Standard disclaimers. Paramount owns the characters, etc. etc. Please do not archive or use the writing without my permission.
A/N. This tale was written in the late 90s. It's J/C, of course, but I hope, amusing as well. Complete. 3 chapters.
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Chakotay barreled into Kathryn Janeway's Ready Room on autopilot, his head down, his eyes on the report on the PADD in his hand. She'd want to know about the results of the experiment right away. They needed to talk about the next phase before he let Engineering implement it.
B'Elanna, as usual, was chomping at the bit to try one option and Seven, of course, disagreed. He dreaded even thinking about what they could come up with if he left them alone to work it out. There were only two possible outcomes as far as he could see: dismemberment or death. Of whom, he wasn't sure.
He was just going to make sure that it wasn't going to be him. The rest, as Seven would say, was "irrelevant." The way he felt right now he wouldn't care either way.
He kept his eyes on the PADD, moving instinctively. As he promptly fell over the chair in the middle of the room, he thought, irrelevantly, that he knew the Ready Room by heart -at least he had yesterday.
He was moving too fast to break his fall. He went down, watched his PADD fly in one direction, the chair in the other, and swore.
When the pain in his leg started to subside, he looked up and found himself staring into the clear blue eyes of the idiot who'd rearranged the furniture. Then he prayed that he hadn't said his last thought aloud.
The Captain looked at him in satisfaction. "I thought so."
"What?"
"I was conducting an experiment. I was right." Janeway knelt down next to him and started rubbing his upper thigh.
He sat up, dumbfounded. "Kathryn, what are you *doing*?"
"You mean besides rearranging the furniture. I told you. I was running an experiment. It was successful."
He grabbed her hand, moved it away and then started rubbing his leg himself when the cramp started up again.
"I'm delighted to hear it. What's a little pain if the Captain's happy and the experiment's a success?"
The alien who'd taken over Kathryn Janeway's body looked at him in satisfaction.
Alien possession was the only possible hypothesis. Kathryn Janeway would *never* rearrange furniture.
"Want to clue me into what the purpose of this little experiment of yours was? That is, of course, *besides* critically injuring your XO?"
She ignored the sarcasm. "I'm sorry about the leg. But the experiment was necessary. It was about nothing."
"Come again?" He was right. Possession was a definite possibility; probably demonic possession. It had happened once; it could happen again. She didn't look possessed, but still...
"It was about nothing. Or rather, it was about *doing* nothing - 'the absence of action.' Something this crew is incapable of."
"Stop. I know the definition of nothing. I still don't get it."
Maybe he'd hit his head. It was possible. He'd landed pretty hard in the fall. But a concussion wouldn't explain how the furniture got rearranged. He looked at her suspiciously as she helped him up and over to the couch.
"This ship is on overdrive. It needs to stop. You just proved my theory."
He tried to humor her. "The last time I checked, we were moving at warp 9. Fast, but still within the parameters of what's acceptable for the warp engines."
She looked at him like he was a first year cadet found wanting. He waited, unnerved. She, or the "whatever", was making him incredibly jumpy. Her hand was on his thigh again, his upper thigh, and if it came up any higher, his anatomy was going to do precisely that. He shifted away from her and breathed a sigh of relief when her hand disconnected. He didn't like her smile of satisfaction. It was scary.
"Not the ship, Chakotay, I meant the crew, of course. They're on overdrive. You just proved my theory."
He tried again, gently. Maybe *she'd* hit her head. "Kathryn, we haven't proved the theory yet. We're still working on it. But the latest results look good. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. B'Elanna and and Seven are having a disagreement about how to proceed and -"
"Not that theory. My theory. Well, the other one's my theory too. But that one's scientific. This one's sociological. The results are in. The crew of this ship is working too hard."
His expression must have been one of complete confusion and astonishment. He certainly felt that way. Kathryn Janeway, the queen of overtime, was worried about working too hard; the woman who hadn't taken off a day in nearly three – no, four years, unless she was forced to. He was right. This was scary.
"I thought you were the best specimen to try the experiment on."
"Thanks a lot. I've been called a lot of things before, but specimen's a new one."
"Chakotay, think about it." She shook her head, exasperated. He understood the feeling. She paused, and then started in. "All right, let's take this a point at a time. With the possible exception of Tuvok, and I don't think Vulcans count in this case, you're considered the most centered person on Voyager, except of course when you're pulling one of your harebrained stunts - "
"I never pull harebrained stunts."
