A/N: Good morning fellow mourners! I'd like to introduce you to a new story that will help us all forget what She-who-must-not-be-named has done to the best same sex relationship on television. Ever. Now, I haven't watched THE episode and I don't want to, I've seen enough on-line and whatever to destroy me completely, so we're going to remix the Wedding and forget THE INCIDENT ever happened. Cos let's face it, it's shit and we hate her a little [a lot] for it. So, lazysundae49 did a CRACKING job of making me feel a little better with her fic I Will Stay, then I went on Tumblr and saw pics of episode 4 again - bad mistake - so now I feel like crap again. So, I'm going to attempt to write something that will make me stop feeling like crap (maybe) and we'll see how it goes.
I hope you all enjoy it. Please remember, and I'm spoiling the ending terribly I suppose, that our ladies WILL have their happy ending. I just don't know when that will be or how we will get there yet. But at least we know...they WILL! (NB: I changed Flora's middle name, and got Kate's Mum's name from the cast list. If anyone truly hates it I'll change it back...)
As always I've taken liberties with hospital policy, creative license and the lot. I would however like to say a bit good-on-ya to all the nurses everywhere, cos I know whenever I've been in hospital, they're the ones that look after you - no offence to doctors, they're nice too - but the nurses...they're special.
Many thanks to the iron ill for pushing me to get this up and for editing it long hand! To everyone who reviewed And the Dance Goes On telling me that I need to write this. And to Spin for dealing with my madness over this ridiculous turn of events. This story has not been beta-d, but might be in the future!
EDIT: And to shallotpeel who meticulously went through all of this fic and caught any mistakes I didn't! Thank you. Please enjoy updated, lovingly corrected chapters!
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When she looked back, Caroline could barely remember the policeman at the door. All she remembered was feeling like the bottom was falling out of her world, and as she paced the hospital waiting room she could feel it slipping away completely.
She had a daughter. No doubt a beautiful one, but horrifically - awfully - all she wanted was Kate. She nodded numbly as the doctor relayed the news of her new baby's birth, but watched on in horror as he rushed back in the operating theatre as the very bells of hell sounded.
Her heart stopped sometime then and she wasn't sure if it was going to start beating again.
The doctor came back out later, though she didn't know when - she had no concept of time - and he looked at her, putting his hand on her arm, perhaps to stabilise her.
"She's alive -"
Caroline could hear someone crying, sobbing and she wished she could tell whoever it was to shut up, that it was okay, that her Kate was alive, and everything would be alright. It was only when Celia's arms wrapped around her that she realised that she was making the atrocious noise.
"Talk to me Caroline," Celia asked, looking horrified. "Talk to me love."
"She's alright," she managed to hiccup, looking up at the doctor, who seemed so much taller from where she was on the floor. "She's alright?"
"She's not out of the woods yet, but she is alive. She had some internal bleeding and as I say, she's not out of the woods - it will be a long road to recovery - but she is alive."
She wasn't sure how she felt. She wasn't sure there was a word to describe the feelings that seemed to be exploding out from all around her. She looked at her mum, who had tears rolling down her face, and then back at the doctor.
"I want to see her," she growled.
"Of course," he said, holding out his hand. "She's just in recovery, but as soon as she's -" he pulled her up after she accepted her hand - "in the ICU, you can see her. Only you though, I'm afraid."
"I don't care, I need to see her."
"I understand," he said kindly. "But it could be an hour. We're not letting her go until we're sure she's okay."
"Yes but -"
"She will be okay," the doctor reassured her, and for some reason he reminded Caroline of William. "But perhaps you ought to go and see your daughter first. I'll get the nurses to page you as soon as we're ready."
"I -"
"Come on love," Celia said, her arm still firmly around Caroline's middle. "Kate would want you to."
For a moment a massive burst of hot and vicious anger surged through Caroline, and she almost asked Celia what the hell she would know about what Kate would want, but she bit it back, swallowed it like it wasn't there and nodded dumbly.
Flora.
She'd laughed when Kate suggested it, but it was perfect for the little angel currently gripping her finger. She was the most beautiful thing she'd seen, along with Kate, and her two boys of course, but it physically hurt to look at her. Everything about her reminded her of Kate. Her beautiful eyes, her skin, her very being reminded her that Kate was currently lying somewhere alone because Flora had survived. She passed the baby back to the nurse and ran to the closest bathroom and threw up violently, hot tears streaming down her face.
