09:45 am) oh goodie …
(09:45 am) whats it today
(09:45 am) fried insects on a stick?
(09:46 am) helium in ur office?
(09:46 am) snake in a drawer?
(09:47 am) its probably plastic tbh
(09:48 am) no need to scream ur head off
(09:51 am) that was one time!
(09:51 am) and it looked pretty damn real!
(09:51 am) you know how paranoid i'm about reptiles
(09:53 am) yes
(09:53 am) yes i know
(09:53 am) tragic, tragic story
(09:58 am) why do I get the feeling you re not taking me seriously? he sent butt plugs to my office
(09:58 am) butt
(09:58 am) plugs
(09:58 am) to plug
(09:59 am) ones butt
(10:02 am) bc i don't?
(10:02 am) and ARGH...
(10:02 am) dont tell me stuff like that
(10:03 am) i really don't wanna know all the perverse shit u two come up with
(10:03 am) i mean i've got no problem with u being all gay for eli
(10:03 am) weird yes, u banging my brother in law
(10:03 am) but u know
(10:03 am) to each their own and all that
(10:05 am) WHAT THE FUCK?
(10:05 am) IM NOT GAY!
(10:06 am) no of course not
(10:06 am) thank you
(10:06 am) ur in denial
(10:06 am) what?
(10:07 am) far, far away in egypt
(10:07 am) what the actual -
(10:07 am) in the land of mummies and pharaohs …
(10:07 am) wth are you talking about?
(10:08 am) u having a crush on eli
(10:08 am) I do not
(10:08 am) really?
(10:08 am) so u wanna tell me that u havent been flirting the whole time
(10:08 am) of course not
(10:08 am) and that those pranks are not some weird kind of foreplay
(10:09 am) …
(10:09 am) there u go
(10:09 am) u two are like twelve year olds with a crush
(10:09 am) pulling pigtails and all that
(10:10 am) we do not -
(10:10 am) really?
(10:10 am) think about every interaction u two had and imagine one of u was a girl
(10:10 am) does that ring a bell
(10:11 am) …
(10:15 am) oh fuck
(10:18 am) darcy?
(10:30 am) darcy, c'mon
(10:37 am) darcy!
###
He doesn't run. Of course not. Darcys don't do something as undignified as running.
He's working. In Dubai of all places. When Bingley calls just to tell him he's a coward he primly explains to him that they're closing a very, very important business deal and that he can't be spared and that he got quite tired of receiving highly offensive packages at his offices and if someone suicidal enough gives out his address, he can't be hold responsible for his actions.
His friend just sighs and tells him not to overdoes on anti-anxiety pills, because "I love you even though you're a neurotic git" to which Darcy vehemently objects. The being a git part of course, not the other one.
And so he's drifting between the oppressive heat and blinding sunlight outside and cool, air-conditioned office buildings in modern grey and black design and he's getting lost in the intricacies of the Arabian language, their customs and culture and it's fascinating and enlightening, but it's still... it's still not enough to distract him fully.
He's not gay. He's sure of that.
He knows that Bennet swings both ways, he's seen enough of his dates – both men and women – to attest to that. But he – he's not...
Darcy has always liked girls. Always. Girls in dresses and tight jeans and the image of cherry red lips stretched in seductive smiles and he has a type and he dates and it's good. It's always been good. But then Eli Bennet had to come and turn it all upside down and sideways with his sharp teeth and biting tongue and a thousand other different things that have Darcy spinning in a circle and it's not, it's just not good.
And so he hides out in Dubai and thinks about buying an apartment and a thousand different ways to persuade Giana to come celebrate Christmas with him here this year when she's home from university and quietly and stubbornly resolves himself to never return to England.
Never.
###
(03:35 am) so i came up with a pun...
(03:55 am) it's literally four in the morning
(03:55 am) are you crazy or something?
(03:57 am) what no
(03:57 am) it's barely one a clock
(03:57 am) are you eighty or something?
(03:59 am) TIME DIFFERENCE BINGLEY!
(03:59 am) hey dont get huffy with me
(03:59 am) you ll only get wrinkles
(04:02 am) what do you want, bingley?
(04:03 am) did i hear a sigh?
(04:03 am) bingley...
(04:03 am) oh i did hear a sigh!
(04:03 am) can you please get to the point, i want to bloody sleep!