The Captain stared at him in disbelieving silence. She finally continued. "Don't try to distract me. It won't work. To continue, a point at a time. Do you consider yourself centered or not?"
"Well, yes."
She smiled knowingly. "Exactly. When's the last time you actually *asked* before you came barging in the Ready Room?"
He paused, thinking. "I can't remember. I didn't think it bothered you. I'm sorry if it does. I'll change that immediately, Captain."
He couldn't believe it. He'd just gotten up off the floor, and now she was calling him on the carpet.
"It *doesn't * bother me. It's *never* bothered me. I'm delighted that you're comfortable enough to do it. The point is that even you, one of the most centered people on Voyager, have gotten too busy to knock."
"I -"
"And when's the last time you said 'Good morning, Kathryn. How was your evening, Kathryn? How about having lunch, or dinner, or spending time on the holodeck with me, Kathryn?' "
"I can't remember. You never went anyway, at least, not often."
She smiled. "Exactly. You just don't remember. Chakotay, you need to stop and smell the roses."
"I -uhh, you never do." His thoughts went to roses and then on to Lake George. Then he remembered. He'd had high hopes for the evening and they'd ended up arguing about crew rations. Whoever this was, it was *not* Kathryn Janeway, at least not the one he knew. Her next comment was even more confusing.
"I made a mistake. I intend to rectify that starting now."
Her smile was making him decidedly uncomfortable. The room suddenly seemed hotter, and if he had any personal space left that she wasn't in, he couldn't see it. He got up and moved away, sore leg or not. If she got any closer, he wouldn't be able to be responsible for his actions, and more importantly, reactions. Full-scale retreat was called for.
She looked at him wryly. "I can see this is going to take a while."
"What's going to take a while?"
"Chakotay, this crew needs to relax. You need to relax. We all need some downtime."
He thought about his options, and finally decided to humor her until he figured out what in the universe she was talking about. "There's a class M planet two weeks from here that we can divert to. It's off course, but -"
"Not good enough. We don't need a vacation. The crew needs to learn to relax. Something needs to be done now. Call a Senior Staff meeting in five minutes in the Briefing Room. We've got to talk about the results of the experiment."
He stared at her, dumbfounded, as she got up and walked through the Ready Room door and onto the Bridge. A woman who expected him to put together a staff meeting in five minutes or less was a Janeway he understood. The rest - well, he'd have to wait and see what happened.
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Janeway was waiting when Chakotay finally gathered the last of the Senior Staff into the Briefing Room, five minutes late. B'Elanna was arguing with him, as usual, about the need to get back to work. He ignored her.
The Captain looked at Chakotay expectantly. He didn't know what she wanted. At a loss for ideas, he just followed the regs. "All departments, report current status. Engineering first." Janeway looked at him approvingly, as if he'd just passed some sort of test.
B'Elanna looked at him like he'd grown a third ear, then shrugged and started in. "We're working on the dilithium overchange. We finished the first part of the experiment, and-"
Janeway broke in. "B'Elanna stop. The Commander asked for the current status of the ship, not the status of theoretical experiments."
"Excuse me?" B'Elanna looked at Janeway, and then at Chakotay for clarification. He just shrugged, as confused as she was.
Janeway answered. "I want to know about the status of all operational parts of this ship, not about the improvements you're working on."
"Uh...warp engines online and fully operational. Environmental, astro, transporters - everything's at 100% capacity right now. We have enough dilithium from the last haul to even rebuild the warp engines from scratch if we had to. But - "
"That's fine, Lieutenant." Janeway looked back at him again. After a moment Chakotay got his act together and commented, " Uhhh... astrometrics and operations, report." Not the slickest he'd ever managed, but ...
Kim turned green. "Let me pull up the star charts."
After ten minutes, Janeway commented, "Thank you, Ensign. A brief synopsis will do."
Kim rallied. "We're in a dead area of space. To the best of our ability to determine, it's perfectly safe. There are no planets or stars for the next six weeks if we continue at warp nine. All operations are fully functional." Kim sighed, relieved, when Janeway nodded at him.
This time when the Captain looked at Chakotay, he was ready. "Seven, do you have any additional knowledge of this area that might differ with Mr. Kim's assessment?"
