It's been a while since I've written the stories I'm uploading now, so I'm really uneasy about doing so since they're so different and a little rocky when compared to the way I write now. That being said, this fic is particularly all-over-the-place, but I know people have been wanting to read them all, so I'm putting it up anyway (and it has major plot points, so it'd be hard to leave it out!). Sorry about its inconsistent plotline, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. Please pardon its dust, and thank you for all your positive comments, it's so uplifting to know people love these even after all this time!
"I must say, Agent P, I'm amazed at how quickly you completed the notes on Mission 507." Monogram said.
"What was Mission 507, sir?" Carl asked.
"I told you last week!" Monogram said. "Pay attention, Carl. Mission 507 was what we assigned to Agent P when we suspected that Agent L had been using the agency's female restroom to send messages to villains. He investigated an hour a day for ten days. Very good work, Agent P. Let's read the notes."
Monogram opened up the notebook Perry had used on his mission.
Day One. Description of the Girl's Room: Very clean. Smells like violets and kangaroos. Makes sense since a lot of the kangaroos in the agency are female. There are a lot of random mirrors. There are mirrors in front of the sinks, on the walls, and even a tiny mirror in each stall. We'd probably have enough funds if we hadn't bought all these mirrors.
Sighted the suspect briefly. Suspect washed hands, looked in one of the many mirrors, fixed fur, and left.
Day Two. There's probably at least three mirrors per every female agent in the agency in this one room. I have noticed that the toilet paper always gets stocked here. Why don't we do that for the male bathroom? Suspect not sighted.
Day Three. Why do these females need so many mirrors? It's not like they have a vital organ connected to them or something. Suspect came in today, did nothing suspicious.
Day Four. Suspect did nothing today. I'm sick of coming here. When no one is in here, my only entertainment is the mirror on the front of the stall door and a box of tissues that I like to flush down the toilet one by one.
Day Five. I am so sick of seeing mirrors everywhere.
Day Six. I am starting to get nightmares about my reflection.
Day Seven. Suspect came in and washed hands. Briefly talked to friend about lip gloss. Fixed fur and left.
Day Eight. The suspect is not guilty of anything. I don't want to be here.
Day Nine. The smell of flowers is starting to get to me. Today the suspect entered the room, washed hands again, and left.
Day Ten. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ! #$%^& MIRRORS IN THE GIRL'S ROOM
Monogram put the journal down and stared at Perry.
"You don't know what I have suffered." Perry said grudgingly.
"Well, I guess we can cross Agent L off as a potential enemy." Monogram said.
Perry nodded.
Monogram looked at a couple of papers. "Well, you've done a lot of work these past few weeks. I think we can finally authorize you some vacation time."
Perry blinked.
"I'm serious, Agent P. Take some time off. You've deserved it."
Perry let the news sink in slowly.
He was actually getting a vacation. He had only received four vacations in his lifetime, and one of them didn't count because he had been called back into work halfway through.
He could do anything he wanted. He could go swimming, play fetch with the boys, hide singing hamsters in various areas around the house…
Perry grinned. He jumped up and hugged the monitor. Then he dashed out of the room.
"Somebody looks happy." Pinky said.
Perry hopped over to him. "I get time off! Finally! I hardly know what to do…"
"You could… go to the Dewdrop Resort and Spa." Pinky said, holding up a coupon.
"I told you, I don't want your stupid coupon. Besides, Sven would be brokenhearted if I went to a different place."
"You're friends with Sven the seagull? I had no idea you had more than two people you didn't yell at on a daily basis." Darren the duck said, sitting down next to Pinky.
"Thanks, Darren." Perry said through clenched teeth.
"I wish someone would take this coupon." Pinky said. "I only have to give away one more and I win a free smoothie."
"You can give it to me and I'll rip it up for ya." Perry suggested.
"Can't. The person I give it to has to actually go and use the coupon."
"Just drop it, Pinky. No smoothie is worth it."
"Creamy banana-cocoa." Pinky said.
