sleepwalker
i.
It's not so much of a heartsick pining. after all, a teacher is a teacher and a student is a student, but a highschooler's admiration is a whimsical matter: a daydream; a brief pause from reading a text message – when the butterflies turn to something else; the slight quiver from shoulder brushes when walking in the hallway; sitting across cafeteria tables and there are shy and unexpected glances; delicate and harbored; all musings and all little fairy tales and all things the dusty books made them out to be.
But in reality: a highschooler's admiration is still a whimsical matter, still a daydream, still delicate and harbored, but Rukia doesn't have all the other complimentary experiences. There are no shoulder brushes (he's taller) the most she could get was his forearm bumping on her head with a painful ending inside the nurse's clinic. They could not sit across tables in cafeteria as it is always crowded and boisterous, they could not possibly exchange shy and unexpected glances as there are several floors and walls between her homeroom and the faculty room. He's hardly had reasons to message her – all transactions between teachers and students are done officially and within school grounds – so butterflies could not possibly turn to something else, that or they might still be caterpillars.
Further into reality: Rukia and Kuchiki are two different parts – functionally separated but surgically sutured.
Kuchiki disapproves from behind, always looming and maintains a face and is an excellent exercise in rules and obedience and aloofness; in superlatives and talents and academics. Whereas Rukia admires quietly, from a distance, gentle and vague and quite possibly endless (and secretly).
(and after all, even further into reality, a highschooler's admiration – stillstillstill – is whimsical and delicate and a daydream)