The following text is something I made up at night and it's just something… I was waiting for my computer to do something for me and during the waiting period I wrote this.

It's nothing special but I hope that you might like it anyway. Just tell me, I won't be mad...

Episode 3x17 is kind of basic but not really... I think you'll get it...


Last Night Cuts Eased My Pain

She felt relieved as the pain slowly evolved from her wrist to her shoulders up her spine to her head.

It was the feeling she ached for every morning and had to wait for the whole day.

She took a deep breath when the blade cut into her skin again. His face flickered in front of her eyes. He was the reason for all of this. And once he had been the solution but it was all long gone.

Last night he had broken her. Finally. The façade she tried to hold had slowly crumbled until he tore it down with one sentence. And now she felt free.

One freedom she had gained for a lifetime of slavery. At least he let her do it. He didn't hold her back.

When the pain slowly dried up she drew in one last breath before getting up and letting the last strains get flowed away from the water. When the dark red slowly turned into a bright orange she always thought about the sunrise. It was the moment when the world felt so peaceful, so innocent and so clean.

A world that didn't exist. She couldn't think of any time it ever existed. They weren't clean as small kids throwing dirt at each other. They hadn't been clean cheating on each other while playing games. Gossip Girl had erased any chance of staying clean. And now they just had learned it all on their own to stay away from the clean side.

Clean. It was the word he had used when he didn't snuffle the white powder for a month.

Clean. Was the word he had used when he assured her that she could enter the apartment and collect her things without having to meet him.

Clean. Was the word she used when she felt that all the dark blood had run dry.

She was prepared for the next day. Starting out innocent and darken through the day.

Chuck had forbidden her to cut. "It won't help you! I can help you! We can make it through this."

And then he had sold her.

Jack let her cut. "If this makes you feel better. Do it. I would make it worse if I tried to stop you. I don't want you to feel more pain than you already do."

And now she was his.

She didn't cut again. She could wait. The sun would rise again. And some day it might ease the pain.


Okay… if you don't get this… I'd understand. It's… AU… kind of. And based on 3x17 kind of. Only that Chuck "sold" Blair to Jack and she let him. And well I don't think Blair cuts her wrists… maybe she's bulimic but you can't compare it or at least not really.

So… don't be mad at me about this. I just wrote it, I don't even get it myself. So… whatever…