Don't Stay
Disclaimer: I don't own the X-men, or the brilliant lyrics, but to my misfortune, lol. If I did I would be a rich, famous genius with dozens of adoring fans... But I'd love to think Stan lee for creating the X-men and Linkin Park for their amazing songs, especially on Meteora, and for giving me inspiration with every one.(Don't y'all love 'em?)
A/N: This is a short, one-short songfic based on Linkin Park's song 'Don't Stay' that could as easily be in Evo-verse as Movie-verse because I think I kinda mixed them. In the story, Rogue reflects on her and Bobby breaking up, her feelings, and I threw in some Romyness at the end for myself and all fans of that pairing which is a genre all its' own. Enjoy, and remember I always love to get reviews ;)
Sometimes I
Need to remember just to breathe
Sometimes I
Need you to stay away from me
Rogue stared at Bobby with shock and then hurt in her large green eyes, fighting back the screams and the tears though her face was devastated. All the breath whooshed out of her lungs and suddenly she felt as if there weren't enough air in her lungs. "What?" she croaked, hardly even recognizing her own voice. "Rogue... this thing between us... it isn't working," Bobby said in a gentle but cruel manner. "We're not right for each other... we're too different," he continued. But she heard, 'I want somebody I can touch, can kiss, someone I can be with without fearing for my health or my life.' She knew that had to be what he meant. She felt his growing frustration... and saw how he looked at the other girls. And her entire world was crashing. Again.
Sometimes I'm
In disbelief, I didn't know
Somehow I
Need you to go
As much as she was coming to adapt to this place, to these powers, and as much as she had come to open up, nobody would ever understand that she needed touch even more than everyone else, just because she couldn't. Nobody would ever understand how it felt for her, how very much their fear and caution hurt her, or even how difficult it was sometimes just to see them, be around them. Nobody but Logan, and he'd been gone a year already searching for answers to his past. She ducked her head just slightly, her eyes squeezed as tight as they could be, and willed the tears back as she swallowed repeatedly. She had thought that he was different. She had thought that he really cared about her enough to stick by her, especially now when she was having such a difficult time of this- and had thought he'd always be there whether or not she succeeded in controlling her powers, though she strived everyday.
Don't stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
What you were changing me into
"I see," she said, voice strangled. "Rogue..." he started, reaching out to touch her gloved arm. She jerked back, away from his touch, head snapping up as her eyes met his, flashing angrily. "Don't," she gritted from beneath clenched teeth, face tight. Whereas once she might've shied away because of her powers, however much she longed for that contact- now it was because his touch suddenly seemed ruined, dishonest. She had been trying change before, for him- he had made her feel as if she were normal, lovable, special. He'd made her feel as if
it were okay to open up and trust people again, get close to them, and now that was all taken away.
Just give me myself back and
Don't stay
She couldn't stand the look on his face anymore, that caring worried look, that hurt look. Rogue couldn't stand that someone else she cared about was leaving her, making her feel like this. "Just go," she hissed, not wanting to be near him anymore after he had stolen that essential part of her, impaired her ability to ever care for someone again, to trust. Bobby just stood there staring at her, as if wanting to say something, anything, but not knowing how, or afraid. "Rogue..." he started again, before stopping, shaking his head. Jaw clenched, she just, too beyond hurt and anger herself to say anything. If she did, she might cry or scream and never stop. "Go," she ordered now, voice hard and cold, eyes shut against the word and the new emptiness inside her.
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
Take all your faithlessness with you
There was a silent moment where she could actually hear him pause, feel his steady blue gaze on her- then he sighed, his outstretched hand dropping. 'We could've been so good together,' she thought achingly. Her gaze hardened, 'But you gave up.' And as he walked away, his departing footsteps thankfully silent on the soft grass, angry tears burned in her eyes as she turned to take her fury on the plants and trees around her as memories of him, of her, of them seeped into her minds eye like some bad movie. Only the images were so real, so bright, almost overlapping with reality that she squeezed her eyes shut as if to block it all out, to stop the nauseous feeling that came in. But then there was Bobby sitting across from here, smiling at her in that special way of his as he made an ice rose for her and introduced himself... and Rogue let out a small sob as random objects and debris levitated off the ground around her, Jean's frightened voice all around her.