She was so very afraid.
It was Alan who found her. Dear, darling Alan who mopped her up, sat her down and knelt on the very hard floor of the hospital bathroom and held her hand for so long, she was sure his knees would never be the same again.
"I'm so sorry," Caroline said eventually, when she finally could talk. "I'm so sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it, I was angry at Mum."
"I know," Alan nodded. "I'm not saying it didn't hurt; it cut deep and I were shocked -"
"I shouldn't have said that to you, I was so determined to, to enjoy our -"
She took a very deep breath and tried not to cry again.
Caroline Dawson to the ICU please, Caroline Dawson to the ICU
"Come on love," Alan said, standing with a groan. "Your Kate's a-waitin' for you."
Caroline impulsively pulled Alan into a hug and got a delighted chuckle in response. She ran down the corridor, leaving her mother calling out to her from beside the nursery window. As the ICU doors appeared in front of her, she slowed to a walk and tried to breathe.
The doctor who had operated on Kate was waiting for her, even though she was fairly sure that wasn't exactly procedure.
"Caroline, she's doing remarkably well. She came through recovery perfectly and at this stage we're going to keep her in ICU until she wakes up."
"Will that," she cleared her throat and blinked rapidly, trying to dispel the tears. "Will that be long do you think?"
"Honestly? I don't know. She's had a hard knock and I'd really prefer to wait and see what happens over the next day or two before we look at projections." Caroline nodded, but her lip trembled. "Have you been to see the baby?"
"Flora," she gasped, her throat barely working. "Her name's Flora."
"Beautiful," the doctor said, pushing open the doors. "Come on through and tell her all about it."
"Is she, was she -"
Caroline wasn't sure what she was asking, but the doctor beckoned over a nurse to stand on the other side of her while he moved forward and opened the curtains around her bed. In hindsight, it was exactly the right thing to do because Caroline's knees couldn't hold her up any more. The doctor and nurse ferried her over to the chair beside Kate's bed and while the doctor took his leave quietly, the nurse stayed at the foot of the bed.
Kate looked so peaceful that Caroline had to stare hard at her to really see that she was injured.
"She had a big knock," the nurse said, annoying Caroline with her cheery tone. "Her spleen was damaged and there was a lot of internal bleeding, which the doctor sorted out. She's banged up and bruised but she's strong. She stayed strong the whole time."
"You were there?" Caroline asked, looking up just for a moment before going back to Kate.
"Yes," the nurse said, her voice easing a little.
"There were, the alarms -" she shook her head.
"She was touch and go - I won't lie," the nurse confirmed quietly, coming to stand at Caroline's shoulder. "But as I said. Strong."
"We got married yesterday," Caroline whispered, her hand finally reaching out and grabbing Kate's, her thumb rubbing over her wedding ring.
"That's why then," the nurse said. "She couldn't wait to go on her honeymoon."
Caroline snorted, but started crying again, almost immediately, allowing the nurse's hand on her shoulder, squeezing a little, until she'd pulled herself together again.
"I'll get you a cuppa," the nurse whispered. "Talk to her, some patients can hear you, and sometimes it just helps to talk."
Caroline didn't watch the nurse go, but when she heard the curtain pull around the bed again, she scooted the chair forward, kicked off her shoes and knelt on it, leaning on the bed.
"I've never said this before," Caroline whispered in Kate's ear. "I've not said it before because I had never really said it before anyway - only to the boys and it always seemed awkward," she shook her head. "Doesn't matter, I love you Kate Dawson, and yes I do want you to change your name," she chuckled, realising how stupid she sounded. "I love you, and I need you back. I can't, I don't know how to do this without you."
The curtain moved and she leaned back a little so she wasn't crowding Kate, but didn't withdraw completely.
"Don't mind me," the kind nurse said. "Just bringing your tea. I'm Bess, by the way. You need anything, or if she moves, you push this button and I'll come running."
"Thank you," Caroline whispered.
"You're welcome," Bess nodded, leaving her once more.