(04:03 am) u werent sleeping anyway
(04:04 am) u were brooding
(04:04 am) and staring out of windows
(04:04 am) like some manic depressed poet
(04:04 am) being all mysterious
(04:05 am) i know u darcy
(04:05 am) you sound like a stalker
(04:05 am) i hear u love those
(04:05 am) BINGLEY
(04:06 am) lol
(04:06 am) calm down, boy
(04:06 am) here it goes:
(04:07 am) "u could only be deeper in denial if u went to egypt and went swimming IN THE NILE!"
(04:07 am) do u get it?
(04:07 am) DO U GET IT?
(04:08 am) it took you all those weeks to come up with a second class pun?
(04:08 am) dont sound so disparaging
(04:08 am) and stop growling
(04:09 am) i'm not a dog, bingley
(04:09 am) no
(04:09 am) ur just a very cute puppy
(04:09 am) whats wrong with you?
(04:09 am) a precious baby kitten
(04:10 am) no
(04:10 am) just no
(04:10 am) do u want to play with some yarn?
(04:11 am) wool?
(04:11 am) plastic mice?
(04:11 am) c'mon i'm desperate here
(04:15 am) GO TO SLEEP BINGLEY
###
It's Caroline who drags him out of his solitude.
She shows up one day, black hair perfectly coiffed, her shiny bright red lipstick in sharp contrast to the white of her teeth and the dark colour of her skin and she waits for him in the suite of rooms he's rented in the Burj Khalifa, a cigarette between her fingers, her nails painted an equally bright shade of red.
"So this is where you're hiding", she comments, blowing out smoke without a care for any smoke detecting devices and fire alarms. "You got a nice view", she adds appreciatively, eyeing the glass front of the room.
"How did you get in here", he frowns, dropping his leather brief case on the table and continuing to unbutton his shirt in order to get some oxygen in his lungs.
"I just asked nicely", she smiles and takes another drag. "Politeness works like a charm, William. You should try it sometimes."
"And resort to blackmail when it fails?", he asks her, smiling fondly while reaching for the tumbler containing the whiskey.
"You know me so well", she smiles, but there's a glint in her eyes and Darcy's reminded that Caroline's claws are sharp and that she always has an agenda.
They settle in with crystal glasses filled with amber coloured liquid and Caroline kicks of her five inch Manolo Blahniks, placing her stocking clad feet in Darcy's lap.
"So you plan on keeping up the turtle act?", she asks after a while, the cigarette long buried in some potted plant.
Darcy sniffs. "I don't know why you and your brother keep comparing me to a turtle. It's undignified."
"It's because you're cute", she coos, patting his thigh. "Also, you really do look like a turtle if you're feeling uncomfortable and then you go hiding."
"I don't hide!", he exclaims.
Caroline raises one perfectly arched eyebrow. "Really? And what's this? Darcy, if you weren't a millionaire who could afford a cleaning lady, you'd be that sad, sad boy hiding under his blankets at his parents' home hoarding sweets and watching re-runs of 90's sitcoms."
"My parents are dead", Darcy sniffs, but his guest is unimpressed.
"Exactly, William. Pull the orphan card with someone who gives a shit."
"Why am I friends with you and your brother again?", he demands to know with a pout. Caroline rolls her eyes.
"You're still my special little snowflake", she purrs and pats his hair. "Even if you want to fuck that barbarian."
"Barbarian was originally the term in ancient Greece for everyone who didn't speak Greek. Therefore for everything foreign and unknown."
She smiles indulgently. "See, I'm even being philosophical when I'm mean."
"Your meanness was always my philosophy", he counters with a smile to which she rolls her eyes.
"And your compliments are balm to my dark soul", she drawls and stands up. "And as addicting as heroine. So", she claps her neatly manicured hands. "Who do I have to call to get your things all packed up? And get you some winter clothes for New York? Hmm, some Gucci might be the thing..."
"Uhm...", he interrupts her musings. "Do I get a say in this?"
"No", she snaps, walking over to his wardrobes and inspecting his suits. "All summer clothing... so last season... no we need some dark blue there and scarves... where are the scarves again..."
"And pray tell, why not? I hadn't planned on leaving the country any time soon."
"Because they actually kill people in this country for kissing men in case you forgot." She turns around with a steely look in her eyes. "And I don't think Charlie or Giana are ever going to forgive me if that happens."
So Darcy relents and lets Caroline drag him to New York right in the middle of blizzard and it's cold and it's different, but he's fine, he's really fucking fine until -
Until he walks into a conference room for a meeting with the new App development team and stares right into Eli Bennet's stormy grey eyes.