"I stand corrected." Perry said. "If you win, can I have a sip?"
"Save the Pandas." Peter the panda said, placing a halfway-filled money jar on the table.
"What is with you people trying to sell me stuff?" Perry asked.
"Oh, I'm not selling anything." Peter said. "You give me money and I take it and you get nothing but the knowledge that you have helped save pandas."
"Hey, Peter, maybe you could donate this coupon to a panda in need." Pinky said.
"Pandas don't like spas." Peter said. "They use bamboo in their fountains and pandas aren't allowed to eat them. But I'll accept fifty dollars."
"If you guys will excuse me, I'm gonna go surprise the boys by picking them up from the park and tell them I've been cleared for vacation time." Perry said.
"You got a vacation?" Peter asked.
"Well, you have to admit, I deserved it." Perry said.
"You know what else you deserve? A relaxing trip to-"
"NO, Pinky." Perry said. "All right, guys. See you later."
"I'm so glad you get to take a break, Perry!" Phineas said happily. "And that you got to pick us up in your awesome hovercar!"
"Your tiny hovercar." Ferb said, trying to shift his weight so that he wasn't crushing Phineas.
"Sorry it's a bit cramped, boys." Perry said. "Oh! Guys! The pony song is on!" Perry turned the radio up.
"What?" Phineas asked.
"I've got a pony, pony, pony…" Sang the radio. "And he loves it when I brush his mane... Yeah he loves it when I brush his mane... Ohhhhh, clippity clop, clippity clop, ooohhhh..."
"PONY, PONY, PONY, PONY, PONY, PONY, OOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Perry sang along.
"Do you not know the words, Perry?" Ferb asked.
"PONY, PONY, PONY, MANE, PONY…" Perry sang.
"Whenever Perry's happy, he sings the wrong lyrics to things." Phineas said.
"They're not wrong lyrics. They're better lyrics."
"Do you even know the title?" Phineas asked.
"My cow." Ferb said.
"Yes, Ferb. Good job. This song is definitely about a cow." Perry said.
"Hey, what do noses smell like?" Ferb asked.
Perry and Phineas were silent for a few moments.
"Oh my gosh. I don't know." Perry said. "I mean, we smell our noses all the time. And we never know what the smell is."
"I love our deep conversations." Phineas said.
"They're the perfect way to start off a vacation." Perry said.
"…And that's baby me floating in an inflatable kiddie pool."
"Aww, you were so cute, Perry." Phineas said. "I can't believe we missed so much of your life."
"You didn't miss anything." Perry said. "Just the first three days I existed on the earth."
"What's that picture?" Ferb asked, pointing at another photo in the photo album.
"Ugh, don't look. That's my first ID photo. I got stung by a bee on my eye and then Monogram opened the door on my face."
"Ouch." Phineas said.
"Stop laughing." Perry kicked Ferb.
"What's that?" Phineas asked.
"My second ID photo. I was in the middle of sneezing. You can see the drips of snot flying toward the camera."
"Oh my gosh. You should see my kindergarten school picture." Phineas ran over to his closet and brought out a box. "Look. I lost all my front teeth, bottom and top, and I was smiling like a dolphin."
"How does anyone smile like a dol-" Perry took the picture from him. "OH MAN." He started to laugh. "THAT'S how you smile like a dolphin."
"Dolphineas." Ferb said.
"My preschool one was bad, too. I had just eaten a candy bar and drooled it down my shirt and I had a black eye."
"From what?"
Phineas bit his lip and didn't answer. Perry cleared his throat and dug around in the box again. "Is this Ferb? He looks like he forgot something."
Ferb laughed. "Yeah. I was in the middle of saying 'Uh-oh'. The kindergarten teacher forgot to take us to Potty Time that morning."
Phineas and Perry burst into laughter.
"Ah, baby pictures." Perry said.
"This is a pretty good one of you." Phineas said, pointing at a picture of Perry.
"Not as good as the Dolphineas." Ferb said.