"No, Commander. The Borg explored the area in detail and left because there was nothing of interest."
"Thank you. Commander Tuvok?"
You could claim Tuvok was any number of things, but slow on the uptake wasn't one of them. "Weapons are at 99.87 capacity, Commander."
"Mr. Neelix, supplies?"
Neelix surprised him. The Talaxian wasn't normally one for brevity, but then, what was normal about this day. "We have enough fresh and dried food for nearly four and a half months."
"Doctor?"
"I have just completed the quarterly medical reports, Commander - not that I expect that anyone has read them." When Chakotay glared at the hologram, the Doc added grudgingly, "Everyone's fine."
"Mr. Paris?"
"Moving at warp nine, and we might as well stay on autopilot. There isn't even an asteroid field out there. It's going to be a boring six weeks."
Chakotay completed the ritual and summarized the discussion. "Captain, all departments report that they are fully functional, operating at nearly 100% capacity. The planned area of exploration is predicted to be safe provided we stay on current course. At warp nine we should be through the area in six weeks."
She smiled at him. "Good. Mr. Paris, take us down to warp 6."
"What?" Paris choked and recovered. "Uh... Captain. I don't think I could have heard you correctly. I thought you said to take us down to warp six. That'll delay us nearly two weeks."
"That's right. We'll still have double the foodstuffs we need to get through, even without using the replicators."
She continued. "I want all departments to develop new staff rosters and submit them to Commander Chakotay. Effective immediately, overtime is limited to no more than two hours a day for all crew for the duration of time we *are* in this area of space. That includes senior officers."
"Captain?" Chakotay felt like the sacrificial lamb, but he had to be. It was part of the job. He was the one that was going to have to justify her actions to the crew.
She looked at him, the irritation clear in her eyes, and then relented. "Chakotay, think about it. This is the first time since the Caretaker that this ship has been at peak capacity and in a safe area of space for a long period of time. And the crew's still working overtime. It's got to stop. It's going to be a long trip home. We need to learn to relax when we can. Now's as good a time as any to stop and smell the roses."
He was speechless. The only thing he could think of was that once he got out of the briefing, he was going to get the computer to tell him who'd come up with that phrase, and then delete it's existence from the memory banks.
She continued, looking at the rest of the Senior Staff. " I just conducted an experiment with the Commander in the Ready Room before this briefing began. The results were clear. This crew is on overload. We've been working too hard for too long. We need to learn to relax, and we're going to start now. That's an order."
The Senior Staff looked like they'd just been given a death sentence. Finally B'Elanna commented, "Captain, what is it you expect us to *do* while we're uh... relaxing?"
Janeway smiled. "Do? I don't care. Do nothing. It's fine with me. Read, meditate, work out, gossip, go skiing, go hiking, have a party... I don't care. It's none of my business. I'm sure you'll come up with something." She smiled and looked away, and then turned back. "But only two hours of overtime a day. That *is* my business and I intend to enforce it."
She paused, and continued. "In fact, I think a party's an excellent idea. Neelix, Tom, I want you to meet me in Holodeck two after the briefing. I think you're just the people to help with what I have in mind."
Paris and Neelix looked ready to choke, but they just stayed silent. Finally Janeway commented, "It's unusual, but I know you'll need to discuss procedure with the Commander, and so I am not going to dismiss this meeting. Simply leave it. Good luck." With that, she got up and walked out of the Briefing Room.
As he watched her leave, Chakotay wondered what he had done that had made the universe so angry at him.
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The silence in the Briefing Room was so thick you could hear a warp particle drop. But the worst part of it was that they were all starting at him expectantly.
"Don't look at me, I'm just the XO."
B'Elanna looked ready to commit murder. "Yeah, you *are* the XO and if she really does this, it's gonna delay the next phase of the experiments for 12 hours. Chakotay, you have to *do* something."
They were all staring at him again, even Tuvok.
"Commander, I am working on a plan which will improve the photon torpedo trajectory by five percent. To stop now will delay implementation by three days."
"Chakotay, we've finally got the astrometrics scanners aligned right. We can look at another seven parsecs-"
"This part of space is so dead you could leave Voyager on automatic permanently. We have to get out of here."