###
(09:45 am) dont you think you couldve warned me, bingley?
(09:45 am) what the actual fuck
(09:45 am) you knew i'm in NY
(09:46 am) and you knew he is in NY
(09:46 am) so why the fuck didnt you say sth ?
(09:46 am) I feel betrayed
(10:23 am) so first
(10:23 am) TIME DIFFERENCE
(10:23 am) it's bleeding five in the morning in GB, u mental case
(10:25 am) second
(10:25 am) i thought ur not gay?
(10:32 am) i'm not
(10:35 am) then whats the problem?
(10:36 am) you being deliberately obtuse
(10:36 am) * grins *
(10:36 am) do u want me to talk about butt plugs?
(10:38 am) because i can
(10:38 am) i just dont want u freaking out and hiding in dubai again
(10:39 am) my poor heart couldnt take it
(10:39 am) ...
(10:43 am) bingley, what am i suppose to do?
(10:56 am) get a subscription to gay porn
(10:58 am) what?
(10:58 am) for the mechanics
(11:07 am) bingley, your not helping
(11:07 am) this is serious
(11:07 am) what should i do
(11:08 am) how am i supposed to act?
(11:11 am) u will be grateful i promise
(11:11 am) and for the other thing...
(11:12 am) have u ever tried being nice for once?
###
So he tries being nice.
Therefore when Bennet makes some snarky comment about his sudden disappearance in September, his voice sugar sweet and his eyes mocking, Darcy just smiles blandly and tells him that it was an emergency and how interesting Arabian culture is and expresses his hope that no one missed him too dearly.
Bennet's jaw juts forward. "Of course not", he says defiantly, his whole body tense. His hair is still as long as ever, still pulled back in a bun and his cheekbones are high and sharp and cutting when he's not smiling and he's not smiling, he's frowning, looking confused for a split second. "After all, it didn't seem like you missed London all that much either."
"Oh I missed London something dreadful", Darcy replies smoothly, smiling blandly. "But my sister goes to university here."
"You have a sister?", Bennet asks surprised and from the look on his face he's even more surprised that he even asked in the first place.
"Yes", another smile. "Giana. She's studying psychology here in New York."
"Ah", the man nods, his fingers twitching like he's about to say something, but then the rest of the team has finished their introductions and they're forced to return to the topic at hand.
After that Bennet seems to be literally fleeing from him every time Darcy sees him and it's frustrating and unnerving, but he tries to keep up the being nice thing and it's not – it's not as difficult as Darcy thought at the beginning when he literally wanted to rip out Bennet's throat upon sight, and he sees the man get more confused everyday, the question mark forming in the eerie grey eyes and he has to bite back a laugh on more than one occasion.
"You could tell him he looks good in that suit", Caroline suggests with a cheeky smile when they're at a celebratory party for the successful launching of their newly developed App and she caught him watching Bennet from across the room. She has even more fun at catching Bennet of guard than he does and it's the highlight of his day after all. "Gorgeous even. Tell him it complements his eyes or something."
"He'd think I got abducted by aliens."
"Oh darling", Caroline coos. "He already thinks that. So go and be a good boy. Shoosh."
So he does and the outcome is one to take photos of. There's surprise, then disbelief and then a faint blush tinges his cheeks before suspicion rises and sets in his eyes and suddenly they look furious.
"Do you think this is a game?", he hisses, leaning dangerously close to Darcy so that they're nose to nose and the barely suppressed anger has his body taut and coiled and radiating energy. It's like being electrocuted all over again.
"I don't play games, Bennet", Darcy manages to get out. "Contrary to you perhaps."
"Then I don't know what the fuck you're playing at. After that stunt you pulled with Dubai to suddenly show up here again and bloody disrupt -
"Disrupt? I'm disrupting?" They're in the middle of a room full of people and Darcy knows they're staring and that Caroline's making cut off motions with her hands, but he really doesn't care right now and - "You're like a bloody hurricane just waltzing and decreeing that left is right and upside down and let's all wear our ties around our heads, because wouldn't that be just bloody great?"
"At least I don't have a stick up my arse -"
"No, just everybody else -"
"Yes, why don't we take the slut shaming thing to a new level only because you can't deal with your own sexuality -"
"Well, it's not like I planned on liking you, you complete moron."
