He's My Sun, He Makes Me Shine Like Diamonds
Wrong.
It was…undeniably wrong. But still, I couldn't just obliterate or abandon my feelings. There was no possible way of altering my feelings either. They were there, and I was sure they weren't going to go anywhere anytime soon. It didn't matter what I thought about my feelings, and it certainly didn't matter what others thought about my feelings. I was still going to feel this way no matter what.
Foreign. That's what it was. It was so different. I had never had these kinds of feelings before, especially not for a guy. But these feelings were so colorful. How could I feel this way about Micah? Micah was one of my closest friends and he was so far out of my reach.
Micah was like the sky, the color of his own eyes. That was the distance between us, that was how far he was. I couldn't possibly reach the sky. It was impossible for me to use my hands to touch it. That was how it was. I couldn't touch Micah, I couldn't reach him.
And it wasn't just that. Micah was going to be happily married in a week or so. He was marrying that red haired girl. I think her name was Raven. Yeah. That's it. Micah told me all about her and I was even invited to the wedding. It made me revolted, thinking that Micah would spend the rest of his life with someone other than me. Just imagining them kissing, holding each other, and sharing a life together repulsed me to no end. It made me want to bury my fists into a rock.
It was absurd though. Being with Micah would never happen. He'd probably be thoroughly disgusted if I conveyed my feelings to him. We were friends. We weren't supposed to be anything more than that, especially because we're both males. Micah was engaged to a female; that told me his preference right there.
He'd probably release an unrestrained burst of laughter and think that I was jesting if I told him how I felt. That would be my own reaction if I was in his position. Then, as soon as he realized that I was not joking, he'd push me away and call me preposterous. He'd hate me forever.
Still, I wasn't going to just sit around and ignore my feelings. I've tried that already. Ignoring it made them so much stronger and I couldn't contain them any longer. I knew it might be wrong to some people, but I didn't feel like it was wrong at all. It was just…how I felt.
Micah was the best, amazing. When he fought, he had so much grace. I would know because I've fought alongside him an uncountable amount of times. Whenever he smiled, I got very weak in the knees and it was hard not to crumble to the ground. Micah had a breathtaking smile, one that I loved dearly. He was such a nice person too, always doing things for people even though they didn't deserve his kindness. Micah deserved to be appreciated. He deserved to be loved and looked after. The guy didn't have a single shred of cruelty in that incredibly thin body of his.
Micah was like, well, he was like my sun. Yeah. It sounded kind of pathetic and girlish of me to think something like that, but that was how I genuinely felt. He was my sun. Micah always made me shine, always made me purely happy. He…made me shine like diamonds. Yeah. That was it. That was my Micah.
"What am I going to do?" I murmured to myself, scratching the back of my head with my hand. I let out a huge yawn and then blinked several times, feeling a little drowsy.
There was only one thing that I could do, and that was to inform Micah of how I felt about him no matter the consequences. The outcome could be horrible or it could be worse than horrible. Who knew? The possible outcome of Micah actually returning my feelings was highly unlikely. I mean, really, he was engaged to Raven who he had been dating for almost a year! In addition to that, we were both guys. And I was sure that Micah preferred women, not men. Yeah, I didn't stand a chance!
But, I was going to do it anyway.
I just had to act natural. I knew he was coming over to the settlement in Sol Terrano Desert today to visit everyone. He did that every single day; said hi to people and held various conversations just to get to know them better because he wanted to be closer friends with them. That included me too. Yeah. Just had to act like myself and reveal my feelings to him after we had a normal conversation. There was nothing to it!
As if on cue, the curtains to my tent parted and the guy that I was insanely interested in poked his head inside. He peered around the tent for a few seconds before his eyes landed on me. Immediately, his face lit up and my favorite smile showed itself upon his features.
At first, I just stood there like a clownish idiot. My mouth was hanging open and I was sure that there was a frown on my face, my eyes wide. I looked ridiculous. Attempting to clean up my expression, I got rid of my frown and threw on a sloppy grin instead.
"Hey, Micah. Nice to see you come up and say hi!" I bellowed in my normally loud voice. I was very happy to see this guy. Yes, I was.
Micah placed his skinny body into the tent, a large smile decorating his nice face. "Good morning," he voiced merrily, hands hanging limply at his sides.
Wanting to keep the mood light and normal, I chuckled a little with a smirk on my face and asked, "Oh! Micah! Look at these!" I planted my hand on my hip and waited for him to notice.
Micah's expression morphed into a look of immense perplexity and he studied me closely, raising one eyebrow. "Uh…what?" He really didn't know what I was talking about!
"These muscles!" I blurted out noisily, flexing my supposedly ripped muscles, my smirk becoming bigger. "How you like them? Bigger than yours, right?" I questioned him, hoping he would take notice. Okay, now it sounded like I was flirting or something…or trying to get his attention. Eh, whatever.