After that Bobby was right next to her, his light touch trailing down her arm... and Rogue screamed as fireballs flew from her hands, blasting two trees and a good deal of the area around her, insane laughter echoing in her mind. And then Bobby was standing in front of her, leaning in for a kiss and the cool taste of him before she pulled back, ice on her breath but fine... and the earth trembled with the beginnings of a 'quake as a sneer lifted her lips and a familiar cocky voice whispered in her ear. The angry, destructive power leapt to her fingertips as all the voices rose through the cracks, blending together and sharing their secrets even as they vied for control. And as Rogue fought for purchase from this storm inside her, no effort made to repress the personalities inside her anymore, each new round weakened her more though it continued to swell as the memories flew at her.
Just give me myself back and
Don't stay
The torment continued until she came to where she'd been just moments ago, Bobby's voice tearing at her as he said they were over... and tears spilled down Rogue's cheeks while her hands flew out and the sky rumbled, lightning flying from her fingertips, Ororo's chiding voice echoing from the back of her mind. Though when the wind began to howl as if she'd summoned a hurricane itself, leaves whipping past her face, Rogue's eyes opened for the first time in an immeasurable time to view the chaos around her and the panicked voices of her teammates came to her on the wind. A calm presence she recognized as the professor touched her mind and calm flooded her as the power, the anger, left and she fell to her knees, her face tortured as she sobbed uncontrollably.
'This pain is never going to stop, is it?' she asked him mentally when she finished, wiping her tear-streaked face with one sleeve. I'm afraid that depends on you Rogue he answered cryptically in kind as he faded away. Hanging her head as she lay on the forest floor, still on her hands and knees, she simultaneously thought about that statement and cursed him for not saying more. But the chill was starting to seep through to her and it was growing dark out as minutes turned into hours that meant nothing to her. Wiping her face again and smoothing her hair down, not caring if there was dirt on her hands, she picked herself up and headed back to the mansion, holding her head up. And, face as cool as ever before, she stared down the gathered team, her icy, apathetic stare sharpening on Bobby as she simply raised an eyebrow and walked passed- once again the unreachable, untouchable Rogue.
Sometimes I
Feel like I trusted you too well
Sometimes I
Just feel like screaming at myself
Three days later Rogue still didn't know whether to be more hurt or more angry, but she had been existing in a crazy spiral or angry energy and it felt good, much better than the pain of Bobby's abandonment- because that's exactly what it had been. Though the times that the anger had been directed at her own self was when she was fiercest. She regretted Bobby, regretted everything she told him, regretted her feelings for him, and regretted most of all that she let herself be sucked up by all this- but she wasn't about to take off and give them all something more to talk about. She didn't want their pity or their sympathy- even if she felt a certain satisfaction in the fact that some of the mansions' girls were giving Bobby a hard time over this, despite Rogue acting like it didn't matter one iota. By now, of course, it was all over the school, though at least the details of what exactly happened were still between the two- though most had cleverly matched up her loss of control with that break-up. And she sighed. She didn't know whether that was a bad thing or a good thing anymore- half of them stayed away from her in fear and half pressed closer in concern. She just wished this made some sense. Why had she allowed herself to open up only to be hurt again? Why hadn't she sensed this coming?
Sometimes I'm
In disbelief, I didn't know
Somehow I
Need to be alone
Squeezing her eyes shut and cursing herself for feeling this way, she held back the hurt, angry tears and threw down the staff she was training with, growling as she ran her hands threw her hair. Making a face, Rogue stood their for a while before she just sighed, shaking her head as she opened her eyes slowly, and started across the room, raising a hand as she sensed Scott or perfect Jean Grey open their mouths to give a speech on how she needed to train and practice wasn't over yet. Waving them off and thanking God they knew better to keep it up, she grabbed her towel and her water bottle and left, pacing herself as she took a swig of the water and made her way to her solitary room to change. Ten minutes later she was wearing a loose hoodie and gloves with some comfortable pants and heading out of the mansions' front doors with her CD player in hand as she headed towards her favorite spot, mind working like rapid-fire. Though when she reached the woods, flipping the 'play' button, Rogue was really wishing she could pound something... or break down and weep.