"And you certainly have a nice and proper way of showing your feelings. Tell me, is that how you treat everybody in your life? With barely concealed disdain?"
"What are you -"
"You and Caroline always off destroying people's self esteem and crushing their dreams like it's your favourite fucking past time. You called my sister a gold-digger when Charlie wanted to propose to her. You have no regard for the feelings of others -"
"Well, that's a really fucking impressive list you got there. Tell me do you always form opinions based on others' experiences or is it just too bloody convenient -"
"You called me a wannabe hipster lowlife during the first ten minutes we met!", Bennet shouts. "And proceeded to make your fucking superiority complex pretty fucking clear on every occasion -"
"At least I hold up a steady job and don't go gallivanting around the country doing whatever pleases me and live off my inheritance like a fucking leech -"
That's the final straw and then Bennet's right fist connects with his face and it makes an ugly scrunching sound when bone and meat and bone crash against each other. Darcy hears Caroline shriek and the sudden, piercing hurt in his chest distracts him for a moment before it sinks like cold anger into his stomach and he curls his hands into fists and pounces -
And then they're just one big heap of flailing limps and connecting fists and he's pretty sure Bennet tore out some hair at some point and Darcy lands some hard blows on his rips and something cracks and Darcy is laying on Bennet, both of them breathing harshly, nearly panting into each other's mouths and it's – it's a chance.
And Darcy takes it.
One minute they're glaring at each other, bruised knuckles and bruised jaws and all that, the next Darcy presses his lips to the other man's chapped and open ones, tastes the salty iron tang of blood from the busted lip and adrenaline on his tongue and it's like someone set fucking fire to him, lit up his hair and clothes and desperately skimming over the small patch of caramel skin bared by the open button on Bennet's collar, electrifies him. It's lightening up his brain like his neurons are re-enacting the New Year's fireworks on Times Square and he doesn't think and he doesn't care and then Bennet's tongue slips in his own mouth, his fingers tightening in Darcy's hair and it's glorious and wonderful and he wants more, more, more -
But then Bennet pushes him off him, his face closed off and angry and he snarls, snarls at a still panting Darcy on the floor that he's not a fucking guinea pig and that if he wants to experiment Darcy should go and kiss some other boys and sort out whatever it is that's bloody wrong with him.
And he leaves him there, feeling defeated and humiliated and people's whispers are like a fucking swarm of bees around him.
Suddenly Caroline's there, all threatening sharp claws and furiously squinted eyes and she hisses at people to just "get the hell out of here" and helps him back on his feet.
It feels like someone purged out his chest with acid and then set flames to it all.
It hurts.
It fucking hurts.
###
(10:22 am) so i hear you punched someone?
(10:29 am) darcy?
(10:46 am) darcy, are u there?
(10:52 am) look, it's probably just a misunderstanding
(10:53 am) wrong word, wrong impression
(10:53 am) or something
(10:54 am) not the big drama you envision
(11:08 am) darcy!
(10:10 am) darcy, c'mon!
…
(01:19 pm) so carol said u kissed him
(01:19 pm) in front of everyone
(01:20 pm) after you got into a fistfight
(01:20 pm) about clothing?
(01:22 pm) i'm really confused right now
(01:25 pm) wtf happened?
…
(03:49 pm) jane is on the warpath
(03:49 pm) i distracted her by knocking that overpriced chinese vase over
(03:52 pm) so now she's mad at me and u can come out of hiding
(03:53 pm) out of whatever shell u retreated into
(03:53 pm) u turtle
…
(08:35 pm) darcy
(08:35 pm) darcy c'mon
(08:36 pm) u don't return my calls
(08:36 pm) u don't return my texts
(08:42 pm) its like u r breaking up w/me!
….
(10:52 pm) c'mon pal
(10:52 pm) i can do that all night long
(10:52 pm) i drank coffee and a red bull
(10:52 pm) jane delegated me to the couch
(10:53 pm) she's still mad about the vase I think
(11:05 pm) bingley i'm fine
(11:05 pm) i'm just...
(11:07 pm) i'm fine
…
(11:32 pm) so why did i drink that red bull again?
(11:45 pm) idk
(11:45 pm) i'm not your mum
(11:52 pm) thank god for that
(11:53 pm) so...
(11:53 pm) do u want to talk about u know who?
(11:54 pm) and u know what?