Caroline sighed, feeling as if she'd gone fifteen rounds with Mike Tyson. The relief that Kate was okay, not well, but okay was making her hands shake and she looked at the tea beside her bed.
"I guess I'll have that tea you promised me without you," Caroline said, remembering a conversation they'd had before Kate had left the house. "Shit," she closed her eyes. "I have to ring your Mum!"
Pushing that firmly out of her mind for now, she entwined their hands and, smiling a little at Kate's ever apparent warmth, sat back. She tucked one foot under her and bent her other leg up so she could rest her head on her knee, her eyes taking in all of Kate's beautiful face. She couldn't believe that in less than 24 hours they'd had so many ups and downs. If only she'd taken the boys. She knew why Kate wanted to; retaining independence and all that, but at so many months pregnant, Caroline should have put her foot down. She should have agreed to accompany her. The guilt that she'd refused to feel up until now overwhelmed Caroline and she struggled to put the mug down before it dropped out of her hands.
"I'm so sorry," Caroline whispered, her breath catching once more as the tears started. "Oh God Kate, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything, for letting you go, for not fighting harder for you, for what's happened! For missing out on you giving birth, I know how much that experience meant to you. But it's going to be okay. Flora," she chuckled again at the name. She would never have chosen it herself, but Kate had persuaded her. All afternoon and some of the night, she'd persuaded her. "Flora is perfect. You know how I am, I'm going to have to - I'm not sure I'm going to cope," she swallowed. "You'd better wake up soon, because I can't do this without you. I told you that already. I'm with you Kate, I'm with you and I'm not hiding or shying away. Which means you need to be here too."
She closed her eyes as the curtain shifted again.
"Alright love?" a new voice said.
She didn't want to be rude, but she was going to be if the cheery woman appearing before her didn't get her hand off Kate's. And then she saw what she was bringing in with her.
"Oh," she muttered.
She wasn't sure if it was because she knew Kate was okay - she kept using that word, okay. Or whether she was just a little calmer now, after talking to Kate for a while, but she smiled, standing and moving over to her daughter's cot.
"Is she?" she looked at the nurse. "Can I hold her?"
"Course you can," the woman said gently. "Whenever you want to."
Caroline nodded and slid her hands underneath the little body, bringing her to her chest.
"Do you have a name for her?"
"Flora," Caroline whispered, "Flora Grace McKenzie Dawson."
"I'll put it on her chart," the nurse said, bustling over and easing Flora's hand out of her blanket. "Oh, I know child, I know," she said with a chuckle when Flora grizzled. "Just got to make sure everyone knows who your Mummies are."
"Sorry," Caroline said, tears starting again.
"Don't be," the nurse muttered, having finished writing on Flora's hand. "It's a tough time. No doubt you don't know what to feel. Are you happy about baby Flora here or are you sad about your beautiful wife?
Caroline nodded and tried to mop up her tears, but only succeeding in bringing Flora closer to her head. She hugged her as tightly as she dared, letting herself cry into the baby blanket.
"She had all these plans," she sobbed. "So many, about the baby and what she'd wear. All the bags are at home and I can't, I don't -"
"Let's sit you down," the nurse said, bringing in another chair and sitting Caroline down. The woman crouched down in front of her, one hand on her knee and one on the arm wrapped around Flora's body. "It's okay to feel lost, or alone, or completely overwhelmed. What has happened to you - to your family - is overwhelming, and sad, and terrifying. And it's okay to feel those things."
"You sound like her," she sniffed, smiling and blinking back tears. "Trying to make me tell her how I really feel."
"Good," the nurse said. "Someone got to keep you in line, yeah?"
Caroline laughed, and it felt good for those three seconds to do so. Until she looked at Kate again, laying there still on the bed. It sobered her up completely and she looked down at the baby and paused.
Flora had her eyes open and was looking at her. Really looked at her. For a moment, Caroline thought perhaps she'd realise that she wasn't her Mummy and start wailing, but after a few moments of eye contact, Flora yawned and snuggled into her breast.
"It's a feeling isn't it," the nurse said from where she was pottering at Kate's side. "Next thing we'll do, after we sort out her dinner, is to get you some Kangaroo time."
"I'm sorry?" Caroline said, looking up sharply.