Sweat-dropping, Micah laughed a little bit and shook his head. "Oh, yeah…sure are." Nah, he really didn't think so. Oh well. Still, mines were way bigger than his! This guy was super skinny and looked a little girly to me! That wasn't an insult though. I liked Micah just the way he was.
Everything got quiet after that. It was a highly uncomfortable silence. Micah fidgeted nervously, wonderingly. He was probably wondering why I wasn't saying anything at all. My smirk had faded away and I was just…standing there staring at him. I tried to tell him how I felt, but the words were stuck in my throat. Every time I opened my mouth, the words wouldn't spill. What the heck was wrong with me?
"Uh…I'll go now," remarked Micah, rubbing the back of his neck. Micah turned around and was about to waddle out of my tent, but I stopped him by darting forward and touching his arm. His skin felt so soft beneath my calloused fingers.
"Wait," I choked out, sounding pathetic. Wow, how much more idiotic could I get? "Where're you going?"
Micah's eyebrows shot up and he blinked a few times, bewildered. "I was just going to say hi to Kuruna and Ondorus. After that I was just going to do some training with Raven. Um…why do you ask?"
My shoulders slumped and I lost the confidence to convey my feelings to him. Feeling hopeless and a little angry, I withdrew my hand from his arm and looked away from him. "No reason…" I muttered in a short and frosty tone.
Why did he frequently think about Raven? I mean, I know she was his fiancée and everything, but why? It was like that red haired woman was the only person that existed in his little world. I transformed my hands into fierce fists and desperately tried to keep my growing fury down. I wanted to punch something!
"Zaid, what's wrong?" Micah suddenly asked, whirling around to face me fully. Heavy concern painted his face and he waited for my response.
"Nothing," I lied, shrugging. I was trying to act like nothing was wrong, but I knew that Micah wasn't buying it. I didn't care. I needed to be alone. I passed by him to get to the entrance of my tent. "Have fun with Raven."
Once out into the summer sun, I didn't stop walking. I could hear Micah following me, but I was moving fast. I used the teleporter to teleport to the Sharance Tree. As soon as I did, Micah wasn't behind me anymore. I waited for him to show up, but he never did.
Whatever.
I trekked my way to Oddward Valley and halted at the waterfall. Letting out a deep sigh, I collapsed to the grassy ground and fell on my back, putting my hands behind my head. "Who cares about Micah?" I spoke to myself, frowning and becoming bitter. "I sure don't! Why should I anyway?! I'm stupid for even falling for the guy!" Sour, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a chocolate bar. Even though I love udon, I enjoy a piece of chocolate every now and then.
Weird. I usually hated sweet things.
I unwrapped it and took a vicious bite out of it, shutting my eyes and chewing quickly with one hand behind my head. I threw a leg over my propped up knee and continued to enjoy my chocolate.
I didn't mean anything that came out of my mouth. Like I said before, it was impossible for me to forget my feelings for Micah. I couldn't just abandon them. They would be there with me for life, no matter what happened. I was just so frustrated that Micah only paid attention to his fiancée. That wasn't bad or anything…I just didn't like it.
Eventually, I completed my chocolate bar and tried to quiet my thoughts about Micah. It only made me upset. I wanted to cease ruminating about him for the time being. I allowed my eyes to slip shut and I let sleep take me away. When I woke up, it was partially dark outside and I could hear a noise coming closer to me.
Acting rapidly, I instantly grabbed my blade (Mr. Slice) and whirled around, prepared for battle. However, I dropped my blade when I realized who it was.
It was Micah.
Slumping back into the grass, a loud sigh climbed out of my mouth and into the air. I crossed my legs and tossed on a frown, appearing annoyed. "Man, you can't do stuff like that. I could have impaled you or something!" I talked, scratching my head.
Chortling in amusement, the blond flopped down into the grass beside me, stretching his legs out in front of him. He used his hands to keep him sitting up on the ground. "You wouldn't have gotten the chance, you know." Micah sent me one of those smiles that I loved and I swore I could feel butterflies brutally assaulting my belly. "I am really strong!"
"You're right," I lamented quietly, trying to stop the heat from going to my cheeks. Micah's voice…and his smile…it made me behave weirdly. It made me want to blush.
"Anyway." Micah tilted his head to the side as he gazed at me. "Why did you leave earlier?"
Stiffening, a stoic look jumped onto my facial features and I swallowed hard. The confidence that I had lost before was still lost. I couldn't retrieve it. I couldn't tell him. I just couldn't!
"Zaid, what's wrong?" Micah tried again, leaning toward me a little. The guy sounded worried about me. "Did I do something to upset you? I don't know why you're acting like this…"
Unwanted ire surged through me quickly and I was unable to stop the harsh words from blasting out of my mouth. "Acting like what, Micah?" I shouted suddenly, immediately regretting it afterward. "Why don't you just go back to your fiancée and stop talking to me, eh?! Go back to Raven and all your little friends!"