(00:07 am) no
(00:07 am) not particularly
###
The first thing his baby sister says when she steps into their New York flat three days before Christmas, red cheeked and with snowflakes in her hair, is "I heard you're gay now" before she grins and throws her arms around him.
He catches her reflexively, her words like a punch to the gut. "I'm not", he manages to get out, nearly choked by that mane of wild, unruly hair that's practically thrust into his airways and he repeats himself again when she steps back, one eyebrow raised sceptically over the thick frame of her rather huge glasses.
"Are we still doing the denial thing?", she asks, her lips twitching in amusement. "Because from what Charlie said, I thought you'd progressed to confessions of undying love and whatnot." He gulps, trying to concentrate on cutting vegetables for dinner that evening and failing miserably. "Although we do have to talk about the way you go about such things. Didn't they tell you in kindergarten to use words instead of hitting the people you fancy?"
"You sound like Charlie", he whispers. The memory of that godforsaken party is still burned into the insides of his eyelids and it's hollow and aching and he feels like an eighty year old man on his death bed.
Giana snorts. "Oh please", she says. "I'm three times more intelligent than that moron." She pokes him in the chest. "Which is why I don't understand why you didn't talk to me in the first place."
He shrugs. "I don't know. It was just confusing and ninety percent of the time I tried to ignore it because I didn't want it to be real."
She pressed her cheek against his shoulder. "Oh, big brother", she sighs. "You know that you don't have to be the strong one all the time, don't you? I'm all... grown up and stuff. We can take turns now."
"What a terrifying idea", he smiles, tilting his head to the side so it touched the wild mess she called hair. "I remember it like yesterday when you tried to eat the flowers in Regent's Park because you wanted to be a fairy."
"I would've been if you'd let me", she scoffs. "I was a very clever child."
"Precocious even."
"Oh you suck", she laughs and it feels like home again with her close and laughing and watching the snow fall in front of the window. Like pieces fitting back together and this burned out thing inside him doesn't hurt so much any more.
"You know", she says, after a while, "that it's not a problem for me, dear brother, don't you? I love you. You kissing men or you kissing women won't change that."
"I know." It's a whisper.
"So do you?", she asks with a mischievous smile around her lips. "Kissing men, I mean."
He shakes his head, his throat all closed up. "No, just the one."
###
(05:36 pm) so do u want me to bring some alk tonight?
(05:38 pm) i think theres some whiskey still here from carol's bday
(05:42 pm) or do u want jaegermeister?
(05:42 pm) i still got a bottle
(05:53 pm) jaegermeister tastes like cough syrup
(06:05 pm) and he talks!
(06:05 pm) did that hurt now? you know
(06:05 pm) COMMUNICATION
(06:06 pm) your caps are giving me a headache
(06:06 pm) satisfied?
(06:07 pm) no
(06:07 pm) never
(06:08 pm) spoilt brat
(06:08 pm) ur one to talk
(06:08 pm) mr "i had a car before I even had a license"
(06:09 pm) I had a driver
(06:09 pm) theres a difference
(06:12 pm) whatever
(06:13 pm) do u want me to bring some stuff now?
(06:18 pm) why does everyone wants me to get drunk?
(06:18 pm) giana's been pushing for days
(06:19 pm) says I need to "let it all out"
(06:19 pm) like i'd get drunk w/my own sister
(06:22 pm) well u do
(06:23 pm) no
(06:23 pm) c'mon u barely said a word ever since it happened
(06:23 pm) have you been chatting with giana again?
(06:24 pm) uhm...
(06:24 pm) god you're the worst
(06:25 pm) i'm not
(06:25 pm) just concerned bc u ve been acting like a turtle
(06:25 pm) and i want u to get out of that shell
(06:28 pm) well perhaps i dont want to
(06:28 pm) perhaps its a nice shell
(06:28 pm) perhaps i don't want to get punched again
(06:29 pm) …
(06:33 pm) from what jane said
(06:33 pm) u hit him pretty hard too
(06:34 pm) …
(06:35 pm) c'mon let's get drunk and open presents
(06:35 pm) its christmas
(06:36 pm) i dont wanna get drunk, bingley
(06:36 pm) god
(06:38 pm) i know
(06:38 pm) but u need to get smashed to talk about u know who
(06:38 pm) and u need to talk about u know who
(06:38 pm) whats voldemort got to do w/this ?