"Skin on skin contact, helps the baby bond with the mother."
"Can we do that for Kate too."
"Oh yes, don't you worry, just got to wait for an okay from the Doc. Now, you've been in here a while, how about you take your darling daughter out to see your family and I'll help Kate here with some food for the little one."
Caroline swallowed and looked between Kate and Flora and the nurse.
"It will be alright dear, truly, I'll come and get you if anything happens."
With one more look at Kate, she turned, only to turn back almost immediately afterwards.
"I love you," Caroline whispered in Kate's ear, leaving a lingering kiss on her soft lips. "Flora does too."
The nurse smiled, and Caroline slipped from the cubicle and out into the hall. She stood there, looking at Flora until Bess caught her and guided her through the warren of corridors back to where they'd started.
"Caroline!"
She was crowded by her family and, even though she loved them, she didn't want them near her right now.
"Can I just -" she said with a hiss. "Just, give me some room."
They all did, Gillian, Gary and Alan, all moving away but Celia stayed by her, her hand gripping her arm.
"How is she love?"
"She's," Caroline swallowed. "She's alive, and they're happy so far with her progress," she managed to say. "They're just cleaning her up a bit and getting," she waved her hand. "They're pumping milk or something, for Flora."
"She's smashing," Alan smiled, moving forward slowly. Caroline let him, and she smiled a watery smile as his thumb rubbed her arm. "LIttle'n is alright though?"
"Yes," Caroline nodded. "Yes, she's fine. The nurse said I could bring her out here."
"Good, good." Alan said, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her cheek.
She thought for a moment he'd do the same for Flora and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. She wasn't letting go of her, that was for sure. She didn't care about protocol, or good manners; Flora was hers and for now, that was how it was going to stay.
"She's beaut'i'ful Caroline," Gillian said quietly from a good three paces away.
"Thanks," she muttered.
"What have they said?" Celia asked, guiding her to a chair with all her attention on Caroline's face.
"Just that she came through surgery well and that she was strong. Those alarms," she blinked, feeling Celia's arm tighten around her. "They were for Kate, but she was strong. So strong."
"She wanted to get back to you," Celia said. "About -"
"No." Caroline shook her head emphatically. "Don't. I don't want to talk about that."
"Okay, okay sweetheart."
"I have to call Kate's Mum," Caroline said. "But I'm not letting Flora go," she laughed. "Didn't think I was ever going to say that. But I need to tell her, she needs to know. She's in America."
"What's she doing there?" Celia asked.
"Christ Mum, how the hell should I know?" Caroline spat.
"Ey, ey now," Alan stepped in. "What if I ring 'er ey? I was about to go and get some dinner for everyone, I can make the call outside."
"Yep," Caroline said, nodding her head. "Sure." It was only then that she realised she didn't even know where her own phone was, let alone Kate's. "I don't have the number."
"What about we pop on home and see if we can't find it. We'll bring you some clothes and things."
"I don't know if i'm allowed to stay," she said, sounding small even to her own ears.
"We'll work it out," Celia said.
Caroline looked up as a nurse entered the room, and she recognised her as Flora's nurse.
"Ah, there you are. This is Granny is it?" the nurse nodded her head at Caroline's family. "We're ready for you to come back again, little one's no doubt ready for some dinner."
"What's the policy on Caroline staying on?"
"There's no way to stay in the ICU, but being ana early little one, I think we could bend the rules just a tiny bit and have you stay with little Flora, if you wish?"
"I do," Caroline nodded frantically. "I don't want to leave them."
"Alright," the nurse said, "bring her through."
"Caroline, we'll be off home, stop for some clothes and things and be back soon."
"Okay." Caroline accepted a kiss on her cheek and nodded to Gillian and Gary before following the nurse back to where Kate was still laying, unchanged.
"She didn't," she cleared her throat. "Nothing changed?"
"No, but it has only been a short while," the nurse reassured her.
"I'm sorry, I don't know your name."
"Tess," the woman patted her hand. "Come, let's get all this sorted.
Caroline sat on the chair again, her hand desperately wanting to reach out and take Kate's, but Flora was waking up and announcing she was ready for her first feed.
"Right, that's our cue. You ready Mummy?"