Don't stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
What you were changing me into
"Fuck," she swore angrily, tearing the headphones from her ears and snarling as she just tossed the CD player into bushes, tears burning her eyes. Falling onto the big log nearby, she thrust her hands into her hair, breathing hard as she tried to hold it together, and gave a little sob as she silently cursed Kitty, even knowing it wasn't the younger girls' fault. She'd lent the other mutant her CD player and Kitty left her Jewel CD in there, those lines from 'Foolish Games' torturing her. 'Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see, This is my heart bleeding before you, This is me down on my knees, and...' Rogue didn't need to hear anymore, didn't need another line because she was there. Eyes squeezed so tight, she bit her lip at the small whimpers that rose in her throat. The Rogue down on her knees, wearing her bleeding heart on her sleeve because one of the only she'd ever really cared about couldn't love her enough to stick by her despite her powers. 'Damn, damn, damn,' she whispered hoarsely, swiping at her tears as she stared off into the woods. 'What have you done to me?'
Just give me myself back and
Don't stay
"Bonjour chèrie," she heard an annoyingly familiar Cajun voice whisper just inches from her ear, the temperature in the air around her shooting up. 'Why him? Why now?' Rogue thought achingly, irritably, before scrubbing her face with her hands just in case and turning to face him. "What do you want Swamp Rat?" she asked in a cross voice, eyes flashing, hands clenched into fists in the anticipation of a fight, anything to get her mind off of her pain. "'Cause I really don't need this right now." He held up his hands, a half smile on his lips, "Gambit jus' walkin' when he sees dis belle fille all alone an' lookin' sad, so he thought he'd stop by an' cheer her up." The stripe-haired young woman snorted, "You thought to comfort me? Bulletin, Swamp Rat, we're enemies, this is my spot, and I really don't like you.""Ah, well that's too bad petite, 'cause Gambit likes you," he breathed, walking around to her other side. She shifted again, trying to ignore the warm feelings that spread through her as she glared.
"Even if that were the case for both of us Cajun, what makes you think I'd let you comfort me? What makes you think I wouldn't call my team in here first chance I got?" "You haven't, have you?" he smirked. "And Remy t'inks you'd let him because somewhere deep inside you want him to, need him to. Because there's no one else, because the pains still runs too deep," he said in a dangerous murmur, one gloved finger running just under her chin as he sat beside her on the log. As if it had been hanging on a thread, waiting for that to snap, she felt it all let go. "I could kill you with a single touch, Swamp Rat!" she said from between clenched tears, hating the tears that had welled in her eyes, still trying to hide behind the thin shield of her anger. "Then where would you be?" "In the sweetest place imaginable, chère, because I would've felt your touch," he responded, using first person for the first time she could remember. "It doesn't matter to me."
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
Take all your faithlessness with you
Eyes spilling over, she raised her fists, striking his chest, "Don't say that!" she ordered, pleaded. "Don't say it like you don't care I could drain you, like you mean it- not when they don't, not when he doesn't," she ended on a sob, the fists pounded his chest just slowed, loosened as she gave up the fight, fingers instead curling around his trench coat as she leaned her forehead against his chest, breath coming in ragged pants and whimpers as she sobbed. "Ah petite, is dat de case?" Gambit asked, stroking her hair, sounding as if he really cared. "What, you didn't get that from spying on me like you do?" she asked with a choked laugh that ended in another cry. "No, Remy musta missed dat- all 'e knew was dat you were hurtin'," he responded in kind. He tipped her head up so she met his eyes, the shades he had been wearing suddenly gone so she was mesmerized once more by his beautiful red-on-black eyes.
