A/N: So there it was, the episode in which Danny hands over his badge. I never would have guessed … One thing Danny said to Steve sort of jumped at me, and I couldn't help myself. Tag to 3x22 Ho'opio, so some spoilers for that, obviously. Character study, no plot. Oneshot. Unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, which is a good thing, because I have enough fictional characters crawling through my brain as it is ...
False Hope
For the life of him, Steve cannot understand how Danny prefers false hope to no hope. Sure, Danny's confession didn't surprise him. The whole Rachel-and-the-baby disaster testified to the fact that Danny tends to hope against all hope. Steve himself prefers stark reality. Facts. Calculable probabilities, if he must. But hope? There is no place for hope in his world. Hope only gets you hurt. Hope can even get you killed. Just ask Jenna.
Yes, Danny – in contrast to himself, Steve must admit – is a deeply hopeful person. That's what worries Steve. All too often he has seen Danny get hurt, deeply, because his hopes got crushed by reality. Don't you see that you're just setting yourself up for the next heartbreak?, Steve wants to yell at him. I don't want to see you get hurt YET AGAIN!
Right, Danny's voice inside his head replies sarcastically. As opposed to you, who never gets hurt because you don't allow yourself to have hope.
Oh, shut up, Steve mentally snaps at imaginary Danny. This isn't about me, it's about you.
Before he can say anything else, Chin calls with news about the supposed kidnapper's van, and Danny dials Tip Gilbert's number to call in reinforcements.
Yes, Danny lives on hope. How could he not? He is a father. Having children is one of the most hopeful acts Steve can imagine. It mirrors the profound conviction that life in itself is good, that life is worth living, that there is a meaning and purpose to everything. And it dawns on Steve that even Danny's seemingly incessant ranting and complaining is born out of hope. Hope that he can make a difference, make the world a better place. And in Steve's case, usually the hope to protect him and keep him alive a little longer. Faith, hope, love. Oh Danny.
Suddenly Steve feels very ashamed, and very sad. How dare he try to subdue in Danny something that withered away in his own soul long ago, and that he is missing dearly? Others might consider his relentless persistence proof to the contrary, evidence to the fact that deep inside he still hopes for the best. He isn't so sure about that, though. To him, most of the time life is a mission to be accomplished, a job to be done well. Some days the deep, underlying joy of simply being alive is nothing more than a distant memory. And then there are those moments when the only thing between him and the bottomless abyss of despair is the knowledge that other people depend on him, need him … love him.
Steve takes a deep if somewhat shaky breath and chances a glance at his best friend beside him. He doesn't want to imagine what will happen if they don't find Ella alive and well. I just hope …, he thinks, and there it is.
"You're still wrong, you know?", he says quietly, causing Danny to turn to him and raise his eyebrows.
"How so?", Danny inquires.
"I think there is no such thing as false hope. Either you really believe we can find that little girl, or you don't. If you really believe it, you gave them a real hope to hold on to. If you don't, you were lying to them." Steve locks eyes with Danny for a second. "And you weren't lying, were you?"
A small smile creeps into Danny's tense, worry-lined face. "No. No, I wasn't."