Levi stared down at the bed, gray eyes ringed by purple and red. He watched his hand slowly trace circles on to the back of Eren's. The door opened slowly behind him. He didn't look up. He didn't even move. He knew what was coming. It was the same stupid ass question they had asked him every fucking day for the past week. His answer would be the same. He knew this in his heart. The doctor circled to the other side of Eren's bed an checked a couple of machines, making scratches on his papers. Levi knew it was all for show. Nothing had changed. He would have sensed it. He felt the doctors gaze fix on him, but he didn't look up. He kept his eyes focused entirely on Eren's pale face. The doctor coughed and sat, pulling a chair up to the other side of the bed and sitting, placing his clipboard and pen on the bed beside Eren.
Don't you fucking dare. Levi thought, biting back a growl. You're treating him like he isn't even here, like he's some fucking table. Show some goddamn respect.
The doctor cleared his throat once again and flipped to a page in his notes, scanning them briefly.
"Captain Levi," he began, voice full of fake sorrow. "I know you don't want to hear this, but he won't wake up. Trust me, we'll all be saddened to see him go, but please consider. We need you. Humanity needs you. And another patient, one that actually could wake up, needs this bed and this equipment. Please," he stressed. Levi just shook his head, not even thinking about it. The doctor huffed in annoyance.
"This is selfish. So many other people could benefit from this bed! At this point, all we're doing is keeping him breathing. He's gone, Captain, and keeping him here is selfish" He hissed out.
Levi snickered, causing the doctor to watch him in shock.
"Selfish?" he asked, turning his icy gaze on the doctor. He stood suddenly, the chair flying out from behind him. "Selfish?" he boomed, rage filling him.
"How many have I saved, doctor? How many people are out there, alive because of me? How many families are together, full and happy, because of me? How many titans are dead because of me? How much have I sacrificed for them!?" he shouted, gesturing wildly. The doctor was now backed against the opposite wall, shaking slightly. Levi trembled with fury.
"After all of that, don't I deserve to be selfish? Don't I deserve this? After everything I've done, am I not allowed to have the one person I want most in the world? Why!? Why am I not allowed to have him!? I deserve this!" he cried, feeling almost as if he were on fire. He took a moment to breathe. The doctor mumbled something, and Levi felt the anger return. His head snapped up.
"And what about him? How many lives has he saved? He's the only one to have ever laid a hand on the colossal titan. He's worth a thousand other men, and you're willing to let him die here?" Levi hissed, his anger more controlled this time. Finally he sighed and crouched down next to the bed, taking Eren's cold hand in his own and holding it tight, pressing his forehead against their intertwined fingers. Finally, he heard the doctor sigh and walk past him. He said something, then walked out the door.
"Captain Levi, forgive me for being so blunt, but you're fighting a losing battle. He is not going to wake up."
It took a moment for those words to reach him as he stared at Eren's still face. The door clicked behind him and the room went silent. Without warning, Levi pitched forward, hand over his gaping mouth as tears start falling, hot and fast. His eyes were blown wide, pupils tiny. He tried to take a breath but it became uneven and ragged. He started to panic as he realized he couldn't get a full breath. His chest was being squeezed and crushed. The pain he felt was horrible as the truth hit him like a smack to the face.
Eren was gone. He wasn't going to wake up. Another person he loved was going to die, and it was his fault, again. His mouth hung open in a silent scream, which slowly grew to a real one. He fell to his knees on the floor, bending over himself and clutching desperately at his chest, as though to claw out what was causing him so much agony. He clenched his teeth and tried to let his scream out slowly as it echoed around the room he was in. The tears were forming two small puddles on the tiled floor. They grew too large and connected in the middle, leaving Levi to stare at his own reflection. Only, that wasn't Levi, right? The great Captain Levi could never look so hurt, angry, and broken. He slashed angrily at the small puddle, just earning himself a hiss in pain when his hand connected with the ground.
He hugged himself tightly as images slashed in his head, each one stinging like a blade. Eren lying beside him in a field, laughing at something he had said. Eren snickering quietly behind his hand because Levi had bed-head. Eren crying lightly into his shoulder after he had awoken from a nightmare. The first time they had kissed, with the moon illuminating every strand of his brown hair. Memories flashed in and out, cutting like a razor. Finally, the last one. It went slow, as though it were trying to torture him. They were fighting a titan. Levi saw what was about to happen. He leaped forward, but made a stupid mistake. A stupid fucking mistake that would haunt him forever. He tripped, sending him tumbling across the roof. He looked up just in time to see Eren's panicked gaze meet his own, filled with tears and terror. The titans hand hit Eren. Hard. He went sailing off of the roof, landing a few streets away. Levi just stared in shock before remembering his duty. With a roar, he had launched himself onto the titan, slicing deep into its neck, killing it instantly. Levi was carried down with it, holding on to the sword handle sticking out of the flesh. He hit the ground and instantly took off running.
"Eren!" he called, whipping around to check every street. Finally, in a moment of heart-stopping terror, he saw him. Eren was lying in the middle of the street. Judging by the splatter of red on the wall beside him, he had hit it and fallen into the road, where blood continued to pool. Levi was beside him in a moment, tears threatening his eyes.
"God damnit, you fucking brat, don't you dare die here or I swear to god I will grab your soul, shove it in to your body and kill you again" he hissed while gingerly checking for a pulse. It was there, but it was weak. Too weak.
"Don't you dare die, don't you dare leave me here alone!" he clenched his teeth and pulled Eren on to his back before heading back towards the wall, tears falling the whole way.
Levi was lying on the ground of the hospital, holding himself in a fetal position. He was done screaming now, and was just letting the tears flow out, hearing the small splat of them hitting the floor. He was in so much pain that he considered just ending it.
No! he thought instantly, scolding himself for even thinking it. It's not what Eren would have wanted.
XXX
After what felt like an eternity, Levi picked himself up off the floor. He seemed...dead. His movements were slow and shaky, but he slowly crawled to the bed. He grabbed Erens hands and gently pressed their foreheads together. A few small tears forced their way out, landing on Erens face and making it seem like he was the one crying, not Levi. He planted a small kiss on Eren's now cold lips and took a deep breath.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't save you," he choked out. "I'm so, so sorry. It's all my fault that you're here. Please, when we meet again years from now, please forgive me. I-" he stopped now at the last words, un able to force them out. "
"I love you, Eren Jaeger." he whispered, more silent tears falling. With a final squeeze to Erens hands, Levi let go. He forced himself across the room. It felt like it took an eternity, but finally the handle was in his hand. He turned it, ready to go and tell the doctors that he had finally given in. But before he could, something caught his attention. A sound. Almost inaudible, Levi had to hold his breath to hear. His heart stopped.
"I love you too, Captain Cutie."
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A/N: So this is my first AoT fic. Please note that I am only, like, 13 episodes in, so some facts might be inaccurate now. I'm going off of what I've seen so far. This was hard to write, but in the end, I'm proud of it. I know Levi might be out of character, but wouldn't you act different if the person you loved most in the world was lying in a hospital bed and you were told that they weren't going to wake up? Anyways, please don't hate. Favorite and review. Thanks for reading. I might start posting other AoT one shots of these cuties more. Anyways, thanks again, I love you all!