"An' Remy don' care about yo' powers," he said fiercely, swooping down to claim her lips in a short but intense kiss. She moaned, leaning into it before she could really think about what she was doing, before she felt that tug and his life force and recent memories started to flow into her. Gasping, she pushed him away, the stars fading from her eyes. "You got a death wish?" she burst out, furious, as she glared at him, secretly glad that he was at least still standing and looked okay. Until she saw him wobble/start to fall. Then she was at his side in a second, supporting him as best she could. "Crazy, insufferable Swamp Rat!' she muttered just loud enough for him to hear, even though she felt her gaze soften as she looked at him, brushing that stray lock of auburn hair off his forehead with a gloved hand. It was hard not to respond to the feelings and thoughts she had so recently received from him. Harder than she thought it to be- but then this time she used her powers , she almost took pleasure in it, that he was a part of her now. It didn't even seem to matter that he was the enemy...
Just give me myself back and
Don't stay
She heard him chuckle and blushed, pulling from what she'd absorbed to learn that he was an empath, could feel what others were feeling. "Don't flatter yourself, Cajun," she mock scowled, "You aren't the first person I absorbed and this isn't the first time this happened." Another lie, but he didn't need to know that. Another quick check into his memories told her he couldn't exactly tell when someone was lying. And she was practiced at it. Now if only she could wipe that smirk off his face... Several thoughts came to her mind right then, more than half his, all impossible, but all making her blush even more. "Great, now I got all your filthy thoughts in my head," she groused. He raised a brow, that sexy half-smile on his lips, "Do you really mind?" Suddenly he was way too close, pressing into her, arm curving around her even more. She pretended to think for a moment, then gave a smirk of her own, "No..." he started to grin smugly, "...Because now I know how to do all kinds of things... like this."
She ducked under his arm to spin away, dropping into a leg sweep that put him on his back. He lay there a moment, shocked, breath knocked out of him, and he winced, rubbing his head. She stood over him, face serious now, "Don't ever do that again." She stalked away. She was too mixed up as it was. She ran a hand through her hair, closing her eyes, not hearing Gambit stir and sit up, not seeing the look on his face as he stared after her. When did her life get so complicated? Just a week ago she was happy, almost normal, with her boyfriend and her friends and the new her... with the belief that Bobby would stick by her side no matter what and the hope that she could actually control her powers. And now that was all gone, and she had found comfort in the arms of an enemy, had kissed that enemy. And liked it.
I don't need you anymore,
Don't want to be ignored
I don't need one more day,
Of you wasting me away
That week, right from when Rogue had returned to the mansion in fact, she had been quiet, reflective, as if in a dream state as she just wondered around, going through the motions, not saying a word to anyone until they spoke first and then in mono-syllables. Bobby especially had been used to that treatment but found it odd that now she actually talked to him, half-smiled at him now like anyone else, waved to him in the halls albeit he waved first, instead of glaring and outright ignoring him and giving him that cold, indifferent look. Now it was at least it was almost half-way like it had been before, only she seemed constantly distracted, spacey. The rest of the team found her behavior especially odd too because they'd gotten used to seeing her angry, sarcastic, cold and glaring or unresponsive. And they were concerned, worried, curious even. Kitty more so after talking to her friend on the way to one of Jeans' soccer games- which Rogue had never cared to attend before. 'Rogue? Are you, like, okay?" Kitty asked, walking next to her, slightly out of breath from running to catch her. "Fine," the older girl replied distantly, in her own little world. "'Cause you seem... ...really out of it."