Micah shrank back in fear for a moment, but then a confused and agitated frown crawled around his features. "You're my friend too, Zaid!" he yipped. "What's your problem?!"
I uncontrollably began to grit my teeth in anger, unable to stop myself. A growl rumbled deep within my throat and I seriously felt like punching Micah in the face. Fortunately, I did something better.
Without thinking much about it, I reached over and placed my hand behind his head, grabbing a fistful of his hair. Through with that, I smashed my lips against his, kissing him hard. Micah released a muffled squeak against my mouth and froze, unable to move from how much shock he was in, obviously. After a few seconds, I pulled away to gaze at his nice eyes.
Disbelief was written across Micah's face. Incredulous colored his eyes and he opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him by kissing him again. This time it was gentle. Micah's lips were so soft against my own and I just wanted to stay there with him forever. My heart hammered against my chest ridiculously hard and I thought it was actually going to burst out of my chest, blood and everything. I was surprised Micah wasn't pushing me away by now. I expected him to do something like that, but I was so wrong.
When I broke the kiss and leaned back a little, I could see Micah with his eyes closed, cheeks flushed a light pink. He looked so cute, which was a word that I would never use. It was true though. The guy was as cute as a button.
Micah slowly opened his eyes and his cheeks turned from pink to red when he saw me staring at him. "Zaid…why…?" He was totally speechless. It was clear he didn't know what to say.
Sigh. It was now or never.
"Okay, this is probably going to sound really stupid, but…" I took in a deep breath and then let it out. "You're my sun, Micah, and you make me shine like diamonds!"
Micah stared at me.
And stared.
And stared.
I was beginning to feel thoroughly embarrassed, but I stood my ground and kept my hand on the back of his head, gazing at his face and awaiting his answer to my confession.
"Wait…" Micah murmured gently, flummoxed. "I'm your son? Like…your kid or something?"
"What?" I gave him a look. "No! I meant the sun in the sky, darn it!"
Micah flinched at my outburst and sweat-dropped. "Ah…and I make you shine like diamonds?"
I shifted uncomfortably. "It sounds stupid, but that's how you make me feel…"
A chuckle escaped Micah's mouth and it sounded like music to my ears. The redness in his cheeks darkened and he shook his head. "That does sound stupid…!"
I pulled my hand away from him and crossed my arms over my chest, turning my head away from him. "Don't laugh! I genuinely feel that way!"
Micah's chuckling quieted down and he got quiet, gluing his eyes to the grassy ground in front of him.
"I…really do like you though," I muttered out, helpless. "Just saying."
Micah sighed loudly. "I had no idea, Zaid. So that's why you were acting all weird?"
I glanced at him, surprised that he wasn't freaking out because I kissed him and confessed to him that I liked him. Was he okay? Did he hit his head or something?! "Uh…yeah," I replied.
"Well…I like you too, Zaid," uttered Micah softly without looking at me, a small smile dancing along his lips. There was a sad look in his eyes and I was beginning to wonder why.
"Y-You like me too?!" I exclaimed, my eyebrows shooting up and my eyes going wide with absolute shock. "Wait! Aren't you marrying Raven?! How can you like me?!"
Micah slowly shook his head. "Zaid, we aren't getting married anymore. I don't think I've told you that yet."
"…what?" What the heck was going on?
"Raven and I called off the engagement two weeks ago," answered Micah, shrugging his slim shoulders. That sadness was still present in his eyes. "Turned out that she liked Carlos all this time and couldn't go through with marrying me."
"Carlos? Really?" I was flabbergasted.
Micah gave me a short nod. "Yup. Oh well."
"Are you…okay?" I questioned him, becoming deeply concerned for the guy.
"I'm getting there." Micah flashed me a peace sign. "Don't worry."
I scooted closer to him and felt extremely comfortable all of a sudden. Micah liked me too? Cool. Micah didn't care that I kissed him? Cool. Micah's not marrying Raven anymore? Even cooler! Micah's sad because Raven left him for Carlos? Not cool. Not cool at all.
"So…you don't care that I'm a guy?" I decided to ask, dreading the response that was to come.
Micah peered at me, surprised. "Should I care? To me, it doesn't really matter who a person likes. The gender shouldn't even matter either, Zaid."
"Cool!" I yapped, ecstatic. "This means that I can date you, right?"
Laughing, Micah's cheeks turned crimson and he tried not to look at me. "If…if you want," he muttered softly, shyly.
"Then I'm dating you!" I clarified, throwing a triumphant fist into the air. "Definitely dating ya, Micah!"
Micah ended up laughing again and this time I joined in.
So, it looks like things turned out okay in the end. The outcome wasn't horrible or worse than horrible. It was perfect!