"I'm not Mummy," Caroline smiled sadly. "Kate is Mummy."
"Mama then?"
"Maybe," she felt like crying, but had no more tears to cry. "We never spoke about it. I, we thought we had more time."
"You'll work it out," Tess said quietly. "Don't you worry. Now, shall we?"
Caroline settled back, crossing her legs for a bit of stability and Tess chuckled.
"You've been holding out on me," Tess said. "How many do you already have?"
"Two boys," Caroline smiled, tracing Flora's face. "William's at Oxford, and Lawrence is a couple of years younger."
"Good big brothers," Tess muttered, handing her a bottle.
"William possibly, Lawrence is having a little more difficulty."
"He'll come round," Tess smiled. "Let's get some dinner into her."
Caroline remembered vaguely all the times she'd nursed her own boys and started by wetting Flora's lips and Caroline couldn't help but gasp a little when Flora grabbed hold of the teat and started sucking hard.
"She's as strong as her Mummy then," Tess said with a smile.
"Ah, good evening," the doctor said, smiling when he saw them. "How is the little one?"
"She's going strong Doc. Just like her Mummy."
"I'll just get on with my work then," the doc said. "Caroline do you want to step out?"
"I'd rather not," Caroline swallowed, trying not to disturb Flora.
"I'm afraid I have to insist. I'm going to check her sutures and you don't need to see that."
"She's just started," Caroline said with a frown, looking down at her daughter.
"I'll come back in a moment then."
Caroline finished Flora's feed and accepted the cloth to put over her shoulder. Tess helped re-arrange Flora on her shoulder and she snuggled into Flora's body, rubbing her hand up and down her tiny back. She let out a few muffled cries and snuffles, but Caroline could only smile.
"Oh Kate," she whispered. "I'm so sorry that I said I didn't want this, I'm so sorry."
"Shh," Tess said, appearing at her side. "Don't you worry now. Flora is on her way to sleep, and that is where she'll be for a while. We have enough for another feed when she wakes up, but you also need rest."
"I -"
"Your mother's outside, wants to talk to you, if you like I can take her, put her back in the nursery while she sleeps and you get some dinner, and a shower. It'll help you feel better, I promise."
"I don't want to go -"
"Oh, no," Tess said. "I meant here, I'll show you where everything is."
Caroline nodded and moved to transfer Flora to Tess' arms.
"Wait, is there, is there any way we can have her be with Kate for just a moment?" Caroline asked.
Tess looked at her, really looked, but then nodded.
"Alright, she cannot lay on her chest or stomach because of her injuries, but if you lay her here," she indicated along Kate's arm, "with her head against Kate's cheek, that should be fine."
"Kate? Oh Kate, she's here. Flora, your baby, she's right here darling." Caroline leaned forward and kissed Kate anywhere she could reach. "She's here and she's strong. You have to stay strong too. It's going to be okay as long as you're here with me, and Flora."
Flora was fast asleep, her first feed and busy afternoon in Caroline's arms exhausting her, but she nuzzled into Kate's face even as she slept.
"See," Tess said quietly. "She knows her Mummy. There's no way she won't."
Caroline nodded tearfully and squeezed Tess's hand with the one not on Flora's belly.
"You have been unbelievably kind to me today. Thank you."
"No worries love," Tess said. "Let me take her back to the nursery, and then I'm off home. If you need anything you ask for Anna, she'll set you right."
"Thank you," Caroline said, picking Flora back up and putting her down in the little cot. "Night night sweetheart," Caroline whispered, pressing a kiss to Flora's forehead. "Mama'll be with you soon."
"See," Tess said as she walked out with her. "I told you you'd work it out."
Caroline chuckled and watched Tess walk her child back to the nursery, leaving her standing in a corridor, unsure and alone.
"Caroline?"
"Mum!"
"We found your phone, and I know you probably would have wanted to tell them yourself, but William had rung twice and Lawrence once, so we picked Lawrence up, and William's coming back tonight," she shrugged. "I'm sorry love."
"No, it's okay," she sighed, feeling terrible for belatedly remembering she had two sons. "Thank you Mum."