Rogue sighed, looking at her friend, "I'm fine, really, Kit, just have a lot on my mind. The brunette's brow furrowed, "Really? 'Cause you haven't been acting like yourself." 'Myself? Who am I? How do I act?' she thought with a sigh. "Kitty, I'm fine, serious, I'm just going through something right now- I'll bounce back in no time." The phaser looked disbelieving but nodded. "Okay Rogue, if you say so." Shaking her head, the other girl returned to the group, talking as they took a seat in the stand to watch. Sighing again, she just split off from them, going instead to a comfortable spot a few miles away by a tree on a hill overlooking the field. Leaning against the trunk, she folded her legs up under her, resting her chin on the tops of them as she half-heartedly watched the game begin, every now and then letting her gaze shift to Bobby, who was sitting with the others, losing herself in contemplation. 'Maybe it's best he broke up with me, that I found out now that he couldn't stick it out,' Rogue thought, hurting but trying to be honest. 'Maybe I wasn't really meant to have someone for my own anyway...' Then... "All alone again, chère?" she heard from just behind her. She spun around.
Oh, I don't need you anymore,
Don't want to be ignored
I don't need one more day,
Of you wasting me away
With no apologies
"Gambit," she gasped, so surprised she forgot the usual derogatory nicknames she had for him. Shaking it off, she quickly got to her feet, standing her ground and preparing for a fight, wanting it because of the simplicity of the action, the challenge, the release. But he just side-stepped her, circling instead of being in a position to attack... or comfort; his body, poetry in motion while fighting, was relaxed. "Now now, chère, no reason to get all defensive," he said with that amazing accent, lips tipped up into that arrogant/sexy half-smile. Wait, did she just think 'sexy'? And that wasn't the first time, she groaned mentally. But she couldn't stop herself from reacting to him. "I'm not being defensive," she snapped. "And quit calling me that!" "What?" he grinned, stepping closer. "Chère?" "Yes!" she said with a glare, eyeing something he had tucked in his sleeve before pointedly looking away. "I don't like it!" Yet another lie. His grin broadened knowingly. "Oh you don't, do you?" he purred. "An' Remy jus' bets you don' like dis either," Gambit laughed, pulling her closer. She fought him then eased into it, pressing closer, as his mouth bent to hers over the protection of a smooth, thin piece of silk. 'Maybe I was wrong,' she thought in a daze. And then, 'Forget Bobby,' as she held on tighter to Gambit, Remy, arms creeping around his neck.
Don't stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
What you were changing me into
Just give me myself back and
Don't stay
"Who's that up there talking to Rogue?" Kitty asked in a loud whisper, curiously, peering out at that spot on the hill. The others just waved her off. The young brunettes eyes widened. "Ohmygod, that's one of Magneto's goons, Gambit!" Of course, this made them all turn around in a hurry, eyes searching. "What's she doing with-" Kitty trailed off. Then, "Oh!" They all watched, speechless, as the Acolyte pulled Rogue into his arms... and she welcomed him. "Can she do that?" Jubilee wondered out loud. "We gotta do something!" Scott cried, outraged. On the second row of bleachers, Bobby just gaped.
Across the stadium- "Hey, isn't that that card guy with Rogue?" Toad gaped, using his binoculars to spy on people when he came across that. The other Brotherhood members glanced over disinterestedly, "So what? Rogue's not hanging out with one of the losers anymore, and who cares what one of Mags' guys do?" Toad shrugged, "You're right." They returned to watching the game.
Rogue sighed, pulling back a little with a dreamy look on her face. "How'd you think of that?" she sighed, looking back at him. Gambit smirked, "So you liked it?" he stated more than asked. She just hit him, hiding a smile. "What do you think?" she huffed. He just laughed, a low rumble in his chest, as she leaned back against him, looking around, one of his arms sliding to her waist. "Uh oh, I think somebody saw us," she said, wryly amused, not really caring, as she glanced back towards the bleachers on the soccer field. "Or several somebody's rather." He cocked his head, burning red-on-black eyes watching her. "Do you care?" She pretended to think for a moment but just dropped it. "No," she sighed, curling into his side. "But it could 'cause some trouble with the teams, and if Magneto found out..." The Cajun considered that. "Bien sur. Wanna split?" She nodded, grinning, only still half- amazed that it was 'surrendering' to this enemy that made her feel more like herself again. "I know this beautiful spot in the woods that nobody else knows about..."
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
Take all your faithlessness with you
Just give me myself back and
Don't stay
Don't stay
Don't stay
The End