###
He sees him again on Darcy International's New Year Party. It's crowded, everything's sparkling and Darcy blinks against the shimmering sequins on Caroline's bright red dress because they're practically blinding. She clings to him, her sharp claws and vitriol a welcome barrier to the rest of the world, most of whom have also been in attendance at that fiasco of a company party a few weeks ago.
They're eyeing him, whispering and pointing and he draws the mask of cool collectedness and indifference tighter around him until it feels like he can't breathe.
He's there. Darcy doesn't even need to search for him. It's like he's got a fucking compass or something and it points north with an unfailing accuracy that grates on Darcy's last nerve. It feels a bit like tearing him apart, like he's part of something else and the rest of him just wants to bloody reunite and it's not, it's just not -
Bennet looks up and catches Darcy's eyes. The look in the grey ones is inscrutable, yet he can't see any of the usual arrogance in them or even the glint that just promises a smirk.
It's strangely defeating and he feels the guilt well up again, thinking of how many crimes his list is made of now and that killing the light and ease in those eyes is just close enough to being sacrilegious that really he should just go and finish himself off. Get a bullet or something.
But even while contemplating his possible demise at the hand of his grandfather's Smith & Wesson M1917 revolver he gets interrupted because Giana's there tugging on his arm, reminding him to return to adult territory. His sister looks beautiful this evening wearing some soft, pale rose, kind of flowy thing, but she refused to ditch her glasses despite Caroline's many protests and they were slipping down her nose, giving her a cheeky look only enhanced by the glint in her eyes.
"Is that him?", she asked, inclining her head towards where Bennet was standing, staring at them. Darcy nodded, his sister's presence calming him. Caroline was off for the moment chasing one of her boy-toys since she couldn't "play babysitter the whole night, seriously William" and therefore wasn't present to chase the man off again.
"He's handsome", his sister said off-handedly, sipping at her champagne. "A bit on the wild side, isn't he? I didn't know you had a thing for tattoos."
"I don't", Darcy says, forcing his lips into a tight smile and nodding in Bennet's direction. The man looks surprised for a second, a little unsure and it's endearing in a way that has Darcy all aflutter. "They're tacky things."
Giana smirks. "Clearly."
"Well, clearly you've become way too cheeky so far away from home", Darcy replies, nudging her playfully. "Priding yourself on being witty, don't you?"
"Someone has to", she counters, pushing him towards Bennet, who'd just excited the ballroom to flee on to one of the balconies. "Just like someone has to convince you to try your hand at playing Romeo once more."
"But he punches me", Darcy mock-whines, pleading with his eyes but she doesn't relent. "Fine", he mutters, grabbing her champagne flute. "You drive me to the hospital afterwards, understood?"
"Right. Come on and play nice with Juliet. He's waiting on the balcony."
Trepidation fills his stomach when he pushes open the door to the balcony. One last glare in his sister's general direction and a muttered comment about "sadistic little brats" and he's outside.
It's freezing and there's snow on the stone balustrade. The warm light from the chandeliers drifts outside like the fading pieces of music and they're illuminating Bennet's warm skin.
Both of them don't say a word and those eerie grey eyes are practically glowing in the darkness.
Darcy moves towards the edge of the balustrade, the thick silence making it feel like wading through honey and not crisp December air.
"You don't have any cigarettes, do you?", Bennet's words cut through the air and they startle Darcy for a moment.
"I don't make a habit of it", he replies, trying to calm his voice. He's staring again, he just can't help it. Bennet's face is something he can never quite grasp. It's always changing, just like the ocean's surface, never still enough to take a picture and it's drawing him in and he needs to remember how to think, how to breathe, how to not act like a lovesick fool, he -
Bennet chuckles. "See", he says. "That's what I mean. Everybody else would have just said "No" and shake their heads politely, but you – you..." He's laughing again and Darcy feels like the butt of a joke whose punchline he doesn't even grasp.
"My apologies", he says stiffly, cursing Giana for making him come out and straightens up, ready to go back in.
Bennet's eyes snap open. "Oh, no", he says. "I didn't mean it like that...I... It's just... I talked to my sister these days and she wanted to know what it is about you that irked me so much and I -"
"Once again, I'm sorry to have offended you", Darcy says formally, the mask once again in place. "Believe me it wasn't my intention."
"Darcy, no... please." At Darcy's blank stare he looks a bit close to panicking and hastily tries to get back on track. "You don't... You don't offend me, alright? I was just... I was being dumb and an idiot and Jane called me out on it, so -"
"You don't have to apologize", Darcy tries again, desperate to get back inside and possible hide in the coat room or something.