"Well what kind of mother would I be if I -"
Caroline looked at her as Celia paused halfway. She knew what she was going to say - what kind of mother would I be if I wasn't there for my only daughter. And so they just looked at each other and Caroline was begging her silently not to start talking about it now.
"It'll keep," Celia said quietly. "As long as you know that I love you."
"I -" Caroline shook her head. "I just need to be here for Kate right now, and Flora. Can you stay at home with the boys?"
"Alright," Celia said. "Gary's driven Gillian back t'farm. This has all the essentials, clothes etc. I found this too, should I have brought it, or do you want me to take it home again?"
"No!" she practically screamed, grabbing it suddenly. "Sorry, I," she took a breath. "I think Kate's had this packed since, since -"
She closed her eyes and willed the tears to go away. She was done crying, she needed to be strong, she needed to be Kate's rock for once in her sodding life and like nothing had ever motivated her before, THIS would be the time that she was.
"It's Flora's bag. Kate had picked out a few outfits she wanted her to wear while they were in hospital."
"And how is she, Kate?" Celia asked.
"I don't know, the doctor made me come and see you while she got checked out."
"Alright love, well how about some dinner while we wait, I made soup, it's not much, but it'll put some food in you and there's plenty more."
Caroline nodded and sat where she was in the waiting room. There would be no jaunts to the cafeteria, no trips anywhere else, not while Kate was being looked at. She needed to be close to her lover, and this was as close as she could be right then.
"Do you want me to talk?" Celia asked almost too quietly as Caroline sipped the hot soup.
It was one thing her mother did well, one thing she'd learned from her, the cooking. The warm feeling that crept right down into her toes and wrapped her up like a warm hug as she guzzled the whole mug nearly in one go.
"Thought you might be hungry," Celia chuckled. "I told you, I made plenty."
"Thanks," Caroline said, holding out her mug to be refilled. "And you can, talk I mean."
"I met Gary. Obviously," she added after a time. "Gillian had invited him round for Sunday lunch. I'm sure she was three sheets to the wind, but he seemed pleasant enough, though there's something about him I just can't figure out. His wife though," Celia turned up her nose. "That woman is not right, set upon poor Harry, like it were his fault for ruining the lock."
"He was paralytic mother," Caroline said sagely, content to sip now, instead of guzzle.
"Well, yes, but she was nasty, really took to him and called him names. He's not all that stable, and to knock a man when he's down."
"Caroline?"
"Yes!" she said, standing up and turning to face the doctor, almost spilling soup all over her.
"Here," Celia chortled. "Give me that."
"Is she alright, is she okay?"
"She's doing well. There's no evidence of further bleeding, and her earlier brain scans look clear. It was reported that she did hit her head, but by the looks of it, it wasn't hard - so we're not too worried about that; there are no signs of even a mild concussion."
"So she's okay."
"For now," the doctor said. "We're going to keep her in ICU tonight, all of tomorrow and the next night as well. She can receive more 'round the clock care that way. Then, if she continues to show improvements, we can see about getting you and Kate and baby a private room, pending baby's release of course."
"Thanks," Caroline said, moving forward and hugging him. "I don't know how to -"
"You're doing it right now Caroline," the doctor said with a smile "You're thanking me by taking care of your family."
Caroline chuckled even as she started crying again.
"I'd like to stop crying sometime soon."
"Doubt that'll happen," the doctor said. "But that's okay too."
Caroline nodded and he squeezed her arm, leaving her with her Mum.
"Wait!" she called. "Can I go back and see her?"
"Visiting hours are strict in the ICU, you have until nine, but then you'll have to leave I'm afraid."
Caroline nodded and checked her watch.
"Go," Celia said. "I'll be here, come back out here and I'll walk you up to Flora."
She kissed her mum, leaving her with everything and raced back to the ICU ward, and to Kate's side. The sight of her filled her heart with joy and even after being away for such a small amount of time, Kate seemed to look better.
"I love you," she whispered, taking up her position of kneeling on the chair by her head. "I love you Mrs Dawson and we need you to wake up as soon as you can. No more sleeping for you once you're better."
She recalled the morning before, and then the afternoon when she'd stopped Kate to thank her, and her mind automatically went to their conversation about the day she had been so wired.