"I am near to a breakthrough on the DNA structure of the phage. To stop now would-"
Chakotay finally broke into the chaos. "Stop, all of you. Think about it. What is it you expect me to do? I can't countermand the order. There's nothing irregular about it."
Tom interrupted. "It may not be irregular, but it is - uh, *unusual*. Chakotay, it's boring as a horta in hibernation in this part of space. If we drop down to warp 6 it's going to take us another two weeks to get through here."
"Stop right there, Tom. She knows that. So do I. It doesn't change anything."
Tuvok finally broke the ensuing silence. "Lieutenant Paris, surprisingly, has raised a legitimate question. The Captain's behavior is quite ... unlike... her. Perhaps -"
Chakotay broke in. "Tuvok, I hardly think that I can investigate whether or not she's been taken over by aliens based on the order to give the crew some r and r."
Chakotay meant the comment satirically, but when he looked around the room he realized that the thought had been going through the minds of every member of the Senior Staff -even his. He grimaced. Maybe the Captain did have a point.
Tuvok replied, "That was not the intent of my comment, Commander."
Chakotay looked at Tuvok knowingly, and the Vulcan had the grace to look away. But then Tuvok continued. "It is possible that we are simply unaware of the Captain's motives. Perhaps a discussion of the 'experiment' she described could provide an explanation for her recent actions."
B'Elanna looked up at that. "Yeah, Chakotay. You were the last one alone with her. What happened?"
They all looked at him accusingly.
He wanted to avoid that discussion. He wasn't sure what had happened himself. "Nothing happened. That is, nothing much happened. I fell over a chair."
"You *what?*" That from Tom.
"I fell over a chair. She rearranged the furniture in the Ready Room, I wasn't looking where I was going and I fell over a chair. That's all."
Tom finally broke the silence. "That's IT? There's nothing else?"
Chakotay just shrugged.
Tom couldn't seem to take it in. "This whole thing's because you fell over a chair and the Captain's developed a latent interest in interior design?"
Chakotay decided he had to stop the speculation before it got out of control. "No, it's not. Tuvok has a point. The incident in the Ready Room was just the experiment; the method she used to prove her hypothesis. And she's told us that the hypothesis was that the crew 'is working too hard, and needs some down time'- which is *not* something she'd notice if it wasn't brought to her attention. So, who's been talking to the Captain about the need for the crew to slow down?"
All of the eyes that had been resting on him accusingly were now focused in another direction - away.
Except Neelix. "Well, I have." The Senior Staff rounded on the Talaxian, but he took it in stride. "It shouldn't matter. I've been telling her that every day for the last five years. She's never paid any attention to me before. There's no reason to suppose she would now. Although I did mention, yesterday, that no one has volunteered for the Prixen arrangements. And I can't do it all myself."
The Doctor spoke up. "Mr. Neelix is correct. The Captain doesn't usually act on recommendations to relax. I filed the quarterly evaluations of the crew's mental and physical health yesterday, and also recommended that some recreation was in order soon."
The eyes of the Senior Staff shifted accusingly to the Doctor. He looked back defensively. "I said SOON, not immediately. I've been saying the same thing in the logs for the last five years. Although I did also mention that I was annoyed at the crew's unwillingness to make appointments because they are 'too busy.' I have been unable to continue my work with the Diva because of all the schedule changes."
"Anyone else?"
B'Elanna looked up guiltily. "I did say yesterday morning that the new experiment was going to be a drain on personnel, and that the staff situation was pretty bad -"
Tom broke in. "B'Elanna, you say that all the time."
"I don't. And what about you, fly-boy? Don't tell me you've kept your mouth shut and haven't been whining lately."
Tom looked back at her guiltily. " I did say that if we were going to be drifting through what has got to be the most boring part of space in the galaxy that the least she could do was let us all go play in the holodeck. And I think I said that no one ever had the time to go there anymore." When B'Elanna looked *really* ready to murder, Tom commented, "It was a JOKE. I swear she knew it was a joke. At least I wasn't -"
Chakotay interrupted. "Enough. We better get it all out. Tuvok?"
"The incident was unimportant. And it was not, precisely, an incident. As it was of low priority, I intended to file a report later today."
Chakotay considered taking a trick from B'Elanna's deck and murdering the Vulcan. Chakotay thought they'd gotten past leaving him out of the loop on Security years ago. "Get on with it."
