Look at her.
She s perfect. Just perfect.
Rosy red cheeks and beautiful green eyes sparkling with such emotion and warmth and love.
She s just in her wonderland, laughing and giggling with the brides maids. The husband isn t in sight, and he probably won t. He is probably still making arrangements and figuring how much everything will cost.
You re in the background. Just fiddling with your tie and coughing away the knot in your throat.
It hurts a little, but hey, it s something you had to do.
You were a deep midnight blue suit that she picked out. She always had better taste than you. You would never openly admit it, but hey. What can you do.
She waves at you as the bridesmaids leave, and she twirls to you.
Her dress flows behind her, and you hold your breathe. There isn t any. She just took it.
She s amazing. Her chocolate curls just fucking perfect.
That little tomboy was now a wonderful woman that made your heart hammer in your throat and your palms sweat since you were ten.
She doesn't know about the flowers in her bed when her birthday came around. That they weren't from the pansy sissy man you grew up with as well.
Those chocolates when she first had her heart broken weren't from him.
Those pictures of her favorite artists weren't from him.
They were yours. And when she was flattered and honored when the other asked her out and she spoke about those things,
you said nothing.
This is your own fault. You didn t say I Love You first.
That s why you re stuck next to the aubergine eyed man who snarks at you. You can t even do anything back.
You're just numb.
You're eyes are red, but not from the natural albino color. This time it s the swallowed tears as she comes down the aisle, like a princess.
You knew she was a princess even when she had the mud covering her face. When there was nothing you could see that said she was a girl.
But who cares about you. Who ever cared that you were the one who wiped her tears when they first fought.
When they first got angry at each other.
But who cared that you were dying inside as she says yes, and kisses him.
Who cares that you re swallowing pride, that you re quiet, that you re just holding back fucking tears streaming down you face as you see her happy with another fucking man.
And you hate yourself for letting her go.
You envy that man who had the fucking guts to say I Love You first.
She walks to you, and offers a dance.
The spotlight turns off and it lets you see her in the face for the first time in hours.
Perfect.
Just perfect.
You don't say anything as she gushes over and over about how perfect her day is.
No she s perfect
About how it s just amazing today.
No your eyes are amazing
About how she wants to have kids, and a house and so on and so on.
But not with you.
You tighten the hold on her hand, and try to stop yourself.
But you can t.
You shudder with a sob and agree.
"Yes so many kids, and they'll be perfect like you..."
And you sob out, but there is a smile on your face.
She stiffens under your hands, but she looks utterly terrified.
And confused.
And mortified.
And just
You can't even say anything.
You just back away, and hold your mouth. Sobs are choked behind your hand, and you laugh.
Perfect.
You look into her eyes one more time, and just smile.
Who cares about you. Just as long as she's happy
You always did everything for her.
For her only.
She s happy.
But the green eyes don't seem so happy anymore as you laugh and wipe your tears.
You're crying.
Stop it. Stop it.
You're ruining it for her.
You're ruining her happiness by showing you re inner hate.
Stop it! STOP IT!
You turn and don't look at anyone. You leave.
And outside, it s bright. And nice. And beautiful.
You walk as fast as you can.
You leave this place.
You ruined it.
Ruined it.
Why did you ruin it.
But you can t hold back the tears anymore.
You fall to your knees and just sob and cry there. Like a little bitch that you are.
Because you just lost what was the most precious thing to you.
You just let go everything you fought for.
Every day that you survived and didn t die, and didn t commit suicide, and the words wouldn t hurt because of her.
She was the only thing holding your sanity together.
But what do you have now. What do you have, now that she s not yours.
And will never be .
But who cares about you
But who ever cared about you
But you ll be okay
Just as long as she s happy
And she knows
That you loved her first