"More than a snog," Caroline chuckled, leaning down and resting her head where Flora's had been. "We'll have so many of those times Kate," Caroline said. "So many. I'm going to call Graham and Jennifer. They'll have to take over my duties when I get back. There might be an odd time when I can't escape being Headmistress, but until you get back darling, I'm going to be here with you and Flora."
The nurse came around to tell her that visiting hours were coming to a close, and she nodded her understanding. She nuzzled into Kate's neck, her hand gripping Kate's tightly and feeling their rings cutting into her hand.
"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me," Caroline whispered. "And I'm looking forward to snogging you in my office again. We'll have to get creative, because I bet Beverly will be watching us like a hawk now. Sleep well my beautiful wife."
She stood, wiping a tear from her eye.
"I love you Kate," she said aloud.
She had not been lying to Kate when she'd said that she was grateful for the strength to live as she was doing. And she realised with all this that she had wasted so much time being afraid.
"I'm not afraid anymore."
She nodded once to herself and leant in for another kiss.
"I never could get enough of you," Caroline chuckled, stepping backwards until she had no other choice but to let Kate's hand go. "I'll see you in the morning."
The waiting room was rather busy, on account of people leaving, but Celia was sat with her bags by her feet, waiting patiently.
"Are you going to be okay to drive back?" Caroline asked as she shouldered Flora's bag.
"I'll be fine," Celia said.
"I can't deal with -" she didn't want to voice her concerns. "Well, just you be careful alright?"
"'Course love," Celia said, linking her arm and walking with her to the nursery.
Caroline introduced herself and met Anna, the woman that Tess had briefed about her situation.
"I tried to get you a bed, but I'm afraid we're not going to be able to fit one," she said apologetically.
"Oh, not to worry, a chair will do fine," Caroline said, perhaps too eagerly.
"Thought so," Anna laughed. "Come through, Tess said to make sure you got a shower, but after that there's one with your name on it. It's right next to her crib."
"Bye love," Celia said.
"Sorry, bye Mum."
She waved, but they didn't hug. Caroline had long since lost her focus to her baby girl, waiting for her beyond the double doors. Anna lead her first into a private room and showed her where everything was. She showered quickly, agreeing silently with Tess that a shower was going to do her good. All the crying and the worrying had left her spent and all she wanted to do was curl up in bed with Kate and their baby.
When she was done, she poked her head out of the room and found the corridor empty. It took her a few moments before she met Anna again, sipping a cup of tea at the nurses station.
"I have some," she motioned to the bag. "Kate, my wife," she smiled involuntarily at the sound, "she'd packed this a couple of weeks ago."
"Would you like to open it while I'm with you?" Anna asked.
"Yes please," Caroline said, only now feeling a little unsure. "I've seen it all, I just -"
"I know," Anna said gently. "It'll be alright."
Caroline unzipped the bag and delved in, pulling out a little pink onesie with writing on it.
"Oh," Caroline laughed quietly, feeling more proud than ever before. "I haven't seen this one."
The little thing had feet, and was fleecy and super cute, but embroidered on the front it said My Heart Belongs to a Chemistry Teacher.
"I take it that's -"
"Me," Caroline laughed. "Oh, she's so funny."
The next onesie was pastel green and had a picture of the Eiffel tower and the words Je t'aime below it.
"Kate's the language teacher," she muttered quietly.
Caroline delved into the bag and brought out another couple of little sleeper suits and a beautiful little dress and bonnet.
"I think that must be for when we go home," Caroline said quietly.
"And you will," Anna said with a reassuring smile. "Now, let's go and get you sorted."
Caroline followed the woman into the nursery and right to the corner at the back. For a moment, she was miffed that Flora had been placed so far away, until she realised they'd done it deliberately so that she could stay with her.
"This is you. We'll be around to feed her if she cries."
"No! I, would I be able to do it?" Caroline asked, not willing to risk missing a single moment of Kate's baby, their baby.
"Sure," Anna nodded. "Just push the call button when you need the bottle."
Caroline settled down in the recliner, already knowing that her back would protest tomorrow, but she didn't care. Flora was alright, and Kate was alive, and improving in increments. Even small ones were something to be proud of.
"Keep them safe," she said, praying for the first time in so very, very long. "Please, just keep them safe."