"Of course I do!", Bennet explodes, a feverish glint in his eyes and he looks a bit crazed and slightly mad and suddenly Darcy's throat is dry. Like sandpaper. "And – oh for fuck's sake, Darcy. Get that mask of your face, I'm trying to apologize and not humiliate you so -"
"I told you, you don't need to -"
"But I am, so just bloody shut and listen, will you?" The man takes a deep breath, a few fine strands of hair escaping the neat bun on the back of his head and Darcy has to physically restrain himself to not reach out and touch them. "I like you. A lot. And I'm sorry for punching you, it's just... I thought it was a joke and I didn't... didn't want to be some kind of experiment for you so -"
He looks a bit sheepish and Darcy is stunned for a moment.
"And I know that I practically ruined everything and that the possibility of you taking a chance on me is even less likely than Donald Trump growing a braincell and -"
His heart is racing and his hands are sweating and he just hopes, just fucking hopes that people in the ballroom are too occupied to notice what's happing outside, because -
"- so that's fine. I'm fine and if you now want to kiss guys that's fine, too. Just... just don't do it right in front of me, okay? Just give me some time to get over it and then -"
Darcy takes a step back and Bennet looks heartbroken. As if someone just kneed him in the guts and left him writhing on the cold stone floor.
He places the champagne flute in the snow, the cold flakes soaking his sleeves.
"I don't want to kiss any other men", he says quietly and Bennet's face at those words is just... a mixture of surprise and hope – tentative, unsure hope – and then a smile spreading like his own, private sun and Darcy wants to steal that expression and keep it forever.
"Oh", he says, the arrogant smirk completely vanished from his face and takes a small step forward to where Darcy stands waiting. "Is that true? "
Darcy raises an eyebrow and swallows. "I don't lie, Bennet."
The other men smiles, a warm, private kind of smile. "No, you don't", he whispers and then he kisses him.
###
(11:17 pm) so jane and i are leaving
(11:17 pm) just so u know
(11:17 pm) with u being a host and everything..
(11:19 pm) id say goodbye in person but
(11:19 pm) you know
(11:19 pm) IM BLOODY SCARRED FOR LIFE!
(11:20 pm) i dont ever want to see ur bare arse again
(11:20 pm) jesus fucking christ on toast
(00:27 am) lol
(00:27 am) i thought this is what you wanted?
(00:38 am) well catching u mid act wasnt actually part of the plan
(00:40 am) there was a plan?
(00:41 am) an elaborate one
(00:41 am) it involved rubber ducks
(00:41 am) and the british national cricket team
(00:41 am) and a liza minelli exclusive solo act
(00:43 am) give me liza minelli
(00:43 am) you can keep your rubber ducks
(00:43 am) besides
(00:43 am) werent you the one suggesting gay porn?
(00:44 am) you cant be that traumatized
(00:45 am) * sniffs *
(00:45 am) never thought you d listen to me
(00:46 am) ;)
(00:46 am) want details?
(00:50 am) jesus
(00:50 am) getting laid really does fuck w/ur brain
(00:50 am) i cant stand that level of smugness
(00:50 am) its terrifying
(01:13 am) but ur happy now?
(01:13 am) no need to talk about you know who anymore?
(01:15 am) no
(01:15 am) im great
(01:15 am) just... great
(01:17 am) ur smiling
(01:17 am) i can hear u smiling
(01:17 am) god u ppl are nauseating
(01:18 am) says hannibals fucking husband
(01:19 am) well
(01:20 am) im happy for u
(01:20 am) saves me the hunting horcruxes bullshit
(01:20 am) because i need u alive man
(01:21 am) are you going all touchy feely on me now?
(01:21 am) im not walking off into the sunset or sth
(01:21 am) honestly
(01:23 am) pfft as if
(01:24 am) no, i need u as a babysitter
(01:24 am) godfather
(01:24 am) uncle or whatever
(01:25 am) do i want to know where this is going?
(01:25 am) well do u remember when we were talking about socks?
(01:25 am) and always putting them on?
(01:25 am) bingley...
(01:25 am) yeah well...
(01.26 am) we didnt
A/N: i got another fluffy one shot planned (a richard x darcy x lizzie triad story (with richard obviously NOT being darcy's cousin but well) so stay tuned for that. Next bones chapter will happen in the middle or after that. it's just a bit depressing right now and im not feeling it;)
love, teddy