"It was a minor incident, Commander. I overheard a disagreement between Ensigns Jerron and Ali about their workspace's size. As the spaces are theoretically identical, I was intrigued and stopped to listen. Ensign Ali had 2.5 centimeters more of bench space than Ensign Jerron and therein lay the problem. I interrupted and divided up the centimeters equally. I later saw them in Sandrines playing pool together and so I logically assumed the problem had been resolved. The Captain was in Sandrines and asked why I was interested in Jerron and Ali. I relayed the incident. I believe the comment I made was that minor as they are, such altercations are ... unfortunate. They distract from efficiency. And I said that it was probable that all of the crew could benefit from more physical activity to ease the tension."
Tom laughed. "Hell, Tuvok, why don't you wave a red flag in front of a -"
Chakotay broke in. "Stow it, Lieutenant. And DON'T finish that sentence or you'll be cleaning warp particles off the nacelles for a week. Harry?"
Kim looked extremely uncomfortable. "Uhh... I did have a meeting with the Captain in the Astrophysics lab yesterday. I told her about the problems we'd had in realignment. She came up with a solution. It was really stupid of me to have missed it. A two-year cadet could have figured it out. I was... embarrassed, and so I guess I used tiredness as an excuse."
"Get on with it, Harry."
"The Captain looked at me and said I probably needed some r and r. I just agreed. I'm sorry, Commander."
"All right. So in the last twenty-four hours-"
Seven interrupted. "Commander Chakotay, I too had a conversation with the Captain about this topic." Chakotay thought, amused, that the best description of Tuvok's expression was the Vulcan equivalent of his jaw hanging open. The rest of the Senior Staff didn't even try to dissemble. They were staring in awe.
Chakotay caved in, his curiosity getting the better of him. "Seven? I thought you considered relaxation irrelevant."
She looked at him with what he could have sworn was an annoyed expression. "I do. I simply overheard Mr. Kim's conversation with the Captain. Afterward, I asked the Captain what 'r and r' meant. I explained that it was a term I have never heard used by any of the Voyager crew."
Tom whistled. "Talk about putting a nail in the coffin..."
"I do not understand your reference, Mr. Paris."
Chakotay broke in. "It's not important, Seven. Let me see if I can sum this up. In the last twenty-four hours, each of you have 'reported, commented, joked, whined, complained or asked for clarification' from the Captain about stress or the need for more recreational time for the crew. And none of you bothered to mention this to me, which I might add as XO, is where such comments should have been directed."
He watched in satisfaction as each of them looked away guiltily.
B'Elanna broke in. "Chakotay, you've been busy."
"Not good enough."
"And, when you're busy, well, if anyone complains, you tend to *do* something."
"What?"
She shifted in her chair, uncomfortable. "You know, *do* something; solve the problem or tell us to. It was all just *stuff*. No one wanted anything to *change*, it was just, well, whining."
"I see."
She looked back at him. "But *this* is important. What *are* you going to do?"
There it was again. They were all looking at him expectantly. The hell with it.
"Nothing. I intend to do nothing. Rather, I am going to look up when I walk into the Ready Room, in case she decides to rearrange the furniture again. But nothing else."
Tom broke in. "Chakotay, you *have* to do something. You're the only one she'll listen to."
"You've heard the old adage, Tom. You've made your bed...and anyway, I'm simply implementing orders like a good XO should. Check the regs -Section 15, paragraph 57. And while you're at it, you all might want to check Section 15 paragraphs 5 - 57. It covers the XO responsibilities and general reporting lines. Got it?"
Silence again. "Good." He relented. "Look, people. She didn't tell you you can't work on experiments. She just said you can't do it every waking hour for the next eight weeks. It's not the end of the universe. We all might actually enjoy it."
The looks he got were not encouraging, not even from Neelix. He gave up. "I expect new rosters without overtime on my desk from each department head in five... uh... ten hours." The overtime business was already giving him a headache. "Tom, Neelix, report to the Captain now. You have an extra three hours to file reports. Dismissed."
Chakotay sat there for a while after they'd left, thinking. The Captain might be right about the crew needing to relax. While much of the conversation had been just whining, some of the complaints had been perilously close to evidence of real stress setting in. And, anyway, it couldn't hurt to take it easy for a while. After all, what could possibly happen? He got up to make sure the orders to "relax" were underway.